Born to Be a Blessing: A Parent's Guide to Raising Christian Children

by Myrtle Felkner

Overview

Every child is born to be a blessing. Many parents experience overwhelming love when their children are born, and strive to raise their children to experience a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

This guide for parents enables them study, learn, and grow together to find answers to shared questions and concerns as they raise their children. Parents will deal with many areas of children's lives such as self-control, truth-telling, sibling rivalry, generosity, and making faithful decisions.

Perfect for small groups, each session includes Scripture, plus stories, and questions for meditation and discussion. Parents learn new tools to respond to their children in positive, Christ-like ways, and gives them the courage to face one of the most blessed jobs of all -- raising Christian children.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781426711053
Publisher:	Abingdon Press
Publication date:	08/01/2009
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
File size:	3 MB

About the Author

Myrtle Felkner is a member of First United Methodist Church in Centerville, Iowa, where she teaches an upper elementary Sunday school class. Myrtle also does seminars and workshops in Christian education around the connection, as well as serving on her district committee on Christian education. She also chairs the Commission for the Iowa Conference School for Lay Ministry, a three-year course of study for lay ministry. She has written several books and hundreds of stories and articles. Myrtle's passion is Christian education for all children.

Read an Excerpt

Born to Be a Blessing

A Parent's Guide to Raising Christian Children

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By Myrtle E. Felkner

Abingdon Press

Copyright © 2009 Abingdon Press
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4267-1105-3

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CHAPTER 1

Fall Turning Leaves

The Diplomatic Coffee Can

Bible Reading: Ephesians 6:1-4

I paused hesitantly at the door of the Klubhouse. My eleven-year-old hosts lent a hand as I climbed over the twisted limb of an old pear tree and entered their castle. Here at the tree-stump table, seated on tree-stump chairs, we enjoyed soft drinks while the boys pointed out such unique features as the upstairs recliner, the air-raid shelter, the mailbox, even a doorbell (a can of rocks—very effective). This spacious Klubhouse extended over part of an abandoned orchard, whose twisted or fallen apple and pear trees offered terrific possibilities. The boys built with salvaged tin and lumber, fashioning a retreat to warm the heart of even a grandmother.

I suppose it was the air-raid shelter, whose roof was a discarded chick brooder, that stimulated my thinking. Obviously, these fellows were living in response to world events. I gave them a flag to fly over the air-raid shelter, and I ventured the opinion that there would be mail in the mailbox before too long. In an envelope marked "Diplomatic MAIL. Open at ONCE," I enclosed the following note: "I have had word that the King of Slobovia is planning to capture your flag and occupy the Klubhouse. I am willing to negotiate the peace between the Klubhouse and Slobovia."

The kids and I had often played these games. My expectation was that I would be appointed ambassador or UN Peacemaker at the very least. To my surprise, the message that appeared in my own mailbox was a terse, "Bring 'em on." When I checked with the boys, they assured me that they had stored up an ample supply of ammunition—green peas, walnuts, and hedge apples. Any Slobs who tried to capture the flag could be easily resisted.

Enter the Diplomatic Coffee Can. Two chocolate bars accompanied an official request from the Slobs to build their own capitol at the far end of the orchard. Would chocolate bars be considered adequate rent? I placed the Diplomatic Coffee Can in their mailbox and waited an anxious week for a reply. As of now, we are still negotiating; and I am cautiously hopeful.

* * *

Imaginative games are nothing new to our children and grandchildren. We have delightful memories of sandbox castles being stormed by Sir Knight on his trusted tractor. We have turned the family room into a multicultural village. An igloo of sheets is Alaska, complete with polar bear stuffed toys; Africa is under the table, where we confine the tigers and lions; India is in the far corner, with a music box and elephants and monkeys.

Parents and other adults who play with children, structured play as well as imaginative games, will quickly discover the developmental benefits of such play for their children. Dr. Howard Gardner, author of Frames of Mind, has identified eight ways in which we gather and process information. Play, which is the work of children, reinforces these intelligences, enabling us to function and learn in a variety of ways. Children who experience learning in multiple ways grow in their self-confidence, accept and appreciate their identity, and are motivated to move on to deeper ways of learning and playing.

My grandson and I stood on a hill during our timber hike, looking over the land around us. We tried to imagine what Kyle's great-great-great-grandfather felt and thought as he stood on that hill for the first time 150 years ago. Did he see wood for a house and fences? wild berries, mushrooms? Did he spot deer at this place, possum, raccoon, pheasant, turkeys? Whatever he saw and felt, Grandfather put down roots and raised a large family. How was his life different from ours on these very same acres? We came up with a list of more than one hundred differences.

History is not the story of battles and conquerors. It is the story of humankind and how it lived, worshiped, coped, experienced the presence of God in the everyday work and play of life. Sometimes the children and I contrive elaborate board games that contain every setback we have had all week; sometimes we make secret trails through the woods; and sometimes we examine social issues through simulation. Such play connects us with the past and the future and helps us see that God is present in all of life.

The fact that we do it together adds value to our play. When parents and their children play together, the children become increasingly aware that their welfare, their safety, their interests, their hopes, and their frustrations are known and respected by the adults. Children also learn to be helpful and cooperative, partnering in this event we share. After all, it is obvious that Grandma will never learn to skateboard well without attentive supervision and help. Time spent with our children is never wasted; if time is spent in play, we add both pleasure and purpose.

Uh-oh. The Diplomatic Coffee Can is back. The boys suggest that a fair rent would be two chocolate bars and two soft drinks. In addition to orchard space, they would also grant access to the creek. I think Slobovia will go for that.

Questions for Discussion and Meditation

1. What would you need to give up, adjust, or neglect to find time to play with your children?

2. How would the benefits of family play outweigh the sacrifices?

3. How does "The Diplomatic Coffee Can" adhere to Ephesians 6:1-4?

4. When is "play" also "instruction"?

5. What are the holy points in the daily news to which your children are responding today? (Note the "bring 'em on" comment.) Do your children express opinions about current news?

6. Do you agree or disagree?

7. Where do you see God acting in history?

Sibling Rivalry

Bible Reading: Zechariah 7:8-10; e Ephesians 4:1-3

Five kittens played their kitten games in our yard. One seemed to dominate all the others, even when two of his littermates approached him stealthily from different directions. Kitten One sent them scurrying for the barn, then laid down in the sun, ears up, alert to the possibility of another challenger.

* * *

Sounds just like your kids, right?

Sibling rivalry seems a part of the human family as far back as Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, or Joseph and his brothers. Such rivalry can lead to violence, as it sometimes did in those early Bible stories.

Fortunately, there are ways in which parents can minimize rivalry between or among their children without resorting to violence themselves.

A neighbor of mine left her family more than twenty years ago with hard feelings toward her sister. Though her family knows the city where she resides, my neighbor will neither accept telephone calls nor allow her parents to see their grandchildren. This is not a unique circumstance. Almost all of us know of broken relationships that have their roots in childhood sibling rivalry. What can we do about it?

AVOID COMPARISON

"You can do better in school; your sister has all A's. I wish you would pay attention like Asta does." "You just don't have music in your bones like Jason does." "If you would keep your room as neat as Margaret's, I would feel more like taking you to the movie."

No wonder the poor child feels inferior and, in addition, would like to give his or her sibling a good swat. Think about the Jacob and Esau Bible story. Isaac admired his hunter son, the hairy and robust Esau. On the other hand, Rebekah admired the smooth and suave Jacob—perhaps because he reminded her of her brother, Laban. Do you suppose she rubbed it in that Jacob was more like her family? Whenever we compare a child to the embarrassment or disadvantage of another child, we are making a deposit for sibling rivalry, either now or in the future.

STOP PUTTING LABELS ON PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN

"You are a rotten kid. You'll never amount to anything." "I wish I had a dime for every lie you have told me." "Stand up; don't be such a slouch."

Labels are harmful and may lead to the child's belief that indeed there is something wrong or weird about himself or herself. Children may then strike back at the nearest, most vulnerable people—their siblings.

An old song urges us to "accentuate the positive." There are good and worthy things to say about any child. Do not be dishonest, but search for a characteristic or talent you can affirm. Yesterday, I saw a young man who had been a very naughty little boy. When his teenage daughter learned I had been his Sunday school teacher, her eyes widened in disbelief. "He was very creative," I assured her. "I had to work hard to keep him out of mischief." We three enjoyed a good laugh; and as they moved away, I heard him say, "See, I was too a good boy." He was to me. Creative is not the same as bad.

IDENTIFY AND CORRECT FAVORITISM

Although Joseph was probably too braggy to be a pleasant younger brother, he was himself a victim of his father's favoritism. From the beginning, Jacob loved Rachel and merely tolerated Leah, the first wife. He carried that favoritism over to his large family. Of them all, he loved Joseph best. The jealousy and anger that this generated in Jacob's family is no different from what we can expect as a result of favoritism today. (For a complete reading and understanding of this Bible story, read Genesis 29-37.)

ARTICULATE FAMILY VALUES

Be sure the guidelines are clearly articulated. "Our family doesn't use tobacco, alcohol, or drugs." "Our family eats the evening meal together." "We are musical people; and we may each choose an instrument to learn, if we wish." "No television or computer games until homework is done." Whatever the rules that express your values, be sure they are understood. Rigidity sometimes gives way to circumstances, of course, but those must be negotiated. Your children will get along better if they know exactly where you stand and what you expect of every family member. Work together, play together, worship together, and respect one another.

Enjoy one another! Have fun. Families are more likely to be bonded by spending time together. Time in recreation, time pursuing mutual goals, time worshiping and serving others is time that will be fondly remembered. Small family tiffs will be forgotten, and children will grow up emotionally healthier in families where sibling rivalry is minimized by the watchfulness and loving efforts of parents.

Questions for Discussion and Meditation

1. Review Ephesians 4:1-3. How do you maintain "the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace"? How does this apply to family life? Does peace come at any price? How does this Bible verse apply to congregational life?

2. Invite your whole family to make a list of family values. Some values you will insist upon as part of your parental responsibilities. Other values may be suggested and debated by all members. Be open to suggestions that you may not have considered. Engage your children in discussion of healthy families as opposed to dysfunctional families. Name examples of each from your Bible studies.

3. Sing together "Let There Be Peace on Earth" by Sy Miller and Jill Jackson. Talk about the meaning of each phrase. Could your family use this song as a prayer each day?

When Children Are the Reluctant Travelers

Bible Reading: Hebrews 13:1-2

My friend was aghast when I told her that my parents as tenant farmers had moved to four separate neighborhoods before I was in high school. I loved it.

"Loved it!" she exclaimed. "How could you? My folks moved every year or two, and I always felt like a transient."

I loved exploring new farms, walking in new fields and woods, claiming a new room, hiding in new attics, finding new hidden nests of eggs when the chickens were let out in the spring. What's not to love?

For many children such constant upheaval, especially in emergency situations, is very hard to handle and can result in feelings of abandonment and insecurity. The source of security and identity for me and my siblings was always the small Danish-American church to which we returned, no matter where we lived. Parents who must uproot their families due to jobs or other circumstances do not always have such a lodestar. What factors can help us give confidence, security, and pleasure to children who are "reluctant travelers"?

Moving may indeed be traumatic. We have only to think of tsunami and hurricane victims to know that. Others may begin the move happily; but like the Israelites in the wilderness, they soon tire of the changes. We can only imagine how the children felt on that long exodus from Egypt, some of whom spent a lifetime wandering in the wilderness. Eventually, the nomadic people had roomy tents, some with fine carpets, and often stayed for weeks or months until the grazing for their animals was depleted. The security of the children rested in the daylong proximity of parents and familiar relatives, tents, and animals.

Reluctant travelers today are children and youth who are uprooted from schools, social or cultural groups, houses, and neighborhoods. They must not only cope with the unfamiliar but must find ways to assimilate new experiences in positive ways.

HOW CAN WE HELP?

• Do not minimize or ignore feelings of alienation or abandonment in children, even though they may not verbalize those feelings. Accompany your children to their new school to visit with the principal and meet teachers the first day. Accompany your children to the new Sunday school, and offer help to their classes. Perhaps bringing a treat, assisting with learning activities in young children's classes, or providing transportation or support for field trips would be welcome assistance and would help your child bridge the gap between the old and the new.

• Encourage your child to make new friends. This is not easy when groups of children have been together for several years. The newcomer is not always immediately accepted. Find ways to integrate new interests in your child's life. New friends can be found through dance lessons or community sports programs. These activities do not guarantee new friends, but common interests and proximity will help.

• Explore as a family what your new city, town, or community has to offer. Introduce your children to the art center, the museum, the library, the lake, the trails for biking and hiking, the nature center, the county fair—whatever is available. As your children begin to feel familiar with their environment, their sense of belonging will grow.

• Share your own feelings. Are you missing old friends, the old job? Explain to younger children that you are making the best of it and working toward your family's future welfare. Explain clearly and kindly that everyone in the family has had to leave something behind; but that what is ahead can be very good, too. Acknowledge feelings of loneliness, but do not dwell on them.

• If you have been displaced because of disasters such as flooding or fire, reassure your children concerning their safety and point out the many people who love them and are willing to help them.

• Roleplay other situations and circumstances. What did the children do on that long desert walk with Moses? How did they feel about leaving all that was familiar in Egypt? Did the children watch as Joshua marched around Jericho? Did they play games or sing songs about their hero Joshua? When children recognize that other children have successfully negotiated their way through difficult travels or moves, they realize that they, too, can make changes that add positive value to their lives.

• Suggest that your children keep journals or write stories, songs, or jingles about their experiences. Younger children who have experienced traumatic moves sometimes can express their feelings by drawing pictures. Take turns with your child adding new figures to a very large drawing. Stick figures of people are fine. Large voluminous trees and boxlike houses or schools may recall memories, perhaps chuckles. This sharing of feelings through drawing and song relieves anxiety and promotes honest facing of memories or problems.

• Work together on the big projects. Even a five-year-old can scrub a birdbath, paint a flower trellis, bathe or feed the dog, or wash the baby's toys. Children who invest in family activities gain feelings of self-worth and value to the family unit, which are especially important during times of transition.

• Sing, play, bake, explore, play games. Invite neighbors for coffee or play time.

But through it all, of course, be aware that if your child suffers severe depression, you may need to seek family counseling. Right now the best thing parents can do for the "reluctant travelers" is to assure them always that God loves them and that you love them. Who knows what wonderful thing may happen tomorrow?

Questions for Discussion and Meditation

1. Consider the "reluctant travelers" in your church, community, or school system. How can you and your children honor the biblical mandate of love and inclusiveness to strangers? How do you choose what is wise, even safe? Plan an event that will welcome the reluctant traveler as well as teach your own children to make others comfortable.

2. Who are the newcomers in this congregation? Who is missing and has "moved on"? How can you offer support and understanding to each group?

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Born to Be a Blessing by Myrtle E. Felkner. Copyright © 2009 Abingdon Press. Excerpted by permission of Abingdon Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword,
Introduction,
Part One: Fall, Turning Leaves,
Part Two: Winter, Falling Snow,
Part Three: Spring and Summer, Greening Trees,