★ 08/02/2021
Maisel (The Maisel Report), a former senior writer for ESPN, reflects on the tragedy of losing his 21-year-old son, Max, to suicide in this beautiful and heart-wrenching work. One morning in 2015, Maisel received a call from a sheriff’s office in Upstate New York, near his son’s college, reporting that Max’s car had been found near the shore of Lake Ontario, with no sign of its owner. Maisel’s worst fears were realized when it became clear that Max had deliberately walked out on the lake’s frozen surface until the ice broke beneath him. While Maisel knew that Max had had his share of struggles—especially with connecting with other people—neither he nor his wife, Meg, were aware of the extent of their son’s pain. Flashbacks to Max’s childhood make him a vivid personality, and photos of him throughout render the author’s grief devastatingly visceral. Even in the face of despair, the Maisels had no choice but to go on living without Max. Rather than succumbing to the “sugary, greeting-card emotion” that makes stories of grief, like his, palatable, Maisel writes honestly about learning how to have an “appreciation for what comes, with the understanding that I am guaranteed nothing.” The result yields a deeply affecting testament to the fragility of life, and the human capacity for resilience. Agent: Jan Miller, Dupree Miller & Assoc. (Oct.)
"[A] beautiful and heart-wrenching work... Flashbacks to Max's childhood make him a vivid personality, and photos of him throughout render the author's grief devastatingly visceral... Maisel writes honestly... The result yields a deeply affecting testament to the fragility of life, and the human capacity for resilience."—Publishers Weekly
"At the center of this beautifully written memoir by a father about his son Max, is a loving, devoted family. Ivan is a sportswriter, his clean, direct writing style is riveting and emotional. One winter day, when his son goes missing on purpose, the family unspools first in shock, then grief, and finally redemption as the author finds a letter written to him from Max from happier times. There is so much love in this memoir, the reader too, is redeemed. There is humor and grace as the Maisels find their way in the world without this beautiful soul in their midst. The family holds their memories of this original, one of a kind young man in their hearts. You will too. I couldn't put it down."—Adriana Trigiani, bestselling author of The Shoemaker's Wife
“This is a poignant memoir about the love that propels us to carry on and move forward after loss. Ivan Maisel gives voice to emotions that many of us have felt but few have been able to articulate.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and coauthor of Option B
“This is a story about grief, and loss and sorrow, yes. But it is also a story about triumph over those things, about love, devotion and grace.”—Wright Thompson, New York Times bestselling author of Pappyland
“Having lost a child myself, it’s hard for me to imagine a parent experiencing anything that is more painful. Losing a child to suicide adds another layer to the grief because we can’t understand why it happened. In I Keep Trying To Catch His Eye, Ivan Maisel shares his family’s story of losing a son to suicide. He examines some deep issues that aren’t easy for us to talk about—suicide, mental health, grief, and recovery. This book will be helpful to anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one but especially to those who have been impacted by suicide.”—Tony Dungy, NBC Sports, former NFL player/head coach and member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame
"Loss and grief create a division between the uninitiated and those who speak the language. Maisel's gem of a book bravely bridges two worlds to help translate the many facets in grieving a child's death. Unvarnished and unsparing, this award-winning sportswriter turns the lens on his own journey to make sense of the unimaginable, demonstrating how we get through it without ever getting over it."—Lee Woodruff, #1 New York Times bestselling author of In An Instant
"An intimate chronicle of abiding love."
—Kirkus
"[A] poignant, understated memoir... Those who have lost a child will find a kindred spirit here."
—Booklist
"For those who read this work, we see Max as he was. We see a family that makes the best they can through a time of grief. And we see that the human spirit, the will to both hold on and move on are both valid and necessary. And in that final understanding we find a way into each day’s new dawn. And for that and so much more, I cannot recommend this book enough."
—Jay Paterno
"Losing a child is every parent’s nightmare; losing one to suicide deepens the anguish unimaginably. Here, a father shares his grief and valuable lessons on how he carries on."—People Magazine
"His deeply personal and moving book, I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye: A Memoir of Loss, Grief and Love, is a testament both to a father’s love and to the human soul’s ability to grieve and remember and still not lose hope." —Kerri Miller, Minnesota Public Radio
11/01/2021
Maisel, a former ESPN writer who lost his son Max to suicide, wrote this book as a way to express and cope with grief. The result is a tender account of a son's life by his loving father. Maisel tries to understand Max's death by reconsidering his life, and wishes he'd been able to help Max earlier. He delves into the nuances of how his wife and daughters and Max's friends and extended family processed and experienced their grief in different ways. Maisel heartbreakingly describes Max's complex and puzzling character and his roles as son, brother, and friend, in such a way that readers will come to enjoy his company. VERDICT A painful, cathartic memoir for those who have known someone who died by suicide or contemplated it. The grief, and sometimes guilt, of a father makes this memoir a difficult read, but Maisel's depiction of coping gives it a palpable warmth.—Amanda Ray, Iowa City P.L.
2021-08-17
A chronicle of the heartbreaking aftermath of a son’s suicide.
In February 2015, Maisel, a sportswriter who spent a 20-year career covering college football for ESPN, learned that his son Max, a college junior, was missing, his car found abandoned near a lake in upstate New York. Soon it became clear that Max, who had long suffered from emotional problems, had killed himself. Maisel’s raw, moving memoir is both a tribute to Max and an anatomical dissection of a father’s grief. Unable, and unwilling, to “move on,” Maisel learned to coexist with grief by understanding it as an expression of love. “Seeing grief as love helped me handle its all-consuming nature,” Maisel writes. “Seeing grief as love made it seem less alien, less painful.” Yet he was beset by guilt over not being able to rescue his son from the depression and hopelessness that led to his death. Although a psychologist assured him “there’s zero, zero, zero, zero chance” that someone intent on suicide can be stopped, the author could not help but feel complicit. His denial about the seriousness of his son’s problems, he reflects, was “partly rooted in my genuine faith that he would ultimately succeed, and mostly rooted in my fear of admitting to myself how desperate his mental condition might be.” Max exhibited problems even as a young child. He had few friends (“my memories of Max are of him alone,” Maisel writes), and he had physical difficulties: “He never slept well. Ever. He had trouble gripping a pencil, which led to handwriting that started out hard to decipher and never improved. He had the most ear infections.” Sadly, he saw the world as “half empty.” As the author recounts the years since Max’s death, he acknowledges ways that he, his family, his connection to his work, and his view of the world have all changed—though “the permanence of the loss” remains.
An intimate chronicle of abiding love.
