Read an Excerpt

Introduction
 
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 
Financial security is probably one of the greatest concerns for lesbian and gay couples. It certainly ranks right up at the top for the straight community. But lesbians and gays face the additional challenge of being subject to adverse laws and social discrimination. This situation can be to your benefit if you use it as an incentive to plan ahead—something straight couples often put off because they don’t have to think about discrimination. In fact, you may find that by using the right financial tools in the right way, you actually have advantages over legally married couples in many areas.
 
The financial planning process can be shrouded in confusion and misinformation. This book is not intended to be the last word in financial planning. It is not a workbook—there are few worksheets, and no exercises or forms—but it does provide you with the names of other books that serve that purpose and are specifically focused on the gay community. It is not an investment book—no stocks, mutual funds, or life insurance companies are mentioned by name. What the book will do is help to light the way, show you what’s possible, and give you the concepts to achieve financial security. It will also give you the tools you need to reduce your taxes, increase your wealth, and protect what’s yours. In spite of adverse laws, you can have what you want. But you have to be proactive and use at least three of the Four Steps.
 
Often, it’s easier to understand complex financial and legal concepts if they are illustrated by stories about people like ourselves. In this book you will meet gay and lesbian couples who are struggling with situations very similar to yours. They have discovered that it’s possible to have financial security—and so can you. You’ll find out how they overcame the obstacles in their way and you’ll learn specific actions to take from Step-by-Step instructions in almost every chapter.
 
“Who is this guy and why should I listen to him?” you ask. That’s a fair question. Yes, I’m straight. And yes, I’m in a legally recognized marriage. “So, who’s he to tell me what to do?” you may be wondering. “In fact, why is this straight guy even writing this book for us?”
 
Here’s my story:
 
In 1991, I moved from Manhattan to the Castro district in San Francisco, into my then girlfriend’s apartment. We lived next door to Metropolitan Community Church. Who could resist the music wafting into our living room from the chapel only a few feet away? Every Sunday night, we went to the “Gospel and Praise” service. As I am Jewish, we also started attending the Castro’s gay synagogue, Sha’ar Zahav.
 
When Rindy and I decided to get married, the rabbi at the synagogue wouldn’t perform an interfaith marriage. Interestingly enough, same-gender marriages were okay, but not interfaith ones. So we had a traditional Jewish wedding at MCC. They took the cross down and we put the chuppa up—a first for the Castro. Before the wedding, my mother and I were walking in the Castro. My mother, bless her soul, said, “Aren’t there any normal people here?” I replied, “They’re all normal. It’s you and I who aren’t!”
 
As I looked around the community as a financial planner, I realized that here was a large group of people whose financial planning needs were going unserved. My friend Aaron had just lost his lover to AIDS. He complained bitterly about how his partner’s family carne in and took everything they shared. He was to have the same experience more than once over the next few years. Sharna Sutthern, then the minister at MCC Golden Gate, told me the same story about other couples on a number of occasions. I kept hearing it over and over. I knew there was a better way. So I began to focus my financial planning services for the gay community.
 
When I was asked to speak on the subject of financial planning for this “new emerging market” to an insurance group in Florida, I went to the library and discovered that there was a dearth of material on the subject. Someone once said, “If you really want to learn about a subject, either teach it or write a book on it.” Having already taught seminars on financial and retirement planning, I decided to write a book.
 
The Four Steps I propose are really quite simple: Plan, Plan, Plan; Protect What’s Yours; Think Community; and Use Unconventional Wisdom and Take Action. If God could create the world in six days, you can achieve financial security in four steps. You might need a stepladder for each step, but this book is here to provide you with that first boost up.
 
Use this book to prepare yourself when you speak with your financial advisor. Tell him or her what you want. Financial professionals—both straight and gay—are capable of helping you achieve your goals, and many of them are in the community or are gay-friendly. Just make sure they understand lesbian and gay legal and financial issues in your state.
 
When you have finished the book, I invite you to tell me how you used the concepts in it and what you accomplished. I’d love to hear from you at hllustig@aol.com. My Web site, www.foursteps.com, provides updates to critical issues in the book, provides current articles by other advisors on financial and legal issues relevant to your financial security, and links to financial information and resources.
 
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
This publication is designed to provide accurate and up-to-date information at the time of initial publication. But laws and procedures change frequently and are subject to different interpretations. This publication is sold with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering legal, accounting, tax, or other professional advice. If you use this publication, it is your responsibility to make sure that whatever facts and general advice you may choose to rely on are applicable to your situation, and that if legal or other professional advice is required, it is your responsibility to obtain the services of a competent professional person.
 
STEP 1
PLAN, PLAN,
PLAN
 
You have an advantage over legally married couples in that you must he proactive if you want to achieve and maintain financial security. The first step then is to plan and then plan some more.
 
There are five chapters in this section. Chapter 1 examines twenty-one financial myths that can make you poor and stresses the importance of planning ahead. Chapter 2 provides an overview of the basic principles of financial planning. When broken down into it’s component parts, financial planning becomes a manageable task. You’ll learn the important questions that you and your partner need to address in creating your financial plan, and you’ll find out how to choose a financial planner. In chapter 3, you’ll learn how to avoid the “estate nightmare,” the loss of your property to relatives or to taxes that can hit your partner after you die if you don’t know how to transfer your assets correctly. You will discover, in chapter 4, that you have some distinct income tax advantages that straight friends in legally recognized marriages don’t have. Since more lesbian and gay couples are having children now than in the past, chapter 5 shows you how to finance your child’s college education whether in the near or far future.
 
Throughout this section and the rest of the book, you will also find critical retirement planning concepts that will help protect you, your lover, and your family.