Okay Fine Whatever: The Year I Went from Being Afraid of Everything to Only Being Afraid of Most Things

by Courtenay Hameister

Overview

The story of one chronically anxious woman's hilarious year-long quest to become braver by seeking out the kinds of experiences she has spent her life avoiding.

For most of her life, and even during her years as the host of a popular radio show, Courtenay Hameister lived in a state of near-constant dread and anxiety. She fretted about everything. Her age. Her size. Her romantic prospects. How likely it was that she would get hit by a bus on the way home.

Until a couple years ago, when, in her mid-forties, she decided to fight back against her debilitating anxieties by spending a year doing little things that scared her-things that the average person might consider doing for a half second before deciding: "nope."

Things like: attending a fellatio class. She did that. She also spent an afternoon in a sensory deprivation tank, got (legally) high in the middle of a workday, had a session with a professional cuddler, braved twenty-eight first dates, and-perhaps scariest of all-actually met someone who might possibly appreciate her for who she is.

Refreshing, relatable, and pee-your-pants funny, Okay Fine Whatever is Courtenay's hold-nothing-back account of her adventures on the front lines of Mere Human Woman vs. Fear, reminding us that even the tiniest amount of bravery is still bravery and that no matter who you are, it's possible to fight complacency and become bold, or at least bold-ish, a little at a time.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781549172533
Publisher:	Hachette Book Group
Publication date:	07/31/2018
Edition description:	Unabridged
Product dimensions:	5.20(w) x 5.70(h) x (d)

About the Author

Courtenay Hameister is a professional nervous person. During her twelve years as host and head writer for Live Wire, a nationally-syndicated public radio show, she interviewed over five hundred intimidating people and wrote two hundred personal essays in bursts of anxiety-fueled inspiration at midnight the night before each show. Her work has also been featured in McSweeney's, APM's Marketplace, MoreMagazine and some scathing emails to the customer service department at Macy's.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Getting Plucky 3

Stepping Down: Wherein I Unknowingly Plant the Seeds for a Series of Tiny Adventures 9

The Sensory-Deprivation Tank: In Which I Spend a Terrifying Ninety Minutes in a Bath of Warm Water 26

Casa Diablo: In Which a Stripper's Vagina and a Blind Chihuahua Cause Me to Send a Monumental Text 40

A Little Bit of Background: Wherein I Attempt to Explain My Dating Situation 55

Adventures in Dating I: Winter, Spring, and How Microsoft Excel Turned Me into an Asshole 76

A Brazilian in Portland: Wherein I Discover a Border I'd Rather Not Cross Again 94

Adventures in Dating II: Summer, the Season of Underboob and Back-of-Knee Sweat 106

Getting Legally High: In Which I Learn That Some People Just Shouldn't Smoke Pot 120

Dating the Polyamorous I: In Which I Develop an Aversion to Soccer Equipment 137

Dating the Polyamorous II: In Which I Learn Who the Boss Is, and It's Not Judith Light 153

Build-Your-Own-Burrito Night at the Sex Club: Wherein I Am Disappointed by Public Sex and Tortillas 166

An Hour with a Professional Cuddler: Wherein I Learn Not to Hate Affirmations … As Much 185

Water Aerobics: In Which I Learn How to Make Myself Feel (Relatively) Young and Attractive 206

Adventures in Dating III: Winter Is Coming 220

Fellatio Class: Wherein I Learn That There Are Ways in Which My Oral Fixation Makes Me an Overachiever 239

Adventures in Intimacy: Wherein I Test the Boundaries of Affection and My Bladder 252

The MRI: Wherein I Go on a Medical Adventure of My Own Making and It Is Louder Than Expected 260

One Last Leap: Wherein I Do the Thing I Should've Done Years Ago and Try Not to Wallow in Regret 279

The Epilogue That's Really Just Another Chapter: Wherein I Attempt to Tell You Why You Just Read This Whole Fucking Book 290

Acknowledgments 303

Editorial Reviews

05/28/2018
Hameister, former host and head writer of the Portland radio show Live Wire!, undertakes an amusing, if perhaps overly insular, rumination on various experiences she has subjected herself to in order to combat severe anxiety. Those with similar conditions will find her tone encouraging throughout, as when she describes the reason for taking on her “Okay Fine Whatever” project: “I thought if I could create a situation in which I was forced to try new things... I might actually become braver... I might even eventually become a badass.” She describes a wide variety of small boundary-pushing experiences, including 90 minutes spent in a sensory deprivation tank, forays into polyamory, and an evening at a vegan strip club, which she leaves feeling “far dirtier for pretending to be ‘chill’ than I did for watching naked women gyrate all night.” She also shares personal reflections, most notably on her desire for male approval. Her amused, sometimes snarky writing style will surely resonate with young hipsters but seems less likely to reach a wider readership. Nonetheless, Hameister’s frankness about her struggles with anxiety may prove helpful to readers facing their own internal confrontations. Agent: Laurie Fox, Linda Chester Agency. (July)

Publishers Weekly

"It's a rare writer who is as frank, funny, and smart as Courtenay Hameister is on the page, and in Okay Fine Whatever her talent for all of these things is on full display. I was moved by Hameister's vulnerability as she wrote about her long-time struggles with her weight, her anxiety, and her search for love, and I was gobsmacked by the fearlessness with which she set out to do the varied, wild, strange things she thought would cure her of her deepest sorrows. I never wanted to put down Okay Fine Whatever. It's one of those books that takes you into its grips. It reads like an adventure novel and a secret whispered into your ear. It felt true to me and alive and real, like on every page I was witnessing someone who finally made good on an ancient dare. I loved this book."—Cheryl Strayed, New York Times bestselling author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things

"This bitingly funny memoir chronicles the year the author faced her fears. A smart, inspiring read."—People

"A witty, wise call-to-arms for the anxiety-ridden in a period when we're more anxious than ever. A timely book for these end-of-times times."—John Hodgman, New York Times bestsellingauthor of Vacationland

"You guys, this book is f*cking funny."—Chelsea Handler

"Inspiring from the first pages. Courtenay fearlessly lets us into her head; she didn't clean up in there before company came over, and I am so glad. Her risk-taking adventures in career and love are more stirring to me than any daring physical feat."—Jen Kirkman, New York Times bestselling author of I Can BarelyTake Care of Myself

"I loved this book so hard. Courtenay Hameister makes me feel thrilled to be alive-even though most things in life scare the crap out of me so much it's hard for me to walk out of my own front door. Okay Fine Whatever is a brilliant testament to the fire of the spirit for misfits and scaredy pants everywhere. A soul triumph. A reason to live."—Lidia Yuknavitch, author of The Book ofJoan and The Small Backs of Children

"Courtenay deftly executes one of the most difficult feats for a writer: she makes the smallest moments vivid, meaningful, and laugh-out-loud funny. You'll be rooting for her the whole way, and she'll surprise you at every turn with her fortitude, her sparkling feats of fearlessness preserved in riotous detail, and her joie de anxiety."—Annabelle Gurwitch, New York Times bestselling author of Wherever You Go,There They Are and I See YouMade an Effort

"Hameister details her experiences with brutal honesty and sidesplitting hilarity...Okay Fine Whatever manages expertly to blend adventure, romance, mental illness and an extra helping of humor for an entertaining memoir that reminds the reader, 'At certain moments, "No one gives a s***" is one of the nicest things you can say to yourself.'"—ShelfAwareness

"Courtenay Hameister's frank, hilarious chronicle of facing her fears promises hope and laughs while staying real."—Paste (The 10 Best Books of July 2018)

"When was the last time a book made you giggle out loud repeatedly in public? Also, when was the last time a book made you feel totally and completely seen? Courtenay Hameister's memoir accomplishes both. Read it in public at your own risk."—HelloGiggles

"The book you need to read."—Bustle

"Inspiring, poignant, and laugh-out-loud funny."—Booklist

"Courtenay Hameister wrote the following sentence and for this sentence alone she should be world famous: 'Like the snowflake of the genital world, no two vaginas are ever alike.' Her stories are honest, funny and touching. I love her work and so will you."—MikeSacks, author of Poking a Dead Frog: Conversations with Today's Top ComedyWriters

"Courtenay Hameister is one of the funniest, sharpest writers I know. Her work is confessional, witty, and laugh-out-loud hilarious. I love her."—Chelsea Cain, New York Times bestselling author of Heartsick and One Kick

"Vaguely embarrassed posers who think they know from humiliation, step aside - the somewhat intrepid yet thoroughly original and hilarious Courtenay Hameister is our new patron saint of the bizarre life experience. Readers everywhere will be super grateful to her for doing all this awkward stuff so they don't have to. Thanks, Courtenay!"—Karen Karbo, author of In Praise of Difficult Women

From the Publisher

Courtney Hameister narrates this engaging, insightful, and at times hilarious account of her Okay Fine Whatever project, in which she grapples with her anxiety by deliberately exposing herself to uncomfortable new situations. Whether she’s trying drugs with co-workers to unleash her creativity, undergoing a Brazilian wax, or participating in online dating, her perceptions of events are sharp and funny. She’s especially good at capturing her own anxiety-driven inner monologues during awkward circumstances such as a first sexual encounter and is often laugh-out-loud funny. A former NPR host, Hameister is a terrific narrator—she gets comic timing and tone fully. This production will entertain diverse listeners and make fellow anxious people pat themselves on the back for their own moments of unsung bravery when facing down what makes them nervous. J.C.G. Winner of AudioFile Earphone Award © AudioFile 2018, Portland, Maine

AUGUST 2018 - AudioFile

Courtney Hameister narrates this engaging, insightful, and at times hilarious account of her Okay Fine Whatever project, in which she grapples with her anxiety by deliberately exposing herself to uncomfortable new situations. Whether she’s trying drugs with co-workers to unleash her creativity, undergoing a Brazilian wax, or participating in online dating, her perceptions of events are sharp and funny. She’s especially good at capturing her own anxiety-driven inner monologues during awkward circumstances such as a first sexual encounter and is often laugh-out-loud funny. A former NPR host, Hameister is a terrific narrator—she gets comic timing and tone fully. This production will entertain diverse listeners and make fellow anxious people pat themselves on the back for their own moments of unsung bravery when facing down what makes them nervous. J.C.G. Winner of AudioFile Earphone Award © AudioFile 2018, Portland, Maine

AUGUST 2018 - AudioFile

2018-05-01
A former Live Wire! host's account of the year she spent facing the "sometimes crippling anxiety" that ruled her life.Hameister had always been a "toe-dipper. A cringe-r. A wait-and-see-er." Yet few people knew, just as they did not know that she struggled with generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. After suffering an especially massive anxiety attack in the spring of 2013, the author not only stepped down from her position at Live Wire!; she also decided to "do things that scared me and then write about them." She began by facing her fear of enclosed spaces and the darkness by going into a sensory deprivation tank. Her success inspired her to push forward into another realm that was especially terrifying to her: dating. The 40-something Hameister, who had struggled with weight issues for most of her life, had only had relationships with two people, both of whom she met through friends. The author was able to find dates online, but her ever present neurosis led her to create a spreadsheet (that she later dispensed with) to help sort through and rank all her options. After enduring the agony of a Brazilian wax to boost her body confidence, she had encounters with an array of men, including a polyamorous "ethical slut" and a bald jazz DJ most memorable for his ability to see past Hameister's uncontrollable nervous sweating. Her other "firsts" included a pot-smoking session that ended in hospitalization, a deeper plunge into the world of polyamory, a visit to a swinger's club, an hour with a professional cuddler, and a class in oral sex. Her edgy adventures unexpectedly led to a relationship with a quiet father of two teenage children who gave her the acceptance she thought she would never find. The author not only chronicles how she faced her inner demons and won; she also offers a reminder that doing even the smallest thing to conquer fear "is enough to change a lot."A fresh, intelligent memoir.

Kirkus Reviews