This book will show you who to eliminate, as well as how to select the best marriage partner for yourself; while simultaneously building a very deep, committed and rewarding relationship with God.
It is both enlightening and inspiring as you watch the hands of God shape, unveil, mature and strengthen this couple each step of the way.
Acts 10: 34 says, "God is no respecter of persons". Meaning, He does not show favoritism or is impartial to anyone. By reading this book you can come away with the same wonderful life transforming experience that this couple ultimately enjoys.
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.24(d)|
Read an Excerpt
DATING WITH THE FEAR OF GOD! ...
IDENTIFYING AND MARRYING MY MATE-GOD'S WAY!
Have you ever noticed that accepting a date never gets the same level of scrutiny as when we have given our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ? Before then, we go merrily on our way taking life as it comes without much focus on the date itself other than "Is it going to be enjoyable?" And if fate would allow, we would relive over and over, the excitement which would follow if we discovered that there actually was chemistry 'in the mix'. Why the excitement? The presence of chemistry meant that it was most definitely worth looking forward to a second date.
Until we give our lives to Christ, we go happily along, thinking we can 'do this' all by ourselves. No big deal! The worst that could happen was that the date went badly and there was no interest in having another one, and we remained optimistic that the right person would come along soon.
Dating was comfortable and uncomplicated, until the season I became a born-again Christian. Then every rule was changed! Dating suddenly had a purpose. Accepting an invitation first had to past the potential 'Spouse-O-Meter' test. This test would include the question of all questions, "Is he saved? That is born-again?" If it failed that question, then even before there was an opportunity to rule out incompatibility issues, the date would never take place.
The guideline first and foremost was always this scripture, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what does righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). This scripture was the 'king' of scriptures for me in the rules of dating!
Of course, many professing Believers would give the talk of being 'saved.' Some of them quote Biblical values fluently and convincingly. Unless their targets were grounded spiritually, many of them would fall victim to their shrewdness and would look back with the deepest regret at having accepted them into their lives. The old folks were right when they said, "The true test is this- you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?" Seeking God as a born-again Christian to discover His will for your relationship is vital. It prevents being locked in a regrettably, unhappy, and painful one going forward. Letting go of our deepest needs and desires and letting God continue to guide by the Spirit of His peace which is present in everything to which He gives His approval, should be our priority.
Yes! Life was very simple before I desired a mate. It was: go to work; have lunch where, when and with whom I wished; come home evenings after gym; turn on the television set to my favourite show or read while having my dinner; then showered and off to bed without a care in the world. Easy! No problems!
Even after I had given my life to Christ, I kept this routine. Then one day without warning, I came home and was greeted by a very strange and loud sounding 'emptiness'. Have you ever heard the expression "The silence was deafening?" Well, that's exactly how it sounded as I stood there in the doorway, still and perplexed! With my forehead creased in puzzlement, I knew something was not right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Everything was just as I had left it on my way out that morning. Yet now, something was not quite the same.
I made my way into the house, taking off my shoes, getting a drink from the refrigerator and finally shrugged off the feeling that I had experienced at the door. Feeling weary from a hectic day, I completed my regular routine and off to dreamland I went.
And that my dear friends is how my life was dramatically changed one evening; from being a perfectly contented single woman, to one having the deepest desire of fulfilling the urge for a mate to complete me. It might have been weeks or perhaps even months before that strange feeling showed itself again. This time I was eating dinner and watching my favourite show. It had come down on me like a ton of bricks. The silence had again become 'deafening' even though the television was on. Frozen from this strange and invisible sensation, I fought my brain for an answer! Then suddenly it hit me, and I knew what it was!
There should have been chatter and the clinking of glasses and knives, instead, there was just the deep and empty silence broken occasionally by my single and very lonely fork, as it touched my plate. The single glass yearning for its matching pair, as it was placed quietly on the table beside me. I was astounded! I was lonely! That was the answer! Without warning, I had become ready for the permanent sounds of forks on plates and the clinking of glasses. My home needed people. Not a person. I had come to this stunning conclusion like so many before me that I was ready for a permanent companion. I was ready for my mate. What a phenomenal revelation it had been that night.
As I sat there going over my emotions, I realized it had crept upon me without warning. This is what it felt like, I said to myself. This pang of loneliness which I was no stranger to hearing about, from both men and women who had walked its path before. A path which would create a deep yearning for companionship, connectivity and belonging to another. This path too, if not charted cautiously, eliminates loneliness but in exchange could render much regrets, broken hearts and broken dreams. Yes! I had heard about it. The emotion of emptiness was so intense that I felt driven to have it lifted. And to this, end as I remained seated at my table, I started out on my journey right there and then by informing God in a simple and soft-spoken prayer that I was ready for a mate. It was a strange feeling asking God for a mate. However, I knew that this was the answer that I needed, and it felt so right!CHAPTER 2
A COUNTERFEIT COMES
As a born-again Christian, I discovered that whenever you have arrived at the decision to say, "Father I am ready for a mate"- watch it! Counterfeits can come!
Were it not for the fact that something just did not feel right, one or two persons could have been selected as a potential mate during that season. Little did I know at that time how significant this 'feeling right' was meant to be.
I had met a very genteel, confident and physically attractive young man. He was saved, he was ambitious, and in my book, he had passed all the check marks. He even traveled with a Bible, which was always close by. But again, I felt something was not right in my spirit. This time, it was not on my end, but God's end. Each time that I would go into prayer, within minutes of praying, there would be this deep, deep prompting in my spirit, and God would say "Let him go!"
"But Father, why?" I would ask. I reasoned to myself that surely this was the voice of the enemy speaking to me, because, "It doesn't make sense! "He carries a Bible. He goes to church regularly, and even assists in the church. He talks about the word of God, and he is saved!" "Aren't these the important things as a born-again Christian that I am supposed to look for in a mate?"
Yet, over and over, like a continuous loop, the scene repeated itself. The only change was the prompting in my spirit which had gotten stronger and stronger. In fact, it had become so clear and so strong, that as soon as I would get on my knees, and even before I could mutter a word, the Holy Spirit would say, which much authority, "Let him go!" This interchange went on for weeks. In the end God won!
It came to an abrupt halt when I had travelled abroad once. It was during this time apart, that the true personality of this individual came through. God allowed me to see what my future could have been, had our relationship continued. In fact, by the time I had returned home, he had already left me! Wow, how it had hurt! I was both confused and rejected. And worst of all, like most people, you would want to be the one to initiate the leaving. Not the one to be left! He hadn't waited for me to leave him! He had left me! What a slap in the face!
To relieve the prospect of weeks or perhaps even months of emotional pain, (I must admit there was some pride there as well) I even tried bargaining with God. "Father, if you would let me have this relationship", I negotiated, "Then I will never leave you!" And so on, and so on, I went.
Looking back now at the immature Christian state that I was in, I wince at how foolish I must have appeared to God. He knew my future and my life down to the exact number of strands of hair on my head; yet there I was, bargaining with Him for a person he had told me months before, to let go! Thank God He looks beyond our flaws and sees our needs. For that I am eternally grateful.
I believe that one of the hardest things in the world, is to convince an immature born-again Christian that God is indeed in control of everything; relax! Despite how messy things may look, he does work all things together for our good. I was a prime example.
As the days progressed, I was frequently on my knees lamenting to God about how badly I was feeling. One day, almost immediately after my knees had hit the carpet, and even before I could open my mouth, He said loudly and clearly, "How many times did I tell you to let him go?" I was shocked at the absolute authority in which God had spoken. Yet even then, I had hoped that He would have still change His mind.CHAPTER 3
THINGS I NEEDED TO KNOW
Over the months it had taken to emotionally stabilize myself, God taught me many things about dating and selecting a mate, but 'His way'! One of these teaching moments, as I mentioned earlier, was the fact that Satan will try and bring counterfeits to His children. Only God knows the heart of a man; just because the person says that they are a born-again Christian doesn't mean that they are committed to their walk with God. And just because they attend church, does not mean that their heart is transformed and truly with God! God needs to reveal the heart inside of the man and this requires time and prayers.
Are they deeply sincere and sold out to the things of God? Or are they simply walking around the periphery of His Word? Are you unequally yoked? Amos 3:3 says, "How can two walk together, unless they agree?" Which means, can you both live in peace together with differing beliefs and understanding of the things of God?
Perhaps you believe in all the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and that they all exist for us today. On the other hand, your future spouse feels that you are being a fanatic because you believe and pray in tongues. They also feel that you have been deceived, because they believe that the gifts of the Holy Spirit no longer exist and died with the Apostles.
Would you have to hide when you are faced with an issue which requires a decision, but you feel led to pray about it first? Or perhaps, you are uncomfortable in asking them to join you in a prayer of agreement on an issue. They do not understand what this 'agreement' is, nor do they have the faith to stand on it; nor do they even see the need for praying about it anyway!
"Why can't you make the decision right now?" You are asked. Will you cave in? Despite feeling the need to pray about it first? Or will you have to find someone else to come into agreement with you; on one of the greatest promises available to a born-again Christian? In some things, you can agree to disagree with minimal impact. On others, agreement is vital to the health of the relationship.
God also taught me on the principle of giving and how it can negatively impact a marriage. "Give and it shall be given unto you, a full measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, shall man give unto your bosom" (Luke 6: 38). I learned that giving was a primary method for the unleashing of His blessings on every level in the life of the Believer.
What would be the outcome when you believe in giving or tithing, and they on the other hand feel that you are being manipulated, and is squandering 'their' money?
A future in this relationship is a recipe already laced with conflict and emotional turmoil. God showed me that many Christians, deeply in love with each other, have had their lives shattered in pain because they were unequally yoked. Even if they did stay together, and tried to keep their relationship alive, these issues may get buried, but never completely go away. It remains an eternal thorn in the flesh!
As born-again Christians, our intimate relationships, even when we truly love God, becomes one of the biggest areas where we can compromise our spiritual values and our beliefs. And nowhere is this more prevalent than in a dating relationship. Why? Because the emotion called love can be both so beautiful, and yet so painful.
For those experiencing the beautiful feeling of love, it is an emotion that promotes a desire for the feeling to never end. Holding on to the hope of keeping this emotion alive becomes the driving factor. It reduces wise persons to compromise deeply rooted beliefs; but on the opposite side of this lives pain. Everyone wants to avoid this deeply debilitating feeling. Compromising values to avoid this emotion becomes the overriding factor.
Many Christians know when they are compromising but hope their time of prayers will bring about a positive change, to an already unacceptable situation. God wanted me to know these things, and to understand that in the dating experience it was imperative that He remains center stage.CHAPTER 4
DELIGHTING MYSELF IN THE LORD
As the weeks passed, I had finally given in, and had humbled myself toward Father God. I learned to seek Him just because I wanted more of Him, not because I wanted more from Him. I learned what it meant to "delight myself in the Lord", because as the weeks turned into months, I realized how happy I had become. Loneliness no longer existed. And, in fact, I yearned for the quiet times of my home because I could not wait for me to be alone with Him.
I ate with God. I walked with Him. I went to sleep with His word beside me. In the middle of the night when I woke up, I opened my Bible to read and pray with Him. I went to every service my church held each week, and even attended services outside of my church, and yet I hungered for more of Him.
Sometimes I would sleep with the television on stations that brought the word of God all night. I found it soothing to my spirit when I woke up during the night. I built a collection of praise and worship music and I would saturate my home with the sweet melodies; especially on weekends when I was not at work and might be tempted to feel lonely. I was on a spiritual high and it felt wonderful!
My spiritual life had soared to such a level that one morning I remember coming awake to the sound of someone singing beautifully in bed with me. They were singing, a song of praise to God which was clear and melodious. I was puzzled, because I knew I should have been alone. I was not afraid, because the singing drowned out every ounce of fear. It was soothing and so sweet. From the depths of my sleep I wondered who could be singing? As I slowly came awake, I realized that the singing was coming from me. My spirit was jubilant and full of God, singing praises as I slept.
This was the time I first became aware, that my spirit could sing while my body still slept. I laid there basking in the glory of His presence, telling myself that this was a feeling that I did not, and must not ever lose!
God had removed the pain and had filled me with a peace and exhilaration I never dreamt existed. I realized and came to accept, that He had allowed the experience of my past relationship to take place. Yet, like a toddler punished by its mother, I had gone running back to God; into the very arms that had allowed my pain, to seek my deepest comfort.
The more I had sought God to relieve my pain, the more I had fallen in love with Him; until one day, I realized, I had gone to such a deep level in Him, that the pain had been exchanged for His love; and the pain had been worth it!
It was also during this time of brokenness that God taught me through His word, the importance of understanding scriptures. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and its righteousness, then everything else" (such as having a mate) "will be added" (Matthew 6:33). He had become my best friend, and He was all I wanted.
As the days transformed to weeks and then to months, I was totally happy again, without a care in the world. It was me and God, in every available waking moment and I grew in Spiritual things in leaps and in bounds.(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Dating with The Fear of God!"
Copyright © 2018 Rosnell Simmons.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Dating With The Fear Of God! ... Identifying And Marrying My Mate-God's Way!,
A Counterfeit Comes, 6,
Things I Needed to Know, 9,
Delighting Myself in The Lord, 13,
The Feeling Returns, 16,
The Meeting, 22,
Out And About, 31,
The Air Show, 35,
I Found Him ... It Is Him!, 40,
Back Home, 42,
Are You Sure He Is The One?, 45,
One More Time God-Are You Sure You Want Me To Hold On?, 50,
A Drastic Test, 57,
A Sobering Experience, 61,
A Stunning Realization, 64,
He Commits ... Finally!, 67,
How Did You Get That Again?, 77,
It's Finally Here!, 79,
Lessons from My Journey, 82,
'Mr. Nice Guy's Story, 93,
My Story!, 94,
My Mate ... God's Choice!!!, 100,
About the Author?, 103,