Read an Excerpt
Do You Live on Purpose?
A Curriculum for Living
By Sanford McMurray Balboa Press
Copyright © 2013 Sanford McMurray
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-7475-2
CHAPTER 1
What Have You Learned from Your Yesterdays?
Each day is introduced to us for learning and growing, yet most people go through their day constantly blaming others or complaining about situations and circumstances. Others may have a great time yet don't have a clue what they actually did throughout the day. Some people go through their days with a detailed plan for how it should work out but are so intent on that plan that they forget to balance it against one of the greatest gifts in this life: their relationships with others. It's vital that you bring each day forward from yesterday, having reflected on it. This practice provides you with a perspective of what is truly important to you as an individual, humbling you to share your gifts and life with others.
I was once asked what my biggest fear was. When this question was first posed to me, I couldn't think of anything, and eventually I arrived at one of the great universal fears: being financially poor. Then I really reflected on my response. As little money as my family had when I was growing up, we always had food and clothing, and sometimes a warm place to stay. More importantly, my two sisters and I always had lots of people who loved and encouraged us and let us know that we were capable of anything we truly set our hearts and souls to. To me, we had each other, and therefore we had riches beyond belief. I soon realized that being financially poor wasn't actually my biggest fear.
Returning to the question, I found that I had to delve further into my fears, aspirations, and my deep, hidden desires in order to discover the answer. It has become my belief that examining the combination of these areas allows you to really know yourself. I realized that if I refuse to share my God-given gifts with those around me; if I do not discover my unique ways to give and to love; and if I am unable to help others understand that they are so vitally important to the idea of Earth School, I would not be learning from my yesterdays. This, combined with being unable to share my hard-won gifts and knowledge with others, is perhaps my biggest fear.
I have discovered that by not examining what I have gained from my yesterday, I am not fit to face my tomorrow—and all my new tomorrows. You are here to examine, to give, to see with your soul, and to learn from each moment of every day. So at the beginning of each day, ask yourself the question, What did I learn from my yesterday? If you can't remember, then simply start with today.
By following the rule of being awake to all the experiences of each day and reflecting on what you may learn from them, you start each day as a renewed person—moving toward being a little more whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.
Reflection: What Have You Learned from Your Yesterday?
Begin with the areas of life most individuals use as a guide to measure their success.
• Work/business/study
• Family
• Friends/social life
• Intimate relationships (including outside your immediate family)
• Physical (exercise and fitness, health, and well-being)
• Mental (reading, writing, meditation, reflection, alone time)
• Spiritual (your basic values and/or belief system)
Let us now use these seven areas of our lives for eight days of evaluation and growth.
Eight Days of Personal Reflection, Evaluation, and Growth
1) Which of the above seven areas in your life do you consider the most important? Why?
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2) How can you use what you are learning from each yesterday during these eight days to enhance your todays?
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3) How can you use the most important areas of your life to enhance your passion for life?
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4) How can you use the most important areas of your life to enhance the people around you?
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5) During the eight-day reflection period, list all the ways you have enhanced the people around you.
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The Interpersonal Balance Sheet: The Issue of Entitlement
It is not the why you should be concerned about. Why is part of your journey and you will never learn from it, only from the why not. Why is like the past tense: over, changeless; whereas why not is endless and continuous: leads to new possibilities. You do not possess the power to act on why, but you do posses the power to act on why not. Reflect on the moments that have passed, but do not brood and stay lost among them. Continue to be inspired by your life's choices. There is richness in what has happened, is happening, and must happen to you. Do not fight or resist the changes that naturally lead you from adventure to adventure.
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What do you owe others?
What do you owe me?
What do I owe you?
The answer to both these questions is nothing! Humans are often under the impression in life that they must act a specific way, when in actuality they decide to act that way in order to conform to the societal norm. You and I owe each other nothing, yet both of us get to decide how we act and what it is that we want to create to give to each other. This is the same all over the world, for every individual. There may be rules, etiquette, cultural beliefs, and so on, yet humans create all these concepts. If humans are capable of creating concepts such as these, then they are capable of creating anything. Therefore, you, as a member of the human race, are more than capable of creating the gifts you want to give to others. Only you possess the ability to decide if you are open to learning or are simply focused on yourself in situations when you're being called to help your family, your friends, your team, or your group. Your path will never lead you to people and situations that will simply let you pass without challenge or conflict. When you're on your journey, which is every day, you must learn to make decisions without the weight of your pride, ego, wrath, or jealousy. However, this is extremely hard in a culture constantly focusing on entitlement.
Entitlement is a human concept and can be seen either as something physical, such as a paycheck or reward of some sort, or as something you expect or demand from others, such as respect or appreciation. How often do you hear others telling you that they "deserve" happiness or a holiday? How often do you hear others saying that they "expect" to be treated respectfully by others, or that you "owe" them? How often do you hear others say that they "should have" passed their exam or test, or that others "should never" lie to them? These phrases are all phrases of entitlement. Yet how is it that you can be entitled to anything when you are not in control of the situations and circumstances that arise while you are on your journey? How is it that you can be entitled to anything when you do not get to make decisions for others? The only entitlement that you have a right to is that of hope. Hope is everlasting. No one else can provide you with it, and no one can take it away from you.
To truly know yourself is an invaluable process, and only when you truly know yourself will you be able to release the concept of entitlement. When you know that you gossip, put other people down, complain about most things, or are envious of others' gifts and talents, you are not being grateful for the people and privileges in your life. You must understand that your creator only gives you what you need right now, nothing more and nothing less. Your lessons are not going to be clear to you most of the time, yet you must begin to be grateful for each lesson in order to release fear, doubt, and envy of others. This, of course, will take time. However, the journey of learning about you is a great adventure and one that is definitely worth seeking.
CHAPTER 2
What Do You Owe Others?
It is important to be aware that most people believe that they are owed something from others. This belief of entitlement often creates the illusion that all others think in similar ways to you, understand you without exception, and feel exactly the same way you feel about certain things. This, however, is not true. Individual members of society change their mind countless times a day. The only way to truly understand what another person is thinking or feeling is if he or she speaks openly and freely without fear of being hurt, or hurting others, and without fear of being judged. This type of communication between people is rare and is a process of sharing that all individuals hope for in some way or another, yet are rarely prepared for. Most people do not wish to say anything that will cause pain to others. Most people do not want to say what they really think for fear of not being liked. All individuals have been raised with certain moral impressions, although many will try to deny it. However, this instilled idea of entitlement does not have to exist. It is important to recognize that as an individual, you possess the ability to change this belief.
You must decide every day what it is that you want to create within your life on that day. You must discover what it is that you want to give, to receive, to hold in the deepest regard, or to release into the world. Then you will enhance every part of your Earth School journey, while constantly filling up with endless hope and joy. Decide exactly what you want to create, and refuse to run from the tough moments. It is in these moments of fear or pain that our spirits seek to learn, and it is only in these moments that our potential for learning is ignited through our own vulnerability. When confronted with your own vulnerability, you are faced with two options: to run away from it or to step up and challenge it. You are always presented with these two options, yet there are many people who do not recognize this, focusing instead on the fear and pain of being pushed to the wall or even hitting rock-bottom. In that moment, running away or avoiding the issue is the easiest option. Stepping up is when learning begins.
You owe your family, friends, team, coworkers, husband, wife, and others nothing, and they, in return, owe you nothing. Stop holding people to the truth you will not tell yourself. Stop asking people to trust you when you do not trust yourself. Stop telling others they've let you down when you let yourself down every day. Stop holding others in a prison of entitlement when you aren't entitled to anything. They owe you nothing. Seek hope, if it is an entitlement you want. Hope that all will be exactly the way it needs to be, and hope that you are able to create some wonderful moments of joy, forgiveness, and happiness in order to truly begin your journey of living on purpose.
Your Eight Days of Personal Reflection, Evaluation, and Growth
Reflection 1
1) Who do you believe owes you money, time, respect, and so on? Why?
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2) What have you said you were going to do that you haven't done? Why not?
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3) Where do you believe that you would be today if you had followed through with some of the things you said you would do?
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4) Why do you do things for others? When you do things for others, do you usually want something back in return? If so, what is your reaction when don't receive what you think you should from that person?
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5) How can you release the idea or belief that others owe you and that you are entitled to something?
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6) By using your gifts and your time, how can you create more love and acceptance for the people in your life while still ensuring you have time for yourself?
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CHAPTER 3
Why Have You Chosen Your Teachers?
Humans are creatures of learning, constantly enhancing and improving their vault of knowledge. As we continue on life's journey, each and every person you come across will in some way become one of your teachers, and whether you want to or not, you will always learn something from these people.
When I speak/coach, I want to ensure that I am doing it from a perspective of counsel, not from a perspective of advice. What is the difference, you may ask. Advice is simply telling someone what he or she should or shouldn't do, often with the underlying message that there is only one way to do it. However, to counsel someone is to listen and gain a sense of understanding from what he or she is saying, while at the same time letting that person know that I will not say only what I think he or she needs to hear. Instead, I will offer to people what wisdom has shown me and allow them to build from there (or not), allow them to decide for themselves whether they want to use or disregard this wisdom (understanding) or my outlook (point of view).
Constantly keep in mind that there are many who do not yet know themselves but will appear to be able to tell you your life's purpose. How is it that they have all the answers for you yet are filled with fear and doubt about their own lives? Only those who truly know themselves will be able to provide you with unclouded understanding and support. Gather people in your life—role models, mentors, and avatars—who will assist in guiding and counseling you, while opening you up to the limitless possibilities of your own power. These people may come to you in many forms, including authors and people you listen to on television, on the radio, or in person.
Constantly reflect on the wisdom and guidance provided to you by your role models and mentors, and continue to reflect on the lessons you have learned from them. Without this reflection you will not be learning from your yesterdays. My counsel to you is the same counsel I give myself. It is an everyday journey to learn to stay open to opinions, questions, judgments, and envy without turning to your ego-driven safety zones of defense, becoming upset, belittling others, or gossiping. You always have the choice between the two. If you know why you have chosen to invite someone into your life, then you will better understand what you have learned. It will become clearer to you how to continue to stay open without judgment or argument or becoming defensive to the people who appear within your circle of life. It will take time for you to learn to step outside your current behaviors. It will seem as if you are being attacked and trodden on at every turn, and for a while, every word that you will utter will be a defensive one. However, this is simply your ego wanting to complain, to avoid embarrassment, and to appear strong when engaging in topics, even when they are not of concern or interest. Seek reflection and counsel to move outside attacking, belittling, or resenting others. Seek those in your life who are going to enable you to step out of your ego-driven safety zones and into a life filled with purpose.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Do You Live on Purpose? by Sanford McMurray. Copyright © 2013 Sanford McMurray. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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