Brutalities: A Love Story

by Margo Steines

Overview

"Brutalities is electric with insight, riveted by its commitments—to love and bewilderment, to bearing witness—and utterly propulsive." —Leslie Jamison, author of The Empathy Exams

A searing, vivid memoir that investigates the dynamics of violence, power, desire, and a body pushed to the brink.

Quarantined in a southwestern desert city in the midst of her high-risk pregnancy, Margo Steines felt her life narrow around her growing body, compelling her to reckon with the violence entangled in its history. She was a professional dominatrix in New York City, a homestead farmer in a brutal relationship, a welder on a high-rise building crew, and a mixed martial arts enthusiast; each of her many lives brought a new perspective on how power and masculinity coalesce—and how far she could push her body toward the brink. With unflinching candor, Steines searches for the roots of her erstwhile attraction to pain while charting the complicated triumph of gentleness and love.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781324050889
Publisher:	Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	10/03/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	288
File size:	4 MB

About the Author

Margo Steines holds an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of Arizona, where she teaches writing. Her work has appeared in the New York Times (Modern Love), the Sun, and elsewhere. A native New Yorker, she lives in Tucson, Arizona.

Editorial Reviews

★ 2023-10-04
Steines tackles complex, nuanced truths about power and violence through clear writing and an unflinching gaze.

What might drive someone to seek out violence, rather than avoid it? In her propulsive debut memoir, the author addresses this question in her examination of her personal connection to violence and pain. With striking vulnerability, she recounts her work as a teenage dominatrix at a time when she was dealing with an eating disorder, drug addiction, and a long-term relationship characterized by violence. Later, Steines trained as an ironworker, a career she pursued for years despite the danger and pain. She also chronicles her unhealthy relationship with exercise, including the time she ran more than 100 miles on a broken heel. “Violences are as different from each other as kisses are,” she writes, and this vivid book is testament to that truth. The author’s skillful prose expresses pain clearly and can be challenging to read, but this discomfort is tempered by her clearheaded insights and retroactive self-empathy. “I went to metal for the same reasons I went everywhere else: to try and rebuild myself as a creature impervious to damage,” she writes, with palpable yearning. As much as the text is about pain, it’s also about gentleness, as Steines depicts her more current self, caring for her pregnant body during the global pandemic, and she sweetly evokes the kindness of her partner and tenderness toward all versions of her past. Though the author is still drawn in by violence—her partner is an MMA coach, and Steines sometimes participates—she has developed a deeper love and respect for herself. The heart of this memoir is the author’s journey to transform her relationship to violence—and through that, her own body.

A passionate and lyrical memoir and meditation on what might drive someone to seek violence.

Kirkus Reviews