"Faye has an unusual ability to distill complicated, confusing dynamics into their essential components, offering straightforward advice that is never overly simple . . . Faye has a perspective and style that is distinctly her own but offers insight and enlightenment that is appealingly universal." —Chloe Schama, Vogue
"A clever, funny, and astute look at love—the love that exists between men and women, yes, but also queer love, platonic love, maternal love, religious faith, friendship, and many other forms of love besides . . . Ultimately, the best reason I can give you to read Love in Exile is that in addition to being beautifully written, it is also beautifully, almost unfashionably earnest." —Philippa Snow, Bookforum
"A fascinating assessment of the state of love." —Emma Alpern, Vulture
"A vivid dissection of why we love the way we love—and what it might look like to do it differently." —Adam Eli, Cultured
"Sharp, radical . . . [Faye] turns from poignant reflection on her own loves and losses to argue that her sense of being locked out of love is, actually, symptomatic of late capitalist culture." —Sarah Jaffe, The American Prospect
"This is a memoir but it is also a kind of self-help book. Faye is trying to teach herself–and her reader–how to love in a different way . . . Her writing will shake your illusions about love, but remind you of the value of even attempting it." —Kitty Drake, The Guardian
"Love in Exile is lyrical and often laugh-out-loud funny . . . Shot through with warmth, solidarity and a kind of expansive, sororal love for the world, it’s a bracing and often sad book—but never a depressing one." —James Greig, DAZED
"In Love in Exile, Faye gets candid about her experiences of dating, heartbreak, and addiction, and reflects on how the scripts society writes for us—whether on motherhood, gender roles, or sexiness—influence our feelings of unworthiness and ‘failure’. But she also acknowledges that love isn’t just about romance—in fact, as she ultimately realizes, the greatest loves of her life have been her friendships." —Brit Dawson, Cosmopolitan
"The book’s tonal shifts dramatize the tension between political radicalism and the often messy, contradictory nature of the life behind it. The latter is the book’s great strength for me and, I think, the real source of its political power. Words like “capital” and “peasant class” do not capture the heart as Faye’s poetic writing does." —Kate Mossman, The New Statesman
"Believe me when I tell you I was wrecked before the end of this book’s prologue. Queer and trans people are taught that our desires are private . . . We are locked out of–exiled from–the traditional realms of happiness and comfort, left alone with our unworthiness. But of course this memoir-in-essays, from the author of The Trans Issue, argues the fairly obvious but no less revelatory point that we are indeed worthy of loving and being loved." —Michelle Hart, Electric Literature
"An expansive, radical examination of love in what can feel like an increasingly narrow-minded and hate-filled world." —Cait O'Neill, Chicago Review of Books
"Faye brings vulnerability and honesty to a larger narrative on the search for love, from within ourselves and from a life partner." —Nathan Smith, Observer
"Faye’s straddling of memoir, analysis, and political critique thrives . . . The lasting message from Love In Exile is happily not any takeaway tools, but instead the hammered reminder of the vulnerability of structures and places across generations for people to find love in friendship, family, community, and the essential human need to convene." —Sophie van Well Groeneveld, Brooklyn Rail
"Writing about love is an ancient practice, yet Faye brings a sharp, warm and illuminating analysis to the contemporary state of affairs . . . Love in Exile is set to be the must-read book of 2025." —Vic Parsons, Gay Times
"Faye sets out to examine, interrogate and deconstruct her topics through thoroughly researched and accessibly delivered political and social theory, providing alternative approaches and radical ways of thinking . . . incisive and generous." —Alim Kheraj, The I Paper
"Faye has written incisively about love, friendship and mental health in ways that feel so painfully accurate that you sometimes feel forced to look away . . . rich and thoroughly researched." —Halima Jibril, AnOther Mag
"A love letter to love—the types of love found in community, among friends, and—if they’re done right—within relationships." —Lottie Elton, Big Issue
"Faye is one of those once-in-a-generation writers whose words effortlessly cut through the noise and manage to entertain while enlightening you. She’s one to watch and one to read." —Kemi Alemoru, Glamour UK
"A brilliantly perceptive manifesto on love in all its forms." —The Independent (London)
"With language as crisp and passionate as that found in her report on systemic transphobia and social justice, The Transgender Issue (2021), Faye’s book deliberates over the pleasures and pitfalls of relationships, navigating them in a way that will appeal to all readers, regardless of their sexuality . . . An exquisitely melancholy, reflective, and ultimately hopeful personal history of love and longing."
—Kirkus Reviews
"Poignant and thought-provoking . . . rigorous and illuminating . . . This lyrical reflection on love is a sure bet for readers who like their memoirs raw and their cultural criticism sharp." —Publishers Weekly
"Shon Faye can break your heart and change your mind in the same moment. Love In Exile is a parade of these instances, a book that for lovers in this era will be both a comfort and a sword." —Torrey Peters, author of Detransition, Baby
"A heartfelt and astute book that encourages us to reconsider our fantasies and assumptions about romantic love. Should be required reading for anyone who wants to join a dating app, love ethically, or experience true partnership with other humans." —Melissa Febos, author of Girlhood and The Dry Season
"With a very sharp, brave, dialectical brilliance, Shon Faye takes on the insurmountable question of 'who is supposed to love me?' This question is answered both personally and collectively in a series of essays that are gripping, self aware, and (if I may be so frank) radically seductive." —Brontez Purnell, author of Ten Bridges I've Burnt
"I loved this smart, searching, and moving book. Love in Exile is an exacting and thoughtful exploration of what it is to relate to men, masculinity, power, and gender norms, as a woman and as a trans woman specifically. Shon Faye's clear-sightedness and compassion, both in respect to others and to herself, is what makes her writing so powerful. Both disarming and self-possessed, this book is suffused with curiosity—and it's one that I found as thought-provoking as I found it helpful." —Katherine Angel, author of Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again
"I think Love in Exile is something that is so much better than brave, something that's much harder to achieve - it's honest. Even better, it's consistently honest. Whether Shon Faye is writing about God shamelessly, or shame Godlessly, every chapter left me reflecting deeply on my own experiences of love but even more so, the stories I've told myself about those experiences." —Mona Chalabi, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer, illustrator, and data scientist
"I loved it! I think. Because after Shon Faye's compassionate, wise and often very funny book, I'm rethinking everything I thought I knew about love. An essential read for anyone who has ever loved, lost or been lonely." —Juno Dawson, #1 Sunday Times bestselling author of This Book is Gay and Clean
"Reading this made me sit and ruminate on love, and all its squidgy forms, in ways I hadn’t before. Tenderness and honesty lurk on every page. Shon Faye's thoughts are at once enthralling and confronting." —Jodie Harsh, author of You Had To Be There
2025-03-22
A brokenhearted transgender woman reflects on the evanescence of romantic love.
A decade ago, author Faye was traversing South London after-parties, openly apathetic about the notions of dating, falling in love, and relationships. Now, as a single woman in her mid-30s, her attitudes have changed. She’d found herself besotted, immersed in a love affair with a cis man for a year and a half, which then collapsed due to their own diverging styles of loving and her inability to bear biological offspring. Faye’s journey grieving the devastating breakup forms what she considers to be one of the “most ubiquitous of struggles” in her life as a trans woman. While she confesses that the excruciatingly painful “lovesickness devoured me from the inside out,” it also afforded her moments of formative reflection. Faye eloquently elaborates on how the idyllic and frustratingly elusive search for companionship has since evolved, forcing her to revisit and confront the old, damaging, self-destructive ideas about lovelessness and unworthiness she’d experienced as a dissonant, gender dysphoric young adult. The author’s referential and historical discussion about the ideal of romantic love is as fascinating as chapters on Faye’s trials on gay dating apps, the “tiny teenage humiliations” of adult male-to-female transition, attempts at separating emotional vulnerability and sex, and the culture of shame and invisibility around trans women as desirable, sexual people. Faye’s narrative diverts further still to debate the tenets of desire, motherhood, gender-critical feminism, and queer friendship, as well as addiction, her father’s alcoholism, and her own journey toward sobriety. A closing chapter on religion is awkwardly extraneous, but Faye’s prose is so conversational, readers won’t even notice. With language as crisp and passionate as that found in her report on systemic transphobia and social justice,The Transgender Issue (2021), Faye’s book deliberates over the pleasures and pitfalls of relationships, navigating them in a way that will appeal to all readers, regardless of their sexuality.
An exquisitely melancholy, reflective, and ultimately hopeful personal history of love and longing.
