Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome.

by Rebecca Soffer, Gabrielle Birkner

Overview

Inspired by the website that the New York Times hailed as "redefining mourning," this book is a fresh and irreverent examination into navigating grief and resilience in the age of social media, offering comfort and community for coping with the mess of loss through candid original essays from a variety of voices, accompanied by gorgeous two-color illustrations and wry infographics.

At a time when we mourn public figures and national tragedies with hashtags, where intimate posts about loss go viral and we receive automated birthday reminders for dead friends, it’s clear we are navigating new terrain without a road map.

Let’s face it: most of us have always had a difficult time talking about death and sharing our grief. We’re awkward and uncertain; we avoid, ignore, or even deny feelings of sadness; we offer platitudes; we send sympathy bouquets whittled out of fruit.

Enter Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner, who can help us do better. Each having lost parents as young adults, they co-founded Modern Loss, responding to a need to change the dialogue around the messy experience of grief. Now, in this wise and often funny book, they offer the insights of the Modern Loss community to help us cry, laugh, grieve, identify, and—above all—empathize.

Soffer and Birkner, along with forty guest contributors including Lucy Kalanithi, singer Amanda Palmer, and CNN’s Brian Stelter, reveal their own stories on a wide range of topics including triggers, sex, secrets, and inheritance. Accompanied by beautiful hand-drawn illustrations and witty "how to" cartoons, each contribution provides a unique perspective on loss as well as a remarkable life-affirming message.

Brutally honest and inspiring, Modern Loss invites us to talk intimately and humorously about grief, helping us confront the humanity (and mortality) we all share. Beginners welcome.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062499226
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	01/23/2018
Sold by:	HARPERCOLLINS
Format:	eBook
Pages:	384
Sales rank:	796,012
File size:	40 MB
Note:	This product may take a few minutes to download.

About the Author

Rebecca Soffer is the cofounder and CEO of Modern Loss. A former producer for the Peabody Award-winning Colbert Report, Rebecca is a nationally recognized speaker on the topics of loss and resilience. She is a Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism alumna and contributes regularly to books, magazines, and other media. Rebecca lives in New York City and the Berkshires with her husband and two children.

Gabrielle Birkner is the co-founder and executive editor of Modern Loss. She is a graduate of Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism, and writes regularly for national newspapers and magazines. A journalist and digital content strategist, she has served as managing editor at JTA, director of digital media at the Forward, and features editor at The New York Sun. Gabrielle lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.

Table of Contents

Introduction Rebecca Soffer Gabrielle Birkner xiii

Collateral Damage: But Wait, There's More? 1

Introduction Rebecca Soffer 3

A Wake Anthony King 11

The Would-Bes Eileen Smith 17

The Second Third Child Eric Meyer 21

There Won't Be Blood Ruby Dutcher 27

Mother Figure Elizabeth Percer 31

Things to Know Before Scattering Ashes Tré Miller Rodríguez 38

Triggers: What Sets Us Off Might Surprise You 41

Introduction Gabrielle Birkner 43

A Little to the Left Amanda Palmer 49

When Mom Kan't Keep Up with the Kardashians Kate Spencer 57

Brain Games Chamique Holdsclaw 63

Thanksgiving After Jack Anna Whiston-Donaldson 67

The Barren Field Helen Chernikoff 71

The Dos and Don'ts of Building Your Crew 76

Intimacy: 1 − 1 + 1 = ? 79

Introduction Rebecca Soffer 81

Meet the Twins: Grief and Desire Emily Rapp Black 87

Are You My Papi? Mathew Rodriguez 93

What's Good Enough Now LaNeah "Starshell" Menzies 97

Taboo Times Two Alice Radosh 103

The Promise Mattie J. Bekink 109

Guess Who's (Not) Coming to Dinner? Surviving Small Talk After a Loss Rebecca Shaloff Modern Loss 114

Identity: Who We Were and Who We've Become 117

Introduction Gabrielle Birkner 119

Four Little Words, One Big Meaning Michael Flamini 125

Dad-die Issues Yassir Lester 133

The Dead-Brother Code Switch Rachel Sklar 137

Making Peace with My Mother's Whiteness Amy Mihyang Ginther 145

Just Say Uncle Michael Arceneaux 149

Survivor Gilt: Creative Ways to Use What's Left Behind Instead of Banishing it to Storage Purgatory Stacy London 154

Inheritance: Property of: 157

Introduction Rebecca Soffer 159

Icky Pop Sara Faith Alterman 165

Honey, Don't Screw Up the Namesake David Sax 171

The Accidental Archivist Spencer Merolla 175

Under the House Julie Satow 179

Uncle Ron Kim Goldman 185

There's No Will. What the Bleep Do I Do Now? Amanda Clayman 190

Data: Loss (and Found) in the Digital Universe 193

Introduction Rebecca Soffer 195

My Husband's Death Went Viral, and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt Nora McInerny 199

Confessions of a Gmail Hoarder Brian Stelter 205

Unrecovered Meg Tansey 211

Meeting Patricia, Aunt Esther's Amazon Alter Ego Joey Chernila 215

A Brief Guide to Griefspeak 222

Secrets: What They Didn't Tell Us, and What We Aren't Telling Others 225

Introduction Gabrielle Birkner 227

My Dead Husband, the Serial Adulterer Robyn Woodman 231

Practice Imperfect Rachel M. Ward 237

And the Oscar Goes to … Catherine Fennelly 241

Forever Younger Caroline Waxler 247

F Is for Forgiveness Haley Tanner 251

Word Life After Loss 255

Journey's: Where We've Headed but Not Necessarily Ended Up 257

Introduction Rebecca Soffer 259

My Wedding Grown's Last Dance Lucy Kalanithi 265

Where the Heart No Longer Is Jacqueline Murekatete 273

Feet, Pain, Love Sarah Fox 277

From a Purple Room to the Obama White House Marisa Renee Lee 283

Art Imitates Loss Michael Greif as told to Rebecca Soffer 287

Patches Tanzila Ahmed 291

Shit People Say, But Really Shouldn't 298

Absence + Time: What Comes Later 301

Introduction Gabrielle Birkner 303

David Elisa Albert 307

Considering the Alternative Artis Henderson 313

The Deathday-Birthday Nikki Reimer 319

Double Digits Nishta J. Mehra 325

Acknowledgments 329

Notes 333

Credits 337

Editorial Reviews

I am not sure how a book about grief could also be witty and entertaining, but Modern Loss accomplishes just that.” — Mindy Kaling, writer for The Office and author of Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Talking about loss can feel scary. This book isn’t. It’s about grieving deeply over the long term, and the reassurance that you’re far from broken because of it. These surprisingly funny and candid stories aren’t about death; they’re about life, and thriving in the face of loss.” — Stephen Colbert

“Modern Loss is a book about grieving and death that shimmers with life. In turn raw, searing, charming, witty and funny—Modern Loss is full of surprises and is definitely not your mother’s death and dying book.” — Dave Isay, Founder, Storycorps

“Loss is devastating, but this frank and funny book makes it less isolating. I want to give it to everyone I know who is grieving, has grieved, or will grieve. In other words, I want to give it to everyone” — Anna Sale, host of WNYC’s Death, Sex and Money

“I love this book! Humans spilling their feelings with so much humility, hope, and humor.” — Nancy Lublin, Founder and CEO, Crisis Text Line

“Profound, irreverent, probing, and consoling, Modern Loss is the guide to grief I wish I’d had when my mother died at 55. Mourning a parent years earlier than my peers, I felt alone with my loss. This is the company I wish I’d kept in those first years; Soffer and Birkner have compiled a book that feels like sitting with your best friends over dinner and laughing and crying and connecting over the most profound experiences you can have.” — Meghan O'Rourke, author of The Long Goodbye

“Finally, a book that fearlessly embraces grief and finds heretofore undiscovered areas of inspiration, humor and above all, light. Modern Loss is our collective Modern Gain.” — Damon Lindelof, co-creator of Lost and The Leftovers

“Devastatingly poignant, Modern Loss took me to a safe place and allowed me to feel comforted by reading about something that I’ve always feared: death. Especially as I deal with aging parents, I found myself feeling some of my anguish dissipate as I was reminded of the universality of grieving. It allowed me to take a breath, and I needed to. We all do.” — Lisa Ling, host and executive producer of CNN’s “This Is Life”

“A frank, often funny meditation on grief and death from the founders of the website Modern Loss. With essays from more than 40 contributors, the book is an important contribution to the national conversation about loss.” — New York Post

“A very relatable and real book of personal essays written that cover almost every grief and loss topic and pulls no punches.” — Strategist

From the Publisher

Finally, a book that fearlessly embraces grief and finds heretofore undiscovered areas of inspiration, humor and above all, light. Modern Loss is our collective Modern Gain.

Damon Lindelof

Profound, irreverent, probing, and consoling, Modern Loss is the guide to grief I wish I’d had when my mother died at 55. Mourning a parent years earlier than my peers, I felt alone with my loss. This is the company I wish I’d kept in those first years; Soffer and Birkner have compiled a book that feels like sitting with your best friends over dinner and laughing and crying and connecting over the most profound experiences you can have.

Meghan O'Rourke

Devastatingly poignant, Modern Loss took me to a safe place and allowed me to feel comforted by reading about something that I’ve always feared: death. Especially as I deal with aging parents, I found myself feeling some of my anguish dissipate as I was reminded of the universality of grieving. It allowed me to take a breath, and I needed to. We all do.

Lisa Ling

Modern Loss is a book about grieving and death that shimmers with life. In turn raw, searing, charming, witty and funny—Modern Loss is full of surprises and is definitely not your mother’s death and dying book.

Dave Isay

Talking about loss can feel scary. This book isn’t. It’s about grieving deeply over the long term, and the reassurance that you’re far from broken because of it. These surprisingly funny and candid stories aren’t about death; they’re about life, and thriving in the face of loss.

Stephen Colbert

A frank, often funny meditation on grief and death from the founders of the website Modern Loss. With essays from more than 40 contributors, the book is an important contribution to the national conversation about loss.

New York Post

I am not sure how a book about grief could also be witty and entertaining, but Modern Loss accomplishes just that.

Mindy Kaling

Loss is devastating, but this frank and funny book makes it less isolating. I want to give it to everyone I know who is grieving, has grieved, or will grieve. In other words, I want to give it to everyone

Anna Sale

A very relatable and real book of personal essays written that cover almost every grief and loss topic and pulls no punches.

Strategist

I love this book! Humans spilling their feelings with so much humility, hope, and humor.

Nancy Lublin

A frank, often funny meditation on grief and death from the founders of the website Modern Loss. With essays from more than 40 contributors, the book is an important contribution to the national conversation about loss.

New York Post

Finally, a book that fearlessly embraces grief and finds heretofore undiscovered areas of inspiration, humor and above all, light. Modern Loss is our collective Modern Gain.

David Lindelof