Read an Excerpt
Hello, Beautiful
How the Power of Self Love Heals & Transforms You Forever
By Victoria Feldman Balboa Press
Copyright © 2014 Victoria Feldman
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-1762-9
CHAPTER 1
Remembering
"If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation."—Lao Tzu
Today is a new day. You deserve a fresh beginning. The greatest gift bestowed upon all of humanity by the One who created us is the gift of remembering and reconnecting to who we really are. Through spiritual maturity, we learn to love ourselves, and our hearts open wider and wider, setting the stage for love to fill all those forsaken spaces we crafted to protect ourselves and to restore inner peace. As love bubbles up inside us like an endless, sacred spring, we become aware of how special we are. By allowing Spirit to move freely through our entire being, we are shown what has been hidden all along.
Hello, Beautiful is not a diet workbook. It's not about a certain number on the scale or a smaller dress size. It's not about getting someone else to love us. It's about the longing in each and every human being to experience the power and ecstasy of deep and profound love. Together, we will break down walls built to keep love out and rebuild ourselves with rose petals, sweet honey, and calm breezes to usher love in to make manifest the glory of God that has always been within us.
"I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well."—Psalm 139:14
Something drew you to this book—the title (every woman wants to be beautiful), the color (what woman doesn't love purple?), the promise of forever healing and transformation "spoke" to you. The soft whisper of truth stirred your soul and kindled your curiosity. Did you sense a heart-opening expansion when your eyes fell on the words self-love? Are you ready to surrender to the full force of authenticity, radiating all you are to the world? Are you willing to explore how your thoughts are impeding the manifestation of your deepest desires? Are you ready to believe who you really are is a perfect, living expression of energy?
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." —Dr. Seuss
I am a woman in her late sixties with a lifelong eating disorder. By humbly asking for guidance from the One who created my body to house my spirit, I journeyed back into the past—further back than I had ever done before. Armed with over forty years of negative self-talk and life experiences that were a continuum of clues; yo-yo dieting, missed opportunities and paralyzing pangs of self-doubt, failure and shame, my authentic presence could no longer be denied. Old thoughts that had turned into beliefs needed to be expressed, released, and processed, so I started writing.
First, it was just a string of words that made little sense, and then I wrote and answered powerful questions—some were my own, and others came from resources others had posed. As I began to remember more and more, it was like an electrical rheostat used to dim and brighten lighting, removing the fog that had been clouding my thoughts, connecting me to a power greater than myself. From a flicker to a flame, a power so magnificent, once we connect to it, our true selves glow brighter and brighter, radiating all we are to the world. When my Dark Voice had its malevolent grip on me, my energy went down and I felt lost and confused. But when my Empowered-Self, which I found in my in-between thoughts, raised her light-filled wand of wakefulness, I felt clearer and more peaceful. Connecting to my core of pure love gave voice to my visions, my wishes, and my hopes. Everything good and beautiful was inside me all the time.
Sharing freely my own personal stories of denying myself love, empowerment, acceptance, contentment, happiness, and true joy, as well as compilations of vignettes offering new perspectives of other's struggles and triumphs, are sacred outpourings for you to reflect on while seeking your own truths. Hello, Beautiful is divided into eight chapters with twelve "self-love breaks" and soul-stirring exercises designed to liberate us from a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and weighty thoughts.
Sprinkled throughout this workbook to hold your heart and mind in pure, divine love while traversing your past, present, and future are inspiring quotes from Gandhi, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Lao Tzu, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Maya Angelou, Paulo Coelho, Caroline Myss, Peter Shepherd, Dr. Maria Montessori, Anais Nin, D. H. Lawrence, Julia Cameron, Emmanuel, Alanis Morissette, Anthony de Mello, Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle, Geneen Roth, Oprah, Brene Brown, Louise Hay, Byron Katie and Dr. Seuss, plus sacred Bible quotes.
Awakening our true heart is rooted in remembering.
By remembering we are God's creations—the same God that created the heavens, the sun, the moon, and the stars, and that all living things come from the same source of divine light—we open ourselves to activating our higher selves, our empowered selves, our authentic selves. When that love is fully expressed, we are unstoppable. I believe with my whole being that if you set your intention to plunge headlong into remembering the One who created you and reconnect to your spirit-self, you can become empowered beyond all your dreams, all your expectations, and all your visions, transforming yourself forevermore, until kingdom come!
"There's no beauty that you could perceive or create if it were not already within you."—Peter Shepherd
A devotee of words and images, my walls are one huge vision board (you will learn how to connect with your own authentic self in chapter VI, (6) as this is one of our most deliciously fun projects), an ever-conscious, creative display of inspirational quotes and pictures that stir my soul and serve as breathtaking breakthroughs in my quest to answer the question, "Who am I?" which has seared my soul for as long as I can remember.
Reliving my happy childhood moments, which were pivotal to uncovering the truth, and finding compassion, forgiveness, and empathy for the childhood and adolescent me who was betrayed, abandoned, and rejected was an integral step for allowing my journey of healing and transformation to begin. As you coactively participate with me, I believe you can crush any barriers that keep you from victory. This is a workbook, a record-keeping, truth-telling, self-love journal.
You will meet my Dark Voice, who tells me I can't; my Empowered Self, who assures me I can; and my prayers to restore my sanity. Becoming conscious that we are reflections of one another and how we respond to each other's stories, thoughts, and choices spark the fire of awareness that leads to wakefulness. Once awake, we become who we were meant to be and our true purpose is inextricably shown to us.
While this may sound simplistic, I can assure you it is not. Purifying our thoughts, releasing our past, forgiving ourselves and others, and expressing our authentic selves takes time, commitment, and courage to step into the unknown until it is the known. By remembering to love and honor ourselves tenderly, compassionately, and steadfastly, we expand our awareness—then, miracles unfold.
"The secret of joy is the mastery of pain."—Anais Nin
Self-Love Break-1:
Prayer for Healing
I want to share one of my prayers with you from my first book, This is Not Goodbye ... It's Halo. Every morning before I begin my day, fresh and full from sleeping with the angels, I seek Thee through prayer. I am lifted up when my soul is in alignment with my Creator, and in return, I am reminded I am safe, loved, and protected always. So take a deep breath, quiet your mind, and release any anxiety or tension you are holding. Praise the Spirit who you call upon to bear witness to the buds of truth emerging from the golden seeds planted by God Himself before we took our first breath. Let us pray:
"Heavenly Father, As I surrender all I am to you and to your care, I am reminded I am an open vessel of faith, hope, truth, and love. I ask you to reconnect me to my angel-soul, who has journeyed with me since my very first breath and who dwells in my heart. For all the ways I have harmed myself and others, I ask for forgiveness. May I remember how completely and unconditionally loved I am, and may my healing and transformation begin."
Nan and Steve
One of my favorite exercises I do when coaching clients is to guide them to remember their happiest moments. Remembering our happiest childhood memories connects us with our creative selves, which speeds up the process of transformation. By focusing solely on our painful experiences, we shut ourselves off from remembering joyful, playful interludes we store in our hearts and can be accessed at will to offer new perspectives.
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."—Mahatma Gandhi
Nan contacted me after reading my first book, This is Not Goodbye ... It's Halo, which made its way to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit in the hospital where Nan worked as a nurse. I told her I would be signing my book at the Bodhi Tree, a higher consciousness bookstore, which wasn't far from Nan's home. While finishing my speech on The Children's Material, I noticed a woman at the back of the room staring at me. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. I motioned for her to come join the small group that had gathered to discuss how children process the subject of death and dying.
"You must be Nan," I said, not really a question, because I was so sure it was her.
A big grin spread across her face, and she answered, "I am so happy to meet you."
Nan was close to 300 pounds, dressed in a flowing long dress with a simple strand of white pearls around her neck. Her dark hair was meticulously styled, as were her fingernails, polished in a soft-rose color. As an obese (and I use this word with profound love and respect) soul sister, people don't often realize that we also love beautiful clothes, jewelry and makeup, and take pride in our appearance. So when we see our reflection in another full-figured goddess, it's a love-fest of epic proportions. It's real "girlfriend" time.
Nan and I became fast friends. She, being a nurse, and me, a teacher, we talked for hours about our overweight bodies and how it affected our womanhood. I had made the decision to leave my husband, after one too many broken-hearted betrayals, and took our two children to an isolated seashore community. To push down my shame and humiliation, I turned to food! I went from a size ten to a size sixteen in a matter of a few years. Nan also used food to hide her frustration with her husband's lack of connectedness, but she made the choice to stay with Steve, a tall, gangly man who kept to himself but was faithful and steadfast.
One night, Nan had come over and we were making dinner in the kitchen when I asked her: "Can you remember the first time food become your go-to comfort?"
"I was hungry all the time as a child," Nan recalled.
"Hungry for what?" Those three words hung in silence for several minutes.
"I was raised by a single mother who worked long hours. My school lunch was packed in used brown paper bags. When I would see the other little girls swinging their brightly colored, painted lunchboxes with matching thermoses, unwrapping their perfect sandwiches, sliced on an angle, polished apples, and home-baked cookies, I would eat my lunch really fast, shoving my used bag into my school satchel. When the bus left us off at the end of the day, I watched the other children run to the open arms of their mothers, knowing I would be walking into an empty house," Nan answered softly.
Nan grew up craving love and a sense of belonging, which she didn't receive, so she ate food to fill up her longings. When she met Steve, she was "pleasantly plump" but not yet obese. As the years went on, Nan gained more and more weight. It made perfect sense that Nan found comfort serving dying children and their parents. To the children Nan cared for every day, they loved and accepted her chubbiness and rosy cheeks.
Being a nurse, Nan was aware of the health dangers morbid obesity posed. Three hundred pounds was dangerous territory, and Nan knew she had to face barriers she herself built, or she was heading for real trouble. There wasn't enough food that would fill her up, nor were there enough dying children, her trusting playmates, for her to lovingly care for that were going to give Nan the sense of belonging she so desperately needed. The power of self-love was making its voice heard inside of Nan. The more she listened to her inner voice, the more she realized she had to address what was really going on with her husband and herself.
Nan, the woman, longed to have her husband take her hand as they walked down the street, to stroke her arm while they watched a movie in a dark theater, who, instead of a peck on the cheek, desired him to wrap his arms around her, gaze adoringly into her eyes, and kiss her slowly on the mouth. So we have Nan, the compassionate nurse, Nan, the frustrated wife, Nan, the resilient woman, and Nan, the creative child—four parts of the whole, broken temporarily.
Steve was a detached, quiet man who worked as a carpenter and spent most of his time either outdoors or in his workshop. Instinctively, I knew Steve was a walking secret. His reluctance to share spoke volumes. Barely able to make eye contact, it took several sessions for Steve to open up to me.
Steve came from a large family. His mother was a stay-at-home wife and mother, who from all appearances seemed to be a loving, responsible, stable parent. I asked Steve if he remembered his first days of school, and he said, "I liked school, but I hated coming home." I could see Nan's shock of disbelief because all these years she assumed, because Steve had what looked like the childhood she wished she had, nothing was further from the truth.
Steve would come home after school to his stay-at-home mother, only his mother was drunk most of the time. Steve and his siblings were taught to act as if they had a perfect childhood and were ordered never, ever to discuss their mother's drinking, or they would be punished.
Nan shared her childhood and adolescent memories with Steve. All these years, they both kept a secret: Nan, ashamed of her mother's neglect, and Steve, ashamed of his mother's neglect. It was as if a ray of light entered the room, and in that very moment, it was impossible to miss the deep, overflowing love and compassion between them.
Settling in to a new phase of our work together, I asked them both: "What were your happiest childhood memories?"
Nan's face lit up as she spent the remainder of our session talking about how much she loved home economics. She learned to sew and create original patterns, and one teacher took such an interest in Nan's talents that she entered some of her designs and her sketchbook in local competitions and contests. One of the contests yielded cash prizes, and when Nan won fifty dollars, she gave it to her mother.
"How did she respond?" I asked Nan.
Smiling, Nan said, "My mother cried." She went on to tell us that two days later when she came home from school to an empty house, there was a brightly colored lunchbox and matching thermos on her bed with a card that read, "I am so proud of you.—Mom."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Hello, Beautiful by Victoria Feldman. Copyright © 2014 Victoria Feldman. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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