The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships

by Randy J. Paterson PhD

Overview

The overassertive schoolyard bully often grows into an angry boss or violent spouse. The shy, unassertive youth may live forever as a pushover-timid, unconfident, and oblivious to the joy and dignity that every human deserves. What may come as a surprise is how much these two types of people have in common. Neither one is communicating effectively. Neither one is really satisfying his or her inner needs.

In friendly, non-judgmental language, The Assertiveness Workbook demonstrates how to get the most out of relationships-and life-by engaging in healthy, two-way expressions of needs and desires.

The first half of the workbook reveals the ways in which stress, expectations, and engrained beliefs challenge our ability to assert ourselves properly. The second half-"Becoming Assertive"-focuses on the actual skills needed to become assertive. Discussing nonverbal communication, providing and receiving feedback, saying "no," and making requests, it concludes with two chapters on that most difficult of subjects: Confrontation.

Used in training workshops and by practicing clinicians, The Assertiveness Workbook is more than just a manual. Photocopy-ready scorecards, exercises, worksheets, and self-assessments all contribute to the ultimate goal: Feeling comfortable with yourself and comfortable with assertive behavior.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781648480294
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	09/01/2022
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	248
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Randy J Paterson, Ph.D., is adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology and associate faculty in the Department of Psychiatry, Faculty of Medicine at the University of British Columbia. A clinical psychologist and coordinator of Changeways, a depression-treatment program at Vancouver Hospital and Health Sciences Centre in Vancouver, he has taught more than 100 training seminars on assertiveness training, depression, and stress management.

Table of Contents

Preface to the Second Edition vii

Part 1 On the Launchpad

Chapter 1 Being There 2

Chapter 2 The Four Communication Styles 12

Chapter 3 Ten Principles of Assertiveness 32

Part 2 Leaping the Barriers to Assertiveness

Chapter 4 Overcoming the Stress Barrier 46

Chapter 5 Overcoming the Social Barrier 57

Chapter 6 Overcoming the Belief Barrier 69

Chapter 7 The Assertive Mindset 79

Part 3 Becoming Assertive

Chapter 8 Becoming Visible: Nonverbal Behavior 92

Chapter 9 Being Present; Giving Your Opinion 107

Chapter 10 How to Accept a Gift: Receiving Positive Feedback 118

Chapter 11 Giving Helpful Positive Feedback 127

Chapter 12 Taking the Heat: Receiving Negative Feedback 138

Chapter 13 Constructive, Not Critical: Giving Corrective Feedback 156

Chapter 14 Defending Your Boundaries: The Assertive No 169

Chapter 15 Making Requests Without Controlling Others 179

Chapter 16 Countdown to Confrontation 190

Chapter 17 Constructive Confrontation 202

Postscript Being You 221

Acknowledgments 223

Assertiveness Scorecards 225

Request Worksheet 227

Additional Reading 229

References 231

Editorial Reviews

This is an exceptional book, full of sage observations and clinical wisdom from an accomplished therapist and author. Readers will be fully engaged by the lively writing, case studies, and colorful examples used to illustrate key concepts. A great read!”
—Lynn Alden, PhD, clinical psychologist, and coeditor of International Handbook of Social Anxiety

Lynn Alden

This updated edition of The Assertiveness Workbook is authoritative, clear, practical, and replete with evidence-based strategies to become a more assertive person. If you struggle with how to give or receive feedback, state an opinion, or assertively confront others, this is the book you have been waiting for!”
—Keith S. Dobson, PhD, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Calgary, and president of the World Confederation of Cognitive and Behavioural Therapies

Keith S. Dobson

The Assertiveness Workbook shows that it’s actually possible to have great relationships with the difficult people in our lives. The secret? Change our own behavior, not theirs. I’m grateful for this smart, pragmatic guide.”
—Charles Montgomery, author of Happy City

Charles Montgomery

Once again, Randy Paterson takes our current understanding of clinical psychology and transforms it into a very readable, thoughtful, clear, and practical approach to solving the problems that affect many of our lives. Combined with his self-effacing humor, he has made a great clinical resource even better.”
—Ian R. Nicholson, PhD, past president of the Canadian Psychological Association

Ian R. Nicholson

If you’d like to be more assertive, the only question to ask yourself is, ‘Am I willing to do something to help myself?’ If the answer is yes, congratulations! You’ve found a guide to ‘do assertiveness’—that is, to be who you are and effectively assert yourself. Give yourself permission to get out of your own way, and simply follow Randy’s workbook. Identify what parts resonate and work there; don’t fret about any parts that don’t. He’s giving you a gift to courageously be you. And I’m cheering for you to do just that.”
—Molly Tschang, founder of Abella Consulting, and creator of the Say It Skillfully radio show/podcast and video series

Molly Tschang

The longer I practice cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), the more clearly I see that assertiveness is a critical component of successful psychological coping. Randy Paterson’s assertiveness training workbook is the best resource available: user-friendly, evidence-informed, and effective. It belongs on every bookshelf.”
—Dan Bilsker, PhD, coauthor of Psychological Health and Safety

Dan Bilsker

Assertiveness problems—including excessive unassertiveness, aggressiveness, and passive-aggressiveness—afflict millions of people, leading to suffering and undermining potential for happy, fulfilling lives. In The Assertiveness Workbook, Randy J. Paterson combines science and clinical experience to create the definitive guide for overcoming assertiveness problems. Blending wisdom, wit, and compassion, this sophisticated yet highly readable volume shows people how to improve their assertiveness in a structured, step-by-step fashion. It is essential reading for anyone wanting to improve their assertiveness, and for therapists treating assertiveness problems.”
—Steven Taylor, PhD, RPsych, associate professor at the University of British Columbia, and associate editor of Behavior Research and Therapy

Steven Taylor

This workbook will be a welcome resource to individuals currently struggling with assertiveness difficulties. It will not only help people tackle assertiveness issues, but also target such important topics as need for control, conflict management, and even acceptance of compliments. In short, it holds the potential to effectively change your life.”
—Brian Cox, PhD, CPsych, psychologist, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Manitoba, and author of more than one hundred published research articles on anxiety disorders and depression

Brian Cox

Assertiveness problems—including excessive unassertiveness, aggressiveness, and passive-aggressiveness—afflict millions of people, leading to suffering and undermining potentials for happy, fulfilling lives. In The Assertiveness Workbook, Dr. Randy J. Paterson combines science and clinical experience to create the definitive guide for overcoming assertiveness problems. Blending wisdom, wit, and compassions, this sophisticated yet highly readable volume shows people how to improve their assertiveness in a structured, step-by-step fashion. It is essential reading for anyone wanting to improve their assertiveness, and for therapists treating assertiveness problems.”
—Steven Taylor, Ph.D., R.Psych., Associate Professor, University of British Columbia, and Associate Editor of Behavior Research and Therapy

“This workbook will be a welcome resource to individuals currently struggling with assertiveness difficulties. It will not only help people tackle assertiveness issues, but also target such important topics as need for control, conflict management, and even acceptance of compliments. In short, it holds the potential to effectively change your life.”
—Brian Coz, Ph.D., C.Psych., Psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychiatry, University of Manitoba, and author of more than 100 published research articles on anxiety disorders and depression

From the Publisher