Every Reason to Leave: And Why We Chose to Stay Together

by Vicki Rose, Dana Wilkerson (Contribution by)

Overview

Every Reason to Leave is a personal and detailed story of one couple’s unbelieavable marital journey.

After almost ten years of marriage, Vicki Rose found herself the single mother of two young children, separated from her husband, Bill, a part owner of the New York Yankees addicted to cocaine, women, and work. Both Jewish, Vicki and Bill each came to know Jesus Christ during their 5-year separation, and amazing reconciliation and renewal soon took place. You wouldn't believe what they're marriage looks like now.

This story is an example of what God can do to restore a broken—and seemingly irreparable—marriage.

If you’re in the black hole of marital despair, thinking about divorce, and wondering if it’s worth the effort to stay married, this book is for you.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780802484734
Publisher:	Moody Publishers
Publication date:	07/28/2014
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	192
File size:	3 MB

About the Author

VICKI ROSE is a strong Bible teacher with a relevant, life-changing message. She was born and raised in New York City and upon graduating from Sarah Lawrence College in 1975, Vicki began her retail career at Saks Fifth Ave and went on to marry Bill Rose in 1977.After almost 10 years of marriage, Vicki found herself the single mother of a 1 ½ and 4 year old, separated from her husband who was addicted to cocaine, woman and work. 1 ½ years later, Vicki accepted Christ through an outreach dinner at age 35 and became a passionate follower of Jesus Christ with a deep hunger for His word. As Vicki began to pray for her husband to also know Christ, her heart toward him changed and they were reconciled after he accepted Christ, entered rehab and they spent time in counseling. They had been separated for 5 ½ years. Both Vicki and Bill are Jewish believers though neither was raised in a religious Jewish home. Vicki has taught, facilitated and led many Bible Studies for women in her church as well as acted as Prayer Coordinator for the Women’s Ministry and has taught and shared her testimony all across the U.S. as well as in Nicaragua, Poland, Russia, Bulgaria and Italy.

DANA WILKERSON (B.S., William Jewell College; M.Div., Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is a freelance editor and writer with two New York Times Best Sellers to her name. She is co-author of Every Reason to Leave: And Why We Chose to Stay Together and Transforming for a Purpose: Fulfilling God's Mission as Daughters of the King and editor of a number of books including From One Ministry Wife to Another, Transforming Together, and Start Your Family. Dana lives in Franklin, Tennessee.
VICKI ROSE is a strong Bible teacher with a relevant, life-changing message. She was born and raised in New York City and upon graduating from Sarah Lawrence College in 1975, Vicki began her retail career at Saks Fifth Ave and went on to marry Bill Rose in 1977.After almost 10 years of marriage, Vicki found herself the single mother of a 1 ½ and 4 year old, separated from her husband who was addicted to cocaine, woman and work. 1 ½ years later, Vicki accepted Christ through an outreach dinner at age 35 and became a passionate follower of Jesus Christ with a deep hunger for His word. As Vicki began to pray for her husband to also know Christ, her heart toward him changed and they were reconciled after he accepted Christ, entered rehab and they spent time in counseling. They had been separated for 5 ½ years. Both Vicki and Bill are Jewish believers though neither was raised in a religious Jewish home. Vicki has taught, facilitated and led many Bible Studies for women in her church as well as acted as Prayer Coordinator for the Women's Ministry and has taught and shared her testimony all across the U.S. as well as in Nicaragua, Poland, Russia, Bulgaria and Italy.
DANA WILKERSON (B.S., William Jewell College; M.Div., Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is a freelance writer and editor. Previously she served as an Executive Assistant and an Editorial Assistant for two different companies. She is co-author of Transforming for a Purpose: Fulfilling God's Mission as Daughters of the King and editor of a number of books including From One Ministry Wife to Another, Transforming Together, and Start Your Family. Dana lives in Brentwood, Missouri.

Read an Excerpt

Every Reason to Leave

& Why We Chose to Stay Together

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By Vicki Rose, Dana Wilkerson, Lydia Brownback

Moody Publishers

Copyright © 2014 Vicki Rose
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8024-8473-4

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CHAPTER 1

IN THE BEGINNING

When my husband and I do speaking engagements together, we like to do this little routine:

Vicki: I like to get up early, around 5:30 or 6:00. I love the morning.

Billy: I hate early.

Vicki: I like ballet, and I love the theater.

Billy: I could watch ESPN all day and be perfectly happy.

Vicki: I like the house quiet. If it were up to me, we would not have a TV.

Billy: With nine TVs in our new apartment, a pitch, a pass, a putt, or a punt is not missed.

Vicki: I know that traffic lights are given by God to bring order to my life.

Billy: In New York City, traffic lights are a suggestion only, and I believe they're a tool of Satan to disrupt my whole day's plans.

Vicki: I love to plan in advance.

Billy: I don't understand that. Why would you want to plan in advance when you know the best offer is going to come along at the last minute?

Vicki: At the end of the day I really like to talk about everything we've gone through, every situation we've faced.

Billy: Why do women find it necessary to talk about the stuff that you just lived through all day? It makes absolutely no sense at all.

Billy and I are opposites in so many ways that you might wonder how we ever ended up together and are still married nearly forty years after taking our vows. Throughout this book you'll get to read a lot about how we've managed to stay married. But in order to fully understand our story, it's important that you know where we came from and how we ended up together.

YOUNG BILLY ROSE

William Stuart Rose was born on July 2, 1952, and grew up in a Jewish family in Manhattan. However, Judaism was never a big factor in Billy's childhood. In fact, he went to Trinity School—a private school in New York City—where he attended Christian chapel every day. Billy remembers going to temple as a child only on some of the High Holy Days. The problem was, the High Holy Days occurred during the World Series (which took place in September back then). His mom wouldn't let him miss school to watch his beloved Yankees play in the World Series unless he went to temple first. So to temple he went and then headed off to baseball's temple: Yankee Stadium. Billy remembers watching Mickey Mantle hit a home run to win that game, though the Yankees ended up losing the series.

Billy had a terrific childhood. His parents were his two closest friends and were very dear to his heart. His dad was fifty-six when Billy was born, and he was twenty-five years older than Billy's mom. Nevertheless, Billy and his dad would play ball together all the time—Wiffle ball, that is. They would play in the hallway of their New York City apartment, with Billy's mom yelling at them as antiques crashed to the floor.

Billy dreamed of playing professional baseball, so he worked hard at his game. He taught himself to bat left-handed, and he consistently hit over .400 after he became a switch-hitter. After his sophomore year of high school, he transferred to a prep school in Connecticut, where he was captain of the baseball team. During his junior year he had verbal offers from two major league teams—the Cleveland Indians and the Boston Red Sox. He was disappointed that the Yankees weren't showing interest, but any interest was good. Both teams told him if he played as well during his senior year as he had during his junior year, they would come back and sign him. Billy was also offered a full scholarship to play baseball at Arizona State University. Unfortunately, during his senior year of high school, Billy had a career-ending knee injury and was never able to play either college or professional baseball.

Since collegiate baseball was no longer an option, Billy headed off to Franklin and Marshall College in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Never one to do much in the way of academics, Billy likes to joke, "College would have been perfect if it weren't for the classes." He changed majors three times before he found one he liked that didn't include any math. He finally settled on political science. Billy and two friends pledged a fraternity, but after their rush experience, they decided to depledge. They convinced their parents to rent them an apartment, which is common now but wasn't in the early seventies. Their apartment became party central, and they practically put the fraternities out of business. Billy graduated in 1974, but he didn't even stick around for the commencement ceremony. His parents weren't thrilled, but he didn't want to go back just for graduation.

Not too long after college, Billy was introduced to George Steinbrenner—then the principal owner and managing partner of the Yankees—through a mutual friend. George presented Billy with two job offers. He could manage the Yankees Class-A minor league baseball team in Fort Lauderdale or take the position of general manager of the Yankees AAA minor league team in Syracuse. He turned them both down, because although he loved baseball and the Yankees, he wasn't sure he could work for George. He was much happier being his friend.

Part of the reason Billy was easily able to turn down Mr. Steinbrenner's offers was that he had a job in the family business, Fabrics by William Rose, a premiere textile company that supplied fabric to Seventh Avenue's top dress and sportswear designers. They imported fabric from Europe and sold it to higher-priced dress designers such as Anne Klein, Calvin Klein, and Oscar de la Renta. However, Billy did become involved in the baseball business in 1976 when he and his dad purchased a minority stake in the Yankees, which we still hold today.

MY TURBULENT CHILDHOOD

I, Victoria Ellen Gage, was born on January 3, 1953, also to Jewish parents in Manhattan. My father was a hardworking stockbroker with little patience for those who didn't work hard. My mother was a full-time, stay-at-home mom as well as a perfectionist with an unpredictable temper. Both of my parents were highly critical.

My older sister, Heidi, and I are four years apart, and though we are the best of friends now and extremely close, we fought bitterly when we were growing up. I was jealous of her beauty, her boyfriends, and her abilities, and I spent a good part of my childhood and early adulthood trying to outdo her in any way I could. We both attended the Spence School, a private school for girls in New York City. There I was known as "Heidi's little sister" and was often called by her name, which I hated. I felt like I was invisible. That experience put in me a desire to be noticed.

When I was ten, my Jewish family joined a Presbyterian church for both social and religious reasons, none of which I understood. I memorized the Twenty-third Psalm and the Apostles' Creed. I went to Sunday school and confirmation class. I was even on a radio Bible quiz show as part of Sunday school one morning. But I did not know God; I didn't have a personal relationship with Him at the time or even know what that was. I knew about God. I believed that He was up there in the sky someplace and that I was down here on earth, but that was about all we had to do with each other. As a result, there was a lot of emptiness in my heart.

All kids have a dream, and I was no exception. But instead of dreaming of becoming a teacher or a nurse or a lawyer or a mother, I dreamed of being noticed, of being rich and famous. I would come home from school each day, and there on the front-hall table was the retail paper Women's Wear Daily. I wasn't interested in the retail part; I turned straight to the society pages. As I read those pages and checked out the glamorous people in the photos each day, I became familiar with the names and faces therein. I knew what they did, what parties they went to, what they wore, and who they hung out with. I started to desire to be one of them. I wanted to be famous. I wanted my life to be significant, and that's what I thought significance was. I bought into the belief that if you have enough money and are noticed enough, then you're happy. And even then I believed that if I couldn't provide that for myself, if I married someone who could provide it, then I would be happy.

I knew that in order to be one of those women, I needed to dress like them. But that was a problem. My mother was constantly critical of my weight and would often ground me when my weight was too high for her liking. She would also tell me I couldn't have any new clothes unless my weight was below a certain amount. This was very distressing to me, as I was not overweight. I was five feet tall and never weighed more than 115 pounds. However, Mom wanted me to be less than 102. So when I was visiting a dermatologist for a skin issue, I casually asked if he could prescribe diet pills, which he did. What I didn't realize was that the pills were habit-forming and highly addictive. I was soon hooked to the point that I needed a pill in order to function properly. But the pills did the work that they were marketed to do, and I was easily able to stay under Mom's weight limit and therefore able to buy new clothes.

As a teenager, I often felt that I didn't measure up to other teens, which was a side effect of my mother's critical spirit. I was embarrassed about how I looked and therefore felt like an outcast. I was uncomfortable around boys and didn't know how to be a good friend. I was constantly trying to fit with the "in" crowd, but I never felt that I was quite good enough for them. Many of them came from extremely wealthy families, and my parents encouraged me to be friendly with them because wealthy people were better than nonwealthy people, so they said. Since we didn't have as much money as many of my classmates, I took my parents' words to mean that I wasn't as good as the others were. This, along with my obsession with Women's Wear Daily, caused me to believe even more strongly that being wealthy and having material possessions such as fashionable clothes and beautifully decorated homes was the answer to happiness.

When I was a junior in high school, my mother was diagnosed with an inoperable type of stomach cancer. Medical and privacy laws were different then than they are today, and somehow my father was able to keep Mom, as well as Heidi and me, from finding out about the diagnosis. He wanted Mom to enjoy what time she had left without being consumed with worry and fear. After a few months Dad did tell Heidi and me, but he made us promise not to tell Mom. He wanted us to know so we'd be on our best behavior for the last months of Mom's life.

My mom died eight months later, the week before my high school graduation. Upon her death, my first reaction was fear, but I also felt liberated because she had been so critical, strict, and overbearing. When my dad handed Heidi and me a Valium on the morning of the funeral and said, "Don't cry at the funeral—let's show everyone how strong we are," I didn't have much trouble following his command. In fact, during the funeral I felt fairly disconnected and even relieved, as horrible as that may sound. Mom's illness had been all-consuming, and her temper had been terrifying. I figured it wouldn't be so bad to live without her. Even though my world had been turned upside down, I decided to follow the family pattern of pretending everything was fine, even when it wasn't.

That summer between high school and college was a whirlwind. Dad, Heidi, and I were busy all the time, but the fact that the three of us spent all summer together illustrates that we weren't as strong as we appeared. We normally didn't hang out with each other, but that summer we invited friends over nearly every night unless someone invited us out. We went to our country home every weekend and often took friends along. Dad even started seeing other women. We drank and partied all summer so we wouldn't have to think about what was missing.

That fall I headed off to Pine Manor Junior College. I loved my time there, and my most glorious memory was performing in a dance role in Brigadoon. All the people came and told me how wonderful I had been. It felt really good to be noticed like that, and the attention started to fill the empty place that was growing inside me. While there, I met my long-term boyfriend Bruce.

I transferred to Sarah Lawrence College for my final two years. Bruce and I lived together during much of that time. As an unbeliever, I didn't see anything wrong with that arrangement. And, after all, it was the early seventies. Women were liberated! We could live with whomever we wanted!

In the meantime, Dad remarried, and Bobbie, who had three children, became my stepmother. The apartment where I had grown up was too small for everyone, so Dad moved the new family to a different apartment in Manhattan, which just happened to be in the same building where Billy Rose's family lived.

CHAPTER 2

I, VICKI, TAKE THEE, BILLY

When I finished college, I went to work at Saks Fifth Avenue. I landed a job with their executive training program, hopped on the fast track, and became a buyer in two years. I thought I was really terrific. I believed that working hard and having people recognize me were making a difference in my life, just like I had dreamed as a child. I felt that people respected me for what I had accomplished, and I wanted to keep it that way. I knew if I came across as important and successful, people wouldn't see how insecure I really was inside.

As I had done for much of my life, I outwardly pretended that all was well in Vicki's world. Deep down, I knew I wasn't satisfied and that there had to be more to life than what I was experiencing. However, I didn't know exactly what was missing. And I was not about to admit to anyone not only that I didn't have it but also, frankly, that I didn't know what "it" was. So I pushed down that feeling and continued down the path I was on. I kept trying to find my purpose and fulfillment through my work and through relationships, even though they continually fell short.

A DREAM COME TRUE

A few months after my dad and stepmother had moved into their new apartment, my aunt called and said there was a "nice fellow," Bill Rose, who lived in our building and had seen me and wanted to meet me. I recognized his name because I had seen his sister's picture in the pages of Women's Wear Daily. However, I was still dating Bruce at the time, so dating Billy wasn't an option. Several months later, after I had graduated from Sarah Lawrence College and moved back to New York City and was working at Saks, Bruce and I broke up. Soon after that, in November of 1975, I called my aunt to see if that "nice fellow" in my building was still single and interested. He was.

Billy called me and asked if I'd like to go on a date that Saturday night. I was so excited that I immediately accepted instead of trying to play it cool. However, as soon as I hung up the phone, I realized I was scheduled for minor foot surgery that Saturday evening and wouldn't be able to go on the date. I called Billy back to explain the situation. I could tell he was skeptical; how many foot surgeries really happen on a Saturday evening, after all? He probably thought I was just giving him the "I have to wash my hair that night" excuse.

Questionable excuse or not, Billy agreed to call me again the following week. I later found out that he tipped each of our building's doormen ten dollars to watch and see if I came in with a cast on my foot Saturday night. You really can't blame him, can you? It was roughly the equivalent of today's generation checking up on people's excuses, whereabouts, and life events (or daily events) via social media. The doormen reported back to Billy that I did, indeed, come in with a foot cast, which put his mind at ease about my story. I was out of work for a week after the surgery, and Billy called several times to check up on me. I liked talking to him and was pleased that he seemed very kind and concerned about me.

Two weeks later we finally went on our first date. Billy took me to Le Club, an exclusive dinner and dancing establishment known for its upper-crust clientele. Though I could barely dance due to my recent surgery, we had a really nice time. The next morning I woke up wanting to call Billy and invite him over for breakfast. I decided to play it cool, though, and wait for him to call again, which he soon did. Our second date was to a New York Rangers hockey game—a first for me—and afterward we went to dinner at the 21 Club, one of New York's most expensive and elite restaurants. Since my college boyfriend had been a "starving artist," and I had taken on housecleaning jobs so we would have money for dates, I was over the moon about my dates with Billy. They were an awesome and exciting contrast to my previous dating experiences.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Every Reason to Leave by Vicki Rose, Dana Wilkerson, Lydia Brownback. Copyright © 2014 Vicki Rose. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Introduction,
1. In the Beginning,
2. I, Vicki, Take Thee, Billy,
3. And Baby Makes Three,
4. A Tough Decision,
5. On My Own,
6. New Life,
7. Wrestling with Hard Teachings,
8. Forgiveness and Provision,
9. Reunited,
10. Overcoming Expectations,
11. The Marriage Battle,
12. A Prayer Is Answered,
13. The Pains of Change,
14. A Year of Jubilee,
15. In Sickness and in Health,
16. An Issue of Respect,
17. Marriage God's Way,
18. The Journey Continues,
Afterword,
Acknowledgments,
Excerpt from Waiting For His Heart,
Study Guide,
Appendix 1: Bible Verses for Marriage,
Appendix 2: Suggested Reading List and Resources for Marriage,
Appendix 3: Celebrate Recovery's Twelve Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons,
Appendix 4: The Way to Salvation,
Notes,

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

I have never read a more compelling account of the power of God to change lives and restore marriages. In her book Every Reason to Leaveand Why We Chose to Stay Together, Vicki Rose shares her journey with integrity—the good, the bad, the horrible, the separation, the discovery, the restoration, the work, and the deep satisfaction. Walking this road with Billy and Vicki Rose has the potential of changing your life forever. I wish every couple—married or divorced—could read this book.

—Gary Chapman PhD, bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages

  

Vicki Rose is a trophy of God’s grace, as is her marriage to Bill Rose. Her story is a powerful testimony of God’s ability to redeem the most hopeless situation. In a day when so many marriages are not making it to the finish line, this is a story that needs to be heard. I believe Vicki’s life message will be a healing balm to many women in difficult marriages and will give them the courage and faith to wait on the Lord and remain faithful to Him and His calling, rather than throwing in the towel on their marriage. Above all, I trust it will stir up in every wife a desire for her marriage to better reflect the amazing redemptive story of Christ and His bride. 

—Nancy Leigh DeMoss, author, host of Revive Our Hearts radio

Searching for happiness and wholeness, Vicki Rose chased after those high society offerings that she envisioned would bring her significance and satisfaction. However, in chasing her dreams, her life turned more and more into a nightmare. The career-climbing, celebrity-connecting, and cocaine-consuming lifestyle did not fulfill her as expected. Her story in Every Reason to Leave describes setbacks and disappointments, especially in her early years of marriage to Billy Rose, partial owner of the New York Yankees. In her search to make sense of her world, Vicki—and Billy— make a discovery, one many of us have made, or should. As I read this book, I could not put it down, nor will you. Trust me, you have every reason to read Every Reason to Leave, especially if you are in a crisis in your marriage and/or in your faith. Don’t leave either, and Vicki will give you the reason.

 —Emerson Eggerichs PhD, author of Love and Respect

Staying married, growing old together, loving and caring for each other as we age and decline—this is but one area Vicki Rose touches on in Every Reason to Leave.  The joy of a thirty-seven-plus year marriage relationship that has persevered through drug addiction, infidelity, and five and a half years of separation to victory through a relationship with Jesus Christ is the subject of this testimonial work. This is a “must read” for anyone contemplating divorce!

—Don P. Hodel, former president and CEO of Focus on the Family

 

Every Reason to Leave is not for the fainthearted—because it took enormous courage and patience for Vicki Rose, its author, to say no to divorce and yes to waiting for the Lord to heal her wounded heart and her marriage. With devastating insight into how it takes two sinners to kill a marriage, but only one Savior to restore it, Vicki crafts an insightful account that will be both a beacon and a road map to the countless couples who live in quiet desperation. Without whitewashing ongoing challenges in her marriage, Vicki has written an account that will mend the hearts of "whosoever shall read."

—Barbara Ryan, attorney, speaker, pastoral caregiver

Marriage is tricky business, and how you handle the trickiness might just make or break the rest of your life. My friends Bill and Vicki have navigated their way through the challenges, proving that anyone who surrenders to the will and ways of Jesus can enjoy the mutual intimacy of a deep and abiding love. I have watched their relationship . . . it is the real deal. Many will find hope in their journey toward a fulfilling marriage because you have shared your struggles and victories with such transparency and power. Thanks, Bill and Vicki, for this compelling story!

 

—Dr. Joseph M. Stowell, president, Cornerstone University

This book is the blood, sweat and tears of a woman who has had the courage to stay married when her marriage was not a fairy tale. After thirty-seven years of marriage, including

five and a half years of separation, Vicki has written about principles that she has not only learned but also has lived. Her story is a miracle that will challenge and offer hope to any twenty-first-century wife who would consider staying married in the midst of difficult, shattering, non-fairy tale circumstances.

—Jackie Kendall, president of Power to Grow and bestselling author of Lady in Waiting

Why bother to stay married is a question we’ve asked ourselves more than once during the fifty-three years we’ve been together. Like Vicki and Billy, we found our marriage in trouble and had serious doubts about our future together. Would that we had the chance to read Vicki Rose’s honest and provocative book back then, we might have better understood God’s plan for vibrant relationships and avoided some hard lessons. It has been a joy to know how Vicki and Billy moved through the deep waters of hopelessness and despair to an island of reconciliation and confident expectations for their future together. Reading their story and the transformation that God has brought about because this couple chose to honor their marriage vows will be of great encouragement to women considering divorce; women who have all but given up on their marriages. This book is a must-read for the discouraged and disheartened!

—Norm and Bobbe Evans, founders, The Winning Ways

 For those who feel they have no hope, this book is for you. If life feels meaningless or is imploding, you will find solace and comfort in this gripping story of a NYC Jewish socialite couple who found a radical means of healing. For singles or the average couple, you will learn capacities for new depths of forgiveness toward all your friends and family. I had a front row seat for this modern day miracle. Do yourself a favor—grab this book!

—Sheila Weber, executive director, National Marriage Week USA