Calming Your Child: De-escalating Tantrums, Anxiety, Aggression, and Other Challenging Behaviors

by Michael Hempseed, Dame Sue Bagshaw

Overview

It's time for school, and your child refuses to put on her clothes. You can sense her anxiety and the impending tantrum. This familiar scene can make parents feel powerless, unable to calm their child's fears or the resultant negative behavior. Dame Sue Bagshaw, MD, and psychologist Michael Hempseed are here to tell you: there is hope! Tantrums and anger are common behaviors, but instead of blaming poor parenting or too much screen time, Calming Your Child looks at the root causes, including anxiety, depression, and sensory issues, other psychological factors, explaining the research and helpful techniques in a simple, accessible way. Every child is different, so this guidebook provides a variety of methods to strengthen your bond with your child and combat behavior issues, all while gaining a better understanding of the way your child sees the world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781641706704
Publisher:	Familius
Publication date:	08/16/2022
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	256
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Michael Hempseed holds an honors degree in psychology from the University of Canterbury and speaks all over New Zealand on topics such as suicide prevention, improving sleep, and trauma. His first book, Being A True Hero: Understanding and Preventing Suicide in Your Community, has been used by the New Zealand Police, New Zealand Army medics, and many more.

In 1995, Dame Sue Bagshaw, MD, established 198 Youth Health, a health center designed to care for the disadvantaged in the city of Christchurch, and in 2019, she was knighted for her services to young people. She is a senior lecturer of pediatrics at the Christchurch School of Medicine and the founder of The Collaborative Trust for Research and Training in Youth Health and Development.

Table of Contents

Get to Know the Authors

Introduction

Section 1 What Is Going On? 1

Part 1 Gaining Perspective on Children's Behavior 2

Living in Hell: The Reality of Having a Child with Behavioral Problems 3

The World Through a Child's Eyes 7

Understanding Child Development 14

The Need for Genuine Love 28

De-escalation Techniques 32

The Absence of Soothing Behaviors 39

Calming Using Touch 41

Calming Using Sight 51

Calming Using Sound 57

Calming Using Taste 61

Calming Using Smell 63

The Soothing Power of Animals 68

Conclusions for Section One 71

Section 2 What Can Cause This Behavior? 73

The Importance of Good Sleep 74

The Power of Play 91

Understanding Mental Illness 104

Understanding How Anxiety Affects the Mind and Body 114

Children and Anxiety 124

The Effects of Stress 130

Trauma: Childhood Experiences and Lifelong Effects 136

Trauma: Healing the Wounds 149

The Dangers of Exposure Therapy 158

Sensory Processing Issues 161

Neurodevelopmental Challenges: ASD, ADHD, and FASD 171

Technology: The Good and the Bad 183

Part 2 Helping Your Child 190

Finding the Right Help 191

Challenges with Many Current Approaches 202

Removing a Child from School 208

Building Connections 210

Dangerous Behaviors 218

Part 3 Mistakes and Learning 224

Mistakes and Parenting 225

If You Have Made Mistakes 227

Unhelpful Advice 230

Continual Learning 232

Part 4 Wider Family and Friends 236

The Impact on Friendships and Families 237

Acknowledging Grief 240

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren 243

Part 5 Immediate Techniques and Strategies 248

Putting It All Together 249

Final Thoughts 254

Books for Further Reference 255

Endnotes 259

About Familius 282

Editorial Reviews

"A fine book that has everything parents will need to help a distressed child."
—Patch Adams, MD, bestselling author and Nobel Peace Prize nominee

"Calming Your Child is essential reading, whether you are a parent or not. It provides solid references and strategies to deal with the challenging task of raising a child and to prepare them for life as an adult in a turbulent, fast-paced society."
— Captain Kevin Sullivan, Author of No Man's Land: The Untold Story of Automation on QF72

"Dame Sue Bagshaw and Michael Hempseed share their profound insights derived from decades of working with children with mental health challenges and behavioural problems. The authors frame an argument that the behavioural problems expressed by these children are not intentional, but the consequences of being under a state of threat. Accepting this perspective leads to an optimistic strategy of calming the nervous system that promote feelings of safety."
—Stephen Porges, PhD and author of The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation
 

Being a parent, caregiver, or someone around kids for any amount of time has its moments of exhaustion (physically and mentally), mainly because there are times when you don’t always know the right answers or actions for unforeseen situations. Kids are essentially miniature versions of adults but (usually) less capable as adults, meaning they aren’t equipped to handle their emotions or other “big” situations as appropriately as someone older. In Calming Your Child, Dr. Bagshaw, and Michael Hempseed speak from experience and research on activities to try with your child(ren) to assist them with becoming the best versions of themselves with what is available.

Calming Your Child contains five parts (two sections) explaining the various types of behaviors that might come from a child and their probable reasons. As a parent and a worker in the mental health field, the information is a beneficial reminder for me and possibly unknown to other adults. From the multiple reasons why behaviors may happen, thankfully, there are options of “coping skills” that are helpful for the larger crowd of kids, and for the few that need more customization, the ideas are at least a starting point. The information is understandable and easily relatable.—Rachel Dehning, Manhattan Book Review

From the Publisher