eBook
Available on Compatible NOOK devices, the free NOOK App and in My Digital Library.
Related collections and offers
Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781546278832 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 03/09/2019 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 140 |
| File size: | 488 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
MILLENNIAL LANGUAGE LEARNING, CAN I EVEN DO IT?
The first time I called my hair salon and heard the word "reservationist" on their recording, something inside me died.
"Please hold and a reservationist will be with you shortly."
There was an incoming call on my mobile phone. It was Logan. I answered, "Hi, Logan. I'm having a moment. What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm just checking on you. What's the problem?"
"I was just trying to make a hair appointment."
"How did that go?"
"I hung up."
Logan laughed and asked, "Why did you hang up?"
"Have you ever heard of making a hair reservation?"
"A reservation for a haircut, yes. Why are you being so passive-aggressive over that word?"
"How is making a hair appointment passive aggressive?
"You're resisting."
"I look like Don King, that's what I'm resisting. Do you know who that is?"
"No."
"What's going on at my hair salon? What happened to Meghan, the receptionist? I liked her so much. Maybe she went back to school."
"Okay. Did you just call her a receptionist? You need to stop."
"What am I supposed to call her?"
"What did you used to call her?"
"I called her Meghan."
"Oh, I think I know her. She works at Jane.com now. Oy!
Who cares? I need to go spin."
I showed up early that day. The day of my haircut reservation. I didn't trust it.
The elevator opened and there they were. The millennials. The early bird millennials. The coffee carriers, the stylists; striking down stereotypes of laziness, speaking loudly and confidently as if they were just kids and knew there was company.
They lost focus and became quiet for a moment when they spotted me. Then they started up again. I assumed they dismissed me as basic because I was wearing leggings.
I sat on the window ledge near the hanging hair cutting capes and I thought to myself, "I didn't even know hair salons had meetings. I must be old. What could they possibly be talking about?"
Their salon chairs were in a synonymous swivel. A leather bench had been moved in to create a circle. They sat poised in their talking circle and talked about mousse.
I heard the brand they were talking about and I recognized it. I could feel a bend in my knee. I wanted to jump in the circle.
They seemed like a product heavy crowd. Maybe I should just get my hair cut and move on.
The City had changed. It was all about demand-responsive parking meters, e-bikes and no plastic straws.
Come to think of it, I had changed, too. I used to run around The City in four-inch heels carrying high-end handbags. That day, I was in Nike Flyknits and wearing an RFID-travel neck wallet.
My sophisticated millennial friend, Charlie, stopped by the salon for a quick visit. The neck wallet was his E-stop.
"That is over the top!" Charlie said, "What has happened to you?! I miss your handbags!"
I directed him to Fashionphile.
Handbags have a much better resale value than shoes, for obvious reasons. I try to put myself in other people's shoes quite a bit, just not in the literal sense.
Millennials are a far more literal generation than Generation X and older generations. We tend to speak in idioms. We grew up that way. It's our generational style.
Millennials like words used in their most exact sense. Give it to them straight. Define your idiom. Say what you mean to say.
Almost every single millennial I told that I was writing a book about their generation, asked me the same honest question: "How long is it?"
The generation was endearing itself to me.
As I sat in the hair salon, my mobile phone alerted me to a new message. I went to answer the message and accidentally turned on the flashlight.
The millennial sitting next to me gave me the side-eye. He blinked it, to let me know I had flashed the light in his eye. I thought to myself, that must be the reservationist.
Where was Inclusivity when I needed her?
CHAPTER 2INCLUSIVITY
Inclusivity lives in the Marina. Her real name is Carmel Fontina. She changed it as part of a social experiment.
Inclusivity gets along with everyone. She doesn't walk on egg-shells. She's open-minded, open-hearted and unprejudiced.
Inclusivity welcomes a challenge. In fact, instead of choosing a location for her social experiment based on its multi-culturalism and diversity, Inclusivity chose a location in Orange County, two blocks from the Fashion Island Mall.
I remember back when she was still Carmel. She called me one night in tears. She thought she was Italian, but when she did her DNA and the results came back, they didn't match her siblings. Their ancestry all came back pure northern Italian, mapped beautifully up at the top. Carmel's came back from Ecuador. It was after she read the gene mapping that she had her breakdown.
Inclusivity was born out of the need for tolerance. She didn't appreciate her older sister, Louisa, making jokes like, "This might explain why you don't like prosciutto."
Carmel was shocked by the results and hurt by her sister's insensitivity. She wondered if they were even sisters. Did she even have a family?!
She tried to reduce her stress by doing Tai Chi in Washington Square Park.
She tried to distract herself with the frescos in Coit Tower.
Eventually, Carmel retreated to her grandmother cave. Otherwise known as her full floor top flat, in a three-unit building she owned near the corner of Beach and Fillmore Streets.
Carmel's grandmother cave consisted of three things; her grandchildren, her almond raspberry filled torte, and the Hallmark Channel.
Carmel baked so much almond and raspberry torte that the local market ran out of raspberry preserves.
The millennials in their apartments didn't even notice. They made healthier choices and ate things like roasted brussel sprouts and carrot hummus from Greens.
Three weeks had passed since Carmel talked to Louisa. Despite the layers and layers of raspberry preserves Carmel had slathered on top of her hurt feelings, she was still not over it. But, her tortes were simply scrumptious.
Carmel hadn't thought of those two words together since Stonestown Galleria was an outdoor mall and had a popular coffee shop called Simply Scrumptious. She and Louisa used to meet there for coffee. They served coffee in clear glass goblets.
Carmel wanted to tell her friends about her situation, but she was worried what they would say. Then she remembered the empty sugar packet she had saved from all those years ago at coffee with Louisa. It had a quote on it from Elbert Hubbard that read: "Never explain, your friends don't need it and your enemies will never believe it anyway."
Carmel was clear about one thing. She wasn't going to become a bitter person. In fact, her generosity of spirit prevailed during this troubled time and she decided to take two of her tortes down to the schoolyard as a donation to the neighborhood bake sale.
Someone explained the millennials to her at the bake sale.
Carmel was fun-loving, mellow and ageless. She thought the millennials might be just the family she was looking for. She wondered if the millennials would accept her.
The idea for the social experiment was rooted in the roots of her questionable roots.
While watching a Peanuts cartoon with her grandchildren about a warm blanket, Carmel was reminded of her dear friend, Olga, who had recently moved to Orange County. Olga and Carmel used to sit and knit multicolored ripple afghans together, while the Blue Angels buzzed the flats. The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, now an aviation unit in the hundreds, flew out of the trees. Those were the good old days, Carmel thought to herself.
Days later, while sweeping the sidewalk outside her flats, Carmel's baby boomer friend, Pam, pulled up in her Subaru. Pam lowered the passenger window, asked Carmel where she had been hiding and insisted she join her. They went to Ton Kiang for dim sum and saw "A Star is Born" at The Kabuki.
Pam was right. It was time to make some GOOD NEW DAYS!!
Carmel moved forward with the social experiment. She called Olga and accepted Olga's invitation to visit and stay with her.
On the morning Carmel's grandchildren left to visit their paternal grandparents in Perth for the holidays, Carmel boarded a commuter flight from SFO to the John Wayne Airport in Orange County. Although she was afraid to fly, Carmel just felt like flying and she overcame her fear. It was a smooth flight.
The experiment was to be taken seriously and conducted over a period of three weeks. It began the moment Carmel stepped off the plane, onto the moveable airstairs and set foot on Southern California soil.
Carmel met Ainsley, a millennial car rental agent, coincidentally at the Starbuck's inside the airport.
Carmel Fontina was now Inclusivity.
I called Carmel as she and Ainsley were walking to the car rental office down a long passenger walkway. It was a somewhat private conversation because Ainsley was a fast-moving millennial. Faster than Carmel, anyway.
In the experiment and in the moment, Carmel stopped How to eat A Millennial .. one byte at a time to catch her breath and answered my call, "Hello, this is Inclusivity."
"Hi, Carmel, I mean Inclusivity," I said, in full cooperation, "How are you?"
"I'm walking with my new millennial friend, Ainsley.
She's going to help me rent a car," Inclusivity said, as she resumed walking.
"You have a millennial friend already?"
"Yes! I met her at Starbuck's. We were waiting in line and I figured there was no better time and place to start. So, I decided to go for it and talk to a millennial."
"You're a brave woman, Inclusivity."
"Ainsley was ordering a pink drink and I asked her, 'Is that a Millennial Pink Latte? I thought they were only selling those in Japan.' I read that in Food and Wine Magazine on the airplane."
"Is that true? Is there a Millennial Pink Latte?" I asked.
"Yes, it's true! There is a Millennial Pink Latte. Of course, Gen Z yellow is the new millennial pink," Inclusivity said.
"You've been doing your research, Inclusivity."
"I did more reading on the plane than I've done all year. Did you hear about Pixar's first female millennial director of an animated short? She wrote it, too. It's a computer-animated short film about a Chinese dumpling named 'Bao'. She won an Academy Award!"
"I haven't heard about any of this."
"It's true. I can identify with her mother not wanting to let her daughter go. I almost couldn't say goodbye to my grandchildren this morning."
"But, look! You've already made so much progress."
"I know. When I asked Ainsley about her pink drink, she said she ordered it off the secret menu. It was the Pink Starburst Frappuccino. She hadn't heard about the Millennial Pink Latte either. Just like you! We're more alike than we know!"
"Oh my gosh, Inclusivity! Your experiment is working!
You're breaking down social barriers, one woman at a time!" "I know! Except, then I had a set-back. She asked me my name. When I told her Inclusivity, she asked me if I was a stripper."
There was an incoming call on my mobile phone. It was Logan.
"Inclusivity, hang on one minute," I said, switching to Logan's call, "Hi, I'm on the phone with Inclusivity."
"Oh! How's she doing?!"
"Amazing! She's already becoming a friend to the millennials."
"Stop it," Logan said, laughing.
"It's true. Who knows how many lives she will touch."
"I'm inspired!" Logan exclaimed, "I can't believe it! I didn't even think it was real when I first heard about all of this. It's all happened so fast."
"Did Bridgette call?" I asked.
"Yes. She just confirmed. That's what I called to tell you," Logan said.
"Great. Thank you," I said.
"Tell Inclusivity, I said 'Hi', and to keep up the good work!"
"I will. Ciao."
"Bye," Logan said and was gone. He always ended the call before me. How did he do that so fast?
While Inclusivity waited for her car rental, she learned that Ainsley was ironically and completely by chance, friends with Marissa Marie, a neighbor in Olga's apartment complex.
Ainsley and Inclusivity would meet again.
Ainsley upgraded Inclusivity's car rental and welcomed her to the O.C.
As Inclusivity drove down the Pacific Coast Highway in her Mercedes-Benz GL450 Sport Utility Vehicle, she felt a sense of belonging alongside all the fancy cars with their personalized plates. The weight of the SUV going down a hill, however, was something she'd have to get used to. Inclusivity was seen backing out of two intersections on a red light.
Feeling somewhat overly confident, Inclusivity turned on the radio and raised the volume. She quickly discovered her car rental radio only received one channel. It was a rap music channel; 24/7.
Carmel would have been turned off by the profanity of the rap music and changed the vibration to no music at all, but Inclusivity shifted her thinking. Upon hearing the rawness of emotion, Inclusivity began to experience a rare form of Draking brought on by failed DNA expectations.
Inclusivity spent a lot of time in her car because that's what you do in Southern California.
Fastened with her technical truth, she listened to rap music 24/7. She tried to incorporate the new way. It was only a matter of days before Inclusivity could vocally deliver every word to the consensual version of "Baby, it's Cold Outside".
I reached out to Inclusivity the following week to see how she was doing. She told me of the many new millennial friends she had made. More specifically, Olga's two neighbors. Inclusivity found them fascinating.
The neighbor in the apartment directly next door to Olga's was a popular bachelor millennial with a perfect fluff of hair. His name was Angaura; "Aura" with an "A-N-G". That was his signature and very successful pick-up line.
Angaura was a pillow designer. He designed pillows for the rich and famous, made from faux angora. There was nothing faux about Angaura. He was fit and living his best life. He was honest about the stage of life he was navigating and had no objection to it. Neither did the throngs and thongs of people Angaura brought back to his apartment. An apartment that was kept like a posh Manhattan penthouse, with a housecleaner and luxury home textiles. There was even breakfast cereal because they didn't have to do the dishes.
Inclusivity heard a lot of giggling and laughter through those walls. Among other things ...
One night, Angaura hosted a nonsexual cuddle party. He had pillows, but no blankets. Angaura knocked on Olga's door and asked if he could borrow some of her afghans. He invited Olga and Inclusivity to cuddle. They loaned Angaura the afghans, but respectfully declined his invitation, opting out for another fun social experience. A game of bingo. At a hipster bar.
Olga's neighbor on the opposite side was Marissa Marie, future architect to the future King of England.
Marissa Marie had her own Christmas tree in her own room to decorate as a child and would bond with the future king over that shared memory.
One day the Private Secretary to the Sovereign would call for Marissa Marie, right there on her mobile phone in Orange County. Marissa Marie would be having a lazy day playing her cello and enjoying a Froyo from Top That Yogurt. She would initially think someone was playing a prank. Then she How to eat A Millennial .. one byte at a time would recognize it as her moment, and live her moment, with the insight that everybody has to come from somewhere.
Inclusivity's social experiment began to have a profoundly positive affect on Carmel and everyone around her. She began touching lives with her mere passion for the experiment. The more lives she touched, the more passionate she became. She could feel it. It was surreal. How did she end up here? So far from torte and cartoons.
Word about the experiment had spread back to Northern California. Even Jack, the fisherman from Fort Bragg, had heard about it! Amir, at the Dollar Tree store in Novato could not stop talking about the rainy Sunday morning he met her, when she made a mad dash into his store for some paper and a pen. He gave her a Hershey's chocolate kiss and his pen. He told her, "Keep on writing! Don't stop!" Inclusivity had helped Carmel find herself again. Her authentic self. The one the world needed just as much as she did.
While walking surfside with Olga's two neighbors one afternoon, along a nice stretch of beach near the Ritz-Carlton, Laguna Niguel, Inclusivity could not believe it had already been three weeks.
She thought about her exciting friend, Nasime, in guest relations at the coastal resort, whom she met when she splurged on a couple of nights there. Nasime offered her a glass of champs directly upon her arrival. She gave her a gift bag with a bath bomb and a frame to frame a new adventure.
Before leaving the O.C., Inclusivity extended an invitation to all the millennial friends she had made, to come visit her in San Francisco. She offered them her vacant garden studio as accommodation, free of charge.
The garden studio was located below her two full floor flats, on street level. It had easy access to public transportation and was a short distance to the sophisticated shops, restaurants, and high-end eateries of Chestnut Street. It was very near the recreation parks and open spaces that were Crissy Field, The Marina Green, The Palace of Fine Arts and Fort Mason.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "How to eat A Millennial ... one byte at a time"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Valerie Caccia.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction; A Truly Authentic Story, ix,
Millennial Language Learning, Can I Even Do It?, 1,
Inclusivity, 7,
Homeland Generation (Gen Z); Nevada & ChiChi, 19,
Life Can Be Tough, For A Gen Z Girl, 31,
If You Make A Mess, Clean It Up! - Nepotism at the Zoo, 41,
Millennials (Gen Y); Sofia & Miguel, 45,
Womanly Wisdoms From The Caboweb, 57,
Caboweb, 59,
Baby Bust (Gen X); My Generation, 67,
Baby Boomer; Patsy & Boomer, 79,
You Must Watch The Green Mile To Fully Understand This Section, 87,
The Silent Generation; Ruth & Robert, 91,
I Didn't RSVP the Holiday Party, 99,
Four Trips to Los Gatos, 111,
Epilogue, 121,