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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781921295805 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Rockpool Publishing |
| Publication date: | 01/02/2007 |
| Sold by: | SIMON & SCHUSTER |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 86 |
| File size: | 1 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
A Guide to Australian Weddings
By Rockpool Publishing
Rockpool Publishing Pty Ltd
Copyright © 2006 Rockpool PublishingAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-921295-80-5
CHAPTER 1
Engagements
Announcements
When announcing your engagement, traditionally the woman's family is told first, then the man's. Close friends and relatives should also be told the news before any official announcement. Once closest friends and family members have been informed, many couples now use technology to spread the happy news. Couples may also like to place an announcement in the newspaper. An announcement is normally in the name of the bride's parents:
Ricciotti — McBride: Mr. and Mrs. P Ricciotti of
Ocean Grove
are pleased to announce the engagement
of their daughter Francesca to David,
eldest son of Mr. and Mrs. J McBride of Geelong.
If a parent is dead, divorced or has remarried, you may alter the wording accordingly:
Ricciotti — McBride: Mr. and Mrs. P Ricciotti of
Ocean Grove
are pleased to announce the engagement
of their daughter Francesca to David,
eldest son of Mrs. C and the late Mr. J McBride of
Geelong.
Or:
Ricciotti — McBride: Mr. and Mrs. P Ricciotti of
Ocean Grove
are pleased to announce the engagement
of their daughter Francesca to David,
eldest son of Mr. J McBride of Geelong and Mrs. A Townsend of Perth.
If this is a second engagement, the following announcement is appropriate:
Francesca Ricciotti of Ocean Grove and David McBride of
Geelong are pleased to announce their engagement.
The engagement ring
A diamond is the traditional stone for engagement rings, but many people prefer a different stone. Generally the woman chooses the ring and the man pays for it, and some brides-to-be may also wish to buy an engagement gift for their fiancé. It makes sense to choose an affordable engagement ring, considering the expenses facing you both in the future. And remember, with luck you will be wearing the ring for the rest of your life, so choose a setting that is sturdy and not too elaborate.
Engagement parties and teas
The people you invite to your engagement party don't necessarily have to be the ones you invite to the wedding. If they are invited to both the wedding and the engagement party, some people will feel that they have to buy you two presents — that is acceptable if it is to be a long engagement. Or you may specify on the invitation that guests needn't bring a gift to the engagement party.
The engagement party is usually hosted by the bride-to-be's parents, although many couples choose to put on their own party with perhaps parents on either side contributing to catering and/or alcohol costs.
Kitchen teas or bridal showers are usually held for the female friends of the bride-to-be and should be fairly informal. These parties were designed to help the bride stock particular areas of the home, such as the kitchen, with basic utensils. Now they are more an excuse to make cucumber sandwiches, bring out the good china and have a glass of bubbly or two with good friends.
Thank-you card etiquette
Each guest who gives you an engagement present should receive a thank-you card as soon as possible (and so, of course, should the giver of every wedding present). You may have thank-you cards printed, perhaps with a picture from the wedding or engagement party; however, inside the message should be hand- written. People who have gone to the trouble and expense of buying a gift deserve your time and attention.
Breaking an engagement, postponing or cancelling a wedding
If invitations have already been sent out and for some reason you must cancel your wedding, all guests must be notified. If there is enough time, arrange for a printed card to be sent; if not, a simple hand- written note will suffice. You need give no reason or explanation for cancelling:
Mr and Mrs. John Pascoe announce that the marriage of
their daughter Sophie will not take place.
If there is very little time, phone calls and/or email may be necessary. If presents have been received, they should be returned with the notification. Although the ring legally belongs to the woman, it is good manners to return it.
The same rules apply for postponing a wedding, although you may like to add a brief explanation:
Mr and Mrs. John Pascoe regret that due to illness they
must postpone
the wedding of their daughter Sophie
on Saturday 18 September until Saturday 20 November at
4.00pm.
Weddings
Religion and the law
In Australia, you can marry at the age of eighteen. If you are younger, you will need the consent of your parents, or a magistrate, or both. You must notify the marriage celebrant no earlier than three months and no later than one month plus one day before the proposed date of the marriage. As well as the Notice of Intended Marriage form (which you can download from http://www.australia.gov.au/296), you need to show the celebrant your birth certificates and, if you have been married before, the final decree of your divorce or the death certificate of your spouse.
A Declaration of Marriage must also be signed before the wedding and the marriage must be witnessed by at least two people (as well as the celebrant) who are over the age of eighteen. Apart from that, you can marry on any day of the week at any time and place.
Name changes
Today more women choose to keep their own name rather than taking their husband's when they marry. If you do not wish to change your name, you do not have to take any special action although, to avoid confusion with family, friends and business colleagues, you may wish to make a brief formal announcement or clarify the issue when you send out thank-you letters with your own signature at the bottom.
Civil ceremonies
Civil ceremonies include everything from weddings in registry offices to those on mountain tops. The former are the easiest and least expensive, but if you want an unusual wedding you will almost certainly be able to find a celebrant who will oblige. Celebrants are listed with the Attorney General's Department and in the Yellow Pages.
When deciding on a celebrant, you should first make an appointment to discuss the type of wedding you would like — you are free to make it as simple or as elaborate as you wish — and decide if he or she is the sort of person you want to lead the ceremony. The celebrant should handle all the official paperwork involved in registering the marriage.
Religious ceremonies
Each religion has its own special requirements, so contact your religious representative early and arrange to discuss the service and any prerequisites, such as classes or counselling.
Paying for the ceremony
Any fees for the ceremony should be paid before the wedding day or by the best man on the day of the wedding. Ask the celebrant what is the preferred payment method.
Subsequent marriages
If one or both of you is divorced and you wish to have a religious wedding, you will have to consult your religious representative to see if the institution has any objections to divorced people marrying. Registry office and civil celebrants do not discriminate against divorcees.
Discuss the financial arrangements with each other and your family. No family should be expected to finance two weddings; however, if one party has never married before, or if your family would like to contribute, then they may wish to pay for some or all of the costs. Normally, with subsequent marriages the bride and groom share the costs.
As for a bride walking down the aisle in a traditional white wedding dress the second time, it is your day — so wear whatever you and your partner want, be it white, black or coloured.
Widowed people who wish to remarry face no exceptional legal requirements; however, there are certain rules of etiquette that they may wish to follow: they should remove original wedding rings before the ceremony, and if the bride took her first husband's name she should marry under that name.
Who pays?
Different people have different ideas about who pays for what at weddings, but traditionally the bride's family pays for almost everything. Of course there are many different arrangements in practice, and today some couples may wish to pay for their own wedding or at least contribute to the costs.
As a guideline, the bride's parents have traditionally paid for: the wedding invitations, announcements, photographs, the ceremony (fees for celebrant, church, musicians, decorations, and so on), bridesmaids' bouquets, transport for the bridal party to the wedding ceremony and from there to the reception, and all the costs of the reception (rental, food, drinks, music, flowers, decorations, etc.).
The bridegroom pays for: the bride's ring and wedding gift, the marriage licence, the bride's bouquet, corsages for both mothers, and buttonholes for the best man, groomsmen and fathers.
The bride pays for: gifts for the groom and bridal attendants, accommodation for the bridesmaids if the wedding is some distance from their homes, and the bridesmaids' dresses if she wants a style that they are unlikely to be able to wear gain (if not, the bridesmaids usually pay for their own dresses).
Invitations
The bride's family should draw up the invitation list, incorporating a guest list supplied by the groom and his parents. This can then be used as a checklist of who has accepted or declined the invitation. All the invitations, in the name of the bride's parents, should be sent out at the same time, about six weeks before the wedding.
If her parents are divorced or one or both are dead, issue the invitations in the name of the parent who brought up the bride or the surviving parent or the parent hosting the wedding. Alternatively, invitations can be issued in the name of the bride and groom. A traditional invitation is worded as follows:
Mr and Mrs. P Ricciotti
request the pleasure of
the company of
-----------------------------------------
at the marriage of their daughter
Francesca to David McBride
at St John's Church, Geelong,
on Saturday 20 November at 4.00pm
and afterwards at 'Fotheringay',
Mallop Street, Geelong.
15 Fairview Street
Ocean Grove
RSVP
20 October
If the bride's parents have remarried and are going to host the wedding together, the first line would change to:
Mrs G Shaw and Mr. P Ricciotti
If only one remarried parent (with present husband or wife) hosts the wedding:
Mr and Mrs. G Shaw
request the pleasure of
the company of
----------------------------------
at the marriage of
her daughter ...
If only one parent is hosting the wedding:
Mrs P Ricciotti
requests the pleasure of
the company of
----------------------------------
at the marriage of
her daughter ...
If the bride and groom are hosting the wedding themselves, then the wording changes to:
The pleasure of
the company of
----------------------------------
is requested at the marriage of
Francesca Ricciotti
with
David McBride
Many couples like to personalise their invitation, adding quotes or poems. Always consult with the hosts of the wedding before deciding on the wording and format of the invitation.
Replying to the invitation
Guests should reply to wedding invitations as quickly as possible so that seating and catering can be arranged. Formal invitations are answered in the third person:
Mr and Mrs. A Cornwell accept with pleasure
Mr and Mrs. Ricciotti's invitation to the marriage
of their daughter Francesca to David McBride at
St John's Church, Geelong, on Saturday 20 November
at 4.00pm and afterwards at 'Fotheringay', Mallop Street,
Geelong.
If you cannot attend, reply promptly and include a reason. If, after you've accepted an invitation, circumstances prevent you from attending, you should notify your hosts immediately by letter or telephone.
Wedding presents
Traditionally, wedding presents were intended to help the couple set up house together, and they still serve the same purpose for many couples. If the couple has been living together for some time or it is a second wedding for one or both parties, choose your present accordingly — rather than something practical, which they may already have, you might choose a luxury item or something ornamental. Many bridal couples indicate on their wedding invitation that, instead of presents, guests may contribute money via a wishing tree, which allows the purchase of a large household item, such as a home entertainment system or white goods.
For first-timers, a wedding registry is probably the most sensible way to ensure that guests do not double up and that the bride and groom do not receive a dinner service in a style they hate. Most department stores — ranging from David Jones to Target — have ready-made lists and/or a wedding registry list service available for prospective brides and grooms. If the couple has already chosen the style, colour or pattern of any element in their first home, then it helps everyone if their tastes and needs are known. Where you can be specific about brand name, colour and style then do so, but make sure there is a range of gifts to suit all pockets. It is acceptable for guests to pool their resources to buy an expensive item that they would otherwise be unable to afford; generally only one gift is given per family.
Wedding registries are also available through the internet: www.weddinglistcompany.com.au is an online service that allows couples to compile a wedding list from a range of products shown on the website. Wedding guests can order online and have the present sent directly to the couple.
If you have received an invitation to a wedding, you should send a present even if you are unable to attend. Do not take the present to the reception if you can avoid doing so, but before the wedding day send it to the bride's home, whether you are a friend of hers or of the groom's.
Presents are still frequently displayed, although doing so at the reception creates a lot of extra work. It is often easier to display them in a private home. If cheques have been sent, then only the envelopes and cards should be displayed, marked 'cheque', and not the cheques themselves or the amounts. Make sure that gift cards are firmly attached to the presents so that it is easy to identify who sent what when the time comes to send thank-you notes.
Alternatively, today many couples prefer to hold a post-wedding breakfast at the home of the bride's or groom's parents, at which the presents are opened. This is particularly convenient if there are a lot of overseas or interstate guests who you would like to spend more time with.
Who is responsible for what?
The bridesmaids
Traditionally bridesmaids were chosen from the sisters of the bride and groom, but these days close friends are frequently chosen as well. The bride chooses her bridesmaids and how many she will have — there should be an equal number of males in the bridal party. One of the bridesmaids, often the eldest sister, is chosen as the maid of honour if she is unmarried, or the matron of honour if she is married.
The maid or matron of honour organises the other bridesmaids and oversees the hundred and one tasks bridesmaids undertake to help the bride, including addressing the invitations, being on call before the wedding, arranging the bridal shower and hen's night, helping to dress the bride, and distributing the wedding cake as well as ensuring everyone has a great time at the wedding reception.
The best man, groomsmen and ushers
The best man is on call to help the groom get through the many tasks he must undertake before the wedding, including the buck's night. If the couple are going on a honeymoon, the best man can ensure that all tickets, reservations and arrangements are in order. On the wedding day he should arrive early to help the groom dress and ensure he gets to the ceremony in plenty of time. If the celebrant has not been paid in advance, the bridegroom should give the best man the fee for the marriage celebrant so that the payment can be made at the appropriate time. The groom and best man should arrive at the wedding venue fifteen minutes early and, if appropriate, wait in the vesttry. When they hear the music begin, they should take their places. The best man, who stands at the groom's right with the groomsmen alongside, keeps the wedding ring safe until the point in the ceremony when the groom needs it.
At the reception the best man reads the telegrams, proposes the toast to the bridesmaids, dances with the bride, bridesmaids and mothers of both the bride and groom. So that the couple can set out for their honeymoon with ease, the best man should also make sure their luggage is safely stowed in their going-away vehicle.
Traditionally the groomsmen were chosen from the brothers of the bride and the ushers were friends of the groom, but today the groom often chooses friends for both tasks.
Like the bridesmaids, they offer the groom any assistance before the wedding, as well as making themselves useful at the reception.
Ushers should be at the church forty-five minutes before the wedding to learn the seating arrangements. As people arrive the ushers should ask whether they are guests of the bride (in which case they are seated on the left) or of the groom (in which case they are seated on the right). The first few rows on each side are reserved for family and close friends of the couple. If the wedding is very formal, or if people are elderly or frail, the usher should escort the guests to their seats. The first aisle seat on the left-hand side is reserved for the mother of the bride, whose arrival heralds the arrival of the bride. When the bride arrives, the head usher informs the organist or person in charge of the music.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from A Guide to Australian Weddings by Rockpool Publishing. Copyright © 2006 Rockpool Publishing. Excerpted by permission of Rockpool Publishing Pty Ltd.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Cover,Title Page,
Copyright,
Engagements,
Weddings,
Reception,
Anniversaries,
Back Cover Material,