Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After

by Diane Farr

Overview

Diane Farr—Numb3rs star, Loveline veteran, and FunnyorDie.com contributor—always took for granted that she could love anybody she chose. But when she, a white woman, fell in love with a Korean-American man, she quickly learned a tough lesson: When it comes to navigating the landscape of interracial love in America today . . . you’re going to step on some landmines.

At turns introspective and outrageous, Kissing Outside the Lines is Farr’s unapologetic—often hilarious—look at the complexities of interracial/ethnic/religious/what-have-you love, told through the lens of her own experience of dating, marrying, and creating a family with someone from a race and culture different from her own. Along the way, she exposes the many ways in which prejudice rears its ugly head—whether subtly or overtly—when you dare to love “outside the lines,” and she shares the stories of other multiracial couples from different corners of the U.S. who have made a similar leap.

Kissing Outside the Lines tackles love, family, and prejudice head-on. With sharp wit and deft humor, Farr confronts the fears and reservations that come with loving outside of one’s race, and she emerges with a powerful message: Love is love and family is family—no matter what it looks like from the outside.

Kissing Outside the Lines also includes an 8-page black and white photo signature.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781580054072
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	05/17/2011
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
Pages:	280
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Diane Farr is a television actress, TV and magazine writer, nationally syndicated columnist, and the author of The Girl Code. She is the female lead on CBS’s most-watched Friday night drama, Numb3rs, starred on the critically acclaimed FX series Rescue Me, and played a supporting role on Showtime's Californication in its third season; and she contributes to Glamour, Esquire, GQ, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Jane, Parents, Los Angeles, Gotham, Self, and O magazine.

Farr lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband and three children.

Read an Excerpt

One year into my marriage my mother looked at my husband and said, “We always hoped that Diane would not marry outside of our race.”

My mother felt the silence in our living room. Her glance swung between my husband’s eyes and mine. Looking at them did not give her pause so I had to interject. “Mom, you realize Seung and I are different races?” My mother grunted a laugh, “No you’re not.”

My husband is Korean. He was born in Seoul and immigrated to the United States as a child with his parents. I am a second-generation American of Irish and Italian descent. And my mother, at 58 years old, did not realize that my husband and I are different races because she, above everything else, is a New Yorker. And to a New Yorker, there are only two races, it seems: black and not black.

Table of Contents

Introduction.

"We Always Hoped Our Daughter Would Not Marry Outside of Our Race" 9

Chapter 1 Euro Girl Falls for Korean Dude in California 17

Chapter 2 White Freshman Loves Black Senior in Pennsylvania 35

Chapter 3 A Crash Course in Korean Culture 47

Chapter 4 Evangelical White Chick Loves Hindu Indian Man in Maryland 65

Chapter 5 Meeting the Parents 83

Chapter 6 Mexican American Loves Palestinian Englishman in Illinois 101

Chapter 7 Getting Around Mine 121

Chapter 8 A Ringer on My Finger 131

Chapter 9 Nubian Fashionista Loves White Brother in New York 165

Chapter 10 They Will Not Be Judged for Me 187

Chapter 11 Israeli Jewess Loves Trinidadian Heathen in Washington 207

Chapter 12 A Korean Night + An American Night = A Quelled Fight 235

Chapter 13 Let's Take This Show on the Road! 255

Epilogue 273

Editorial Reviews

Our alleged post-racial society isn't all it's supposed to be. That's what author and actress Diane Farr discovered when she fell in love with a Korean-American man whose parents didn't want him to marry outside his culture. Her now-husband's parents had wanted him to marry a Korean, not simply because of ethnicity, but also to keep cultural traditions alive. In this breezily humorous but heartfelt account, she traces her romantic journey from first meeting to altar and navigates the often confusing terrain that many couples of different races, religions, and cultures still face in 21st-century America. She explores the rationale behind what she deems a double standard: families that would never tell children not to associate with friends, neighbors, and colleagues of different races and backgrounds still consider some people off-limits when it comes to marriage. If a few of Farr's own problems don't seem terribly dire (her husband's aunts and uncles shunned her, but both of their immediate families were accepting), the troubles faced by some of the other five couples she profiles are painful tales of parental rejection and manipulation. Farr learns that can't please everyone-sound advice for any bride-to-be.
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Publishers Weekly

As a journalist I found the reach of Diane's book inspiring and important, but as a wife to someone of a different ethnic background—it was like therapy with laughter. A must-read for all Americans.”
—Lisa Ling, Oprah correspondent and author of Somewhere Inside

“Just because genetic admixture enhances the health of a population doesn't mean it is easy for the human beings who choose to build mixed families to create a sane healthy environment for the children of these unions who themselves must venture in to a world colored by the ancient cultural values of their parents' families and the prejudices of the present day. Diane Farr creates a smart, fun but unblemished look at this reality from the perspective of a woman who has been one of these courageous souls and lives this challenge daily.”
—Dr. Drew Pinsky, MD, Celebrity Rehab

“Farr has three kids and still found time to write a pee-yourself funny examination of inter-racial love. I hate her.”
—Julie Bowen, actress, Modern Family

From the Publisher