The psychological abuse and neglect of a child may not leave physical scars, but the emotional wounds can continue to ache for a lifetime. Author Carol T. Hummer can attest to the reality of this fact. She was the only daughter in a household of five children; by the time Carol had reached ten years old her, relationship with her mother had soured and become adversarial and emotionally abusive.
Unable to obtain her strict mother’s approval, Carol began looking for love elsewhere. She was only in high school when she and her friends began to seek attention from young men. The fact that her mother disapproved of her behavior only spurred her on.
The effects of her precarious relationship with her mother permeated significant aspects of her life, from her wedding to child rearing to her overall sense of self-worth. It was not until the peace of the Lord entered her heart that Carol was finally able to forgive her mother and begin the healing that would ensure a better life for her overall. Even so the road to that forgiveness was a hard one.
Join Carol as she recounts her life, her trials, and her triumph over the seemingly insurmountable cascade of pain caused by years of emotional battery.
The psychological abuse and neglect of a child may not leave physical scars, but the emotional wounds can continue to ache for a lifetime. Author Carol T. Hummer can attest to the reality of this fact. She was the only daughter in a household of five children; by the time Carol had reached ten years old her, relationship with her mother had soured and become adversarial and emotionally abusive.
Unable to obtain her strict mother’s approval, Carol began looking for love elsewhere. She was only in high school when she and her friends began to seek attention from young men. The fact that her mother disapproved of her behavior only spurred her on.
The effects of her precarious relationship with her mother permeated significant aspects of her life, from her wedding to child rearing to her overall sense of self-worth. It was not until the peace of the Lord entered her heart that Carol was finally able to forgive her mother and begin the healing that would ensure a better life for her overall. Even so the road to that forgiveness was a hard one.
Join Carol as she recounts her life, her trials, and her triumph over the seemingly insurmountable cascade of pain caused by years of emotional battery.
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Overview
The psychological abuse and neglect of a child may not leave physical scars, but the emotional wounds can continue to ache for a lifetime. Author Carol T. Hummer can attest to the reality of this fact. She was the only daughter in a household of five children; by the time Carol had reached ten years old her, relationship with her mother had soured and become adversarial and emotionally abusive.
Unable to obtain her strict mother’s approval, Carol began looking for love elsewhere. She was only in high school when she and her friends began to seek attention from young men. The fact that her mother disapproved of her behavior only spurred her on.
The effects of her precarious relationship with her mother permeated significant aspects of her life, from her wedding to child rearing to her overall sense of self-worth. It was not until the peace of the Lord entered her heart that Carol was finally able to forgive her mother and begin the healing that would ensure a better life for her overall. Even so the road to that forgiveness was a hard one.
Join Carol as she recounts her life, her trials, and her triumph over the seemingly insurmountable cascade of pain caused by years of emotional battery.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781475959178 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | iUniverse, Incorporated |
| Publication date: | 11/13/2012 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 82 |
| File size: | 3 MB |
Read an Excerpt
EXTREME MEASURES
By Carol T. Hummel
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Carol T. HummelAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-5916-1
Chapter One
What Is Love?
Many years ago, I was a happy-go-lucky young lady. I thought I had a good life. I had many friends who liked the same things I did. We were inseparable in many ways. We lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. Life was good.
It started when I was about ten years old. My mother wouldn't let me get away with anything. I would say she was hardheaded. She wouldn't allow me to join any activities outside the home. I wanted to join Girl Scouts at my school, and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't let me. My mother said she needed me to help her do housework. I did my chores, but I never did it to her liking. She would say, "Do it over." My mother liked nice things. She was materialistic.
My mother and father also had four sons. My brothers were all older than I was. I had a brother who was four years older, and we did a lot of things together. Bob would play soldiers with me inside our house and also outside our house. My two oldest brothers were in the Second World War. They both came home from the war and brought souvenirs home. We had a tent and invited friends over to play. Bob and I were inseparable.
We lived in West Oak Lane. My parents lived across from the national cemetery on Limekiln Pike. Bob and I used to sneak into the cemetery after dark with the other neighborhood kids to play flashlight tag. We never bothered anyone in the cemetery because they were all dead. The caretaker of the cemetery would always chase us out.
In winter, we would sled on the hill beside the cemetery. The winters in Philadelphia were harsh; the snow was very deep. We would get between twelve and twenty inches of snow every other week.
Sometimes Bob and I would roller-skate some of our friends lived on Cedar Park Avenue. We used to play roller derby in the streets and also half ball with a broomstick. Those were the good old days. There were many boys in our neighborhood. There was a fellow named Carl who lived in back of us. He had snakes for pets. I used to go over to his house to watch him feed them. Carl and I would go around the neighborhood and find food for the snakes. I guess I was a tomboy.
Since I was the only girl in my family, my mother was overprotective of me. Her friend Jenny had a daughter named Terri. Many times we would see Jenny and her daughter. My mother and her friend would go out to clean other people's houses, and Terri and I would go with them. Terri and I would bring cards and play canasta while our mothers cleaned the houses.
There were so many instances with my mother when I did things I wasn't proud of. I started being defiant toward her. We fought over whom I was going out with. When I got serious with a guy, she would say I shouldn't get too involved with him. My mother was jealous of whom I was with.
I got a job at a local five-and-ten store in the toy department. My coworkers would go out at night to get something to eat. At the deli, I met Joe. My girlfriends also met his buddy. We kidded around, we had something to eat, and Joe asked me for my telephone number.
Joe told me he was a stock-car racer. His number was 69. We joked about the number on his car. Joe took me out to a stock-car race. The first time I went to a race, I wore a white outfit. When I left, my outfit wasn't white anymore. The dust from the track was on me.
We kept on going out. I introduced him to my mother and Bob. We had a very good relationship. I really loved him. His was the first love of my life. We broke up because his car was more important than I was. I ended the relationship. I know I was too stubborn and shouldn't have ended it.
There were other guys. I had many lovers. I wouldn't define myself as a person who needed someone in my life, but the truth of the matter was I needed someone to love me.
I never got it from my mother; she was the one who put me down. Some events were so horrible that I tried to take my life. I never got the support from my mother; she never loved me. I was a burden to her.
My brothers were the apples of her eye. They were more important to her than I was. When my dad passed away and my brothers got married, my troubles began. My mother was a bitch toward me.
I grew up as a Catholic and went to St. Athanasius School, a couple of blocks from my home. There were a couple of girlfriends I hung out with. We went down to the shore or to the movies and did many of things together. We were inseparable and never got in trouble.
High school was a different matter. When my girlfriends went to Catholic school and I went to public school, our relationships changed. We lost touch with each other and met new friends through school and other activities.
High school was an adventure for me and many of my friends. My school friends lived in a different neighborhood, but we saw each other in school and out of school.
We did some crazy things, as friends do. When my friends started to drive, we would play practical jokes on unsuspecting strangers. One time, we were driving along and we decided to put a friend in the trunk with her hand sticking out of the car. Another time, we decided to drive the car with three people: one steering, one on the brake pedal, and another on the gas. We never got caught—and there wasn't traffic because we did it on a lonely road. I wouldn't recommend anyone doing any of these things.
When my mother caught me with a pack of cigarettes, she wanted me to smoke the whole pack in front of her. I did—and I didn't get sick at all. I pulled a fast one on her by not giving in to her. I had the last laugh.
I had many girlfriends; we would go to bars to meet guys. We were underage, but we had fake ID cards to get into the bars.
My friend and I went to a western bar. Rose and I met some guys and were dancing when one of the guys' girlfriends came into the bar. She saw him dancing with me and went after him. She nearly hit me. I ducked and hid under a table with Rose and crawled out to our car. We never went back to that bar. Rose and I felt fortunate that we had escaped without being harmed.
Chapter Two
Love
I needed more love in my life because I wasn't getting it from my mother. I dated and went out to bars to meet guys with my friends, but it wasn't enough to satisfy my need for love. I made plenty of mistakes about love—all for the wrong reason. There were many guys who took advantage of me. I thought I knew how they felt about me, but I was wrong.
I met my husband at a bowling alley. The guy I bowled with had broken his leg, and we needed someone who could help us out. David was bowling, and I asked him if he would help us. He joined our league for the rest of that winter. Our team would go out at night to get a snack. I got very friendly with David. He asked me out, and we started dating. We got serious with each other and dated for a year and a half before we got engaged in March 1963. His parents were very gracious toward me. We were married in September 1965. We both worked at a bank in Philadelphia.
We rented an apartment in Rockledge, Pennsylvania. After we had been married for a year, we bought our first house in Willow Grove, Pennsylvania. We raised our two children there.
I got married at twenty-five years old. My mother never approved of my husband. We were going to have a big wedding, but things changed. We were married by a justice of the peace. Mom was the one who wanted a big wedding. It would have been the social event of the year for her—not me.
I was Catholic, and my husband was Methodist. My mother thought I should at least marry in my own religion. She didn't appreciate anything that I did. I have two wonderful children who are both married. I promised myself that I would never interfere in their lives.
I had very low self-esteem because of the way my mother treated me. I had no confidence in myself. After I got married, I thought I would be a better parent than my mom had been. I saw my mother every other day. We would go shopping with my two children, have lunch, and walk around the mall. There were times when we had a good relationship, but other times we didn't.
David and I lived in Willow Grove on the corner of Fitzwatertown and Banner Road. David and I were expecting our first child on December 11.
David and I decided to visit his mom and dad on Cheltenham Avenue. We had dinner at their house. Since we had heard a storm was heading our way, we left early so we could get home before the snow came. We should have gone earlier because we got stuck in the snow with many other travelers. The snow was so high we couldn't get out until the workers dug us out. When we finally got home, we were invited to a neighbor's house.
Paul decided not to arrive until December 20, 1967. When I was induced, my husband dropped me off at Abington Hospital and went to work. I must have been in labor for a long time. When I woke, I had a little boy who weight eight pounds and eleven ounces. David and I named him Paul.
I was in the hospital for three days because I had hemorrhaged and lost five pints of blood after I gave birth. When we brought Paul home from the hospital, my mother came to help me. She was a big help. I had good moments with my mother, but we had some harsh words with each other.
Our second child was born on a Sunday, and I couldn't get anyone to babysit Paul. We finally got a hold of my brother to stay with Paul.
Our daughter's due date was March 17. We thought we had plenty of time, but she was born on March 2, 1969. I barely made it to Abington Hospital. Theresa was fast; I had her within fifteen minutes. She weighed eight pounds and six ounces.
After eight years in Willow Grove, my mother suggested we find another house. She had to move out of her house because she was having trouble with her neighbor. I wondered why she couldn't get along with other people. My mother moved in with us and lived with us for eight years. That was when the trouble began again. She was a domineering person who couldn't leave our lives alone.
The children were playing in our yard when my mother told me they were making too much noise. She wanted me to chase them and play somewhere else. I didn't agree with her. I told her to leave the house if she didn't want to hear the noise.
I informed my brothers about my problems with our mother, and they put a plan together to get her out of my house. After she moved out, it was a lot better and calmer. There was no more friction. Our family relationships were better than expected.
I had some ups and downs with my mother, but my brothers never saw how she treated me in front of family. She was always pleasant with me, never showing her true colors. When the family wasn't around, she started in on me about my appearance. My mother never said a kind word to me.
I know how girls feel about themselves. I was verbally abused as a child by my mother. It continued as I grew into a young adult and a woman. She didn't realize what she was doing to me. My mother was very hateful toward me. She was alone when she passed away in her apartment. I was sorry that she was alone, but it was a fitting end to her life.
I could not forgive her. I went on a retreat at church that changed my life forever. Christ forgave my sins, so I realized that I should forgive my mother for what she had put me through. It's sometimes difficult not to, but with the peace of the Lord in your heart, you can let go of those feelings. Just find comfort in him, and it will happen. That was the hardest thing to do. I was still angry, but my life was better off not dwelling on it.
Many years later, I went on a retreat with the women of St. Andrew's Church. In our study, we had to forgive someone in our life. We all wrote a letter about someone who had hurt us in the past. I wrote a letter to my mother about how she had treated me. I placed it in an envelope and sealed it. I was going to bury the letter at her grave site. I haven't done that yet or burned the letter. I still have the letter. What is wrong with me? Why don't I get rid of the letter? I don't know the answer to that question.
There were times when our family would go see David's parents in Berwick, Pennsylvania. My mother-in-law always had something for our children to do. During the summer, we would ride our bikes up and down the streets in Berwick. One time, our daughter couldn't get up the hill because she wasn't heavy enough to bring the bike up the hill. She tried, but the bike was too big for her.
Many times we would go see David's parents. We would go up to Knoebel's Park; my daughter still goes up to Knoebel's Park with her husband and her boys. During the winter, we would go see David's parents. My mother-in-law would take us to a golf course to sled. Since we didn't have sleds, we used trays. The children and adults had so much fun.
We also went up to Eagle's Mere to go tobogganing on the lake. Everyone went except my father-in-law; he went shopping. My son, my daughter, and four adults were sledding on the toboggan. What goes down must come up. The firemen cut frozen blocks out of the lake for the toboggan runs in upstate Pennsylvania. We would visit the grandparents in all kinds of weather.
When we moved to Warminster, my neighbor was in Girl Scouts. She had a troop and needed someone to help her. I volunteered to be her co-leader in brownies. My daughter joined the troop. The troop went on trips and earned badges. I also was working with the police department as a crossing guard. After my shift, I would join the girls after school to plan our days.
My neighbor didn't go to Junior Girl Scouts with me. I took the troop by myself and got a mother of one of the girls in my troop to help me. In January, we sold Girl Scout cookies. The girls and I would sell cookies in our neighborhood. They would go around the neighborhood with another scout or go to a local store to sell cookies for our troop. A week at camp was our reward for all our hard work.
The girls, my co-leader, and I went on trips to New York and Philadelphia to see Broadway shows and go on camping trips.
Our camping trips were an adventure. The many chaperone's enjoyed camping with the girls as much as I did. We would leave on Friday night, go out to dinner, and arrive at camp around seven thirty.
In the morning, we would have breakfast, clean up, and do some projects before we had downtime. We planned what the troop would like to do—play games, hike, or work on their badges. We had lunch, did more projects, and started dinner, and each girl had to get the wood for the fire to prepare the food. After dinner, the girls played games and got ready for bed.
On Sunday, we would get ready to head home. The girls always had a good time. We went camping every other weekend that year 1979. My troop number was 1234. One time, we went winter camping. The troop stayed in the farmhouse. We had bunk beds, indoor plumbing, and a full kitchen.
One day, the girls went sledding off the roof of the farmhouse. The snow was really deep. I didn't find out they were doing it until the girls told me. I was happy that no one got hurt. The girls were always doing something to get in trouble.
I decided to bring the girls back for a reunion when they were in high school the year was 1980. I wrote a letter to the head of our local chapter to ask for permission to go to Tohickon for the reunion. I got the permission, but I needed a scout leader to go with me. A friend volunteered to go with us.
While the girls went hiking in the woods, Ruth and I stayed behind. When it was getting late, we decided to look for them. We wandered through the woods for a couple of hours looking for them. We were going around in circles until the girls found us. We would never admit we had gotten lost.
The girls told us they had fallen in the stream and decided to go back to camp to take a shower. The girls complained that the showers were really cold. We were camping in platform tents. There was no indoor plumbing on this site.
I was working as a crossing guard for the local police department. On my way home from my shift, I had to stop at a light on County Line Road in Hatboro. A man smacked me with his car. When I got out of my car in my uniform, he was so shocked by what he saw that he quickly got in his car and left. There were so many incidents as a crossing guard.
When I directed traffic working with the road crew, I stopped traffic on both sides of Davisville Road in Warminster. When a car drove around all the cars that were stopped, I took command of the situation and told the driver he would have to wait until all the traffic on the road was gone before he could go. He was mad at me and wasn't a happy camper. So be it.
There are so many stories about being a crossing guard. When we had snow, the school district maintenance men would come out to clean the parking area. The children were a delight; we would have snowball fights when there wasn't any traffic. Also in the summer, especially the on last day of school, the children and I would have water-gun fights.
I worked in front of the school, and there were only a few walkers. Most of the children were bused in. Those were the good old days. It was great to work as a crossing guard because I had the summer off. I miss those days.
In 1985, my friend who was a crossing guard decided to become a bus driver. I often talked with another driver who wanted me to work as a bus driver. They would see me in all kinds of weather. I mentioned that my friend was becoming a bus driver. I decided to wait until the school year was up before I started training to be a driver.
In the summer, I started training to be a bus driver. The school district's classes lasted twelve hours. They showed us how to walk around the bus and check inside the bus. If we passed the written test, we went to the state police for a driving test. I was so nervous that the whole bus shook. I got through the test, hoping I wouldn't make any mistakes. I passed the test.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from EXTREME MEASURES by Carol T. Hummel Copyright © 2012 by Carol T. Hummel. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Chapter 1 What Is Love?....................1Chapter 2 Love....................7
Chapter 3 The Accident....................17
Chapter 4 Vacation in Arizona....................19
Chapter 5 Tea in 2006....................25
Chapter 6 What to Live For?....................27
Chapter 7 The Beginning....................29
Chapter 8 My Story....................33
Chapter 9 Trip to California....................35
Chapter 10 Lost....................41
Chapter 11 The Wedding Day....................59
Chapter 12 Heading Back to Pennsylvania....................63
Chapter 13 The Deep Brain Stimulator....................71