Read an Excerpt
365 Rules of the New World
If we had a chance to do it all over again, would we do it right?
By Steven J Bennett Balboa Press
Copyright © 2015 Steve Bennett
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-2585-1
CHAPTER 1
Rule 365: Professional sports
There was once a time when unions were necessary. That time has passed. We see it in business and especially in professional sport. Hockey players getting paid millions to do what they love. THEN they complain and cry that they need more. In the new world we would keep professional sports players in check by capping salary at 1 million a year. Most of them aren't responsible enough to handle that much cash anyway. (Remember Ovechkin's bar tab from a few years ago? *see 365rules. com). And if they think this is unfair, they are free to leave and get a real job. I'm sure they would love getting up at 5am every morning to work for someone who isn't going to get up and cheer every time they do something good, like the rest of us. I wonder if they realize who they are demanding money from every time they complain?
In the new world, salaries for professional sports players will be capped at $1,000,000.00
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 364: Crime and punishment
Ever heard of a guy named Charles Manson? or Timothy Mcveigh? Of course you have. Why? Because we turn these sick, attention seeking losers into folk heroes. We rarely hear about the people who do good things on a regular basis. But if you shoot up a school full of innocent children or blow up a building full of hard working people, your in the history books. And somewhere out there is some other sick, loser thinking "wow, cool, I could do that". Look at James Holmes. He shot up a movie theater last summer and now we're wasting millions on trials and keeping him locked up. And can anyone name a single victim? Of course not, we're too busy focusing on the guy who was such a nice boy and always seemed friendly. All media coverage should revolve around the victims. These flags fly at half mast for all the victims of violent crime who's lost lives have been overshadowed by the people who took their lives.
In the new world, anyone who is obviously guilty of a major high profile crime will have their head removed for testing and the body will be disposed of without mention of the name of the person. All media coverage will respectfully revolve around the victims.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 363: All motorcycles will have mufflers
Everyone loves the sound of a loud motorcycle. But not always. Having a loud bike might be cool for you and your friends, but how cool is it to your neighbors at 6am when your going to work. Or at midnight when your riding home through quiet neighborhoods and disturbing everyone who has to get up for work in the morning? I like the sound of heavy metal cranked on my stereo. But that doesn't mean I want to hear it when it's time to sleep or converse with people in my backyard. And I don't have the right to impose it on people who don't want to hear it. Same goes for bikes. Have you ever had your car windows open in summer, enjoying your music just to have a bike pull up beside you and drown out your music or your conversation? What gives them the right? And I've heard the bikers B.S. that the noise makes it safer. Whatever! If you want to get noticed to be safe, paint your bike high visibility orange and get a flashing light on your helmet!
In the new world, all cars and motorcycles will have noise deadening mufflers to keep the noise down.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 362: T.V. Movies
If you're going to air a movie on T.V., play it in its original form. Don't censor it. That's fucking annoying! If a movie is not appropriate for a certain time or channel, don't put it on. This will not be permitted in the new world.
In the new world, all movies aired on T.V. will be shown in their original form.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 361: Gun control
This is easy. If it's sole purpose is to kill another human, it shouldn't exist. I know the NRA would have you believe that the best defense against a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, but a better solution is no one with a gun. I think there is some truth to the saying "guns don't kill people, people kill people". But until we can fix everyone and rid the world of bad people, we shouldn't be supplying them with the means to kill with automatic assault rifles.
In the new world, there will be no guns.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 360: Coffee shop drive throughs'
If your going through the drive through, stick to coffee. The drive through is designed to speed things up, so people behind you are probably in a hurry (or lazy).
So, If your ordering an "everything bagel, toasted with strawberry cream cheese and a large green tea with 1 milk and 2 sugar - bag in, and 2 coffees 1 large, milk no sugar and the other medium, with just cream and a 40 pack of timbits".... (gasp).... GO INSIDE!
Not to mention what your doing to the environment making everyone idle for that long!
In the new world, the coffee shop drive through will be for beverages only.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 359: Legalizing marijuana
I'm actually torn about this one. I don't think pot should be illegal because it's pot. The detrimental affects of alcohol on society are far worse than smoking weed. I think it should be illegal for the same reasons smoking should be illegal. It's dirty and pollutes the air and land. I can't believe the amount of non-biodegradable butts that are left around every smoking area and tossed thoughtlessly out a car window by some ignorant son of a bitch. Not to mention the burden on the health system. On the other hand, at least weed has a purpose. Smoking doesn't even get you high. And if you toss a roach, it is biodegradable.
Given the nature of all this new information, I just convinced myself:
In the new world, marijuana will be legal and cigarettes will be illegal. Let's try that for a while.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 358: Barky dogs
People often state that they love or hate dogs. I think that's too broad a statement to make. Dogs have so many personalities and characteristics. It would be like stating you love or hate all people. But unfortunately, some people aren't cool. Same with dogs. Personally, I like stupid happy dogs that don't make a lot of noise.
Dog owners love their dogs. That's a given. It's like a child to them. However, no one should have to listen to their neighbors dog. If you live in the city, it should be your responsibility to keep your dog from disturbing other people. Once again it just comes down to common courtesy.
In the new world, annoying, yappy dogs will not be permitted within city limits.
And definitely - NO pit bulls.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 357: Lotteries
It's very common these days to see lottery jackpots in excess of $50,000,000.00. This is crazy. Nobody needs that much. Nobody should HAVE that much. And most people don't know how to handle it responsibly. It just makes more sense to share the wealth. A $50 million jackpot should be split between 50 winners. What's better for the economy, 1 person spending and wasting money recklessly or 50 people starting businesses and thinking about spending wisely?
In the new world, lotteries will max out at about 2 million.
Let's make more people happy.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 356: Respecting our elders
There's no denying it. We're all going to be there. And if you believe in "what comes around, goes around". You may want to start showing a little respect. Everyone knows how frustrating it is when your driving and someone in front of you is driving too slow or making some suspect moves. But the next time this happens to you, why not take a second to get a look at who your dealing with. If it's some 80 year old man who is trying to negotiate the road and focused like he's trying to defuse a bomb, maybe lay off the horn and cut him a little slack. It could be his first time in town and everything is as foreign to him as you trying to drive on Jupiter. Like I said, we're all going to be there some day and as I get closer, I find it easier to empathize.
On the other hand, if it's a young girl sitting at a green light that she didn't see change because she's sending a tweet.... Let her have it!
In the new world, we will all have respect and patience for each other. Young and old. It will be second nature. And car horns will be for Newfie weddings only.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 355: Car alarms
How many times has your car alarm been set off accidentally?
And how many times has your car been stolen?
Exactly!
These things need an off button.
I hate it when I'm trying to get in my car quietly at 5:00am to go to work, and between fumbling with my keys and handling my lunch with gloves on, I accidentally activate the alarm to notify everyone in the hood that I'm off to work.
And when you hear a car alarm go off in the middle of the night, do you get up thinking "Oh my god, someone's trying to steal a car!"? No. You roll over, pull a pillow over your head and think "I wish that jerk would go out and shut that thing off so I can get back to that dream where I'm a back up dancer for Justin Bieber, and in the middle of "Boyfriend" you pull out a guitar, kick J.B. off the stage and lay into the most awesome version of "Eruption" ever heard. It's so good, even JB gets up and gives you props. And the next day Jack Black calls you up and wants you to join his band and.....!" Oh yeah, car alarms....
In the new world, all new cars will be equipped with an easy on / off switch for car alarms.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 354: Vacation
We work too much. Plain and simple. Unless you do something you really enjoy, why would anyone want to spend more time working than having fun? I know, for the money. But I think it's time we challenge that!
In the new world, everyone can decide for themselves, but as a baseline, I submit that a standard work week would be Monday to Thursday with 3 day weekends and a standard work day would be 6 hours. 24 hours a week is plenty. Just think of what that would do to the unemployment rate. We'd have a lot more people working, just a lot less. And think of all the things you could find out that you really are good at!
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 353: Space exploration
I used to love this topic. I loved watching space launches as a kid and into my adulthood. But as I look at what it's achieved, I can't help but think what a better world we would have if all those resources and money had been put into something more worthwhile. And think of the environmental effects. All the fuel that gets burned each time we launch. And all the space junk floating around up there. Now, not only have we polluted our planet, we've polluted the outer atmosphere as well.
Currently, there are approximately 20,000 pieces of junk (bigger than 1cm) orbiting the earth. With another 300,000 less than 1cm. We're going to have to install recycle centres and garbage collection space stations and send space criminals with high visibility space suits to clean it all up. If we had directed all that money and effort into real problems here on earth, we'd be living in a clean environment using non polluting transport and clean energy. Of course, we know that space exploration is essential to war efforts. And Google earth is pretty cool. But couldn't we live without satellite TV. in exchange for a better world?
In the new world, until we solve our problems here on earth, which is possible if we start now by following this easy to follow 365 Rules for the new world, we will have to study space from afar using high powered telescopes.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 352: Health care
I think we can all agree that here in Canada we have one of the best health care systems in the world. If there is one flaw that I see it's that it's actually TOO good. Between government run health care and group insurance plans, health care is practically free. However, when I say that it's too good, I mean that too many people abuse it. An example of this is neurotic parents who rush their children to the doctor every time they sneeze or cough. We spend a lot of time at the doctor or emergency room without just cause. This puts a financial burden on the system as well as occupying resources for people who actually need it.
In the new world, there will be a nominal fee ($10 - $30) payable by the patient for each visit to a medical professional. This would make people give a second thought before rushing a child to the doctor for a stubbed toe.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 351: Roundabouts
I like roundabouts. I think they work to keep traffic moving. Stats show that there are less fatal accidents at roundabouts than traditional intersections. There are, however more fender benders. The one thing I don't understand is why there is more than 1 lane in a roundabout. I don't think anyone is in a roundabout long enough to make a lane change. It seems to create a dangerous situation. Either I don't understand how these things work, or there should be only one lane.
In the new world, there will be only one lane in roundabouts. Or someone will have to show people like me why there are more than one.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 350: Politicians
Don't you love watching the news when they show "debates" by our mature, elected leaders?
If my child ever yelled over someone else when they were making a point at school, I'd expect a call from the teacher.
It's embarrassing watching our elected officials who we pay to represent us, acting like spoiled brats. Being passionate is one thing, but the way we see our politicians conducting themselves is ridiculous.
The next time one of these people act out during a discussion in the house of commons, we should call their mommy and give them an unpaid time out for a month.
In the new world, immature behavior by our elected representatives will not be tolerated.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!
Rule 349: Snow blowers
If you live in a climate similar to Southern Ontario, you DO NOT need a snow blower! Why? ... I'm glad you asked ...
1. Exercise:
Assuming you don't have any health issues and you take it easy, shoveling snow can be good exercise.
2. Kids:
If you have kids, they need to get out there. What better way to get them off the couch and away from the video games. And often it will lead to something fun like a snowball fight or building a snowman or snow fort. My kids have even started shoveling other driveways for money with their friends. If your kids are older than 4, get them out there. And if they try to charge you, just let them know your taking it off what they owe you for food, board, clothes etc......
3. Mr. Plow:
Need the driveway done but can't? Call a plow. Can't afford it? Let's break it down. I think you can get a dude with a pick up and a shovel to do your driveway for about $25.00. And let's also say you can get a new snow blower for about $1,000.00. 1,000 / 25 = 40. So for the price of a snow blower you could get 40 plows. If you only get your driveway plowed 5 times a year and get the kids to do it the rest, you could get 8 years of plowing for the price of that nice shiny snow blower that is stored in your garage doing nothing 359 days a year.
4. Maintenance:
Snowblower = Maintenance.
No snow blower = No Maintenance. 'Nuff said.
5. Environment:
According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the average snow blower creates about one pound of carbon monoxide emissions per hour. To put this figure into perspective, it takes a car driving approximately 70 miles to make the same amount of emissions. Overall, small machines, including snow blowers, create 25% of mobile sources hydrocarbon emissions. During mild winters I've heard people say that they take their snow blower out and clear 1" of snow just to get some use out of it! If your that bored, come over to my place. I've got lots to do.
6. Your neighbor:
Everyone's got a neighbor with a snow blower that is good for at least one blow a season.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from 365 Rules of the New World by Steven J Bennett. Copyright © 2015 Steve Bennett. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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