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| ISBN-13: | 9781617499586 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Triumph Books |
| Publication date: | 04/01/2005 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 256 |
| File size: | 271 KB |
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It's Only Me
The Ted Williams We Hardly Knew
By John Underwood
Triumph Books
Copyright © 2005 John UnderwoodAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-61749-958-6
CHAPTER 1
"It's Only Me"
Loss is measured most accurately by the void that it leaves. The breadth of it sometimes catches us unawares. The day after Ted Williams died, Neil Amdur of the New York Times called to ask if I'd write "a reminiscence" on my experiences with Ted; he said he wanted it for the Sunday editions. Through Neil's aegis, I had become an irregular contributor to the Times over the years and enjoyed the relationship, but on this occasion, on fielding his call, I found myself more boggled than beguiled. To be sure, I could appreciate from long exposure the stratum Williams' reputation had reached, the almost mythic figure he cut as an American icon who transcended sport and moved — or so it seemed — beyond the customary constraints. In that context, I might have even numbered myself among those who weren't sure Ted Williams could die.
But in fact, I knew him much differently than that and in much more earthly terms, and in the den at home that serves as my office in Miami, Neil Amdur's call roused me from the refuge I had allowed myself to take from the news. I suddenly realized I had not confronted the void it would leave. I know when our defenses kick in we mortals tend to cope with that final inevitability as superficially as possible; we commiserate and move on ("Joe Smith died last night ... how sad ... pass the salt"). It doesn't make us any less human, it's just the way we are. Now, however, alone in the den but tethered to the call, I was struck in the saddest possible way that a part of my life that I had too often taken for granted had been closed off except to memory.
And at that moment, as if by direction, my eyes fixed on a sliver of black wood standing in a corner of the room between elongated items unsuited for the walls (an African ceremonial spear, a jai-alai cesta, etc.). The office exudes an indifference to order that all but blends out the varied memorabilia that serve as decoration, and it had been a very long time since I zeroed in on any of it. But now the black wood focused into shape and I got a chill up my spine that was palpable. It was the baseball bat Ted have given me — how long ago? Twenty-five years? — that I knew he valued greatly because it commemorated, with the dates etched in gold around the barrel, his 18 appearances in Major League All-Star Games.
And then, as if insinuated into one of those Hitchcockian movie scenes (exaggerated by clashing cymbals) where the protagonist suddenly realizes he's in the middle of a discovery, my mind's eye locked onto other sharpened images: a picture of Ted and me talking on the field in Washington when he managed the Senators; cover renderings of two of the three books we had done together for Simon & Schuster; and after the first, My Turn at Bat, had made the bestseller lists, a picture of Bing Crosby and Joe Garagiola holding it open and smiling broadly, as if they'd found a portion only they could fathom.
And without seeing it, but yet seeing it better than ever, the large dark head and sweeping horns of the sable antelope that looms from the wall in the family room, a trophy I had brought down on safari when Ted and I went to Zambia together. And in another part of the house, the handgun he insisted I "borrow" because I didn't have one "for general protective purposes," as he put it, and then refused to take back. And somewhat gloomily, the rods and reels he had pushed on me to facilitate my becoming "more than just another average fisherman," now mostly out of commission and rusting away in the tool shed.
And in the side yard, a boat, too. A 13-foot Gamefisher that he once endorsed for Sears & Roebuck that I wouldn't let him give me, but that I'd bought at his suggestion for my oldest son, John, to use, and that my teenager, Josh, had recently put back on active duty. The last time we saw Ted, Josh reminded him of the boat and how much he enjoyed using it to ply the shallower waters around South Florida. Ted said he damn well better be using it, that being "what boats are for," and that he should "let your father drive it occasionally, too, because he probably needs the practice."
And I thought, too, of all those other heirlooms that I had squirreled away without thinking of them as such: the baseballs he had signed and sent unsolicited to my children; the bric-a-brac from the outdoor adventures we shared on three continents; the letter he had written after my attempt at interpreting for Sports Illustrated our first stab at fishing together, flattering me for "capturing the real Ted" (a tacit acknowledgment that there were many public Teds that weren't real). And the tapes. Oh, my, the tapes. In the den closet, in a crusted cardboard box long ignored, the hours and hours of conversation — candid, stark, joyous, sad, anguished, profane, triumphant, revealing — that we'd recorded over the years, in places hither and yon, in the way of evaluating a unique persona and a life that had fairly bristled with colossal ups and abysmal downs.
And like a forced accounting, the sum of all that made me realize how much I had come to love the man, even as one might a favored older brother — or perhaps more appropriately in Ted's case, a cherished but wonderfully eccentric uncle. And how I had come to understand how misrepresented he had been in so many ways (and how bruisingly accurate in others, even when he couldn't see it himself), and how much I was going to miss him, even though our contacts had been reduced to the occasional in recent years and all but petered out when he moved upstate and got so sick.
I don't pretend, now or at any time, to have been "closer" to Ted Williams than anyone else. Not at all. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to be. I knew him a long time, but others certainly knew him longer. If I numbered myself among his "good friends," I would also concede that he had a lot of those, moving around him like pilot ships in a crowded harbor. But that was always a pretty volatile anchorage; a number of the more obvious ones had eventually dropped out, sometimes traumatically — and sometimes because, quite frankly, Ted Williams didn't always treat friends the way friends ought to be treated. Besides, we were an unlikely pairing. I was, after all, a writer, among a subculture he routinely disparaged, and was relatively late coming into his life, being a generation younger. We traveled mostly in different orbits. But we connected, for reasons I now see as obvious.
We had met years before when he was near the end of his career and I was just beginning mine, on scholarship at the University of Miami and writing for the Miami Herald. I was on assignment at a horse show on Dinner Key where he sat alone in a front-row box, and the show's hostess insisted on taking me over to say hello. I was not eager, having heard and read of his active antagonism toward what he called "the knights of the keyboard." But I went anyway, and instead of a rebuff, got an invitation to join him in the box.
We talked for more than hour. He seemed glad to have me drop by. I remember thinking (prematurely, of course), "Gee, what a misunderstood guy." But though surprised by the courtesy, I wasn't overwhelmed. I wasn't a fan. As a kid, in fact, I had harbored an ongoing resentment for the pain he had inflicted on the pitching staffs of my beloved Detroit Tigers. I was a pitcher myself — or at least fancied myself one, having labored without distinction at that position through boyhood — and took it personally. But, I admit, I liked him from the start.
His invitation to tarpon fish for the Sports Illustrated story years later led to additional contacts and then a series on his life in SI, then the autobiography, then a book on "the science of hitting" (his idea, title and all), then a book on fishing. We enjoyed from the beginning an active partnership, far-ranging to the extreme. Beyond the comic tennis we played with such fierce irreverence and the dogged scouring we did of the waters off our mutually beloved Florida Keys, we fished and hunted in Canada and Arkansas and Middle America and Africa, and walked the streets in far-off places like Nairobi and London and San Jose, Costa Rica, together, sometimes into the wee hours if we were caught in a time zone change, because we both loved to walk. And we talked ... and talked ... and talked — at ballparks, in open boats, in duck blinds, in automobiles, on airplanes, in hotel rooms, on the porch overlooking the Miramichi River at his lodge in New Brunswick, in the backyard of his house on the Florida Keys, over bargain meals in the hole-in-the-wall restaurants he favored, delving freely into each other's convictions and passions and doubts and prejudices.
No territory was off limits. We probed the mistakes of baseball and the duplicity of politicians and the frustrations of golf — and the sheer, utter joy of serendipitous sex (his reputation as a ladies' man was well deserved, and held true into his seventies). We talked about people we admired, and people who had disappointed us, and people who had saved us from our mistakes; and we talked about religion and war and his great, abiding love for the Marine Corps, and about Joe DiMaggio and "Shoeless" Joe Jackson and Richard Nixon and John Kennedy and Errol Garner, the jazz pianist, and the ins and outs of cooking chicken.
If I didn't see then what was happening, I should have. We achieved a trust both mutual and implied — and a wavelength free of inhibitions — and when he became comfortable with that, and was gratified by the results, I think we sealed a friendship that was unique to him. Not because of anything special about me, but because he enjoyed being able to confide in someone about the things he'd kept inside, from way back. I believe that because in all those hours of give-and-take, he never once shied away from an issue, never once closed off a topic. More than a few times I was taken aback by how forthcoming he was, often with things I would have thought classified and wasn't sure I wanted to hear. But I think it became a kind of catharsis, allowing him to vent his most harbored frustrations and prejudices about those he loved and those he hated, and about the triumphs and mistakes he'd made, sometimes at the ballpark, sometimes away from it, and sometimes in boardrooms, and sometimes in bedrooms.
The trust, though sorely tested once or twice, never wavered, and the manifestations of it were more than just oral. When he was approached by the owner of the Senators, Bob Short, to become their manager (and thereby break his vow to never, ever do such a foolish thing), he handled much of the negotiating from the den of a previous home of mine in Miami. We made several real estate deals together — ones I brought to the table because they were the ones I could afford. When he decided to risk marriage for the third time, to Dolores Wettach, then pregnant with their son John-Henry, he asked my help in arranging for a liaison in the Caribbean, far removed from probing eyes. I had gotten to know Dolores, a former Vogue model, and liked her, and was glad for Ted that he'd found her, but was not surprised when they eventually split and he took up for good with the woman who (as she herself reminded me more than once) had waited for him through two marriages, Louise Kaufman. Of all the many of that sex who tried to "understand" him, Louise came closest — and was the most tolerant when he was at his worst.
And at his worst, peculiarly enough, he was especially insensitive to people exactly like her. But when she died several years before he did, and I called to commiserate, Ted was beside himself. It was the only time I ever heard him cry.
But oh, how I heard him curse. Anyone who spent time with him did. I don't think it hyperbole to say that if he wasn't the most inventive swearer ever, he would have made the top three, with a bent for descriptive adjectives ("syphilitic" was a staple), even though, as I eventually discovered, his vocabulary was plenty good enough without them. It was another of those quirky idiosyncrasies that marked him, like his fetish for clean hands (yours as well as his) before a meal, and being punctual to the extreme, and expecting no less from others. If you were late to dinner at Ted Williams' house, you could not count on him taking it graciously. If you were really late, you couldn't count on him being there. By the same token, if he liked you, he didn't want you to leave and pouted openly if you did.
The big items in Williams' life — all those records, the .400 season, his service in two wars, etc., etc. — that mean so much to so many people are, happily, available forever in sanctuaries like Cooperstown and Fenway Park. For me, though, it was the little things that emerged to define him, the things that made him, in the end, so very dear. For one, he was much smarter than people realized, especially those among that legion of detractors who never quite got past the bile. To be sure, as long as I knew him he was sensitive about his education (he barely made it through high school), and if he hadn't cared to expose himself to an extended scrutiny, it was probably because of that. I have heard him say, privately, to people he knew were educated, "Boy, I wish I was as smart as you." But whenever he said that I recalled that he could describe in scientific terms how the jet engines worked in the fighter planes he flew in combat in Korea, and exactly why the baseballs that he hit with such frequency curved when pitched properly.
He was always hammering (his word) at himself to improve: reading, inquiring, listening. Once, when we were fishing off Islamorada, he announced he had just bought a set of the World Book Encyclopedia. He said, "I know I'm going to be in those books all the time. Every night I'll be in those books." He was 50 years old.
And who, in the end, was smarter than whom? When Monday morning came around, the company executives and corporate heads who garnered the rare weekend to fish or hunt had to resubmit their noses to the grindstone, while Williams just pointed his to the next deer stand, or duck blind, or fishing hole. He had carved for himself the idyllic, responsibility-free outdoorsman's life he dreamed of from those early, mostly bleak childhood days around San Diego when he hunted jackrabbits with a borrowed rifle and fished the nights away with a homemade pole. He told me several times how much he envied the life Zane Grey led, "traveling the world in that three-masted schooner, fishing where he wanted, living where he damn well pleased, answering to nobody's schedule but his own."
The controlling factor for a man who has "money enough" to do what he wants is the will to resist the time it takes to make more. This, especially, was true in Williams' case, because he never really wanted what "more than enough" buys. He flaunted a lifestyle that "big shots" (his words) could never afford: unpretentious. His buddies during his playing days were the cop on the beat, the clubhouse attendant, the fishing guide, the theater manager — men in whose unthreatening presence he could be as profane as he wanted, and who would put up with his bullying. For luminaries and intellectuals he tended to be gone for the day.
Some of that changed when he was older and thrust more agreeably into the company of "important" people, up to and including presidents, former presidents, and aspiring presidents who happened to be U.S. senators, mostly more interested in being with him than he with them. An avowed conservative, a persuasion we shared, he was a Nixon friend and fan, and endorsed and contributed to George Bush the Father's campaign in 1988, spawning a friendship that led to fishing engagements on the Keys that Ted said were mostly given over to discussions about flying (Bush had been a World War II fighter pilot) and hitting baseballs (Bush had starred for Yale). I once played tennis with Bush in China when he was liaison officer there and remember him making a point, quite out of the blue, to tell me how much he admired Williams.
But Ted was an equal opportunity centerpiece for politicos, when he was in the mood, even though he thought "95 percent of them" were "horseshit" (again, his words). Twice, at my bidding, he consented to informal meetings with Bob Graham, then the governor of Florida and a lifelong Democrat. Another time he included me for dinner at a restaurant near the capitol with Gene McCarthy, the Democratic senator from Minnesota who had cut such an articulate and appealing figure on the Hill (hence the nickname, "Clean Gene"). I was amused by Ted's ability to dominate the conversation, although part of that might have had to do with McCarthy's own admission that he, too, was a "big fan" of Williams.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from It's Only Me by John Underwood. Copyright © 2005 John Underwood. Excerpted by permission of Triumph Books.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Acknowledgments,1. "It's Only Me",
2. An Invitation to "Make History",
3. Telling It His Way,
4. A Vindication, of Sorts,
5. Four Oh Six,
6. When Enough's Enough,
7. Last Words and Testament,