Your Symphony of Selves: Discover and Understand More of Who We Are
448Your Symphony of Selves: Discover and Understand More of Who We Are
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Overview
• Reveals that each of us is made up of multiple selves, any of which can come to the forefront in different situations
• Offers examples of healthy multiple selves from psychology, neuroscience, pop culture, literature, and ancient cultures and traditions
• Explores how to harmonize our selves and learn to access whichever one is best for a given situation
Offering groundbreaking insight into the dynamic nature of personality, James Fadiman and Jordan Gruber show that each of us is comprised of distinct, autonomous, and inherently valuable “selves.” They also show that honoring each of these selves is a key to improved ways of living, loving, and working.
Explaining that it is normal to have multiple selves, the authors offer insights into why we all are inconsistent at times, allowing us to become more accepting of the different parts of who we and other people are. They explore, through extensive reviews, how the concept of healthy multiple selves has been supported in science, popular culture, spirituality, philosophy, art, literature, and ancient traditions and cite well-known people, including David Bowie and Beyoncé, who describe accessing another self at a pivotal point in their lives to resolve a pressing challenge.
Instead of seeing the existence of many selves as a flaw or pathology, the authors reveal that the healthiest people, mentally and emotionally, are those that have naturally learned to appreciate and work in harmony with their own symphony of selves. They identify “the Single Self Assumption” as the prime reason why the benefits of having multiple selves has been ignored. This assumption holds that we each are or ought to be a single consistent self, yet we all recognize, in reality, that we are different in different situations.
Offering a pragmatic approach, the authors show how you can prepare for situations by shifting to the appropriate self, rather than being “switched” or “triggered” into a sub-optimal part of who you are. They also show how recognizing your selves provides increased access to skills, talent, and creativity; enhanced energy; and improved healing and pain management. Appreciating your diverse selves will give you more empathy toward yourself and others. By harmonizing your symphony of selves, you can learn to be “in the right mind at the right time” more often.
Product Details
ISBN-13: | 9781644110263 |
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Publisher: | Inner Traditions/Bear & Company |
Publication date: | 08/04/2020 |
Pages: | 448 |
Sales rank: | 646,454 |
Product dimensions: | 5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.00(d) |
About the Author
Jordan Gruber, J.D., writer, collaborative writer, ghost writer, and editor, has forged and sculpted authoritative volumes in forensic law, financial services, and self-development. A graduate of Binghamton University and the University of Virginia School of Law, he founded the Enlightenment.com website and is now a leading advocate of rebound exercise through the SuperBound Project. He lives in Menlo Park, California, with his wife and family.
Read an Excerpt
Chapter 1. What This Is About and What We Hope to Accomplish
All human beings, including those who are healthiest and most successful, are composed of more than one self. When things are going well, each plays its rightful role as part of a harmonious symphony. We really are different peopleor have different minds, parts, or personalitiesin different moments and in different contexts.
This is not a new observation; it goes back thousands of years. And it is not difficult to understand, at least not in its basic form. Instead, it is extremely useful and beneficial. By appreciating this about ourselves and others, many things in our lives begin to make more sense.
Please consider the following questions:
• Have you ever argued with yourself? Who were you arguing with? Who was the other voice, or other voices? If you have ever argued with yourself and changed sides, who did that? Have you ever been by yourself or with your old friends and done something truly wild and crazysomething you would never do around your parents, children, co-workers, or boss? Who was it that acted that way? Was that same part of you embarrassed later on?
• Have you ever gotten so inebriated that you said or did things that you would normally never do, or caused physical or psychological damage to yourself or someone else? Who did that? Who got the hangover? And who eventually felt the shame or regret?
• Have you ever been so stressed that you did something you told yourself you would never do? Once you did itor perhaps even while you were doing itdid another part of you already know you were making a big mistake?
Acknowledging these different parts of ourselves is what this book is all about. To say, for example that people merely have different “moods” at different times misses our main thrust: the selves that comprise us are actual, real, independent, and innately valuable parts of who we are.
In addition to addressing questions like these, we will offer many examples from ordinary day-to-day life, some of which will likely remind you of similar experiences in your own life. We will also make frequent reference to popular culture: books, movies, music, and cartoons. Finally, we will discuss the thoughts of a wide range of thinkers, writers, scientists, and artists who have grappled with this issue throughout history.
The collected and synthesized information we are providing here might at first puzzle you or disturb your equilibrium, or even up-end your theory of yourself and others. But it will likely change how you view and understand yourself (your selves) and others (their selves).
As you read, we are hopeful you will do at least two things:
• Begin to let go of the ways you tend to characterize who you are as a single, unitary, monolithic self; and
• Begin to accept and appreciate your own selves and the selves of others. These thingsrelatively easy to dooften provide immediate benefits (as will be described).
Most of our ideas are easy to understand, and may feel very familiar to you. They seem to make sense to most people once, based on their own life experiences, they bring them to awareness. For many, the prospect of living a better lifeconsciously noticing and working with what we are describingproves an enticing possibility.
How the Single Self Assumption Limits Optimal Human Functioning
The difficult partthe problem we all faceis that this way of looking at things is so rarely discussed that most people simply are not aware of it. A veil seems to exist that prevents us from directly experiencing or considering the idea that we areor can bea collection of harmonious healthy selves. (Going forward, we will refer to the “healthy selves” or “healthy normal selves” idea, worldview, or perspective.) This barrier or veil follows directly from the unexamined pervasiveness of what we call the Single Self Assumption, which in its simplest form, is the idea that:
Each of us is a single unified self.
As a result of the pervasiveness of the Single Self Assumption, the reality of experiencing ourselves as a healthy multiplicity is seldom considered. If it is brought up, it may be laughed away or simply dismissed.
But, when we become aware of, question, and step beyond the Single Self Assumption, our worldview shifts. This alternative posits that greater health, functioning, and satisfaction comes to people who understand and make practical good use of the recognition that selves are real.
The new assumption is that it is normal to have more than one self. Perhaps more importantly, optimal functioning and well-being necessitates acknowledging and working with all of our selves. Those who do this demonstrate increasing congruence between their words, behavior, and plans. They are seen by others as being coherent in their interactions and communications. They are also kinder and more compassionate.
Acknowledging and working with selves thus enables us to be more congruent, coherent, and overall, what we describe as being more cohesive. Simply, they “hang together” in a well-integrated way. The more cohesive our selves are, the better our real-world functioning and our interactions and relationships (how we are felt, seen, and experienced).
To begin our discussion, here is an example of someone famousliterally a major rock starwho made effective use of his selves.
R.I.P. David Bowie, Master of Selves Changes
Following Bowie’s death in early 2016, Helen Green’s animated gif of his many lookshis many faces, perhaps his many selveswent viral. Did Bowie consciously make use ofdeploy or even inventdifferent selves when necessary?
Bowie himself said: “Even though I was very shy, I found I could get onstage if I had a new identity.” After reviewing his troubled early years, British psychologist Oliver James wrote, “What seems to have been the trigger for his shift from distressed and tortured to emotionally healthy, was his adoption of personas in his musical career.”(3)
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Note to the Reader: Not So Radical After All xiii
Section I Welcome from All of Us to All of You
1 What This Is About and What We Hope to Accomplish 2
2 The Benefits of the Healthy Selves Model 19
3 Mental Health Is Being in the Right Mind at the Right Time 52
Section II Multiplicity All Around Us
Cultural and Intellectual Reflections
4 Language, Voices, and Popular Culture 76
5 Souls and Selves in Religion and Philosophy 120
6 Many Minds on Many Minds 149
Psychologists and Multiplicity
7 At the Convergence of Buddhism, Science, and Postmodern Thinking 202
Section III Understanding, Acknowledging, and Working with Our Selves
8 Selves Explanations 230
Origins, Attributes, and Roles
9 How Selves Cooperate 271
Metaphors and Models
10 Tools, Techniques, and Strategies for Selves Work 293
Section IV Healthy Normal Selves in the Twenty-First Century
11 Spiritual, Therapeutic, and Sociocultural Responses 322
12 From the Traditional Continuum to the Expanded Full Spectrum 351
13 Recaps, Reflections, Reminders 361
Appendix Dissociation 373
Origins and Usage; Problems and Suggestions
Notes 389
Bibliography 411
Index 422