Origin: A Journey of Discovery

Origin: A Journey of Discovery

by Christian Eibelshauser


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781452524214
Publisher: Balboa Press
Publication date: 06/17/2014
Pages: 274
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.58(d)

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A Journey Of Discovery

By Christian Eibelshauser

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2014 Christian Eibelshauser
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-2421-4



Awareness is a state of being,
where we know
what we are doing and
why we are doing it


As though we were in a deep sleep for the better part of our lives, we suddenly awake into an awareness that actually perplexes us. Whenever and however that happens, we need to understand and accept the signals of this somewhat impromptu awakening.

It is nothing to be afraid of, although, by conditioning, we accept fear far too readily and without question. We are in fact conditioned to view change, any change, with fear. For that reason, we are reluctant to accept change, or at the best, view it with utmost reservation.

Our rigid conscious mind, with all its rules and regulations, actually stops us from accepting the new and stops us from making changes.

Generally speaking, we only ever accept change, any change, after we realize that all else we ever did, failed. That very basic awareness usually occurs, once we have hit actual rock bottom. We may have lost a business, a job, money, or had our spouse walk out on us.

In total despair, just like a drowning sailor, we clutch to any straw nearby. And just like a mere straw could not ever keep the sailor afloat, that little spark of awareness is not sufficient to cause significant changes within us.

But it's a start, a very good start.

That little spark, is the so-called 'voice from within', that softly beckons - "listen to me, I will show you the way, please, listen to me". It is in fact our Intuition (or sixth sense), attempting to break through to us, to relate to us, to 'communicate' with us. As such, it is not a voice, but rather a feeling, soft at first, almost unnoticeable, but it grows stronger and stronger, as we practice how to relate to it.

Just as an egg is synonymous with birth, on the dawn of our awareness, we begin to notice a spark of a force, hitherto unaccepted by us and thus, the birth of a new era in our lives has begun. The more we practice 'tuning' into that spark, the more sparks we seem to notice, until the egg has cracked wide open, sparkling from every facet and revealing to us our immense power within.

Some simply refer to that power within as our Intuition, or Inner Being and that's OK. I like to call it our Cosmic Being. It is our Cosmic Being, through which we can connect to the reservoir of the IT force (Infinite Totality), be guided by it and draw from it all the wisdom and knowledge that ever was, is and will be.

Every journey begins with the first step and so, our




By now, we are beginning to become increasingly aware, that there are blockages in our lives, which prevent our lives to run smoothly.

What are those blockages and where do they have their origin?

In time, we may figure out that those blockages are related to our feelings. Feelings do need to be expressed, not suppressed. Expression is through verbalization, or action. For example, when you feel loving toward your spouse, either tell her/him openly and honestly, or show it by action, be that a gentle touch, a soft kiss, or a warm hug. Remember, that no one can read your thoughts, no matter how loving or caring they may be!

Without feelings, we would just be like robots. All of our feelings positive, or negative (desirable, or undesirable), color our lives, and the more we express and share them, the more we enjoy them, the more we live.

We label feelings as positive (desirable) and negative (undesirable), because we are basically afraid of our feelings and only want to experience those which bring us pleasure. However, we need to learn to accept all of our feelings and enjoy the experiences they bring to us. If we always ignore the so-called negative feelings and push them into our subconscious, by suppressing them, how can we possibly learn anything and work on overcoming them? Once we accept and enjoy all of our 'negative' feelings, we can begin to take away their power over us and add that power to our 'positive' feelings.

Let us look at ANGER for a moment. Why do we ever feel angry? It is more than likely because someone did, or said something, that went against our rigid belief system and therefore, did not conform to our own thoughts. Einstein said -: "Both answers are correct, depending on the viewpoint"

When we allow others to have and express their own opinion, whether or not it is congruent with ours, then there is no longer a need to feel angry. I think it's the French who say "Vive la difference". As we practice that more and more, we begin to feel less and less angry, until one day, - we don't get angry over anything anymore, but feel joy in everything that happens. This would be dealing with 'negative' feelings openly and honestly and is the total opposite to suppressing those 'undesirable' feelings. Any and all feelings can be dealt with in the same format. You may say to yourself -:

I allow the world
to live as it

And I allow me
to live as I

Without feelings, our lives would be dull and boring, rather than interesting and exciting. Yet, we do hide our feelings - WHY? Are we ashamed to let others see and know that we too have feelings, that we are human also?

We are conditioned to look at feelings as a weakness, a vulnerability and are afraid that others may take advantage of us, exploit and/or abuse us. So we hide our feelings.

Once we realize, that our feelings make us strong, we begin to express them freely, without shame or reservation, be they 'positive', or 'negative' I learned, that if I express my feelings openly and honestly, without blame and /or criticism, people respond with warmth, compassion and trust.


Being of German parentage, I was raised with the attitude of -: 'German boys don't cry' - So deeply imbedded was that program, that when my father slashed the bamboo rod across my bared buttocks and the pain became unbearable, all I could think of was -'Don't give him the pleasure of showing your feelings of FEAR, SHAME and PAIN, just don't let him see that he is getting to you, don't cry'- At times, I nearly fainted from the pain inflicted, but, I did not shed a single tear, or sounds of a whimper. I took my punishment bravely, after all I wanted to be a good son, a good German boy!

Due to experiences of that kind in my early childhood, my life became a total state of confusion. Instead of loving my father, which is what I wanted to do, I feared him. I could not ever live up to my older brother, because he was HE and I was simply I, so I began to resent my brother. I confided in my mother, only to find that she betrayed me to my father, so I lost my trust in her.

However, my fear of being betrayed by women and being abandoned by them, happened when I was about three or four years of age

I was taken to a Kindergarten by my mother and once there, became totally involved with the huge variety of toys. All of a sudden, I saw her near the exit, ready to leave without me.

Fear and Panic struck me -"my mother is abandoning me will I ever see her again - why is she doing this to me, why, why?"- I raced up to her in tears, crying out -"Mummy, Mummy, don't go, don't leave me"

Then, she assured me that she wouldn't leave me and I settled down to play again. Yet, all of a sudden, I looked up and she had gone! She assured me that she wouldn't. YET she did! Well. I felt so hurt and betrayed, I went to pieces and was totally inconsolable. The fear and the panic I experienced, must have been enormous.

If my mother had have prepared me for the event, been honest and said -"I'11 take you to Kindergarten, where you can have fun with all the other kids while I go to town to do some shopping. On the way back, I'11 pick you up and we'll go home" - I may have had a totally different experience, rather than pain and distrust.

I believe that the experience with my mother was probably the most significant one in my development as an adolescent. Whereby I know that it is essential to be honest and open with my partner in life, and I am, there is a blockage, when it comes to deep feelings. Not necessarily feelings toward that person, but much rather, feelings about myself. Feelings to do with my basic fear of being betrayed by the one I trust.

Deep in my sub-conscious, I probably set up the basic belief, that women will eventually betray me and abandon me.

Propelled by the powerful sub-conscious, I set-up the stage of relationship destruction in every situation. Even if the women never had any intention of betraying me, or walking out on me.

A sub-conscious program of such depth, must always be satisfied, after all, it is part of our Ego (the way we see ourselves and our surrounding) and as such, seeks constant approval, in other words, it must be satisfied, it "must be right". Otherwise, we don't function (dysfunction).

After every relationship break-up, my Ego was appeased, because it was yet again re-assured that the old program was in fact, correct (i.e. betrayal and abandonment). All this took place without my conscious awareness.

Today, however, I understand things differently and have dismantled many of the old, harmful programs and replaced them with re-validated, healthy programs.

Today, I also know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I am as good as my brother was, is and ever will be, in human values. If he was to be THE yardstick of achievements, I may have even excelled him.

However, we deal with FEELINGS here, not ACHIEVEMENTS. For most of my life, I could not differentiate internal feelings from materialistic achievements. By hiding those feelings, those that I did not want to face and/or deal with, I actually, later in Life, realized that I was very successfully suppressing them into the depths of my subconscious. So deep in fact, that they became an involuntary part of my behavioral program, without my conscious awareness.

And so, programs were set into place

Whereas I am an intelligent person, I also admit, quite readily, that for the greater part of my life, I lived in a world of self-delusion. Often, my former wife said that I was totally unaware, but I took that as mere vindictive criticism. I may have believed that I accept others, yet, contrary to that, I sought revenge, was resentful, bitter and cynical. Furthermore, I honestly believed, that I was deserving and worthy of better things in life. Yet, my deep-seated programs (suppressed feelings), interfered with my ideals and destroyed all that I ever dreamt of.

On the surface, I appeared extremely confident, with a high degree of self-esteem. Underneath, however, welled this turbulent current of Fear, Doubt and Betrayal. This sub-conscious current under-mined every good conscious intention I ever had. Just like a ship gets battered against the rocks by a hurricane and finally breaks up, so did all my good intentions.

In my twenty-sixth year, I married Julianne, who was a beautiful, intelligent and very sensuous lady. The world was my oyster. We both worked. As a schoolteacher, she was well anchored in her job, with a very realistic outlook on life. Meanwhile, I was in my megalomaniac dream world of entrepreneurial self-delusion. I always looked forward to being with her after work, and all my thoughts revolved around her, whether I was building a garage, a spa pool, furniture for us, or simply washing our cars. I was proud to tell others just how much I loved my wife, but hardly ever told her. I believed, that all the nice things I was creating and building for us would indicate my love for her. Not so!

Six years later, my wife gave birth to our beautiful daughter Dana and four years after that, to our gorgeous son Mark. My life seemed perfectly happy and fulfilled. We moved from Sydney to Perth and I did not see the little cracks in our relationship. One day, out of the blue, I had to confront the stark truth – DIVORCE. Why, I kept asking myself? All I ever thought of and aimed for, was our happiness, It seemed, that my fear of women I love, leaving me, had to be gratified yet again.

I was torn out of my world of fantasy and delusion, into the world of reality. My illusive, or rather delusive world cracked up. I had hit rock bottom. I believed that my world, my life had hit a brick wall and shattered. Having hit that brick wall as hard as I did, one would have thought that the penny dropped. But that penny was well and truly stuck.

In one way, I seemed 'lucky', because I met a very beautiful, caring, loving and sensuous lady in Perth. I lived with her for quite a long time, in what I believed to be total bliss. But again, I did not see those little cracks. The lady left me and I hit another brick wall. Yet that penny still did not drop. Again, my fear was apparently 'stilled', because being abandoned, seemed an acceptable part of my program.

I spent almost two years on my own, before I met an absolute angel in Phoenix Arizona, USA. My desires, my dreams, my hopes had come true this time. Nothing would disrupt this relationship, which appeared to have been made in heaven. But one day, I heard those familiar words -"I am leaving you". I well and truly crumbled! But it took nearly nine months, before that penny dropped.


The penny had finally dropped! So, what did I actually do, or, rather, NOT do?

The answer to that question led me right back to feelings, how I dealt with them, or, mostly did not deal with them, by simply suppressing them.

Where are those suppressed feelings, how do I get in touch with them? Where do feelings begin? How came some feelings are constructive (positive) and others are destructive (negative)? Do they coexist side-by-side, or are all my feelings destructive? Question upon question raced through my mind, causing me sleepless nights. I lost concentration at work, because those questions kept coming to the fore.

One lunch time, I decided to walk through a nearby park, to find some peace in nature. I had no idea what I would really find during my little walk! I suddenly saw in my path an enormous fig tree, that had a very familiar shape indeed. It looked just like a human brain! As I stood there, looking at this majestic tree, I felt ice-cold and noticed goose-bumps on my skin (in the middle of summer). I walked right up to that tree and touched it. I looked up its trunk and noticed the huge branches reaching out to the leaves. I felt the urge to climb into this unusual tree and sat in it for a long time. I felt so very strange, yet so very much at ease with myself.

On my return to the office, I sat down and wrote a short note to myself -:


"I found an awesome, yet beautiful tree. It reminds me
of my brain
A huge trunk (brain stem), grown from a deep, strong
root system (veins, arteries in the body).
Thick branches, extending to thinner ones (message
transport system), into leaves (storage neurons).
The complexity of the abundant growth fascinates me.
I feel strongly drawn to this majestic beauty.
As I stand under it, I feel truly dwarfed - and think
'Which one of those many leaves could represent
the neuron(s), that store undesired programs, and how
I identify and change those programs?'"
I only know I will
I am in love with that tree, just the way it is

From this experience, I am learning that I love myself
(accept myself totally), just the way I am NOW and as
changes occur within me, I even become happier and
more content with myself
It feels good
I feel good -

Just like a tree, our feelings are deeply rooted and grow, whereby one feeling develops and grows from another. Any tree has its origin in a seed and as the trunk grows and strengthens, branches will develop and from those branches, other branches will grow. We can prune a tree by cutting back some of its branches, but others will soon re-grow.

As humans, we can work on our feeling of resentment and momentarily believe to have succeeded in overcoming it, but it will soon re-develop. So, we need to go deeper and deeper, to where the real powerful feelings lay.


Looking at the illustration of 'Development of Feelings' on page #17 we have an oversight of the immensity of our task. Graphically resembling a tree, we can see a pre-natal development of deep-seated feelings in the 'Root-System'. The 'Trunk' itself, contains other major and also very deep feelings, from which all others develop. We can also understand, that if we were to cut a portion of the 'Branch and Leaf System', it would simply re-grow.


Excerpted from ORIGIN by Christian Eibelshauser. Copyright © 2014 Christian Eibelshauser. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents


Introduction, xi,
Why?, xiii,
I Awareness, 1,
The Awakening, 3,
Feelings, 5,
Hidden Feelings, 7,
Opening To Feelings, 12,
Development Of Feelings, 14,
Childhood Programing, 18,
Rigidity, 23,
Disguised Feelings, 26,
II The Mind, 27,
The Conscious Mind, 29,
Trash Can, 33,
The Un-conscious Mind, 34,
The Sub-conscious Mind, 36,
Suppression (General), 39,
Suppression (Tools), 42,
Suppression (Alcohol), 44,
Suppression (Release), 48,
Habits, 52,
Instincts, 54,
The Tunnel, 56,
III Higher Consciousness, 59,
Viewpoint, 61,
Mirror Image, 65,
Substance, 70,
The Unknown, 73,
Cosmic Being, 77,
Tuning-In Methods, 81,
Evolution To Higher Consciousness, 88,
Developmental Stages, 103,
Action, 113,
Intuitive Action, 122,
Time Dilation, 125,
Purpose, 134,
Learning Experiences, 139,
Multiple Choice Paths, 177,
Guidance, 184,
Integration, 192,
Ascent, 199,
IV Infinite Totality, 203,
Male/Female, 205,
Evolutionary Cycles, 211,
Creation, 219,
Destiny, 227,
Lambda-Ef, 233,
The IT Force, 237,
V The Universe, 243,
Metamorphosis, 245,
The Swirling Universe, 250,

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