Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere!: 8 Keys to Creating Enduring Connections with Customers, Co-Workers, Even Kids!

by Arnold Sanow, Sandra Strauss

Overview

Whether you are involved in marketing and sales, employed in business, government, or an association, on the front line with customers, heading up a department, entire organization or any other area of influence, the ability to effectively connect to the needs of others dramatically impacts profitability, productivity, motivation and more. Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere is your "one stop" guide to finding all the information you need on a daily basis to communicate effectively and build lasting personal and professional relationships today, next week and next year.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781600372193
Publisher:	Morgan James Publishing
Publication date:	09/01/2007
Pages:	371
Product dimensions:	6.66(w) x 9.75(h) x 0.83(d)

About the Author

Arnold Sanow, MBA, CSP (Certified Speaking Professional—less than 525 in the world) is a business, communications and people skills expert. He works with his clients to assist them in building a positive, productive and profitable organization. Arnold accomplishes this through keynotes, seminars, training, facilitations and consulting focusing on; communication, interpersonal skills, persuasion, getting along, customer service, presentation skills, team building and other business and personal development topics. He has delivered over 2,500 interactive, entertaining and content driven paid presentations to more than 500 different companies, governmental agencies and organizations throughout the world. He is asked back to speak by more than 90% of his clients. He is the author/co-author of 5 books to include, Marketing Boot Camp, Get Along with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime, the Charisma Card Deck and tapes such as Keeping Customers For Life: 37 Proven Solutions. He is a frequent guest in the media to include the CBS Evening News, ABC World Morning News, Wall St. Journal, USA Today, Time Magazine, etc. He has been the President of the Business Source, Inc., a business development and training firm since 1985 and was an adjunct professor at Georgetown University.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Why the Need to Get Along is So Strong

The Connected Environment

Humans are creatures of community and thrive best in nurturing environments that promote connection and cooperation. Throughout every stage of our lives, supportive relationships play a significant role in contributing to our well-being, self-esteem, health, and quality of life. Living and working in a connected environment, whether among individuals or within organizations, is essential for the "right stuff" to root — only then do people bloom into their best.

Getting along is energizing. We thrive in climates that cultivate the connecting spirit and the excellence it inspires. On the flip side, disharmony disrupts and destroys, creating chaos that crushes cooperation, creativity, and our spirits. When we live, work, or interact in a demoralized, unsupportive environment, our needs go unmet, and harmful things can happen to our health, vitality, and relationships.

Many studies conducted around the world during the last several decades have validated the healthful role played by the human "connection factor" of feeling supported, cared about, and appreciated. Functioning in a compassionate atmosphere significantly reduces our risk of getting sick, whether from colds or cancer (and not surprisingly, heart disease) as well as other life-threatening illnesses.

According to research reported by Dean Ornish, M.D., in his book Love and Survival, loneliness and isolation increase the likelihood of disease and premature death from all causes by 200 to 500 percent or more, regardless of diet, smoking, or other risk-related behaviors. A number of large-scale, community-based studies examining the relationship between social isolation, death, and disease from all causes were conducted around the world over a 15-year period. The research revealed that those who were socially isolated had from two to five times the risk of premature death when compared to those who had a strong sense of connection. We are creatures of community and our need for connection is at the very core of our being.

People who lack supportive relationships often make destructive lifestyle choices, choices that jeopardize their physical, emotional, and mental health. In addition, when people are subjected to chronic energy-draining interactions with others, the corresponding stress wreaks havoc on their bodies, minds, and hearts. Not getting along extracts an exceptionally high price indeed.

Throughout our lifetime, relationships that nurture and support us are vital, and especially critical to the healthy development of children and teens. Creating an emotionally "safe haven" is fundamental to fostering their feelings of self-worth and well-being, and to cultivating caring relationships as they grow. Supportive relationships at home and school have proven to dramatically influence children's choices and attitudes. Research from the National Longitudinal Health Study of Adolescent Health reveals that parent-child connectedness is the number one factor in helping to reduce the risk of teens participating in harmful, addictive, or destructive behaviors; school connectedness runs a close second.

Genuine connectedness is built on caring, concern, and commitment to nurturing the universal need for love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging. Plus, when parents focus on building supportive connections, kids are more likely to listen and follow their guidance. Endearing connectedness forges the most treasured enduring connections.

The need for connectedness carries into the world of work. Feeling connected and valued within the workplace is vital for bringing out the best in the workforce, cultivating peak productivity and performance. According to Jerry Harvey, Ph.D., professor of management science in the School of Business and Public Management at George Washington University, without the benefit of supportive relationships, a melancholy manifests itself in the workplace. He compares this to a condition observed in children who are separated from their mothers with corresponding anxiety and sadness called anaclitic depression.

Dr. Harvey uses this same term in his book, The Abilene Paradox, to describe the anxiety employees feel when separated from those they lean on for support. In these environments, communication is ineffective and employee needs go unmet. Feeling alienated and powerless from real decision-making can lead to a condition called marasmus or "wasting away," a deterioration of employee morale, motivation, creativity, and commitment — all of which are required for satisfactory performance and a rewarding work experience. Without supportive working relationships, this deadly form of organizational cancer is likely to have a metastastic impact on an organization's vitality. Working under these conditions becomes more like an act of survival and creates a wasteland of talent, potential, and productivity.

Getting along and enjoying caring relationships is indeed good medicine for our health, well-being, and success — at work, at home, and in all of our connections. After all, having supportive relationships is what doctors recommend, whether they're specialists in physical, social, or organizational systems. Research confirms that for us to thrive, connectedness is an essential requirement, and connectedness is about getting to the heart of our universal need to be nurtured, supported, and sustained. That most definitely is in harmony with the needs of every heart.

The Business of Bringing Out the Best

"In organizations, real power and energy is generated through relationships. The patterns of relationships and the capacities to form them are more important than tasks, functions, roles, and positions."

Margaret Wheatley

Building positive connections with both colleagues and customers is a boon to business. A cooperative spirit cultivates a culture that brings out the best in people and performance, keeping employees happy, energized, and productive. When we work well together, everything works better at work, and that carries into our contacts with clients and customers. That same spirit also pumps up profit potential. When smiling, satisfied customers say glowing things about a company's products or services, other consumers or clients are motivated to seek them out, increasing the company's market share.

Good interpersonal skills boost the bottom line in many ways — by helping to retain employees, improve morale, win new customers, seal deals, close sales, land clients, create a loyal following, secure repeat business, expand networks, increase job satisfaction, and more.

As customers, the feelings we experience in a business-customer connection are long-remembered. We recall how we were treated, how others made us feel, whether our needs were satisfied, what we thought about the people we interacted with, what the overall experience was like, and our general impressions. These satisfying customer experiences have such an enduring quality that we sometimes recollect this bundle of memories (and often recount them to others) years later.

In our role as consumers, with so many available choices, our satisfaction is largely determined by the perceived value we receive from the people who provide the goods and services we choose and whether they met our needs. If they do, they win our approval and probably our repeat business. If they don't, the business is bound to lose plenty — its customers, its reputation, and ultimately, its ability to sustain a profitable market share. The stakes are high when businesses are disconnected from what others seek. It pays to connect and collect all the benefits from doing so.

Our collective choices regarding how and where we spend our money and whom we choose as our merchants, vendors, contractors, agents, business partners, and others in the world of business all affect the bottom line. When those choices affect your bottom line, whether in the form of earnings, market share, a commission check, or a paycheck, building enduring connections becomes very personal indeed!

Keeping Connected in a ConnectionChallenged World

"The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate."

Joseph Priestley

As we increasingly live in the fast lane, a few road signs might be useful to guide us along the way — words warning us when good connections are being overlooked, threatened, or endangered. Some possibilities might include: Yield to Connection, Stop to Connect, or Use Caution! Relationships at Work. Following these signs could make the paths we travel more satisfying, as well as directing us to some fascinating and fulfilling destinations we might have otherwise missed. These are signs for our times to keep us focused on the proper care required to cultivate good connections.

Our personal "connect-ability" is at risk of erosion more than ever from a culture being transformed by technology and increasing anonymity. The more plugged in we've become for the sake of speed and convenience, the more our once-traditional connecting points for personal relationships are disappearing. Our high-tech culture has ushered in bittersweet experiences; it has made connection faster and more fleeting, yet we're reaping more frequent episodes of disconnected humanity, a danger whose consequences may be more far-reaching than we suspect.

Phone calls and meetings are increasingly replaced by e-mails, which may leave us confused and trying to read between the lines. Complex automatic voice messaging systems wind us through a maze of computer-generated prompts, frustrating us when we just want to talk to a living, breathing person who can address our concerns. Cell phones interrupt personal conversations, disrupt meetings, and block us from conversing with the everyday people passing through our lives. We gas up our cars, pay by credit card, and drive off without a "thank you." Familiar faces that were once touchstones in our everyday lives — from the banker depositing our paychecks to the travel agent planning our vacations — are increasingly being replaced by automated systems or the Internet.

We now frequently walk, drive, and even fly without noticing or acknowledging the people who are sharing that slice of time and space with us, because we're too busy conversing with people halfway around the globe. For example, if you were seated or standing next to someone right now, that person could be starved for attention, for any human contact on any level — but how would you know? When we do reach out, we can never guess what effect our connection at that point in time will have on others. Even the briefest encounter can bring someone a moment of much-needed comfort or delight. For many of us, even an instant interaction can make a world of difference in whether we feel connected, visible, and cared about. That's why it's even more important to connect with intention and "show up" to extend our best.

Increasingly, we're losing the valuable connections of greeting and interacting with the fellow travelers we encounter along life's complex, multiple networks. Employees whose sole job is to serve customers may barely acknowledge their presence during a transaction. People walk along city streets, shopping malls, supermarket aisles, and office hallways, plugged into wireless networks rather than being wired to the moment and connecting with each other.

As we whirl past one other in dizzying style, frazzled from our fast-paced lifestyles, connectedness can indeed unravel, unless we're careful to keep weaving connecting threads back to one another. With technology changing the landscape of living, coupled with corresponding changes in today's cultural fabric, we risk losing something precious — the wondrous slice-of-time adventures with other human beings, the people who show up in our lives and make a difference. These are the most delicious fruits of life's connections, the unexpected pleasures that flow from people who make us smile, laugh with us, help us out, offer directions, take time to share, save the day, and more.

Personal "connect-ability" is indeed vital, as is our ability to be "high-touch" in the face of frequently more faceless connections. In our increasingly anonymous culture, when someone takes the time to notice, tune in, care about, or fuss over us, that benevolence ripples out in wonderful ways. We're constantly creating currents of energy that envelope the people with whom we live, work, and share time and space — bathing them in the rich warmth of our kindness, understanding, and appreciation. It's all part of the interconnected nature of life. But the connections you make can create waves of positive, negative, or neutral energy. You must decide what message you want to send out to the universe and to all the people in it.

By awakening to the abundant pleasures and joy of joining, you connect at the core of what's meaningful and makes a difference to others and to your life experience. People connecting to people bring ordinary moments to life through extraordinary acts of valuable, high-touch humanity. When we create that "Wow, you noticed!" experience, a magical bond forms that leaves an enduring impression.

Connect-ability matters, because of the countless ways our connections count. We can nurture or neglect them, relish or reject them, cherish or chuck them. However we handle them, they all add up.

We may rather quickly forget neutral experiences that don't leave an impression on us one way or the other. The bad taste left from negative experiences we likely wish we could forget. But it is the compelling nature of our positive interactions that forge enduring connections — compelling vibrations of dynamic power and vibrancy, created in a place we call "The Connection Zone."

CHAPTER 2

Creating "The Connection Zone"

The Connection Zone is a dynamic balance of energy in which people honor each other's needs and enjoy the benefits that flow as a result.

Creating the Connection Zone experience is invaluable for short-term interactions to make enduring impressions (as in customer service), as well as for long-term personal and professional relationships, for sustaining their highly valued, enduring quality.

Whether it's for the short or long term, the Connection Zone experience is achieved through good communication. You enter "the Zone" by constantly monitoring people's universal human need to be:

Heard and honored
Encouraged and empowered
Appreciated and accepted
Respected and recognized
Trusted and treasured

Every person you interact with has many needs that are represented in the HEART acronym. Of course, what we want or need from each other depend on the exact nature of the relationship. For instance, what we desire from our relationships at work, with our friends and families, within our community, and in our business transactions have many similarities. Yet, there are differences as to how we want or expect them to be fulfilled.

The following list describes in more detail some of what we want, need, or expect in various types of relationships.

In our personal relationships, we want:

• To know that when we speak, we are heard and understood

• To have effective, open channels of communication for expressing our concerns

• To have our feelings, ideas, and opinions honored

• To be encouraged to express our authentic selves and supported in our growth and development

• To be accepted unconditionally

• To be acknowledged for the time, energy, effort, and other personal treasures we share and to be appreciated for them

• To be treated fairly and with respect

• To trust that promises and commitments will be fulfilled

• To be treasured and valued for who we are In our working relationships, we want:

• To have effective, open channels of communication for expressing our concerns about work-related matters

• To have established procedures through which to settle differences and seek resolution

• To have our ideas and opinions heard and honored

• To feel empowered and supported in our work environment

• To be appreciated for our contributions of creativity, effort, service, and competence on behalf of the organization's mission and purpose

• To be treated fairly and with respect

• To be recognized as a competent and valued member of the organization

• To trust that promises and commitments will be fulfilled In our business transactions we want:

• To be able to express our needs and have them honored

• To be sufficiently informed that we can make the best choices

• To be appreciated and valued for our business

• To be treated fairly and with respect

• To have confidence that products and services will be delivered in accordance with agreements, meet our expectations, and perform reliably

• To trust that promises and commitments will be fulfilled

• To air any grievances or concerns and have them heard, understood, and addressed

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere!"
by .
Copyright © 2009 Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss.
Excerpted by permission of Morgan James Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction — Enduring Connections Count!,
Why the Need to Get Along is So Strong,
The Connected Environment,
The Business of Bringing Out the Best,
Keeping Connected in a Connection-Challenged World,
Creating "The Connection Zone",
Enduring Connections Begin With a Positive Intention,
Conscious Connectors Make Enduring Impressions,
Make Positive Intention a Daily Habit,
Make Every Moment Count,
Plugging Into Your Connecting Power,
Key #1: Cultivate Confidence: The Cornerstone of Connection,
Making the "Connection Zone" Your "Comfort Zone",
Connecting Counts: Do It Often ... With Confidence,
Combat Shyness: Guerilla Techniques to Attack Social Situations,
Who Do You Think You Are?,
Call on Your Courage: See Yourself as Brave,
Scan for Negative Viruses: Install Positive Updates,
Maximize Your Magnificence With Positive Self-Talk,
Build Confidence and Extraordinary Connections, One Affirmation at a Time,
Don't Beat Yourself Up: Build Yourself Up!,
Cancel Comparisons,
Stamp Out Stress!,
Take Chances: The Awesome Adventure of Risk-Taking,
Move in the Direction of Your Desires,
Key #2: Rev Up Rapport!,
You're Never a Bore With Rapport!,
Build Rapport With the "Meet and Greet 4",
"Mixing and Mingling 101": Connection Courtesies,
Don't Sweat the Small Talk!,
"No Sweat" Small Talk Tips,
Learn What Makes Each Person Tick,
Get in Sync: Reflect a Familiar Image,
Make Sense Out of Sensory Preferences,
Project a Pleasing Presence,
Go for Their Funny Bones,
What's So Funny??!!,
Key #3: Energize the Winning Spirit,
Putting Excellence Into Action,
The Distinctive Difference of a Dazzling vs. a Deadly Attitude,
Believe It or Not!,
Attitude Adjusters to See the Light,
Champion the Winning Spirit,
Words and Ways That Work Wonders,
Give Abundantly,
Grow a Garden of Blossoming Connections,
Key #4: Boost Your Communication IQ,
Get on the Same Wavelength,
Communicate to Connect,
How's Your Communication IQ?,
Stop, Drop, and Roll Out Your Listening Ears,
Activate Active Listening Techniques,
Stick to What Clicks,
Give Feedback Tactfully and Receive It Willingly,
Understand BodySpeak: It Goes Without Saying,
Are You Projecting a Connecting Image?,
Key #5: Honor Communication Needs,
Sort Out Styles,
A Matter of Style ... a Spectrum of Patterns,
You've Got Style!,
Gender Differences: The Interplanetary Connection,
Relating to Needs = Respecting Differences,
Key #6: Extend Respect to Preserve Trust,
Integrating Integrity,
Broken Promises = Broken Trust,
Rudeness Wrecks Relationships,
Where Are Your Manners!!?,
Rudeness Wrecks the Workplace,
Exude Positive Energy,
The Right Words Reap Results,
Avoid Connection Crushers,
Honor Ideas,
Pump Up Your Persuasive Powers,
Don't Rust Your Trust!,
Key #7: Bridge Connection Chasms,
Clear Connection "Cobwebs",
Speak Your Truth,
Resolve Complaints,
Master Emotional Control,
Watch Out for Mind Games!,
Mend Misunderstandings,
Let Go of Labels,
What's Wrong With "Being Right"?,
Check Out Your "Rule Book",
Pinpoint Problems,
Clarify What You Want,
Focus on What Others Need,
Be a Masterful Negotiator,
Brainstorm Solutions,
Choose Your Options for Handling Difficult Situations,
Refuse to Stay Stuck,
Build Bridges Over Connection Chasms .,
Key #8: Handle Prickly People With Care,
The Prickly Patch — Where Getting Along is a Thorny Challenge,
A Prickly Person is a Matter of Personal Perspective,
Degrees of Difficulty,
The Persistently Prickly,
Gain a New Picture of "The Prickly Patch",
Positive Strategies for Managing Prickly Behavior,
Prickly Profiles: A Colorful Cast of Connection-Crushing Characters,
• Back-Attackers and Buzzer Bees,
• Barb Bombers,
• Bullies,
• Grumblies: Whiners, Grumblers, and Grouches,
• Know-It-Alls,
• Monopolizer Maniacs,
• Slugs,
• Volcanoes,
Endurance Tests,
Keep on Connecting!,
The Active Ingredients of Enduring Connections,
The Magic of Connection,
About the Authors,
Bibliography and Recommended Reading,

Editorial Reviews

"Get Along offers a useful reminder of what we all need to make our lives and our businesses work better: communication, openness and sincerity. It's so easy to lose touch with these concepts in a busy, stressful day, but Sanow and Strauss make a compelling argument that it's worth it to make the effort. —Margaret Webb Pressler Business reporter/columnist, The Washington Post

From the Publisher