A Little Existence

by Edward Alex Smith

Overview

The story of a lifetime, A Little Existence ties both a dangerous and uncompromising story about one’s morality and what really matters. Capturing the psychological detail in today’s desolate youth and adulthood, the complex writing helps see the reality of modern life. Alex, a seventeen year old boy loses everything and becomes cold with regret. He finds himself trapped between who is he is and what he really wants to be happy. Defining the very values of life through intense narration, and tackling everything from family to friends, he digs into his new life of crime in the town with no name. The already-dying town is on its last legs, and everything comes to an end. My name is Alex, and in one year I am going to be dead.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781491722916
Publisher:	iUniverse, Incorporated
Publication date:	02/10/2014
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	268
File size:	337 KB

Read an Excerpt

Trudemption

---

By Edward Alex Smith

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Edward Alex Smith
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4697-7571-5

---

Chapter One

"An Early Ending."

(Friday Night, Midnight, September 4th)

All I can hear is the sound of my best friends suffering as quietly as they can. Two of them had been shot and the rest of us had almost been beaten to death and we were dragging each other by our collars and damp shirts. We had just barely escaped onto the train trucks. We just kept running, holding on to each other. We had been set up by someone we used to trust.

Picture this, you're walking down a street of your lovely town and you see a group of teenagers meeting up with some adults outside of a bar, a bar you've heard countless stories about. What would you think? Furthermore, they get into their cars and all drive off, but for some reason, you would know that something wasn't right. One of those kids was me. My name is Alex, and in one year, I am going to die.

"Most knowledge of much is none, for this beginning is the end, as the end is the beginning."

It was early September and I was in the worst state of my mind than I had ever been in. We were all very paranoid and worried about the events that just taken place prior, my friend William Daniel's death. The phone was ringing off the hook and everybody was sitting on the edge of their seats, because that night was supposed to be the end for everything, one last simple job and the end of this so called 'war'. We were reviewing what exactly had to be done and made sure that we had everything planned right. Ritz Sanko, sitting next to me was one of them, I always thought that was such a strange name. He was also a good friend of mine, and one hell of a drug dealer.

I couldn't remember all the people exactly. All the new faces crowding in the same small room Doug had called his new home. I didn't trust a single one of them. This was a war amongst ourselves and not some typical gang war over territory or color.

I couldn't stop observing everyone, the room was filled with smoke, the ashtrays were filled with half put out cigarettes, everybody was fidgeting with something and there was tension in the air. I remember Kenny not acting like himself either, yet nobody was.

The leader and tallest of the crowd turned and said to me, "Kid if you mess this up, we will all deny we had anything to do with you, and you'll be on your own." How assuring, a natural conversation to our so-called 'leader'.

That was Doug, and no, I did not say anything back. But right away I had a funny feeling about it, and only seconds later Chelsea had walked through the front door. She had this way about herself that everybody could see. At least she always grabbed my attention. She was small, but fierce.

She glowed with a great presence. One of the originals along with Sanko, Kenny and the others including myself from the very beginning and still was, very loyal and very beautiful. She was small for her age, but she packed a punch and her looks could fool almost anybody.

"You're late!" Doug snapped.

"I didn't get the call until I left the hospital, relax." She replied taking her coat and bag off. The hospital provided no service to her cell phone.

"You knew tonight was the big one, it better not be because of you, Alex fucks this whole thing up."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked. Wondering why I was the one to blame. The night was as young as me and I was already getting angry.

"Hey wait a second!" I yelled. "You're the one sending kids to do your fuckin' dirty work!" I had to step in and finally say something, we had all been fighting for almost a month and Doug didn't like it too much when any of us spoke above him.

He and his big bugged eyed brother gave me a real long dirty look, but there was something else to him, he was acting different. Acting and waiting on his betrayal. He was really wired and edgy about everything and I could tell he was just waiting for us to leave. Finally his look became a smile and he started laughing.

"You're hilarious kid, just last March you were all hopped up and ready to do anything I said, then I say something a little harsh to this bitch you love so much-"

"Hey!" Sanko yelled, cutting him off in mid-sentence.

"That's enough! Let's do what we came here to do, shut up and sit down."

"Always the peace keeper, eh Ritz?" He sarcastically mentioned without evening looking at him.

Nobody spoke for a second. Doug sat down and picked up a deck of cards, and to blow off some steam? He threw them all over the floor. His attitude was intended for his own perfection, in his mind anything he did would never be judged or mocked. He was so full of himself. He had always been a little odd, but tonight, he couldn't sit still to save his own life.

"Okay I'm sorry. So Chelsea, why were you at the hospital?" He said without a care in the world.

"I went to see Andrew, but they told me his visiting hours were up and I had to leave," She started to dig threw her backpack and pulled out Andrew's crowbar. "But I did find this on the way there."

She threw it on the table and I grabbed it and looked at it. That feeling I had earlier didn't get any better. My heart started pounding and I began to feel sick, and nervous for the first time in seven months.

"Well you guys ready to go?" Doug asked.

I just wanted to get it over with so I got up with Sanko, Chelsea and Kenny not saying a word and headed right for the door, Kenny stopped us and gave me a sheet of paper that was folded up with his handwriting all over it, without Doug noticing. He shook my hand and said "Don't forget about old Kenny Penfound when that book of yours gets published, eh?"

I snuck the piece of paper in my coat pocket. "I won't, but aren't you coming with us?"

"Oh, I'll be around watching you guys in case something happens. Don't worry Alex, I got your back."

"You always did, and it's good to know." By then Doug felt like he had to step in and push me and the others out the door and very bluntly said, "I'll call Mike and let him know your leaving now." While slamming the door.

"What a fucking jerk that guy!" Chelsea snapped.

"I think he's just nervous about tonight."

"Yeah well, he's has a lot of nerve yelling at me like that."

Like always, I tried to defend the wrong person and that makes me wonder what would have happened if I never met Doug, how different things would be. We all had the money, we all had the right people behind us, but with Doug as the leader everything was falling apart. It seemed like the only thing holding it together was us, just a small handful of teenagers that didn't play games, and kept our word no matter what happened.

I was already with Chelsea and Sanko, ready to go. Andrew was in the hospital and Mike he was known as the 'outside guy'. I thought it was only going to be us three, but fate stepped in with a private number phone call to my cell phone.

It was Andrew. "Hey you better not be doing that shit without me! I'm on my way!" He said. Chelsea ripped the phone out of my hand relived to hear his voice. "I found your crowbar buddy, where are you?"

"I'm on my way to the target, where are you guys?"

"Were heading the same way, can we meet you there?" She asked.

"No wait a second, did you just leave Doug's?"

"Yeah we did."

"Alright wait there! I'll be there in a few, put Alex back on."

Chelsea put her hand over the phone and turned to me, "He wants us to wait here, and he wants to talk to you." Sanko looked at Chelsea and almost started laughing, "Then give him the damn phone!"

Chelsea handed me the phone, and started arguing with Sanko in the backround. "Yeah were gonna wait for ya', aren't you supposed to be in a nice warm hospital bed anyways?"

"Fuck that shit, I ran right out of there, so they're probably looking for me, but shit I have to go, I'm on a payphone still in my hospital pants and this fuckin' nipper is looking right at me." Andrew arrogantly yelled.

I felt a little better knowing my best friend was on his way. "You sure you're up for this?"

"Damn straight I am, and I know you need my help anyways."

"Alright we'll meet you down the road from Doug's place, and keep your voice down man."

"See you there!"

When he hung up, for some reason I kept the phone by my ear and I felt even weaker than before, I had realized that what we were doing was dangerous and one of us could die.

Chelsea could see that something was wrong and asked me.

"What's the matter?" She looked concerned. Her eyes wondered into mine.

It had hit me then. It didn't matter anymore about the money, or the names we made for ourselves, it all had to end sometime, and I knew it was going to be in the same night that I realized this, how ironic.

I shook it off like a bad gut feeling, and put the phone back in my pocket.

"Nothing, but a lot has changed lately, hasn't it?" I had to ask to buy myself some confidence, but if I knew Chelsea, she was going to react the same way as me. She went quiet for a second then simply told me, "Yeah, it has." Despite her social strength, she had a heart softer than mine.

We both looked at Sanko but he didn't care, his thing was always about money. The moment ended and we stepped back into reality, ready for the worst.

Kenny's letter was still taunting me in my coat pocket, as we walked down the street to meet Andrew. I wanted to read it, but I couldn't remember anything, not even how we all met up, everything past that point was a blank page, like white fuzz.

I saw everything that happened to us in the last few weeks flash before my eyes: Willie's death, all the shooting, the money, the drugs, the tears, how much we all changed, and 'her'. It happened so fast that the next thing I remember is being dragged by Mike at dawn, the next morning. Covered in blood with the others, I started freaking out. I had walked into the darkness and blacked out.

"What the fuck happened?" When finally, we all hit the ground tired, bloody, hurt and confused.

We had run all through the night and the sun was just coming out. My favorite time of the day just became my worst and we were all banged up pretty bad, it was time to stop running. The loss of blood was our resignation.

When I hit the ground I felt a feeling of guilt spill through my back, I was in shock and I still didn't know what happened. I looked back and forth zoning in and out of conversations, dull and memorized by the moment in stillness.

"How long you think before they get here?" Sanko asked me out of breath and hardly moving.

"Who?" Still confused.

"The cops, man."

"I couldn't tell you, but soon, I would think." The second I said that, I knew we had failed, I really thought it was the end for us.

"I can hear the sirens coming, it's a scary sound if you think about it." He finished.

A brief moment fell between them and me that morning, everything had went so wrong, the cops were coming and they knew exactly who they were coming for, and why.

My memories were haunting me. I couldn't see straight and my hands were shaking, and we all just sat there, bleeding all over the walls and ground, waiting for a miracle.

"Hey, do you think we can still run?"

"Not a chance."

Andrew still had his crowbar tightened in his hands hitting his head off the dirty wall we sat against, and Mike was sitting right next to me and still tried to be tough like always, but when he tried to laugh he started spitting out blood.

"Hey, isn't this that same building?" He asked, referring to something we all knew. I looked behind myself and saw the mark I had left so many months ago, my signature tattooed onto the wall.

"Yeah, it is." I could barely say to Mike. I was so surprised to see him, but where was Kenny? How did Mike get there?

"That's kind of funny man." Mike finished, he always was a tough one, one year older than us, but when he wasn't high he made everything a contest and never liked to talk about business. We should have been more like him.

I felt guilty bringing him into all this, but felt even worse and freaked out at the fact of where we were, and how we got there. So many thoughts raced through my head at once, a cold feeling shook my hands again. "I never thought we'd end up like this guys, I'm so sorry."

"We, came into this with our eyes wide open, Alex. Its not your fault." That's all either of us could say, but this story dates back even further than just that morning, almost seven months flew by us faster than ever, and that's where the story really begins.

Chapter Two

"Too Much Coffee."

(Friday night, March 14th - 7 Months ago.)

The day I'll never forget was the day of that one party in particular., a small party that would make big changes. It was so cold out this winter that we didn't even want to walk to the nearest corner store because the winds were so bad, yet finally, the party was set up for us to just relax from school and get out of the cold for a change. It was nothing special, just a standard drunken night for all the kids that everybody in town knew about.

Sanko, Chelsea and Andrew were already there when I was on my way. I didn't have a cell phone at the time, so I had to always use a payphone to call the others. Payphones worked easier for me, I was never bothered and everybody knew it was me calling.

Tonight I was with a friend of my mom's named Nico. He was more involved with all the bikers in town and her business. He was going to give me a ride to this party but I had to call Chelsea's cell from a video store first.

When she picked up the phone all I could hear was people yelling and screaming having a good time. Everyone was drunk and so fucked up on something.

Even Sanko, along with two others, was puking and was not in the best of situations. He found himself almost unconscious. The night had escalated so quickly it was already over for some.

"What's going on over there Chelsea?" I asked.

"Sanko is done for the night, he's in the bathroom." She said laughing.

"What? No way! I'm gonna be there in a couple of minutes."

"I hope so!" She exclaimed in a certain tone.

"You're like a machine woman, so brutal and tough."

"Oh you love it rough!" She sneered back.

"Yeah I do, you know I do."

"And you're like a fucking pervert." Chelsea and I had a different sense of humor. It was like we always went for the biggest insult as a joke towards each other.

"I think you've had enough to drink, better stop or else you're going to end up like Sanko." I said.

"Okay whatever, but you got about fifteen seconds to get here." Timing me.

"I'll try." I added, "Idiot." then hung up laughing.

I got back in the truck with Nico but he didn't start it right away. "Who were you just talking to?" He asked.

"My really good friend Chelsea, she's at that party." Nico nodded his head and smiled. "What do you mean by, 'good friend' Alex?" Asking me while he played with his bushy eyebrows.

He started up the truck and pulled out of the video store parking lot, looking at me waiting for an answer, a silent laugh struck the both of us. A smirk stretched across our faces looking out our own windows.

"She's a friend, everybody busts my balls about that, though. I've heard it all."

"Is she hot?"

"Yeah she is, but dude you're like thirty-five, I don't know?"

"No! Do you think she's hot?"

"I got a girl, and were almost going on almost four years now." I was proud to talk about my girl, Kayleigh.

"Oh really? What's her name? Does she look like Chelsea?"

I started laughing but didn't answer, "Enough, man!" I thought.

"You know kid, you remind me of your father sometimes." It surprised me that Nico of all people knew my dad while I hardly even knew my own father.

"You know him?" I asked.

"Well I did, that was years and years ago. He's a good guy."

"Yeah, last time I saw my dad I could barely tie my own shoes."

"He's a good drummer too."

Everything went silent for a second as I watched the road go by. At the time, I had nothing, no money, no place to call my own and was happier with that, which I never realized until it was too late.

"How does it make you feel, like about your dad not being around?" Nico asked quietly.

"Ah, I don't like talking about it, but I'll see him again soon, then I'll answer your question."

We didn't say anything for a second again, then he pretended to cough blocking out his little giggle, then he slowed down at the house where the party was.

"He's got a good woman taking care of him still, right?"

"Who, my dad? Yeah, why?"

"I bet she looks like Chelsea."

"For fuck sakes!" I shouted opening the door.

"Hey I'm just messing with you kid! But take her easy in there will ya'?"

(Continues...)

---

Excerpted from Trudemption by Edward Alex Smith Copyright © 2012 by Edward Alex Smith. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---