For the Family's Sake: The Value of Home in Everyone's Life

by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

Overview

For many of us the word home brings warm thoughts and happy memories—far more than the dictionary's simple definition of "a place of birth or one's living quarters." For many of us, home is where the heart is.

Yet it is even than that. It is the secure environment that allows our hearts to develop. A haven of growth, quiet, and rest. The place where we love and are loved. Sadly though, this kind of home is beginning to disappear as our busy society turns homes into houses where related people abide, but where there is no "heart."

With a desire to help you nurture your family's heart, Susan Schaeffer Macaulay presents a clear blueprint for constructing a home that survives the variety of situations that you face in modern life. With Jesus Christ as the foundation, using tools such as common sense, realism, and traditions, you can build a secure, loving environment where every member of your family can flourish.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781433517006
Publisher:	Crossway
Publication date:	09/16/1999
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	288
File size:	781 KB

About the Author

Susan Schaeffer Macaulay grew up in Switzerland at L'Abri Fellowship, which was founded by her parents, Francis and Edith Schaeffer. She and her husband, Ranald Macaulay, established and led the L'Abri branch in England for several years. She is the author of For the Family's Sake and contributed to Books Children Love and When Children Love to Learn.

Susan Schaeffer Macaulay grew up in Switzerland at L’Abri Fellowship, which was founded by her parents, Francis and Edith Schaeffer. She and her husband, Ranald Macaulay, established and led the L’Abri branch in England for several years. She is the author of For the Family’s Sake and contributed to Books Children Love and When Children Love to Learn.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Who Needs a Home?

If you were to stop and ask a miserable refugee, "Who needs a home?" he or she would not think it a question worth answering. The cold winds of winter and gusting rain make the covering of canvas provided by a relief agency a poor shelter, and it is too noisy for conversation anyway.

Turn to a sophisticated young business person in any city, and you might be rewarded for using such an old-fashioned word with a supercilious gaze. That person might also be speechless. "Home!" the gaze seems to exclaim. "That word isn't in my vocabulary or life. Nor is marriage. My parents used those words, and they are retired in a backwater."

The dictionary tells us that home is the place where we live, whether we are single, married, young, or old. The definition also includes the idea of a family or another group living in a house. Further, it says that home is the place we are at ease.

What is a tree without its roots held deeply in the soil? What is a cup without its saucer? What are letters if they aren't put into words and sentences? What is a child's life like if there is no home and no family to belong to?

Most people agree that children need stable, loving homes. Are homes then a temporary arrangement for their care and development? Or, as many people seem to think, do homes only go with marriage? Novelist Jane Austen didn't think so. She lived in a little Hampshire village and made her home with her sister. This gifted writer stayed unmarried, but it never prevented her from having a balanced life within the ease of home and community. She wrote:

Our Chawton home, how much we find Already in it to our mind;
We all need to think hard, or we may find ourselves rootless and drifting whatever our age. For many the very words family, home, commitment, and neighborhood convey agonies, fears, and questions. Others dream romantically about a warm, settled, creative, and satisfying life. But they find that nothing in the cold light of the everyday, the ordinary, can even begin to resemble the dream. They can become hopeless, bitter.

On top of this, for children there are special considerations. As fewer of the routines and less of the atmosphere of everyday life can be taken for granted, the resulting confusion has caused uncertainty about how children thrive. They are like little seedlings, and they do need a particular environment to do well. The more we've learned about children's development, the more we realize that the hours and days from birth onward are the most formative in the whole of life. We now know that whether the child's brain will be fully utilized or not depends on early care. We know that children's emotional balance for life grows out of early relationships.

The main reason I am writing this book is that we all need homes. And, as we are made in a particular way, this life and home must suit human beings. There is a basic pattern that fits us, holds us, serves us.

It is too easy to make excuses about why we cannot follow these patterns. It is easy to excuse ourselves from working at our everyday lives with the words, "if only ..."

"If only I were married."

"If only I were married to another person."

"If only we could leave this miserable home and have a nice place."

"If only my spouse had not died/left me."

"If only I had more money or a better job."

"If only I had more time/energy/ideas."

"If only I'd had a good childhood model."

Homes are for everybody — single persons or families with children, young or old, people with good jobs or bad ones. Homes are not a romantic idea to dream about wistfully; homemaking needs to be put into practice as a priority. A good home life is too basic a human need to whine and fuss about with the plaintive words, "if only."

It is essential that older adults have the rootedness of a home. Probably those who are single have an even greater need to consider what goes into making home life for themselves and "neighbors" or friends than do families for whom homemaking might seem more obvious. For instance, widows often have to be reminded to cook nutritious meals again for themselves after being left alone. It can seem hardly worth it "just for me." We more naturally follow good patterns when we are caring for others.

Sometimes life is too hard, and we go down. And that experience should find its place in this book too, for that is real life. It is also real life to find a way to go on. Today we expect so much that many of us are dissatisfied with simple basics in every area. We can also be confused about what matters and what does not. Commercial and media pressures mislead us there and breed discontent.

It is helpful to remember that we don't have to do everything or have everything. What are the basics exactly? What is most important when we can't have it all or do it all? What ingredients make up a good home? I believe that a mixture of common sense, realism, traditions that have worked, and a look at how different kinds of people have made a success of life will provide an excellent map to help us in our individual circumstances. Today we have so overcomplicated and stressed our lives, minds, and bodies with the "too much" that we've lost a "pearl of great price": the basics of wholesome everyday life at home. A balanced life.

As we rush along this way and that, we may find an echo of our own dreams when we read the following Irish poem:

AN OLD WOMAN OF THE ROADS

O, to have a little house!
PADRAIC COLUM

Pity the tiny child who never has the peaceful comfort of the "humdrum" everyday home life described here. Watching such a child is like seeing a plant designed by the Creator for a sunny patch in the garden put instead into a chemical dish under a glaring light. The plant may sprout and put out leaves, but the roots wander miserably looking for ... home.

This book is intended to be a practical help in creating homes that work well in a variety of circumstances. The special thrust is to encourage us all gladly to take the time and effort making a home requires. There are few shortcuts on the essentials — homemaking has to be a chosen priority in life for men and women. To create welcoming homes requires thought and then action.

Many kinds of "winds" blow on all of us in our generation. There are multitudes of lonely, tired, weary souls tramping through various sorts of mires or bogs. Although Prozac-type medications help in medical depressive states, no quick pill can substitute for the satisfaction of a contented life based at home. Why not look back and harvest the wisdom of past days? Our human makeup, needs, and nature have not changed. And so here is a book about the foundational place our homes have in our lives.

The primary example and references included will be to young children's needs in home life. Home is the first part of our educational path; it is the place where our characters and personalities develop.

Writing about such a subject, I knew I'd draw on my own life, thoughts, and ideas. My husband, Ranald, and I have been making a home together since our marriage in 1961 — thirty-seven years at the time of writing. And of those years, thirty-six have included children. We still aren't finished with parenting! We had four children born into our family. During the years while they were fairly young, we also included other children occasionally who needed the shelter and the care of an established home. The three who shared our family life like this stayed for times ranging from three months to one and a half years.

Then twelve years ago two children for whom we were guardians were suddenly bereaved and needed "stand-by" parents to swing into action. Thus we found ourselves once again being mother and father to young children when our previous youngest one was a teenager. So it is that while some of our friends have empty nests, we have steadily continued the routines that go into making a family home. Of course this has been of benefit to us all. We were not tempted to give up on homemaking! Such a personal lifetime story could not help but become part of this book.

However, I've wanted to refer to other wise guides also. It was nineteenth-century educator Charlotte Mason's writings that first gave Ranald and me a theory that explains how a child's life "works" in practice and a clear educational philosophy. Charlotte Mason valued home as the primary setting for a child's life and relationships. Just as she said that "education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life," so we can say that the home is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life.

As I write, I feel that I am saying, "Miss Mason, let us together sit down in the drawing room of your home in the Lake District." The evening light comes in through the window; the peace of the lake and mountains is refreshing. "This is a good place to talk together about our primary concerns and insights."

"First things first," I can almost hear both of us saying, a century apart. "One of the most important aspects of life is the home. And then communities of homes."

My imaginary conversation between Charlotte Mason in, say, 1898 and Susan in 1998 will be in these chapters. Other people whose writings, choices, or examples are applicable will also "join in."

I hope that a clearer map for our homes and lives will emerge. May we be rooted and live generous lives. That is good.

CHAPTER 2

Home — the Best Growing Ground for Children

Before plunging into this book about home and the lives of people who make them, I would like you to have a picture of the home and community I lived in as a little girl. An author's thinking comes out of a life, and my life will especially be part of this book.

The 1940s neighborhood where I rode my tricycle along sidewalks and played with friends in the vacant lot is now part of inner-city St. Louis, Missouri. In that era my friends and I were not warned not to trust grownups we didn't know. In fact we were told the opposite. We were instructed to obey grownups along the way and turn to them for help if we were hurt or in need.

Our mothers hung out their washing in the yards while we played. We had a lot of freedom — going in and out of each other's houses wherever our play led us, occupying long free hours in our own ways. We were, however, always under the caring eye of some grownup in the neighborhood.

Our homes were different. On one side was a Catholic family with one adopted child; on the other, a Jewish home full of children. We believed different things as families, but we as children had more in common than we had differences.

Neighborhood children were called in to supper at about the same time. We'd sit down with family arranged around the table. Most of us were read to before bedtime. There was no television. If we did wrong, we had to go and apologize to the neighbor. Sometimes this was very hard. I'll never forget my despair at having to face my neighbor and apologize for picking her tulips!

When we were old enough, we walked to school. There the teachers expected the same sort of obedient behavior as our parents and neighbors. I, like so many others, loved school. There I could learn how to read; this I wanted to do very much. I also enjoyed art and games.

Our lives had form and freedom — routines and moral framework on one hand and yet a rich and generous childhood of safe freedom with many hours of play, fun, friendship.

Church was important, for my dad was a pastor. But I didn't like sitting still at all. In fact, although graying Grandma Susan now enjoys certain church services immensely, there are still times when I can find myself more like the four-year-old Susan and can struggle to follow what seems a dreary grind!

Yes, I do understand myself as I look back. When I was really small, I sometimes deeply and urgently longed to stand up in that quiet place and make a huge, exciting noise, shouting and surprising everybody into good cheerfulness. One of our playmates, the young son of an elder, did call out in a clear, shouting voice in the middle of the hush of Communion. He then made a rapid escape, crawling out under all the pews. From then on, starting in my fourth year until much later, he was my hero.

Although the church service was a weekly test and trial for me (and more for my poor young mother as she coped with an unruly child), I was blessed with the immensely interesting and foundational Sunday school teaching of Nancy Barker. She told stories vividly, and when we acted them out, I felt as if I too had been called and was following the Lord Jehovah Himself.

Indeed, her teaching is still something I mull over with thanks. It was life-changing for one naughty little child. How can you not be affected for life when you had actually marched out of Egypt, had walked through the towering Red Sea pushed back for a path to escape from the terrible might of Pharaoh, and a few weeks later had found yourself camping under Mt. Sinai? Any child who has experienced that before the age of five or six obviously still shivers when remembering the holy cloud fearfully blotting out the higher levels of the mountain.

Why, I'd even had to watch out so that the family animals did not stray too near, or they'd have been zapped dead! And I was old enough to know what death meant in reality, unlike children today who encounter death only on TV screens. In my St. Louis life, I'd known people who had become ill. I had visited them with my dad in the hospital and later had gone to a few funerals. In that place and culture, I had sometimes seen the dead body.

Yes, of course in the Israelite camp I'd kept well away from that mountain so powerful that mere mortals died if they strayed too near. But Moses was especially called by God into the cloud, and so he was protected as we watched him disappear from sight. We still trembled though as we watched him trudge up to the mountaintop.

Upstairs in church there were recompenses. One of the elders always shook our hands after church, and he'd leave a yummy wrapped caramel in our palms. Also, my dad would sometimes let me choose one of the hymns for the whole church to sing. I loved the organ and singing. Usually I'd choose "Holy, Holy, Holy." I liked to be "in" the brightness of the early morning rays approaching the tremendous might of the Lord God, just as Nancy Barker and the hymn described. God is powerful and yet all-shining and beautiful with light and total goodness and love.

Of course, when I started singing, I knew my full-hearted voice was praising God in another place as well as in the city church with its pews. I'd have a sort of "Narnia excursion" as I sang, joining in with the wonderful throng about the heavenly throne. I didn't see them very well, but I "saw" their light, and I loved sharing in the wonder of doing something along with those who were in heaven right now. For I knew that reality was not only in everything I could see. The unseen was all around, just behind the edge of what is visible here. And I knew that my final destination would be through the seen barrier, right into this singing, enjoyable, great place. In fact when I was small, I'd pray I could get there before the next dreaded visit to the dentist!

Anyway, while I remembered Moses and the great throne in the heavenlies at church, I came to know the everyday Lord Jesus within the intimacy of a truly homelike home. My mother often sang songs of gladness about the goodness of Jesus as she worked around the kitchen. I could see He made her glad. Or on Sunday evenings when Dad went back to church, we'd be alone in the kitchen listening to a program on the radio that had lots of Christian singing. I think that because it was a special once-a-week program, it never disappeared into background noise for me. We'd sing along, happy together and cozy.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "For the Family's Sake"
by .
Copyright © 1999 Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.
Excerpted by permission of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments,
Preface,
1 Who Needs a Home?,
2 Home — the Best Growing Ground for Children,
3 Free as a Bird, Dutiful and Humble as the Angels,
4 This Is Where I Put My Feet Up and Thank God,
5 The Home's Weight-Bearing Beams,
6 Taking Time and Care to Create the Home's Atmosphere,
7 The Glory of the Usual or Jack of All Trades,
8 The Infrastructure of Routine,
9 Of Beds, Balance, and Books,
10 Contentment, Thanks, and Enjoyment,
11 Choose Wisely and Leave Time for the Daily Rhythms,
12 Early Days, Vital Days,
13 Homes and Life in Community,
14 A Look at the Everyday All Around Us — All Year Long,
Appendix,
Notes,