How to Empower Your Kids

by Danny Bastos

Overview

Waking up, getting ready for school, and managing homework. These everyday tasks bring stress to families. Too many precious, quality moments are lost coping with the everyday demands of a practical life. In How to Empower Your Kids, author and life coach Danny Bastos, offers a system to help parents deal with the daily hassles of a childs life. In this guide, she discusses duties, responsibilities, and rules for ages two to eighteen. How to Empower Your Kids stresses the importance of teaching children time management, organizational skills, scheduling, goal setting, and other much-needed life skills. It opens the door to better communication within the family, helping parents help their kids be responsible and productive with no stress. It offers a fun and smart way for parents to get organized in their mind and have the structure to thrive and achieve whatever they want in life and teach kids how to do it too.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781982207069
Publisher:	Balboa Press
Publication date:	08/23/2018
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	122
File size:	651 KB

About the Author

Danny Bastos is a certified life coach, journalist, Theta Healer, speaker, a mother of two, and a wife of fifteen years. She currently lives in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

DO NOT UNDERMINE YOUR CHILDREN; EMPOWER THEM

Treat your kids with the respect that you want them to treat you. The way you treat your parents is inspiring your children to treat you in the future, so be mindful! How can you teach, educate and help them create the self-esteem they need to have to be the best they can be?

Parenthood is very hard and does not come with a manual. So, the professionals gather information based on their observations, experiences and research to come up with concepts, but I tried to break it down and do it a little simpler, because you just need to pay attention to your child, observe to really know your kid, listen to him or her and love him or her. Do not under any circumstance compare them to other kids.

What do kids need? They need love, structure, acceptance and boundaries. What do kids not need? They do not need criticism, name-calling, comparison, yelling, hitting, undermining and lack of patience.

The best thing you can do in any communication is to validate what the other person is saying, especially when you are talking to children. The adult usually dismisses or minimizes what the kids are saying, feeling, or doing, or even worse, we try to deny what they are feeling or tell them how they should feel.

How many times did your kid come up to you and say he or she is hungry and you replied, "You just ate; you cannot be hungry"? Don't tell your child how to feel or dismiss his or her feelings. Learn to ask questions.

Example

Mary had a fallout with a friend and comes crying, and we don't show any empathy. So, Mary comes and says her BFF, Kathy, did not invite her for a sleepover and invited Carol. Some parents cannot deal with the discomfort of their kids being upset, or the situation brings up their own feelings about rejection. So, they may say:

• "Oh, get over it. That is not a big deal."

• "Okay, Mary, there is no reason to be this upset. Call some other friend."

• "Did she exclude you? So, you are not going there and I don't want her in this house anymore."

Try empathy instead. Those first experiences with rejection can be really daunting and it really does hurt. Remember when you were their age and the most important thing in your life was your friends and being accepted and included socially. It is essential to put yourself in their shoes.

Ask how she feels and engage in a conversation. Do not project your own feelings about the situation and do not assume how she feels.

Mother or Father can say, "Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Are you okay?"

Be understanding. Tell your child, "I can understand how you are feeling. That really hurts."

If she wants to continue talking, proceed asking questions. "Did anything happen?" (And just hear her out. Show that you are interested.) See if she can come to a conclusion or even a solution for the situation on her own.

Take advantage of this as a teachable moment and offer another perspective for this situation. If she gets stuck in feeling sorry for herself, Mom or Dad can say, "Sweetie, those things happen and you know you are not going to get invited every time. And that is okay. When you have people over, you leave out some friends too and it's not because you don't like them. It is because I allow two at a time, remember? So, it might not be personal, but I understand that is still upsetting."

It is okay to offer your children a better and more positive outlook, but not to deny or dismiss their feelings. Try to teach them to ask themselves when they are feeling down: How can I see this differently? How can I make this better? Make sure they can have a positive approach when dealing with difficult feelings. It will help them cope with these emotions and situations when you are not around.

When you acknowledge a child's feeling, you are giving him or her the structure that your child needs to deal with his or her emotions and come up with ways to cope. Resist the urge to solve, suppress, or bribe your kids just not to see them suffer. This situation gives them resilience and new emotional tools, and it is good for them to experience frustration and to learn how to deal with it.

No Name-Calling

There is no excuse to call your children — or anyone for that matter — names. A respectful communication focuses on the action of a child and does not label this adolescent.

So, when your son, for example, is doing something wrong, he is not a pain in the ass. What he does is inadequate, not him. He can change his behavior, but your son cannot change who he is.

If your child is failing at school, his or her effort needs improvement, along with his or her concentration and so on, but your kid is not dumb or lazy.

If your daughter's room is a mess, she is not disgusting. Her room needs her attention, so tell exactly what she needs to do. Don't talk with children, giving a sermon or making statements. Just tell them simply what they need to do and when. Do not threaten and take things away because you want to have all these things done always. So, if you improve the communications, the results will follow.

CHAPTER 2

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN; MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

If you communicate through rhetoric, metaphor, sarcasm, or threats, change. Be straight to the point and tell your child what your expectations are and how he or she should follow up. Do not give in to making ludicrous threats that are out of proportion. It won't do it. You will lose credibility.

The goal in any relationship is to get along, to be seen and listened to, to be respected and to have your emotional needs met. With children, it is no different, so communicate openly and easily and make sure you were understood. If you want something done, give it a deadline. Your priorities are not necessarily their urgency and they tend to daydream, so you will have to say it more than once, and that is okay, as long as you are also being respected and the child honors his or her part of the deal.

CHAPTER 3

WE WANT OUR KIDS TO BE SUCCESSFUL

We all want to raise successful children, but what does that really mean? Successful people have healthy relationships and are empathetic to others. They have the ability to be focused and have emotional intelligence so they don't fall prey to the "unbearable genius" syndrome. Successful means they are well adjusted, happy, healthy, confident, and independent and they are able to make good decisions for themselves when you are not around.

Raising children who know themselves and know how to make the best choices for themselves is the goal of parenting. You do not want a child who obeys you out of fear, is defiant, and puts his or her own well-being aside when he or she breaks free.

CHAPTER 4

HOW TO SAY NO WITH COMPASSION

My daughter, Liv, was nine when she came up to me saying that her best friend and neighbor, Gigi, was going to sleep over at another neighbor's house and they invited her to go as well. The other girl, Hannah, was five years older and I did not know her parents well.

So, Liv came all excited, asking if she could sleep over at the older girl's house. I sat her down and explained to her that her father and I did not know Hannah's parents and we did not feel comfortable with her sleeping at their house. I went on saying that I was very sorry and I knew how disappointing it was for her to not be part of the slumber party.

She said, "I am very unhappy right now."

She cried a lot, and I sat beside her and held her. I told her how much I loved her, but part of parenting was to protect her from harm that she did not even know existed. My first duty was not to make her happy. That was out of my hands really, but it was to make her safe and nurtured and then please her as often as possible, as her happiness was also my happiness.

I told her that, on my end, I would be willing to go to the girl's house and befriend her parents if that was important to her. If I found it were safe and okay, I would revise this decision on another occasion.

The idea of being left out a slumber party with both of her friends let her feel in her words: broken inside. I showed her empathy and acknowledged her pain, so she let me hold her, my goal was to make her feel emotionally supported.

After ten minutes of crying, I asked if she was ready to move on from that feeling so we could enjoy a movie together. She said yes and I let her pick the movie. We had popcorn and she was well and happy. I honored my promise and befriended the family and we had a do-over on another opportunity.

It is important that your children know that you honor your commitments to them and you acknowledge that their feelings are important so they trust you when you say no to them and you say it is not safe for them. But, even though my eldest daughter is not the rebellious type, it surprised me when she let me held her, as she was not angry. She was sad!

Seeing her so sad took all my strength not to do what she wanted me to do, as she is such a good daughter. But, being a parent is not easy and the easiest decision is often the wrong one. I stuck with my guns and had the courage not to please her, but to do what I felt was right. She does not need to be pleased all the time to know she is loved. She needs to be parented all the time, to know that saying no is also an act of love when it is necessary.

CHAPTER 5

Q&A FOR THE FAMILY

When you start answering these questions, you will start organizing your life to be more effective.

I want to have more time to:

______________________________________________________

I waste too much time on:

______________________________________________________

Tasks I tend to not complete are:

______________________________________________________

Things I seem to not be able to start doing:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like to change:

______________________________________________________

Things I wish I didn't have to do:

______________________________________________________

Things I have to tackle right away:

______________________________________________________

Things I can do later:

______________________________________________________

Overflow tasks:

______________________________________________________

Things I need to work to improve in myself:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like to change in myself:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like to change in my behavior:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like to accomplish:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like to have my parents help me with:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like that my parents would understand:

______________________________________________________

Things I love to do:

______________________________________________________

Things I would love to do but am scared of trying:

______________________________________________________

Things I have to do but hate doing:

______________________________________________________

Things that people think I like but I really don't:

______________________________________________________

Things I would like people to notice about me:

______________________________________________________

I would like to be more:

______________________________________________________

I would like to be less:

______________________________________________________

I would like to have more:

______________________________________________________

I would like to have less:

______________________________________________________

I would like to do more with my parents:

______________________________________________________

I wish my parents didn't do:

______________________________________________________

If I could choose to do anything in the world, I would do:

______________________________________________________

I would like to be known for:

______________________________________________________

I would be like to have the ability of:

______________________________________________________

I am afraid of:

______________________________________________________

CHAPTER 6

CIRCLE OF LIFE

Learn to rank your priorities and balance out your life.

Each area below is parts of your life, so on a scale from 0 to 10, how would you rank these specific areas of your life now? Then give another 0 to 10 number to see how you would like them to be.

This exercise will show how your life is balanced according to your priorities and if there is any way that you could improve on that. Feel free to add or remove fields to make it your own

CHAPTER 7

LIFE VISION

Did you know, if you write your dreams, ideas and projects, you are way more likely to achieve them? So, if you start to put your dreams on paper and commence taking one step at a time, you are transforming your dreams into goals and you might really achieve it.

Take one hour every day to learn something that has to do with your dream job, your career, or what you want to do in your life. Your brain is the most powerful engine on the planet. The energy of your mind is creative and can manifest anything.

You have to believe in yourself. A very smart man, Henry Ford, once said, "If you think you can't, if you think you can, either way you are right."

That means, if you believe in yourself and you work hard enough, you are capable of achieving anything that you put your mind to. The power within you makes all things possible and you are the greater master of your life. Remember that Walt Disney once said, "If you can dream it, you can do it."

You can construct your life, shaping it up as you go, but do not give up because the fun is not at the end. It is in the journey.

Don't ever forget to find joy on the way. That is the whole purpose of life!

"You cannot go back and have a do-over, but you can learn from your mistakes and make a better ending."

Chico Xavier

"A child is not yet a slave of his or her own expectations." — Danny Bastos

CHAPTER 8

HOW TO EMPOWER YOUR KIDS: THE MANUAL

The following describes how to rise bright and shine within the stressful weekday mornings.

In every relationship, the most important thing is communication. The parents have an expectation, but they do not clearly communicate that expectation to their kids. The kids usually get yelled at without even knowing what they are doing wrong.

I have created a system that will teach kids how to organize themselves and based on this organization, they will learn how to think, be independent and know how to make decisions and be in control of their lives and responsible for their actions. This system creates the structure before demanding the results. They will learn what they have to do and start doing it.

With this system, you will see an improvement in your routine. You are giving your kid the tools to help him or her organize his or her mind and life and be responsible for taking care of his or her stuff, because you are giving your child the structure that he or she needs to thrive on his or her own. You are empowering children so they can have the freedom with the responsibilities that comes with the free will.

Tell your kids what you expect them to do and teach them how to do it. You are preparing them to be independent and organized and to learn time management from a young age.

What is time management? It's the ability to use one's time effectively or productively!

To start the Weekday Mornings Checklist, you should set up a timer to see how long it takes for your kids to complete the morning rituals. Beside the activity, write down the time for each of the activities. You are teaching them time management and then letting them decide how long they will have after waking up to get ready to go to school.

Be free to include your own routine and rituals. This is your planner, but always remember the essential. Spend quality time with your kids, teaching them, talking to them and enjoying their process. Their speed is not necessarily up to your speed, but refrain from nagging or complaining.

Instead of complaining that they did not do something or they did not do something right, ask them if they need any help in finishing it up. It is a nice way to remind them of their activities. The kids are busy and their minds are bouncing among things that interest them. Those things will not include helping out, so bring it up nicely, and keep a light and fun environment.

CHAPTER 9

WEEKDAY MORNINGS CHECKLIST

1. Wake up grateful (2 seconds).

2. Make bed (2 minutes).

3. Fold and put away PJs.

4. Go to the bathroom.

5. Brush teeth/wash face/comb hair.

6. Make sure you are smelling good (deodorant/perfume).

7. Get dressed.

8. Eat breakfast.

9. Check homework.

10. Check lunchbox and backpack.

11. Check for permission slips or parent's signatures on school papers.

12. Put on shoes and jacket.

13. Don't forget kiss and hugs.

14. Head off to school.

WEEKNIGHTS CHECKLIST

1. Put away dirty clothes.

2. Wash hands.

3. Do homework and put in the backpack.

4. Pick up toys and clean up room.

5. Pack after-school activity bag.

6. Shower or bathe.

7. Have dinner.

8. Brush teeth.

9. Set aside the next day's clothes.

10. Complete reading and sleeping rituals.

11. Sleep tight.

SWIMMING CHECKLIST

• Bathing suit

• Goggles

• Flip-flops

• Sunscreen

• Towel

• Soap/shampoo/conditioner

• Hairbrush

• Change of clothes and underwear

Remember to bring back home the number of items that you are taking out. Count them out loud to help you remember everything. Print the list and put it in the bag so you will know what is in the bag.

SPORTS CHECKLIST

• Team uniform

• Appropriate shoes

• Sports article (bat for baseball, hockey stick, and so on)

• Change of clothes

• Water bottle

Remember to bring back home the number of items that you are taking out. Count them out loud to help you remember everything.

SLEEPOVER CHECKLIST

• Toothbrush

• Glasses/retainers

• PJs/teddy bear

• Flip-flops/sneakers

• Change of clothes

• Underwear

• Bathing suit

• Accessories

• Cell phones, tablets, and chargers

Always make sure that you teach your kid to never leave his or her dirty underwear on the floor, PJs all messed up on top of the bed and the bed unmade. Remember to bring back home the number of items that you are taking out.

Write a list of every item you are taking to your friend's house so you never leave anything behind. Bring the list, and remember to fold your clothes and pick up after yourself when you are in somebody else's house.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "How to Empower Your Kids"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Danny Bastos.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments, vii,
Introduction, ix,
Do Not Undermine Your Children; Empower Them, 1,
Say What You Mean; Mean What You Say, 6,
We Want Our Kids To Be Successful, 7,
How To Say No With Compassion, 8,
Q&A For The Family, 11,
Circle Of Life, 15,
Life Vision, 17,
How To Empower Your Kids: The Manual, 19,
Weekday Mornings Checklist, 22,
Weeknights Checklist, 23,
Swimming Checklist, 24,
Sports Checklist, 25,
Sleepover Checklist, 26,
Cleaning Up My Room, 28,
Duties And Responsibilities, 30,
Ages Two And Three, 32,
Ages Four And Five, 33,
Ages Six And Seven, 34,
Ages Eight To Eleven, 36,
Ages Twelve And Thirteen, 38,
Ages Fourteen And Fifteen, 40,
Ages Sixteen To Eighteen, 41,
Coach Your Kids, 42,
Some Rules To Live By, 63,
Monthly Planner, 68,
Weekly Planner, 92,
Daily Planner, 100,