When they enter the field, lawyers seem to have it made—with a high-salary, high-status profession that should set them up for life. Yet, even when they seem to have it all, they often start to feel like something's off. Their careers have become horribly soul-sucking. They're managing their lives, sort of—but they feel duped. Trapped. Their "good job" is affecting their health and relationships—and they're just trying to keep all the plates spinning.
Here's the good news: Beverly Davidek has been there, and in this book she and husband Dirk show how you can find a job that allows for happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind. If you're still struggling to find a way to provide for your family without losing yourself, this book is for you. Part Ask and It Is Given and part What Color Is Your Parachute? (but written specifically for lawyers), Happy Lawyer gives you the tools you need to get unstuck in your career and start living your dream.
When they enter the field, lawyers seem to have it made—with a high-salary, high-status profession that should set them up for life. Yet, even when they seem to have it all, they often start to feel like something's off. Their careers have become horribly soul-sucking. They're managing their lives, sort of—but they feel duped. Trapped. Their "good job" is affecting their health and relationships—and they're just trying to keep all the plates spinning.
Here's the good news: Beverly Davidek has been there, and in this book she and husband Dirk show how you can find a job that allows for happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind. If you're still struggling to find a way to provide for your family without losing yourself, this book is for you. Part Ask and It Is Given and part What Color Is Your Parachute? (but written specifically for lawyers), Happy Lawyer gives you the tools you need to get unstuck in your career and start living your dream.
Happy Lawyer: The Art of Having It All Without Losing Your Mind
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Happy Lawyer: The Art of Having It All Without Losing Your Mind
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Overview
When they enter the field, lawyers seem to have it made—with a high-salary, high-status profession that should set them up for life. Yet, even when they seem to have it all, they often start to feel like something's off. Their careers have become horribly soul-sucking. They're managing their lives, sort of—but they feel duped. Trapped. Their "good job" is affecting their health and relationships—and they're just trying to keep all the plates spinning.
Here's the good news: Beverly Davidek has been there, and in this book she and husband Dirk show how you can find a job that allows for happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind. If you're still struggling to find a way to provide for your family without losing yourself, this book is for you. Part Ask and It Is Given and part What Color Is Your Parachute? (but written specifically for lawyers), Happy Lawyer gives you the tools you need to get unstuck in your career and start living your dream.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781683507536 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Morgan James Publishing |
| Publication date: | 09/10/2019 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 141 |
| File size: | 3 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Rae's Story
"I'm sure that a huge proportion of the situation you are facing, is out of your control. There's nothing you can do about it. But that proportion can't be 100 percent. There's got to be some proportion – let's say it's even just 2 percent – that is within your control. You can work on that. Who knows what a difference that may make!"
RICHARD N. BOLLES
On March 25, 2010, Rae walked away from her job as imbedded outside counsel for a major corporation. She hated that title, and she hated that job.
As of that day, Rae had been a lawyer for over 15 years. Throughout her career, she'd worked for a couple of small and mid-sized law firms, been an assistant DA, and been in solo practice. She had changed jobs more often than most lawyers she knew, always in the hopes of doing better for her family and always in the hopes of not losing her mind. It was a constant quest for more money and more peace of mind. She worked with and for some really great people. In some cases, she had mentors who without a doubt helped mold her into a very skilled lawyer. She also had some terrible, bordering on sadistic, supervisors who almost drove her away from the profession.
Almost.
Rae will tell you, she really didn't know what to expect from the beginning. Before she started law school, she didn't have any concept about what lawyering actually looked like. There were no other lawyers in her family, and her family had never had a "family lawyer." The topic of someone in her family needing a lawyer never even came up in conversation when she was growing up. In fact, her dad tried to talk her out of becoming a lawyer. To him, the supply far exceeded the demand, and he knew Rae was meant to be a writer.
Rae's first husband came from a family of lawyers. One day, way back when Rae had been out of college for about 18 months, was already married with a baby, and was plodding along as a middle school teacher, she had her in-laws over for dinner. She'd had a bad day at school, which isn't uncommon when you teach teenagers. But she was particularly stressed out that night, and the baby was unusually fussy. While she was flailing about trying to look like she had it all under control, her father-in-law at the time – a retired judge whom Rae highly respected – looked at her from over the top of the newspaper and proclaimed, "You're too smart to be a teacher. You should go to law school." And so it was.
Now, Rae knew from personal experience that most teachers are at least as smart as most lawyers. But in that moment, her ego needed a boost. And this was it. Most important, though, having a law degree meant she'd be able to help people and earn more money than as a teacher (she assumed). Rae was hard-wired to help people. Win-win.
So, here's what happened. Immediately upon passing the bar exam, Rae started noticing that the profession felt awfully elitist. That was not her thing at all. With the exception of a brilliant and exceedingly patient mentor with whom she shared office space, she didn't really like hanging out with the other lawyers she knew at that time. Many of them seemed like they were in it to look successful and make a lot of money just for the sake of making a lot of money, instead of genuinely wanting to help people.
She'd noticed some of that behavior in law school. She'd just thought that would get left behind when everyone graduated, grew up, and got real jobs. Rae had babies to take care of (her second son was born on her first day of class as a 2L), student loans to pay back, and a husband whose career was ramping up. She didn't have the time or desire to play those games.
Worse than that, though, Rae noticed that a lot of lawyers who'd been in the profession for a while seemed to be burning themselves out and were often bitter, unhealthy, and unhappy with their jobs. She wondered if she was just spending too much time at the courthouse and getting a skewed, pessimistic view. But she knew she did not want to become one of those lawyers.
Unfortunately, like many lawyers, Rae quickly grew to despise the practice of law. She hated all the bickering and pettiness that seemed to come with the territory. She hated it when opposing counsel purposely escalated matters just to run up fees, when divorce clients with kids spent their time and money arguing over things like who got the refrigerator, and when it felt like all that mattered at the end of each month was the total number of billable hours. "When do you get to do the helping people part?" she often wondered.
Fast-forward 15 years. A lot had happened, including her first marriage having "run its course," in the words of a local judge. Sure, there was a lot of heartache, guilt, and worry that initially ensued. But eventually, Rae felt like she got it all mostly together, and she learned to be content most of the time.
That job thing, though. ...
When Rae was corporate counsel, she finally slipped into a deep depression and tried to medicate her way into happiness. Like most people who suffer from depression, she hid it well – except from her husband and, probably, her sons. By now, Rae was married to Ron, her three sons were teens and a preteen, and all was going great in her life but for her stupid job. The legal profession as she knew it had her so crazed that it turned her into a person that she didn't even recognize. She'd been given the nickname "Bubbly" by some of her non-lawyer friends years ago, and not just because she liked champagne. She often wondered where that person went.
So one day, after a PA gave Rae a sample of an antidepressant to help her with her "blue" feeling, Rae spiraled way out of control. She ended up at her mom's house late that night, completely manic. She went there because she knew she wouldn't harm herself at Mom's. She bawled and bawled, telling her mom that Ron was going to leave her, and that she didn't blame him. Ron had never said this, but it was absolutely what Rae expected to happen. And she felt powerless to stop it. She was losing her mind.
She decided, "No more psychotropic drugs for me. Ever." But the problem persisted.
During the corporate counsel phase of her life, Rae also visited with a family counselor, intuitive coaches, and even a psychic. Some were better than others. None of them were lawyers, though, so she felt like none of them really got it. None of them could really help her.
Exhausted, Rae often daydreamed about napping on a warm, quiet beach somewhere like Fiji. When she had the time, she'd read travel blogs or search for other, better jobs. The grass was always greener, and she wondered what was wrong with her. How and when did she become this person? It always came back to, "I need to find a job that helps me provide for my family and allows me to be ... me. And I need to find it now."
She was stuck. Trapped. She felt duped. She'd gone to law school for altruistic reasons, worked hard to support her family, thought she'd mostly done all the right things, and now she was utterly exhausted. She just didn't think she could do it anymore.
I suspect you can relate to much of what Rae was going through. I know I can.
Rae is me, and Ron is Dirk, before we learned what I'll teach you in the following pages.
Fasten your seatbelt, and let's get your life back.
It's time.
CHAPTER 2The BALANCED Way
"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony."
THOMAS MERTON
It took me more than two decades to figure this out, but when I was struggling with how much I detested my job and becoming a person I knew I was not meant to be, part of the problem was that I was suppressing my own creative, spiritual, and free-spirited side. I was out of rhythm for years. I needed my practice to be a true reflection of who I am as a person and what I came here to do. I needed to be in harmony with that girl.
Newsflash! You don't have to practice law in a way that feels out of balance with who you are, either. There's a better way, and that's your way. Becoming the lawyer you were born to be honors all of who you are: mind, body, and spirit. That's the BALANCED Way™. I call it the art of having it all without losing your mind because you get to create it and do it on your own terms.
Ready to get started? Here are the steps to achieving the legal career that you've dreamed of in a BALANCED Way™:
B – Be True to Yourself
The first step requires that you take some time to really get to know yourself. I know, you're busy taking care of everyone else. I get it. I'll try to make this as easy as possible because, frankly, you have to get this step down before anything else will work. Using the tools I give you in Chapter 3, you'll be able to identify your personality type and will have an idea about what types of jobs are, or are not, in alignment with your ultimate goal – to find a job that allows you to take care of your family without losing your mind, right? Got that.
A – Ask and Allow
Once you get to know yourself a little better, the next step is to go within, sit with what you know, and tap into your own intuition for guidance and clarity on your path forward. This is where two of my favorite books, What Color Is Your Parachute and Ask and It Is Given, converge, and it is a powerful practice. Your inner voice has been telling you that something's wrong. This step teaches you how to ask it for what's right and to allow the magic that will begin to happen.
L – Let Go of What No Longer Serves You
In this step of the process, you'll take note of beliefs and ways of doing things that no longer serve you or your family. This is where the rubber starts to meet the road, because you'll have to dig deep and make some tough decisions. You'll learn to identify what's been stopping you from having your dream job and what you can do to turn that around. It's not an easy thing to do, but I'll guide you through it.
A – Alkalize to Optimize
You're going to start to feel more empowered than you may have felt in years – if ever. You'll be ready to start really paying attention to what's happening with your body not just physically, but also mentally and spiritually, so you can squeeze more goodness out of each day. You'll recognize that one of your greatest assets as a lawyer is your health. I know you might not be ready to imagine it yet, but this step details how to get started at your own pace.
N – Nourish Your Body
Once you're feeling more empowered and are starting to feel better mentally and physically, you'll want to make sure you're providing your body with the nourishment that this profession demands – especially when you approach it from a holistic perspective. In this step, I'll provide you with what you need to know to have massive amounts of energy to conquer each day and to know that you're projecting the most vibrant, confident version of yourself to prospective employers, clients, and others. Taking charge of your career and your life in a BALANCED Way™ isn't always easy. But you'll be blown away by how much more fun it can be, and how much better you'll feel, when you get this step down.
C – Cleanse for Clarity
Even when you incorporate all the other steps in a BALANCED Way™, fatigue and illness can still set in. Of course, it's always important in life to keep your immune system strong. It's even more critical when you're going through a major life change like a career transition. This is where clean living comes in, and it's important. I'll give you the tools you need to do it. This is a step that so many otherwise healthy people overlook or fail to take seriously. But remember, your health is one of your greatest assets. I promise that when you incorporate this step into your routine, you'll have so much energy and clarity, you might even feel like a whole new person. And here's a bonus: your skin will glow, and your eyes will sparkle in a way you might not have seen in decades. You're going to feel younger, happier, and empowered.
E – Exercise
Okay, maybe you're a marathoner or maybe you never exercise. Most of us are somewhere in between. For me, exercise usually means getting outside and walking on the beach, or going for a hike in the woods. I also love yoga. Like most people, I go through periods when it feels hard to prioritize exercise. I understand that when you're going through a transition, and perhaps incorporating new lifestyle choices along the way, it can be challenging to make the time to exercise on a consistent basis. I'll give you some tools to help you incorporate this step into your life in a BALANCED Way™, even if you haven't walked a mile in months.
D – Decide Your Path Forward
At some point, after you've done everything else in a BALANCED Way&trade , you'll have to just take that leap of faith if you're going to make a change. You'll know when you're ready, and I'll help you get there. Ultimately, right- sizing your career might mean starting your own practice. It might mean foregoing the partner track and working part-time instead. It might even mean leaving the practice of law altogether and finding or creating a whole new career that feels right for you. Whatever you decide, I know it can feel scary, maybe even impossible at times. In this step, I'll share some right-sized lawyer success and life success stories with you, so you know that you're not alone and that it can be done. And I'll give you tools and inspiration to keep you moving closer and closer to your dream come true.
Okay, so grab a pen and a nice notebook that will become your BALANCED Way&trade journal. Take a few deep breaths and relax. Here we go!
CHAPTER 3Be True to Yourself
"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence."
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
Your career makeover starts with being true to yourself. That means knowing who you are and being honest about it when identifying your dream job.
Where to Begin
Have you ever taken a career aptitude or personality test? I am a habitual test taker (ahem, a nerd). When I was in college, I kept taking career aptitude tests at the university's Career Counseling Center. Time after time, my results indicated a high aptitude for becoming a teacher, writer, or counselor.
As you've read, I first became a teacher, but of course I'm also a writer and counselor (at law) and more. None of my career decisions were based on the results of the tests I took; at least I didn't think so at the time. It's quite interesting how accurate those tests can be, even though none of them ever pointed to a legal career.
Are Tests Helpful?
They can be. It depends upon how you use them.
As you prepare for your career makeover, tests can be a practical and effective starting point, with a caveat. As Richard L. Bolles says in What Color Is Your Parachute? 2017 about tests, "I'm not sure how well they'll help you choose a new career," but sometimes they "turn out to be the kind of guidance, the kind of insight, the kind of direction, that career choosers or changers are looking for."
Here are some things to keep in mind when you're taking tests:
• You are unique. There is no person in the world like you, so no test can measure YOU. Tests can only describe a group to which you belong.
• Don't try to figure out ahead of time how you want the test to come out. Stay open to new ideas.
• In taking a test, you should just be looking for clues, hunches, or suggestions, rather than for a definitive answer that tells you what you must do with your life.
• Take several tests and not just one.
• Start with trying to broaden your horizons, and narrow your options down later. Do not try to narrow your options from the outset.
• Know that testing will always have mixed reviews.
So let's jump in and get to know you a little better by way of some tests you might want to try.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)
One of the best-known personality indicators, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), was based on Carl Jung's theories on the human psyche. Chances are, you've taken the MBTI before. You might even remember your results. If you've never taken it, or if you have but it's been a while, here's a quick refresher about the MBTI.
The MBTI considers four basic areas of the human psyche, described generally as:
Extroversion/Introversion
Extroverted types learn best by talking and interacting with other people. They process and make sense of new information by interacting with the physical world around them.
Introverted types prefer quiet reflection and privacy. Introverts process information as they explore ideas and concepts internally.
Sensing/Intuition
The second area reflects what people focus their attention on.
Sensing types enjoy a learning environment where the material is presented in a detailed and sequential manner. Sensing types take in what is occurring in the present, and then move on to the abstract after they have established a concrete experience.
Intuitive types prefer a learning environment where the emphasis is placed on meaning and associations. Intuitive types also value insight more than careful observation. Pattern recognition occurs naturally for them.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Happy Lawyer"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Beverly and Dirk Davidek.
Excerpted by permission of Morgan James Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword,
Introduction,
Chapter 1 - Rae's Story,
Chapter 2 - The BALANCED Way,
Chapter 3 - Be True to Yourself,
Chapter 4 - Ask and Allow,
Chapter 5 - Let Go of What No Longer Serves You,
Chapter 6 - Alkalize to Optimize,
Chapter 7 - Nourish Your Body,
Chapter 8 - Cleanse for Clarity,
Chapter 9 - Exercise,
Chapter 10 - Decide Your Path Forward,
Chapter 11 - Embrace the Journey,
Conclusion,
Acknowledgements,
About the Authors,
Thank You,