I probably should have named the book, "DON'T GO BACK TO THAT ASSHOLE!" just to sell more copies.
Have you ever chosen to stay in a toxic relationship, hoping your toxic partner will change? More often than not, the actual purpose of the relationship is to facilitate your change. A lifetime of trusting the wrong people, accepting maladapted behavior, lying, cheating, manipulation, and other abuse until it seems it is just normal or even deserved.
Whether it is normal is not important. The only thing important is that accepting this behavior is not healthy.
I wrote this book after going through a breakup from a toxic relationship. The breakup nearly killed me. This was not like any other breakup; this was a painful withdrawal. In my quest to understand why this breakup was so different from past breakups, I dove into a quest for knowledge. I read medical books, watched videos, and spoke to therapists and doctors. It wasn't until I stumbled onto a popular and quite brilliant content creator named Khodi Verse I realized I was addicted to a person exactly like someone can be addicted to a substance. Khodi speaks of alcohol addiction, but as he said the word alcohol, I heard my ex's name in my head. His examples of what an alcoholic goes through in order to become sober were perfectly interchangeable. And so began a fresh path of looking into both my relationship, and my life, which painfully exposed my codependency, and, a special addition, the trauma bond.
Releasing myself from the trauma bond was no straightforward task. It became clear that I had accidentally become bonded to someone that was toxic to me. The problem was that just knowing she was toxic to me, should have given me the willpower to walk away and be thankful that it was over. It did not. I wanted her back, regardless. It was mentally and physically painful to think it was over. I blamed myself for the downfall of the relationship. I begged and prayed for it to not be over.
It was only when I started studying addiction and trust betrayal that I realized it was time to heal. I learned that regardless of how I blamed others, the only path to healing was to take accountability for my own actions, feelings, and future.
What you are about to read was written in two parts. The first is a collection of perspectives and analogies to help you understand what you are going through and why. The second is a step-by-step process to help you let go of your trauma bond and restore your confidence and happiness. The initial version of the book was not published. It was turned into an online course and group that has helped many people overcome their trauma bond and start living their life free of their toxic relationships.
