Bully Battles: Fight Bullies with Knowledge and Skills!

Bully Battles: Fight Bullies with Knowledge and Skills!

by Marcia Staser

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Overview

Bully Battles: Fight Bullies with Knowledge and Skills! by Marcia Staser

Okay--so you have had it with bullies, right? Battles do not need to be violent or hurtful. You can fight and stop your bullies in a peaceful way--with humor, even, after you develop the knack. BULLY BATTLES has a lot of information to make sure you start with knowledge about bullies and targets, making it much easier to win the battles if you know what and who you are battling. After all, who would try to win a war without having some well-planned strategies? Knowledge is power--for both girls and boys!

Here is a sample of what you will find in this book: (should be bulleted and indented and centered)
* Information about bullies and victims or targets
* Bully do's and don'ts
* Funny rhyming stories about bullying
* How to handle common bullying situations
* Limericks and haikus about bullying
* How-to instructions on writing poetry about your bullies

Strategizing and out-witting your bullies becomes fun and easy. Get started NOW to see how YOU can battle YOUR bullies--in a peaceful way.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781491854488
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Publication date: 02/04/2014
Pages: 112
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.27(d)

Read an Excerpt

BULLY BATTLES

Fight Bullies with Knowledge and Skills!


By Marcia Staser, Taz Patterson

AuthorHouse LLC

Copyright © 2014 Marcia Staser
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4918-5448-8



CHAPTER 1

Bully Talk


Words you need to know:


Agree

To agree with the bully is to take away his power. If you agree with the bully—by saying he can say what he wants—or respond with the truth, s/he has no reason to keep saying mean things to you.


Bully

A bully is someone who tries to take control of you by making you feel bad about yourself. It may be a girl or a boy who tries to say things to make you feel upset, cry, or become angry. Sometimes bullies try to make sure you are left out of groups or activities to make you feel bad and to show their power.


Bystander

Someone who stands nearby and watches someone get bullied and does nothing about it is a bystander. The bystander may be afraid of being bullied if something is said to help the victim, but bystanders can help the victim and themselves by showing that bullying is not a good thing. Bystanders need to stand up for what is right.


Competent

Being competent means that you have learned a skill and now use it appropriately. It takes practice to be competent.


Confident

A confident kid looks brave because he or she knows how to take control. It is what you will be if you practice the five steps to stop bullies and become competent in using the skills.


Counterattacks

If you argue with the bully or fight back with mean words, you will keep feeling bad. The bully will probably win because he has more practice with mean words. You want to use counterattacks that are not mean so you will be a winner.


Cyber Bullies

Bullies who use electronics to bully are called cyber bullies. They may be verbal, relational, or reactive. They use mean words or electronic pictures and photos to embarrass, harass, and humiliate someone through e-mailed messages, phone texting, voice messages, Facebook, and posting pictures on the Internet.


Escalate

Problems that escalate get bigger.


Formula

A formula is a practical guide about how to make or do something. You can stop being a victim by making yourself stand tall, responding with truth and humor, smiling, and walking away before the bully can talk back to you.


Reactive

Being reactive means that you are responding to something you perceive has been done to you. A reactive bully is one who is mad about the way s/he has been treated and is out for revenge.


Response

A response is an answer. When speaking to bullies a good answer makes you a winner—not a loser.


Smile

A smile is something you wear on your face. Even when you do not feel like smiling, you can put one on your face for a minute—long enough to agree and respond with truth and humor!


Target

A person who others pick on repeatedly. A targeted person can become a victim.


Taunting

Taunting includes teasing and using insults to get you upset. Bullies do it to make you get angry, yell, cry, or scream. The bully wants to make you react in an out-of-control way to show she or he has power over you. Taunting is used by the bully to make you feel bad and to look weak. It is mean.


Trigger

A trigger is something the bully says to you or about you that makes you mad. The bully may be speaking the truth or just making something up that riles you. The bully taunts you about this until you show how mad you are. If you get upset the bully will use that trigger over and over.


Resilient

If you are resilient, you are able to bounce back from insults and taunts. It means you can "go with the flow" of life's events. It is not easy to keep your cool when bullies try to make you upset.


Retaliate

Bullies who retaliate are getting back at someone for something that has been done to them. They might be mad at one person but strike out at another because they are angry. They might hit someone who says something to them, and that is an overreactive response.


Upstander

A bystander who does the right thing—stands by and up for the victim.


Victim

A victim is someone who is the target of a bully. It is a girl or boy who feels pushed around by other kids. A victim cries easily, feels upset, and gets angry. Sometimes victims suffer quietly; sometimes they scream, cry, sulk, run away, or yell.


Victimized

Being victimized can mean you let yourself be a victim. It is the act of being the victim when a bully says or does mean things to push you around, and you get upset about it instead of responding with truth and humor and getting away.


Bully Basics


• Most bullying goes unreported because kids think telling is tattling. There is a difference, and kids need to tell to get help. Tattling is to get someone in trouble; reporting hurtful behavior is good sense and an effort to get help.

• School bullying is likely to occur in hallways, in the cafeteria, on the school grounds, in restrooms, on school buses, and in other lightly supervised areas.

• Neighborhood bullying often occurs on sidewalks, near the street, to and from school, in the park, and other activities—away from adults.

• Bullying begins in elementary school, escalates, peaks in middle school,and declines in high school because kids often see that no one likes a bully.

• While bullying episodes are brief, the emotional consequences can last a lifetime.

• Popularity of bullies decreases with age.

• Bullies choose their victims for no good reason but to get someone upset.

• Accepting bullying as a normal part of growing up is not okay.


Bullies and Victims


Bullies

• want power.

• may appear to be kind and good in front of adults.

• taunt others to make them look weak.

• exclude others from activities as a way to show power.

like to have others beside them in a group as a show of power.

• threaten others to keep them from standing up for the victim.

• look confident and often feel confident.

• need supervision.

• should not be left alone with victims to "work things out."

• need to learn better leadership skills.

• need to learn nurturing skills.

• must have consequences for bad behavior.


Victims

• are often quiet, insecure and lack confidence to defend themselves.

• have few friends and are loners.

• cry and get upset easily.

• are unable to dodge conflicts with humor and do not think quickly on their feet.

• are easily aroused emotionally.

• fight back even though they lose.

• have poor eye-contact, slumped shoulders, and do not smile.

• want dignity and respect more than power.


Both Bullies and Victims

• lack a sense of responsibility, independence, and judgment.

• can be strong-willed or rule-followers.

• can be bullies and victims at the same time.

• need a stronger sense of individuality.

• need someone to help them.

• need to feel a sense of power.

• need to learn new skills.

• are often victims of rejection.


Bully Types


Girl bullies

• tend to use indirect bullying techniques.

• verbally assault and tease. ("Your hair is too long." Or, "Look at her gross dress.")

• make ethnic slurs.

• set victims up to look foolish.

• leave other girls out as a way to intimidate.

• spread rumors and lies to make victims feel left out and unwanted.

• are harder to identify than boy bullies because girls bully quietly.


Boy bullies

• look and act okay in front of parents and teachers.

• have friends, are popular, and look confident.

• often do what they are told not to do.

• like POWER.

• often see others as being out to get them.

• do not seem sorry for what they have done.

• depend on bystanders to support them.

• may have a group of followers, sometimes called henchmen or lieutenants.

• often threaten or use physical aggression—fists, kicks, and shoves to show power and to get what they want.


Physical bullies

• like action.

• are easy to identify because they hit, kick, and destroy property.

• are known by everybody.

• get worse as they get older.

• usually become adult bullies.

• are openly feared and not liked by others.


Verbal bullies

• use words, name-calling, insults, ethnic slurs, taunts, and constant teasing.

• intend to humiliate and hurt feelings by embarrassing the victim.

• are difficult to identify because they do their business quietly and out of the sight of adults.

• can be more hurtful than physical bullies because there are no visible scars, making proof difficult.


Relational bullies

• convince peers to reject or exclude people from social groups.

• intend to cut peers off from social doings.

• use verbal bullying to spread rumors, gossip, and lies.

• are often girls.

• cause devastation because a sense of belonging is what kids want most from school.


Reactive bullies

• have usually been bullies and/or victims at one time or another.

• are hard to identify because they may appear to be bullies but are really victims—perhaps at home or in the neighborhood.

• often taunt bullies and bully younger or weaker children.

• react impulsively— react quickly before thinking.

• usually react physically and in a very hurtful way

• are the most dangerous type of bully because so much anger has been stored away for a long period of time.

• often begin as victims and become bullies as they retaliate.

• claim self-defense when they fight back even though they taunt the other person in the first place.

• need help to avoid the bullies who are causing them to be reactive.


Cyber bullies

• can be verbal, relational, or reactive in the way they bully.

• use electronic media to show their power and cause pain.

• use words and/or pictures to embarrass, humiliate, scare, or harass.

• want to see someone get upset and angry.

• can be stopped by "walking away;" that is, you should not respond to the mean message and you should turn off your electronic device.

• will keep up the meanness if you return messages, but save the messages so you have proof for the authorities-school, parents, or police.

• need to be reported so it is important to tell a parent or other adult you trust.

• should be reported to school authorities if the messages are sent through school equipment and during school time.

• should be reported to the police if the messages are violating a law, such as illegal pictures or discussion of illegal activities.

• Social media messages or pictures of a harmful nature should be reported to the social media website.


Bully Do's and Don'ts


Bully Do's

Bully Do's—What Works with the Bully

• Use this formula to stop bullying in the early stages:

—Stand tall.

It is a confident look, and confident kids are rarely bullied.

—Pull your shoulders back.

This adds to your good posture and confident look. It makes you look taller.

—Agree with the bully.

If the bully is stating a truth, agree.

If the bully is not stating a truth, respond with humor.

You can also agree that the bully can, in fact, say what s/he says—it doesn't mean you agree with it.

—Smile.

The smile may be fake for a while, but practice may make it a real smile. A smile says you are not upset to the bully—taking away some of his satisfaction of making you upset because making you upset is her or his goal.

—Walk away.

Remove yourself from the scene right away. If you stick around, the bully will say more mean things—and win.

• If the bully is dangerous, get an adult to help.

• Discuss the bullying with adults when you are calm so you can give accurate information.

• Keep track of when bullying takes place, noting what took place BEFORE the bullying happened.

• Think about what the bully has done and how you responded. Share your findings with an adult.

• Sometimes parents can help each other and their kids by discussing the bullying that is taking place.

• If the bullying is taking place at school, make sure key school people (teacher, counselor, social worker, principal) know about it so they can take action to help you.

• Be a responsible bystander by becoming an upstander.

— Support the target (victim) with your words and actions. You can always walk away from the bully with the target.

— Get help from an adult immediately.

— Report any bullying you see or hear to an adult.

— Talk to other bystanders about the fact that bullying is not cool and band together to support those who are targeted.


Bully Don'ts

Bully Don'ts—What Doesn't Work

• Ignoring the bully almost never works.

Telling the bully to "STOP!" almost never works.

Screaming, crying, yelling, sulking, and withdrawing never

work.

• Saying mean things back to the bully does not work.

Hitting the bully almost never works.

Getting angry at the bully does not work.

• Having a discussion with the bully usually does not work.

• Trying to work it out with the bully without knowing good skills does not work.

• Calling the bully names will not work.

• Having one parent calling the other parent about the bullying usually does not work—unless both parents have the skills to deal with it in a nice way.

• Peer mediation is not the solution for having bullies and victims work together. There is an imbalance of power that should not be left to peer supervision only.

• These "don'ts" apply to cyber bullies, too. Responding to them only makes the bullying continue because responding lets the bully know you are upset and care about what the bully says—however ridiculous it is.

Remember: Do not confuse rude and mean single incidents with the ongoing, repeated mean behavior that makes up bullying behavior. Both are unacceptable, but bullying is an intentional hurtful way to target another person.


Bully Battle Scenes


The stories in this chapter illustrate ways to stop bullying. You will meet characters who find ways to handle bullies. You will see the following steps used over and again:

1. Stand tall.

2. Pull your shoulders back.

3. Respond with truth and humor.

4. Put a smile on your face.

5. Walk away before the bully responds.


There are opportunities for you to try your skills at writing your own poems and stories about experiences you have had with bullies. It is a little like journal-writing but, probably more fun!


BATTLING NAME-CALLERS AND TAUNTERS


Melvin's Week with the Bully

On Monday at school, Melvin felt sad.

A big boy he knew acted so bad.

"Hey, shorty," George yelled. "You're too small!"

Melvin felt scared and ready to bawl.

On Tuesday Melvin climbed on the school bus.

He waited for George to make a big fuss.

Again, George blared, "Melvin you're small."

Melvin just sat there ready to bawl.

On Wednesday Melvin told his dad

He didn't like feeling so sad.

Dad told Melvin, "Ignore George now and again.

Melvin tried, but mean George is BIG—and ten!

On Thursday George taunted, "Melvin is short."

Melvin, the brave, made a funny retort.

He amazed himself that it didn't hurt

To say something funny instead of a blurt.

On Friday Melvin realized it was easy to say,

"Hey, George, watch out, I'll get my growth spurt one day."

Later that day, Melvin was happy to say,

"Dad, I worked things out with the bully today!"

"With shoulders pulled back, I stood up straight."

"I flashed a big smile while taking no bait."


(Continues...)

Excerpted from BULLY BATTLES by Marcia Staser, Taz Patterson. Copyright © 2014 Marcia Staser. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Preface, xi,
About the Author and Illustrator, xv,
Bully Talk, 1,
Bully Basics, 7,
Bullies and Victims, 9,
Bully Types, 13,
Bully Do's and Don'ts, 23,
Bully Battle Scenes, 27,
Battling Name-Callers and Taunters, 29,
Battling Being Lonely or Scared, 45,
Battling the Cyber World, 55,
Battling Bystanders to be Upstanders, 61,
Bully Poems And How-To, 69,
Bully Limerick How-To, 75,
Bully Haiku How-To, 85,
A Few Tips for Parents, 89,
Bibliography, 93,

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