Ryken's Journey

by Pamela Larocque

Overview

"Experiencing love and parenting opens us to unimagined joy as well as crushing heartbreak. Because of one mother's honesty and forthright talent, we can experience both the happiness and sorrow of Ryken's Journey - and we can also relate the lessons learned to our own hearts and lives."
Sally Ann Elliot, Registered Nurse
Certified Childbirth Educator.
"Eleven years ago I met Ryken and his parents, Brett and Pam. It was through such an unexpected series of events that I became part of his medical team. Fate.
Over the subsequent eleven days, I learned much about Ryken, about his parents, and witnessed the unreserved love of a child from his parents.
Ryken's Journey is his story. It is the story of his family, the story of his birth, and the story of his death.
It is the story of how an individual, no matter how young or how brief a life, can teach us so much about love and living."
Dr. Aaron Chiu, Neonatologist

Product Details

BN ID:	2940156036257
Publisher:	Tellwell Talent
Publication date:	04/02/2019
Sold by:	Smashwords
Format:	eBook
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Pamela Larocque is a woman who has many roles in her life. On a personal level she is a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. Professionally she is a Social Worker, an Energy Healer, an advocate of healthy living and an author. Presently she is writing about her grief, her quest to find joy again after the loss of her second son, Ryken in infancy, from a rare genetic condition known as NKH, and living in the moment with gratitude to have a healthy child to love and parent. She plans to share this with the world in the sequel to Ryken's Journey which is called "Chasing Rainbows". She is also on her own journey to find herself again, the woman she was before her grief and the person she is now. Then somehow meld them together to be the person she is striving to become. 50 On a spiritual level, this book is part of Pam's life purpose and she has set out on a quest to fulfill her own soul contract in this lifetime. She is determined to learn her own life lessons and pass on the wisdom she has gained so others can heal as well. She believes that if we release the inner pain, embrace our strength from the lesson, then our healing will begin. In order to heal, it is important to embrace our life circumstances and acknowledge what we are feeling. When we walk through our grief with supports in place, we can find the pathways of love, joy and acceptance. This is how we can find our own inner light again and allow it to shine forth in the world while remembering... love is infinite.

Read an Excerpt

Ryken's Journey

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By Pamela Larocque

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2016 Pamela Larocque
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-5724-1

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CHAPTER 1

Let's Start at the Beginning

I was born at 8:20 on an autumn morning to parents who could not have been more different. They were like yin and the yang. With my mom and dad, opposites definitely attracted.

When I was born, my nineteen-year-old mother could not believe I was truly hers. She said, "You were the cutest baby on earth. I was in awe that you were truly mine — a beautiful baby to love and cherish."

I asked my dad his thoughts about becoming a father at the age of twenty-one. He said, "You were a little miracle. I had worked all day, and we stayed up all night waiting for you. It was a long night for your mom and me. When you were finally born, your mother was played out — and so was I."

Mothers go through pregnancy and all the changes that occur during that time. We give up many things and focus on eating healthily for the growing baby. We endure the pain during labor. Some women give birth without any medication. We push — for hours sometimes — to get the baby out of our bodies and into the world. And the dad is exhausted? This is an important life lesson. We must not forget how hard it is on the dads when babies are trying to enter the world.

I grew up in a small farming and cattle community as the eldest of three girls. Our parents separated shortly after Christmas when I was eleven. There was no reconciliation, and they eventually divorced. I am very close to my two younger, biological sisters, Deanna and Mindy; they were eight and six when our family changed. I have always had a motherly instinct toward each of them, and it only magnified after the separation. That is the joy of being the firstborn daughter.

I am sure this motherly instinct did not serve any of us well growing up, but that was how it was. My sisters thought I was bossy. I told them it was not easy being the oldest in the family. I guess being bossy was one of my perks. Life really is about our own individual perception.

Growing up, I was the only person I knew who came from a split home. My parents found new partners, and the blended families began. My three new sisters were all younger than me. I was blessed to have the addition of a stepmom, stepdad and sisters in my life; they brought love and many life lessons that helped me grow as a person.

I graduated from high school and was bound and determined to make a life outside of my community. I had dreams about exploring the great big world. I was taking classes for engineering, and university was difficult the first year. When I failed physics and calculus, my hopes of becoming an engineer went up in flames.

My dad told me that summer that I was not quitting university. I would go back and complete a degree of some kind. That was the best advice my dad ever gave me. I returned to my hometown for the summer to work and save all the money I could for my next year of university. The summer months dragged on and I could not wait to return to school that September. My next plan of action was completing my psychology degree.

As summer slowly slipped by and September finally came around, it was during my second year of university, I met my best friend, Jenna. We were enrolled in the same French class. There is no one like her in the world. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. Along with being funny, giving, thoughtful, kind, and loving, I have the privilege to call her my "bestie." I owe it all to a second language.

I set my sights on obtaining a psychology degree. I loved my Psychology 100 class and figuring people out. My first semester went great, and I was enjoying this second year of university. I was over the moon that I had not failed any classes either.

In the middle of my second semester, I struck up a conversation with the cashier at the convenience store by my apartment. I was asking her where she planned to work with her completed psychology degree. She had just graduated and could not find a job in her field. She was working at the store full-time to support herself and pay back her student loans.

I was dumbstruck. I paid for my drink and left whatever plans I had in my mind for completing my psychology degree behind with the cashier at the till. That was divinely orchestrated to help me shift toward a different life path. When one door closes, another one opens. I was looking for an open doorway.

As I walked back to my apartment through the snow, I wondered exactly what I was going to do with my life. I am a realist. I could already work at the convenience store, but the idea of working there after completing four years of university did nothing for me. By this time, I would have incurred a $36,000 student loan that I would be responsible for paying off. There was no passion for me anymore to follow through with a psychology degree. I had no plans to get my master's degree in psychology either so this idea went up in smoke faster than my engineering career dream did.

I realized I had to figure out something else. I was at a loss and was reaching out for help. Fate intervened once more and helped me again. I was guided toward social work, and that is when the pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place for me.

I applied to the social work program at a different university in a different city as well and was accepted. Each year of school became easier; I loved my classes and my teachers. I was beginning to feel like I was born to be a social worker.

I made friends with three amazing women who were also aspiring to complete their degrees in social work. We were the "four musketeers," and I knew our friendship would last a lifetime. We spent a lot of our time together — both in and out of the classroom. We began chatting about backpacking in Europe after graduation.

One of my dreams as a young girl was to travel far and wide. I was interested in France especially. My great- grandmother had lived there, and my maternal grandfather was born there. I always had a strong bond with my great- grandmother. I grew up right across the street from her and would visit her almost daily as a child. She and I would look at her picture albums over cookies in her apartment. We would go into the common area of the building and play shuffleboard together. Sometimes my sisters would be with us, but most of the time, we were by ourselves. I hold those special memories dear to my heart.

While I was at the university, I returned to my hometown during the summer months and worked as a nurses' aid in the health center. My great-grandmother was in her late nineties by then and resided at the center. It was a real gift to be able to help her and care for her during those times.

I graduated from the university with a bachelor of science in social work and a concentration in psychology. I came back home and one month later moved to the city where I had first begun my journey. My new job was working with families that had all kinds of issues and severe addictions. My job was never boring, and it proved to be quite a challenge.

The best part was developing relationships with the families I worked with. It is amazing how you can help people become motivated to make changes within themselves when the relationships are based on respect and trust.

Life was falling into place, and my career was unfolding before my eyes. I was twenty-three years old and working with families that had various issues. I was trying my best to motivate changes in their lives. At the same time, I was working on changing me.

Being a social worker sounds a lot better than actually being one at times. When you meet the families, you become attached to the children and the parents. It is difficult to keep your heart at a distance. I wore my heart on my sleeve for the entire world to see. You could put some of my DNA under a microscope, and it would say "highly sensitive person" in my cellular makeup.

Many of those people still hold special places in my heart. It was a privilege to be a part of their lives, and it was a gift to watch them learn and grow. I was a firsthand witness to seeing families make the necessary changes to make better lives for themselves and their children. It was very inspiring for me as a young social worker to see this.

I had begun my own personal journey of self-healing and was learning a lot about myself during that time. I began counseling to deal with my own issues from the past. I became a "counseling junkie", and I had no shame in it. I began attending Al-Anon meetings weekly to work through my own codependency issues.

I also saw a counselor for years. She was nothing short of a miracle for me. She helped me so much, and I am so grateful for the many hours we shared in her office.

I completed a twelve-step codependency group that changed my life. The gentleman who ran the group was a recovering alcoholic and really helped me realize that it is a disease. I learned compassion along with the gift of setting healthy boundaries for myself.

It is interesting where all of us fall on the spectrum of codependency. If you don't agree with me, then you are still in denial — and that is okay. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I clearly remember being blissfully ignorant. When I got to my early twenties, I could not pretend anymore. I will always be eternally grateful to the many counselors who helped me along the way.

A wonderful friend at my place of employment took me under her wing and helped me along on my life path. She was my saving grace at the office. Her kindness and the life skills she shared with me to help me become a better and more organized social worker will never be forgotten.

As a Libra, I wake up each morning and say, "Today, I will be organized!" Some days, it works. Fellow Libras will understand when I say, "Some days it won't."

My friend introduced me to an angel card reader. I was raised Catholic and had a strong faith in God. I also had a deep curiosity about this other side of spirituality. During this time I had also been going to many different churches in the city to learn and explore the many sides of religion. I was beginning to learn that I had a "spiritual soul" inside of me. I was twenty-four years old and open to many things.

The card reader was so kind and welcoming. She reminded me of a grandma. In the reading, she said that my next relationship would be very important. I would meet my soul mate. I had recently written a list of what I wanted in my next relationship: I wanted a partner who was confident, smart, funny, kind, romantic, ambitious, accepting, loving, calm, understanding, determined, supportive, and good with kids.

I enjoyed the angel card reading and continued on my life path of working and spending time with family and friends. I was enjoying being single. I didn't think much about the angel reading at the time. I had gone on a few dates, and I had a series of questions. I'd ask, "Are you homophobic?" If my date said, "Yes, I am," that was the one and only date. One of my best friends is gay. There is no one as wonderful or as loyal and kind as her. She has made an incredible difference in this world in regard to ensuring a better life for children. I was not going to have a relationship with anyone who was judgmental about that topic. Some people won't date a smoker, and I won't date anyone who is homophobic. Discussion closed — end of story.

I also refused to settle in a relationship. I refused to waste my time in a relationship that was not going to meet my standards. I had expectations, and they were very cut and dry. I had my list, and I was not swaying from it or compromising.

Instead of worrying unnecessarily about finding a boyfriend, I focused on my own dreams and desires. I was sorting out my own issues through counseling. My goal for dealing with my past issues was very clear. I did not want to bring any of my luggage into my next relationship. I was working on changing my communication pattern to being assertive at all times and with everyone in my life — at work and outside of work. It was a difficult task but not impossible.

I cleaned house internally. It felt amazing. Being alone without a partner and sorting out who I was felt amazing too. Learning how to stand up for my needs and myself was really important and changed my life. The key to self- care and peace is learning how to be assertive and setting boundaries in a kind way. I was also working on what I wanted to do in my life. I had a deep desire to travel and see the world. The key to true happiness is a high level of self-love and a strong sense of self-worth. I was working on it, and I was very happy.

In 1998, the musketeers and I were talking about taking our trip to Europe in the spring of 1999. We tossed around the idea of backpacking for a month and touring different countries. France was on the top of my list due to my childhood visits with my great grandmother.

As the months flew by, Raya and Kali had entered into serious relationships. Dara and I were both single, and we began to plan our adventure abroad. It is amazing how an idea is planted and begins to grow. I was already practicing the art of manifesting, but I did not know it.

Christmas 1998 came and went, and I had no idea there was going to be a special surprise from Santa the following evening. The universe was about to answer my prayers; I just didn't know it yet.

My youngest sister had talked me into going to the Boxing Day Cabaret in the small rivalry town close to where we grew up. That is where I met my future husband.

Like me, Brett had left home right after completing high school to pursue postsecondary education. A few weeks prior to that evening, I had met Brett at a friend's house. I had only dropped in for a few moments. When I met Brett, his eyes attracted my attention. I have read that you know someone by their eyes because souls can recognize another soul this way. It did not surprise me that I was first mesmerized by Brett's eyes.

We found each other by coming home to celebrate the holidays with our families. Life has a way of leading us down the paths we are meant to be on.

The night I met Brett, I put him through the wringer and asked him every question under the sun. Are you homophobic? His answer was no. What does true love mean to you? He said, "Two as one." There were many more questions, and he passed them all with flying colors. We exchanged phone numbers, and Brett called me the following week. We began hanging out and were getting to know each other. Brett worked away for a ten-day period. We would talk on the phone daily when he was gone, and we would spend his four days off together.

We developed a supportive and respectful friendship. We shared the same interests in life. Each of us had the same dreams and desires of traveling and seeking adventures. We genuinely loved to be together and enjoyed each other's company. Being with Brett was easy and fun for me. Each time he had to leave and go back to work was harder for both of us.

During this time, Dara and I were saving our money and planning to fly out on April 28 for our European adventure. We bought our Eurorail passes and picked the countries we would explore together. We had no set agenda, and we were going to see where we would go once we arrived on England's soil.

Then some wonderful news came my way. In March, Raya was getting married. She was the first one to take that leap of faith. I was given the prestigious distinction of being her maid of honor. I really liked her fiancé, Kohen, and he had given me great advice exactly one year before.

He said, "Pam, are you dating Mr. Wrong because you have nothing better to do? What if you are having coffee with Mr. Wrong, and Mr. Right walks into the coffee shop. What happens if you are too busy hanging out with Mr. Wrong? You will miss out on Mr. Right because you are hanging out with Mr. Wrong. And he is not right for you or what you want in life. Am I wrong?" Kohen was definitely right. It was great advice, and I took it. I spent the next ten months by myself. That is when I completed my "must have" partner list along with figuring out who I was and beginning to really love and enjoy the life I was creating for myself.

The important part of this equation was that I was open to listening to Kohen at that time. There have been times in my life when I was not ready to listen — no matter who the people were or what advice they were trying to give me.

I am not the only one who had to learn the hard way. I know that life is about planting seeds with people and releasing the control of when the seeds take root and grow. My soil was dry, and all the nutrients were used up. I was thirsty for the truth and some insight. I was ready to listen when Kohen spoke to me a year ago.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Ryken's Journey by Pamela Larocque. Copyright © 2016 Pamela Larocque. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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