As a child, Korrinne Marshall wished that the man who continually hurt her would die. As she was forced to play games with the monster in a dark shed, young Korrinne did her best to rise above the reality that had become her life. But what she did not realize is that decades later, a choice would lead her to hell and back as she entered a relationship with a partner who harbored heinous secrets and held the power to end her life. Would she ever be able to escape the cycle of abuse?
Arthur Artemis never had to confront an uncontrollable monster—until his beloved sister was murdered by her husband. As he set out on a quest to learn how and why domestic abuse victims survive, Arthur reveals how his quest to find answers led him to Korrinne and her extraordinary story of endurance that eventually led him to gain life-changing insight into abusers, their victims, and the brave survivors who emerge from the darkness to live again.
Killing Us … His Way shares the compelling story based on true events of two people destined to meet as they embark on a healing journey together to confront the shadow cast by domestic violence.
|Publisher:||Balboa Press Australia|
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.76(d)|
Read an Excerpt
Korrinne's Snapshot #1
February 2012 Summer by That Bay
Sometimes your past presents itself to you with flashes of emotions that you respond to with little conscious thought. Depending on their ability to evoke pain or joy, you bury them or grab them to savour in the present moment. You can file these memories as good or bad, for today or not for today. You can continue to live without focussing on them. You can continue to do this for all your life unless you make a choice to heal. This choice to heal is made active when your threshold of pain is too much to bear. It is a pain that you have lived with for so long that you just accept it, until one day you see someone else who has the same pain. Because you love him or her, you cross that threshold. You hope that they will follow you on the road to healing.
The beginning of my journey into explaining the dark void of abuse began with an idea that had sprung from a well deep within me. This was the entry point of my journey to remember, to forgive, to heal, to recover, and ultimately to live again.
It all started with a new dawn, a new day like every day before it and every day after it. However, on this particular day, my mind awakened a lost soul who could only be found by me. That shattered fragment was the key to my identity. That summer morning began with such a radiant glow of the sun in the sky that my family and I decided it was the perfect day to go on a beach picnic. John, my daughter Rose's boyfriend, suggested we all go to Dale Park. That was his favourite, special spot with his family and a place he wanted to share with us. So off went Allison, Rose, Kim, John, and I. The fact that I had not been there in years sparked my enthusiasm, as I was keen to revisit the location that had been my own favourite place on the bay.
Sure enough, on our arrival to Dale Park, the beauty of the surroundings, the views of the bay, and the absolute serenity of it all impressed my daughters and me. It was all that John had boasted — and more.
Later that morning, as I sat watching them swimming in the clear bay water, I looked across to the other side of the expanse of windswept water. I scanned the houses in the distance. There it was: the house I had stayed in more than forty years ago. The tiered gardens were my first clue. My next point of focus was on the shape of boat-shed roof. Yes, I was sure that was it. The hairs on my forearms stood up. That physical sensation is my usual sign that my intuition is spot-on. Relaxed by the peacefulness of the park environment, I then allowed my mind to wander back in time to find images filed deeply within my memory. Vividly, I recalled when I had first gone there as a four-year-old.
Back then I had I wished to live permanently by the bay. It was such a magnificent, magical setting. That memory of wishing brought back a strange feeling of power within me again. That child believed that when you truly wanted something, it was given to you as a gift. However, the gift itself was often wrapped in layers of paper that you first must painstakingly remove.
Nearly sixteen years ago, as an adult, I had appreciated for the first time that gift. Maybe I had reawakened it. All I know is that I started to open the outer layers of my inner desires. A young me had wanted to live in a beautiful mansion, swim in this crystal sea, and frolic like a dolphin in the aqua of the bay. It was so poetic and so natural. Unique is the word. In fact, this was not the first time my memories of those original desires had been stirred.
Another ten years before that, when Rose and I had reached the highest point in the road on our drive leading to the bay, I saw the brilliant blue-green water stretching in front of us like a luxurious lake. It was only a few kilometres away. I remembered my childhood wish and recognized how close it was to manifesting for me in detail at that precise moment in time.
I was living close to the bay and blessed with three healthy daughters, wonderful friends, health, and wealth. Life was such a joy. My soul's inner compass had brought me to the location of my early wishes. I acknowledged that to myself, appreciating fully the attainment of a distant childhood dream. The partial opening of this delicately wrapped gift had begun; however, the gift in its fullness had not been truly revealed. It was to be my unexpected quest to unwrap these layers of my subconscious in the following years.
That summer day in February 2012, I again saw the power of wishes manifest. My daughters, happy and healthy while swimming in the sea before my eyes, created an amazing image of my life restored and of my life in full recovery. That bay scene before me backdropped the thoughts of the past, surfacing to sail on a tide of emotion. A tsunami welled up to break on the shores of my mind, leaving me to finally confront the truth.
Korrinne's Snapshot #2
March 1961 Portal in Time
My mind led me back to 1961 and the circumstances of the last time my body was in the house by the bay. My ten-year-old brother, Mark, had just died, so my parents and I were guests of a family friend called Ben Hewes. He was a professional gardener for the wealthy owners of the mansion, who were on a trip overseas. Before they left, they had agreed to let my family stay with Ben and his wife, Sue, who was also their housekeeper. They were trusted employees, so the compassionate owners were only too happy to have our family spend some restful time by the bay in the wake of our recent family tragedy.
I fully remembered the magnificence of the garden. At one point, I must have stood and looked across the bay to where I was now sitting. It was a long way for a little girl to swim, but I knew I would get there if I tried. I had no fear then. Closing my eyes more tightly to shut out the light completely, I saw myself there, happy to be distracted by the vibrant colours of the flowers.
Then my mind directed me to view the next scene, zooming in on me laughing for a moment as I held a key in my small hands. Without warning, a few seconds later, my mind's movie flashed to a scene from a discarded, hidden reel of time that I had locked away. Every thought broadcast to my brain that first nightmare.
I wished in that instance I were with my brother again because I knew he would protect me. I wished I could stop the sweaty man from hurting me. I wished I could fly and be with my brother over the rainbow. I wished I would die too so the man would stop. I wished my parents would stop him touching me. I wished I could be free. I wished that he would die.
My monster said that if I talked about the game we played, he'd take away my parents too. I knew he had played the same games with my brother and that Mark had tried to stop him, but Mark had had an asthma attack and couldn't. He had to fight for air. I hated that man. I was four years old, and now that Mark was gone, it was just me forced to play the monster's games. The water looked so deep, but I wondered what he would do if I jumped from the jetty.
I screamed and screamed. No sound came out. I was silent.
When he had finished, the predator pulled up his pants and grabbed me, holding his hand around my throat while forcing me to look into his eyes. Then he said, "You liked that. Didn't you?" He relaxed his grip before laughing like a clown trying to get his audience to join in the false fun.
I said nothing. I just stared. He pushed me towards the door. I could feel and see his hands on my shoulders. The black tar and dirt underneath his nails were embedded with his filth smelling like dead fish. My face contorted with disgust. I desperately sucked on the air from the slightly open window as I turned. At any second, the sickness in my stomach was going to escape. I was in the first stage of shock as my tiny body and mind were starting to go numb. I could just feel the cold sensation beneath my fingertips as I touched the key of the door. It was of an immense size, like a gaoler's key. I tried to turn it, but my hands were not capable of the task.
The monster smacked my hand away and turned the key. The door opened. I could see the blue sky and the water below us. Again I sucked for air, filling my lungs. I was so very, very hot. He still held me by the shoulder and throat by one arm. Now the smell of whiskey from his heavy breath poisoned my nostrils. With one more push, we were out the door onto the jetty.
"You say anything, and I'll say you fell," he spat at me.
For a brief moment I wished I had jumped into the water before. Now it was too late. I looked at the water below. It was black, lapping against the pier. I started to cough, choking on the bile rising in my throat. His grip became tighter. No-one could see us, except maybe someone watching from across the bay.
Violently, he shoved me to the pathway leading towards the house. The monster let go then but stayed close behind me. My chance to jump was gone. I stumbled forward onto the scalding sandstone steps. Their grittiness, burning my bare feet, made me falter before his knuckles between my shoulders blades propelled me forward. It was like walking on the luminous lava of a volcano.
My spirit rose from my body as I tried to escape from the reality of the event. As my spirit drifted further heavenward, my mind took me to another moment in time. I thought of another day eight weeks before.
Korrinne's Snapshot #3
February 1961 Farewell Message
"All you got to do is remember, sis. Remember everything," my brother's voice insisted. He had been lying in his bed. I sat next to him while Mum was outside hanging out the washing. Mark was lying there with his mask covering his face, trying to breathe. His breathing was raspy and heavy. He sounded like a steam train going up a steep hill.
Mark went in and out of sleep, but he would look at me when he was awake and smile. Sometimes he was able to grab my hand and tickle it softly, like he did when we played our game. I would giggle, and he would smile even more.
"All you have to do, Korrie, is remember."
We communicated so often through our minds that it was easy for us. It never occurred to me at that time that this wasn't the way people usually communicated with each other. Being able to read each other's thoughts was something I never questioned, as it was just the way it was with us.
The last time he awoke, his eyes were wider than they'd ever been. He moved his mask and spoke very clearly without gasping, which really surprised me.
"Remember what I say, and use it to tell Mum and Dad. Please.
Then you will be free too. Remember, sis," Mark pleaded.
He then said, "Uncle Ben is a bad man. He is a very bad man. He gets me to do things to him, and if I don't he said he'd get you instead. I tried to stop him, Korrie, but he is really strong. He keeps me in the shed and leaves me there to cry. He did it again the other day, and I told him I was going to tell this time. He said he'd kill me and then you. He's been doing it for years. He does it to the others, too, but he's their grandpa, so they won't tell. I tried to tell Mum, but I couldn't. He hits Aunty Sue too."
With that all out, my brother then began to cough. His breathing became even worse. He pulled his mask back on. I reached up trying to help him. I was starting to get really scared until I heard his voice within my head.
He was calm and gentle as he spoke to me. "I am dying, Korrie. I want to die. I want him to die. Let me go, please. Let me go."
Somewhere within me I let him go because I loved him and didn't want him to suffer in his body a moment longer. Seconds after that, I thought I saw a purple ray suddenly appear and glide over his entire body. It started at his feet. It was like iridescent lights twinkling, some darker than others. There was a lavender-coloured glow emanating from him. Mark looked so peaceful and so calm.
I then saw what I knew was an angel come to the end of the bed. It was an archangel. I knew that. I had seen him before. At four I had not lost my memory of the other side, so recognition was instantaneous. He was a strong but gentle angel. Now at his side appeared another angel who was a smaller woman. She held in her hands our dog, Scotty, who had died six months before of distemper. Scotty was yapping gleefully, wagging his tail at the sight of us.
To the woman angel's right was another woman. I didn't recognise her, but she looked like my mummy only much older. She had grey hair and was wearing a black cardigan. Her eyes were the most amazing blue that I had ever seen. They all watched as the purple ray spread over my brother's body. The ray slowly began to turn pink and white. I felt glued to the chair as I witnessed this intense healing.
"Is he going now?" I finally asked.
"No, not yet," Archangel Raphael answered. "He needs to spend some time to leave slowly so it will be better for your parents. Say good-bye to him now, as you will not see him again in this body. You will know him again, at another time and in another place, when you are both ready.
I stood up and moved towards him. Mark turned. His face was glowing. Again he spoke to me. "It's wonderful, sis; I feel so good. I will love you always and look after you. Please remember." He rolled closer to me and touched my hand before falling onto the floor. I bent down and kissed him softly on the temple.
A few minutes later when the angels left I opened the door and ran through the kitchen and screamed, "Mummy! Mummy, Mark's dead." My mother had heard me from outside and met me at the back porch before rushing back through the house to the bedroom. She pulled Mark over and then began sobbing. I recall in that moment seeing my mummy die inside. It was like someone had taken all the light and life out of her but she was still alive. Her eyes were just glazed.
She looked at me but didn't see me.
Neighbours then started to appear, and an ambulance arrived soon after that. Some caring person had managed to get me to sit at the chair near the front door but then forgot about me. I sat there staring at the wall. I saw patterns in the wall like giant panthers springing to life. I was fascinated by the way they played and circled on my lounge room wall. My mind had been focussed for so long on the wall that I had forgotten what was happening until the ambulance men walked right past me, carrying my dead brother. My mother was crying uncontrollably behind them as they shuffled past me to the front door. I kept staring at the wall. I knew Mark was dead and that we'd said our good-byes. Here I was, alive, and no one noticed. I was still on this side.
I sat in that chair for what seemed to be an eternity until my father arrived. He was the only one who remembered I was alive. He scooped me up from the chair and hugged me like he'd never let me go. I felt safe within his arms. As his face touched mine I could feel the wetness of the tears he'd shed before coming to get me.
Days at the hospital became a blur. The minutes on the wall clock ticked by so slowly. I was happy to be entertained by anyone that came along. Mum and Dad would whisper to their friends after speaking with the doctors. The door they went through to see my brother was so heavy. I tried to push it open, but I was grabbed by Sue. I knew it wasn't fun in there, but I knew that it was peaceful for Mark. I knew that he'd already died but was waiting for either Mum or Dad to let him go. He lay in a coma for six weeks. They were able to hold him, talk to him, and try to come to terms with what was happening.
Korrinne's Snapshot #4
March 1961 Frozen Memories
Those memories flashed before me until I heard his voice: "Hurry up." My captor pushed my back, jolting me to return to the horror of the present experience. I fell back into my body.
During the ascent the numbness infused me again, and I thankfully was able to momentarily forget about the physical pain throughout my body. All I could think about was being with my mum. I would tell her. I knew I was going to tell her. Motivated by this mental chatter, my pace became faster. Renewed strength sprung from within me as I pictured myself telling my parents about this maniacal monster. I leaned forward so far that my nose nearly touched the stone steps, but I wouldn't allow myself to fall back and touch Ben again.
After a few minutes I had reached the first level of the garden. There was Sue, standing in the sun looking down to the boatshed. She turned clockwise and saw us. Sue looked at me and then at Ben. I could see her eyes. They were black with hate.
"Not again," she wailed.
"Yeah, another one that nearly fell in the water, love. Lucky I was there to stop her," he replied.
Sue glared at him, shifting her body to accentuate her anger. "You'll look after her now as usual," Ben stated firmly. Then he gave me one final push in her direction before walking over to the hose.
Grabbing my hand gently, she did as he ordered and then whispered to me, "Come inside. I'll wash you. It will be all right, Korrie. It will be all right."
Excerpted from "Killing Us ... His Way"
Copyright © 2017 Korrinne Marshall & Arthur Artemis.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction by Korrinne, xi,
Introduction by Arthur, xv,
Part One: Setting Course,
1. Korrinne's Story,
2. Arthur's Story,
3. Spirals in Time,
Part Two: Navigating Illusions,
I. Korrinne's Snapshot # 9. 1997. The Eagle Can't Fly Unless You Set It Free, 113,
II. Arthur's Snapshot #9. Session 2012, 116,
III. Spirals in Time. Korrinne's Journal 1998, 117,
IV. Spirals in Time. Korrinne's Journal 1999, 123,
V. Arthur's Snapshot #10. 2000-2003. Trap Is Set, 127,
VI. Arthur's Snapshot #11. 2003. Session: Divine Intervention, 156,
VII. Arthur's Snapshot #12. Notes #3: Invisible Red Flags?, 184,
Part Three: Montage of Uncharted Oceans,
I. Arthur's Snapshot #13. Notes #4: Unable to Look Beyond, 195,
II. Spirals in Time. Maggie's Snapshot #1. May 1985. Wedding Day, 197,
III. Spirals in Time. Maggie's Snapshot #2. November 2002. Time to Go, 198,
IV. Spirals in Time. Maggie's Snapshot #3. 2002. Too Late, 201,
V. Spirals in Time. Detective Alan Elder's Snapshot #1. November 2002. No Fear, 203,
VI. Arthur's Snapshot #13. Notes #5: Seeking Answers, 207,
Part Four: Love Always Sets the Compass,
I. Arthur's Snapshot #14. The Crossroad, 211,
II. Arthur's Snapshot #15. Notes #5: Into the Web Again, 224,
III. Arthur's Snapshot #16. Through Hell with Light (1), 226,
IV. Spirals in Time: Korrinne's Snapshot #10. Easter 1992. The Hammer, 250,
V. Spirals in Time: Korrinne's Snapshot #11. December 2003. Believe, 252,
VI. Spirals in Time: Dan's Snapshot #1. December 2004. Painful Memories, 253,
VII. Arthur's Snapshot #17. Christmas Trees, 254,
VIII. Arthur's Snapshot #18. Through Hell with Light (2), 277,
IX. Arthur's Snapshot #19. Notes #6, 300,
X. Final Session, 301,
XI. Spirals in Time. Paul's Final Snapshot #4. Rubric's Solved, 306,
XII. Final Notes, 311,
XIII. Korrinne's Snapshot #12. Focus: The Last Domino Falls, 315,
XIV. Spirals in Time. Korrinne's Final Snapshot. Look Beyond, 317,
XV. Korrinne's, Arthur's, and Maggie's Snapshot #1. Love Always, 319,