Ouch! Where'd that come from?! The Borderline in Couples and Couple Therapy (Challenges in Couples and Couple Therapy, #4)

by Ronald Mah

Overview

"Ouch! Where'd that come from?! The Borderline in Couples and Couple Therapy" addresses how the couple with a partner with borderline personality disorder challenges the therapeutic relationship in couple therapy as borderline issues and behaviors inevitably erupt simultaneously at home and in session. The therapist often considers working with the individual with borderline personality disorder among the most difficult clinical work to manage in therapy. The book explains how the couple can be the fundamental healing dynamic for the individual with borderline personality disorder. The couple therapist is guided through examination of the borderline character how to manage borderline reactivity targeted not only at the partner but also at the therapist. The therapist is prompted to attend to his or her feelings and instincts provoked by the individual- that is, counter-transference for assessment and direction for treatment. This includes borderline, partner, and therapist vulnerability desires to be "special." For the partner and the therapist, this leads to lack of preparation when naively traipsing among borderline traps hidden in the relationship, subsequent emotional, psychological, and relational injury- "Ouch!", and the shocked question of "Where'd that come from!?"

The existential trinity of the individual with borderline personality disorder: betrayal, abandonment, and rejection (B-A-R) direct the partner and therapist response trinity: caring compliance, intimacy, and acceptance (C-I-A). Directions for combining confrontational and holding theories for therapy address borderline acting out, aggression, and abuse of the partner and the therapist. The individual's core paradigm that he or she cannot suffer emotional or attachment distress and survive is identified and subsequently, is challenged. Changing the borderline paradigm leads to clinical strategies for individual and relationship change. Practical applications including realistic quantitative change goals in five specific areas are explained for how they lead to qualitative change. Explanations and examples are presented about how incremental behavioral changes lead to greater intimacy and more fulfilling relationships.

The book explains how the partner of the individual with borderline personality disorder is often targeted by the individual and in couple therapy to the detriment of growth and change. The therapist learns how to re-direct the partner from misguided attempts to meet needs and demands that perpetuate the individual's personal borderline-based mythology and dysfunctionality. Strategies are presented to empower and direct the therapist's stance and role to resist and challenge borderline demands, remove borderline entitlement to punish the therapist and the partner, while providing the deeper psychological support the individual craves. The therapist learns how to empower and direct the partner in a critical quasi-therapeutic role that provides boundaries, nurturing, and the reparative relationship necessary to support, heal, and guide the individual with borderline personality disorder.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940044614987
Publisher:	Ronald Mah
Publication date:	06/16/2013
Series:	Challenges in Couples and Couple Therapy , #4
Sold by:	Smashwords
Format:	eBook
File size:	723 KB
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Therapist, educator, author and consultant combine concepts, principles, and philosophy with practical techniques and guidelines for effective and productive results. A Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (licensed 1994), his experiences include:

Psychotherapist: individual, child and teen, couples, and family therapy in private practice in San Leandro, California- specialties include challenging couples, difficult teenagers, Aspergers Syndrome, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, learning disabilities, cross and multi-cultural issues, foster children, child development, parenting, and personality disorders;

Author: twenty-one project/books on couples therapy for a doctoral program, including substantial work on major complications in couples and couples therapy (including depression, anxiety, domestic violence, personality disorders, addiction, and affairs); articles for the Journal of the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapist (CAMFT) on working with teenagers, elder care issues affecting family dynamics, and assessing dangerous clients, online courses for the National Association of Social Workers- California chapter (NASW-CA) on child abuse prevention, legal and ethical vulnerabilities for professionals, and difficult children, "Difficult Behavior in Early Childhood, Positive Discipline for PreK-3 Classrooms and Beyond" (Corwin Press, 2006), "The One-Minute Temper Tantrum Solution" (Corwin Press, 2008), and "Getting Beyond Bullying and Exclusion, PreK-5, Empowering Children in Inclusive Classrooms," (Corwin Press, 2009); Asian Pacific Islander Parent Education Support (APIPES) curriculum for the City of San Francisco Department of Human Services (1996), 4th-6th Grade Social Science Reader, Asian-American History, Berkeley Unified School District, Berkeley, CA, (1977), and trainer/speaker of 20 dvds on child development and behavior for Fixed Earth Films, and in another time and career three arts and crafts books for children: two with Symbiosis Press (1985 &1987) and one with Price, Sloan, and Stern (1986);

Consultant and trainer: for social services programs working with youth and young adults, Asian-American community mental health, Severe Emotional Disturbance (SED) school programs, therapeutic, social support, and vocational programs for at risk youth, welfare to work programs, Head Start organizations, early childhood education programs and conferences, public, private, and paroc...