Read an Excerpt
How to Build a Stimulating and Everlasting Love in Relationships
By Felix O. Jeremiah Balboa Press
Copyright © 2013 Felix O. Jeremiah
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-7770-8
CHAPTER 1
Problems in Relationships
The marriage relationship was created to be the most united, most honored, most admirable, and respected union of human relationship to ever exist on earth. I strongly believe this is true. Love is the power that brings people together in peace. As the saying goes, "love makes every lion a pet". Love makes every difficult and dangerous person a friend. Indeed, love reconciles differences in people; love accommodates, tolerates, gives selfless services, and love shares with others.
Love gives birth to marriage; and marriage gives birth to a union of children and parents, which is known as a family, designed by God for the continuity of the world. Love, therefore, is a pro-life creator. Everything that God created is good and beautiful. Among them all, God cherishes the union between man and woman, and fellowships with them. God calls each marriage His family. Love is our connection to God and it cuts across all stages of human growth and development. We humans look at love and are mysteriously attracted to its nature. Only those who recognize it within themselves in their relationship with God are able to define love as "life". Love is life and it gives healthy life to your physical life. Love, in my own term is "an endless and selfless kindness one person extends to another person. It is not cruelty or wickedness one person extends to another, so a relationship that begins in love cannot turn to evil and destruction. The nature of love is always kind, simple, and transparent. Love makes every moment lively, hopeful, and interesting. These characteristics of love create an excellent condition for marriage, which then empowers creation of a family unit, which is often said to be representative of God's opinion that life should go on.
The subject of love and marriage is very important and all-inclusive because everyone that comes into this world is directly involved. Whether rich or poor, black or white, royal or subject, you must know that every love and marriage relationship has its do's and don'ts. Together, they make a vital and profitable relationship but one without the other causes grief and pain. Let us look at it another way. Have you ever sat down to ponder how and why people fall in love? This is a mystery. It is beyond chemical attraction. Men talk about the existence and life of love, but not love's conception and birth. Most people out of ignorance, or half-knowledge, do say that "love is blind," but to me, this blindness, or lack of vision and foresight is the genesis of all the broken love relationships and divorces that have become a tradition of our society.
How can love be blind where it sees attraction, and beauty? Love is not blind. People fail to see that love is beyond their temporary vision. Love is not temporary attraction. Anything temporary fades and dies but love is everlasting, Love never dies. Loves grieves to see people failing to it – and how people suffer as a result. Falling in love and going into marriage is not and should not be considered child's play. Maturity is essential to a love relationship, and you have to think and consider and study a relationship with both physical and spiritual eyes open. Your senses must be very alert and your knowledge about what the relationship means to you must be very acute. Love and marriage is the business of your heart. There is no glory or honor in divorces and break-ups. Broken hearts are hard to mend; hearts must be handled properly with His divine laws and knowledge. Every faulty love or marriage relationship is aggressively hurtful, and devastating to the individuals involved and to the society in which they live. Understanding the ethics of relationships is more profitable than that of sex education which so many schools have included into their school curriculum. Instead they should teach love which prompts sex. Any sex relationship done outside love ends in chaos and in a bitter experience to young lovers.
A real love and marriage relationship is a wonderful and sweet union. Two members of opposite sex, each of whom have a relationship with God, join in total agreement to build and design a wonderful law-abiding part of the society and contribute immensely to the peaceful co-existence of the world for the rest of their lives. The problem of broken homes, break-ups and divorces was not like this in the beginning. We have thrown away divine laws, traditions, and every element of cultural unity that upholds the pillar of love and marriage. We have fallen apart. Look around you and tell me, what do you see? I see single mothers, divorcees, street-children, able bodied people in the shelters, and widows and widowers, who have murdered their spouses as result of ugly and complicated love relationship. Yes, these are what I see and all are by-products of broken homes, broken relationships, and divorces.
Every one of us has wandered very far from God as a result of the liberty we want for ourselves. As a consequence, we have created this anarchy in relationship for generation yet unborn.
A diminishing crisis can be managed, and hopefully come to an end someday. But a raging crisis cannot. This poses a threat like a time-bomb in our society. The upcoming generations who know nothing about pure and godly love relationships and marriages will all their life live in danger. A child who is taught sex education, for example, knows only about one thing. It is sex: how to sex, how to protect oneself from diseases and pregnancies, and perhaps the right age to begin to sex. It is good but partial knowledge - not the sum. The child does not know who to sex, so the present generation sexes anything: animals, reptiles, birds, and same-sex individuals. Why they must sex with whoever they want to is not even known to them. They don't know love that breeds sex, but just sex for the sake of sex. Love now becomes the product of sex rather than sex being the product of love. This is the second genesis of the problem of broken homes and divorces in our society.
Every grown-up person was once a child and children learn by watching, listening, and experimenting. Most couples are so careless and immoral that their own children, or children around them, become like them. There are many things children should not see until they grow up, because once seen is forever known.
Relationship Problems are Universal
One interesting thing about love and marriage relationship problems is that it is universal. Kings and queens, presidents of great nations and poor nations alike are in relationships. Heads of religious organizations and their followers, rich people and poor people are all living with this problem. Children born today anywhere in the world will grow to inherit the problem. This problem needs a solution
When I was in Africa, I saw the problems of relationships but it was not so exposed. African culture, church and mosque make divorce evil and secret, although it is ongoing secretly across that society. Africans are poor, and we know that love without money never lasts long, but older people in African villages, they have no money and no splendor life, and yet their relationships with their spouses are sweet and highly coordinated. The few rich people who I thought would live happier, safer, and more united with their spouses are even worse, and those who teach the word of God also struggle with relationship problems. I concluded that the problem is something more than poverty. They are wandering away from God and tradition.
I wanted to know more. I thought the people of Asia would have better relationships, but I saw many complicated problems of love and marriage relationships. People struggled to stay in love and people were crying "foul" and checking out of relationships. Broken homes and broken relationships were normal ways of life. If the problem was caused by over-population, many people were looking for cheap sex. This is hard to answer, too. Some people I interviewed said they would choose to remain single rather than going into a relationship that would break their hearts. Nobody is ready to love for love. In Europe, people often commit suicide because of being involved in a bad relationship. Why can't people with good living standards maintain their relationships in a decent loving manner?
America! God's own country! 'Heaven on Earth nation? God have mercy! This is the worst nation on the surface of the Earth, for a love relationship. Why is America in this huge mess regarding relationships? Why are almost 75% of the American adult populations divorced? Why are great numbers of American people living as single parents? Are same-sex relationships the result of frustration and heartbreak caused by broken relationships with the opposite sex? So many broken homes in American society leave innocent children devastated in project housing, public shelters, and places of lawlessness and crime. No wonder there are so much crime in American society. Children beget children, because they have received no knowledge about the value of relationships. Children want someone to love them and want them – so they create babies for themselves in great ignorance. Children need to be shown that they have the right to good parenting which will, in turn, supply a good education, good healthcare, and a good home life. Children need good guidance to grow to be good citizens – this is true of any nation. Without good parenting, children will not learn or develop a sense of responsibility. Without responsibility children cannot make good decisions. Without the ability to make good decisions, they will live their adult life in misery and danger. The only right that will be known as a child is the right to live a good life.
The Undeniable Urge in Relationship
Love and marriage relationships are the urges you cannot ignore or deny when an individual is of age. Relationship is not an act and cannot be acquired by wealth or might but by natural disposition by God in every normal human being. Denying those urges, as a grown up, and normal individual results in activities that will never be good and appreciable life-style in any good society.
Counselors of Love Relationships and Marriages
These global situations of ugly relationships problems have prompted many colleges and universities to create a curriculum of counseling or psychology, yet the problems grow worse by the day. Many of the counselors and psychologists themselves are victims of poor relationships and divorces too. Some of their children are also now wayward and live in the streets. This is why every one of us needs God in our relationship and also believe God to lead you to a good counselor who is great in his or her relationship. The job of counseling is not an easy one, because a piece of advice that is not properly applied can destroy a relationship completely. I pray relationship counselors and encourage them to do great jobs, but put their trust in God for better wisdom.
Love concept was instituted by the Creator, with a natural procedure of attaining it, but man has changed God's procedure to using human wisdom and approaches to love. Human ways fail all the time, we cannot even manage our one-to-one relationship as humans, how much more of possibly managing and leading our society right.
Love cannot be stopped. Love is the nature of man created in the divine image, and love is what will heal the world. This foundation has been laid down from the beginning of the world. The only way to solve the problems of relationship is to seek a way to make relationships work, and this is exactly what this book is all about. No retreat or surrender in love and relationships is possible. Until a way to make love work, create a sweet relationship is found, we will continue to seek a solution. Divorce is never a solution; a break-up is never a solution. Divorce multiplies the problem that is destroying our children and society today. In the beginning, divorce was not an option. Divorce was a source of shame and pain. Our forefathers had love relationships and marriages that ended in death. If the present is not working, perhaps we should look at the past to learn how to handle relationships in happiness and unity.
Relying on the current education and knowledge is a detour in the divine plan for relationships. All attempts to go further lead to destruction. The earlier we realize this will be better for us and for our generations yet to be born. So many individuals and families have lamented the agony they go through daily as a result of divorce and broken relationships. "This is a time bomb," someone said to me. If the rate of divorce and broken relationships is not checked soon, the devastation to society will be huge.
Some Painful Effects of Broken Love Relationships and Divorces
Divorce and broken relationships have had adverse effects on society. Every area of the family unit is harshly affected. Let's consider some of these effects.
Effect of Divorce on Children:
Children are dangerously affected by divorce. First, children lose the relationship between them and their parents when the parents are divorced. The children begin to lack home training, practical support, financial support, and most of all- love. Emotionally, these children become depressed, wayward, arrogant, and lawless. Children of a divorced couple are less cultured, feel a sense of early responsibility or guilt, and lack the ability to handle conflicts. Children are thrown into immature situations which they lack social skills and know-how to handle. These children confuse love and sex. Children from divorced homes face the danger of early pregnancies and childrearing, and their attitude toward marriage is destructive. These children often have no incentive for continued education, so they lose interest in school and skill training. They struggle financially throughout their life.
Single parenthood has much great knowledge missing in it; most importantly, genuine love. Waywardness in single parenting is high and often causes one to be a school dropout, and engage in juvenile delinquency. Some children become hardened criminals who frustrate law and order, and kill people. Some children end up hating both parents and resolve to kill them, or join gangs to create security and the sense of belonging in society. Some children became depressed and deteriorate in health. Some even commit suicide.
Children who up in an intact family with both biological parents present, do better on wide range of outcome. They are more peaceful, cultured, loving and balanced in thoughts and deeds than children who grow up in a single parent family.
Effects of Divorce on Spouses
There are numerous effects of divorce on spouses. Both spouses are emotionally depressed, especially when they can no longer share quality time with their children. Financially, spouses are affected by attorney fees, renting a new home, and caring for their children living elsewhere. Spouses sometime become alcoholic or end up taking drugs to cope with the situation. Some spouses become wretched from paying child support to their ex-spouse and hate life. Spouses can end up in shelters when they cannot afford to pay rents; some become harlots and expose themselves to dangers of being killed by addicts and robbers. Some spouses psychologically become sick and die; or commit murder or suicide.
Effects of Divorce on Society
Divorce is a poison and a threat to a society. Some children of divorced couples do get involved in criminal activities that deprive good people of their money and privacy; they commit fraud, fight, and kill people. These are some of the negative effects of divorce on society. Religious practices weaken; interest and comfort in education diminish. Divorces increase crimes such as, sexual abuse, use and sale of drugs, and other broken laws. While government spends more money combating crime, the society lives in fear.
CHAPTER 2
Foundation of Homes and Environment
Everything on earth, whether physical or spiritual, or any other area your mind may explore has a beginning, and that very beginning is called the foundation. The foundation is, by and large, a structure which is laid for us to build upon. The foundation cuts across every sphere of human life and development. If positively laid, it breeds success in human endeavor. If it is negatively laid, it multiplies failure, pains, and misery in human striving. We cannot build anything without laying a foundation. Foundation is like the first milk fed into a child's sub-conscious mind for life endeavor. A good and positive foundation allows achievement with little effort. On the other hand, a negative foundation offers little or no success. History has shown that the laying of a negative foundation seldom builds a positive destiny. People must combine hard work and expend great spiritual energy to change a negative foundation into a positive one on which they can build.
Foundation is a critical factor in our lives. In this book, we look at foundation in every area and how it positively or negatively affects the life we live, the way we think, the way we behave, and also the way we handle situations.
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Excerpted from How to Build a Stimulating and Everlasting Love in Relationships by Felix O. Jeremiah. Copyright © 2013 Felix O. Jeremiah. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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