Empty Shoes by the Door: Living After My Son's Suicide, a Memoir

by Judi Merriam

Overview

On the afternoon of December 23, 2011, Judi Merriam’s eighteen-year-old son, Jenson, took his own life—an act that blindsided everyone who knew him—changing her life and those of her family forever.

This is the story of Jenson’s life and death—and of Judi’s path to surviving without the physical presence of the kind, intelligent, and endlessly creative young man she never imagined she would outlive.

The suicide of a loved one can be devastating for those left behind and bring deep despair and seemingly endless grief. Judi was forced to confront profound feelings of loss and guilt and a future so very different from what she thought it would be. In this honest and soul-searching memoir, Judi reflects with grace and courage on the fragile and amazing, terrifying and broken, and glorious and painful experience of living life after an unfathomable loss.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940165813467
Publisher:	Judi Merriam
Publication date:	05/16/2022
Sold by:	Smashwords
Format:	eBook
File size:	3 MB

About the Author

Judi Merriam loves her roles as wife, mother, singer, actor, director, speaker, and writer. When these vocations allow her free time, she can be found hiking, swimming, sewing, reading, or watching British murder mysteries. Her favorite people on earth are her husband, Brian, and her two living children, Tyler and Kalina. Judi makes her home in the historic Mohawk River Valley located between her beloved Adirondack Mountains and New York City. She sings and speaks at various churches and community organizations throughout Upstate New York and has played an extensive number of leading roles, as well as directed, for musical theater companies across the same area. Judi is continuously grateful for the sustaining grace of God as she walks through the messiness of life in this broken world. It is her heart’s desire to shine a light of hope into the lives of those who grieve, especially parents who have lost children to suicide.

Editorial Reviews

"Judi Merriam's book . . . is personal, powerful, painful, yet at times surprisingly practical. It will take you into a 'valley' where few willingly want to go. Today, editorial writers proclaim suicide to be a growing national tragedy, even as clergy understand it as a tightly-held family secret. Do those left behind ever get over it? No. But many get through it with the help of families, friends, faith and gut-wrenchingly honest companions like Judi."

-William A Ritter, United Methodist pastor, former visiting professor of preaching, Duke Divinity School, author of Take the Dimness of My Soul Away: Healing After a Loved One's Suicide and Nudging the Heart: I Meant What I Said from the Pulpit

"Judi has done a masterful job in writing of the life and suicidal death of her precious son Jenson. Her very frank, detailed, and unvarnished account opens a window on her deep loss, grieving, and continuing love for her Jenson. She teaches us how to minister to those who experience such a deep loss with careful love and understanding. I could not put this book down. It has changed how I will minister to those in great loss. Throughout this account, Judi's deep, abiding faith and hope in Christ shine through. Thank you, Judi, for this book."

-Perry Jones, executive director, Capital City Rescue Mission

"Superbly crafted, and overflowing with exceptional tenacity, tenderness, and an honesty that is beautiful to witness, Empty Shoes By the Door is an essential handbook-a modern-day Pilgrim's Progress. It is both a powerful affirmation, and a sincere call to arms for anyone called to withstand the waves, endure the flames, and simply keep walking, through the darkest times life can hurl our way. It is a stunning example of how to go on, without those we love the most. It is also a magnificent testimony to the indestructible power of maternal love which, even in the agony of deepest loss, remains constant, uncompromised, and unbroken."

-Maria Riccio Bryce, composer of "Hearts of Fire," lyricist, pianist, director

"Although focused on the suicidal death of her beloved son, this book is of great value for all who strive to show compassion in a sensitive manner and those who are called upon to comfort grieving hearts. No two recipients of compassion and comfort are identical, and we should strive, guided by the Spirit, to recognize the uniqueness of each situation. As we err on the side of sensitivity, we will minister more effectively for the long term. I appreciate Judi's courage and honesty as she shares Jenson's, Brian's, and her story."

-David Treadwell, executive director emeritus, Central Union Mission, Washington, DC

"In Empty Shoes By the Door Judi Merriam courageously shares the tragic story of her precious son's completely unexpected suicide and the sometimes-helpful but often worse-than-unhelpful ways people with the best of intentions responded to Judi's grieving family . . . Empty Shoes By the Door is a precious gift."

-Greg Boyd, senior pastor, Woodland Hills Church, Maplewood, Minnesota; author of Is God to Blame? and Letters from a Skeptic

"A powerful quote from CS Lewis says, 'We read to know we are not alone.' This is the gift at the heart of this book-to those shattered by the loss of a child to suicide, they will find themselves less alone, because someone who has walked this searing road has had the courage to share their story and their honest, broken heart. And in so doing, allowed us to see how offering one's crushed, broken heart to the world is part of the path back to life."

-Joan Horgan, director of spiritual life at the College of Saint Rose, Albany, New York

From the Publisher