Sex Rules!: Astonishing Sexual Practices and Gender Roles Around the World
282
Sex Rules!: Astonishing Sexual Practices and Gender Roles Around the World
282eBook
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Overview
This book is a humorous glimpse of a wide range of stereotype-busting sexual, relationship, and romantic mores around the world. It is fun, interesting, and eye-opening! For example, places where women control the mating game, set marriage rules, and marry one another for political power. The fact that it’s all true also makes it fascinating. Take a romp through a rollicking worldwide tour with LOL views of extraordinary sexual customs. It will astound and regale you. At the same time, it proves sex is like happiness—universally sought but subjectively enjoyed.
“This is the world’s weirdest and funniest reality show. But it’s more. It’s fascinating and smart, and all true.” —Richard Bangs, adventurer, author, and TV personality
“It’s a scientific fact! Women have better orgasms with funny partners. Read this hilarious book and you’ll have more and better sex, happier relationships and a healthier libido!” —Joanne Sandler, former Deputy Executive Director of the UN Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM), senior associate of Gender@Work, co-producer of the popular podcast Two Old Bitches
“Fresh, intriguing and of course titillating . . . delve into rarely seen corners of the world, enjoy a good laugh, and learn from a trained scholar as she takes you on this journey that reveals ‘Sex Rules’ in all their staggering variety.” —Ed Robbins, award-winning director-writer-producer and digital journalist
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781633535947 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Mango Media |
| Publication date: | 06/26/2019 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 282 |
| File size: | 21 MB |
| Note: | This product may take a few minutes to download. |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Sex, LIES, AND VIRGINS' TASTES OR HOW TO PICK A LOVER
I headed to India as a student in the '70s. The sexual revolution had declared victory back home in Boston. Sleeping with an attractive stranger was de rigueur. Living with your lover was expected. Sex before marriage the rule. They were the innocent days before HIV/AIDS.
Never before more than two hundred miles from home, I flew from Boston to Athens, crossed Greece, Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and India by motor boat, ferry, train, bus, and hippie van. A free spirit!
My first bias, and the most wrong-headed, was that people everywhere are pretty much the same. I wasn't a total fool. I knew some things would be different, like what you ate and how you dressed. I knew dating was forbidden in most countries. Parents arranged marriages, rarely with a woman's input or assent.
I knew I'd have to adjust. Just not how much.
Early on, near the Red Sea, I took refuge from the sun beneath the canopy of a Moroccan family's tent. I spoke no Arabic and they no English, so I held sketchy conversations with the mother in my shaky French. I must have made a good impression, because she soon asked how they could contact my parents. She announced — with an indulgent smile — that she and her husband decided to marry her son to me. Sitting nearby, he flushed, astonished. Obviously, no one had consulted him. The bride-price, she declared confidently: eighteen camels and six goats. Surely my parents couldn't refuse.
I stuttered in fractured French: It was very generous of her, and of course I was delighted. But I — not my parents — would decide whom I'd marry. Although I liked her very much and thought her son quite handsome (I could say nothing of his intelligence and wit, as he'd been mute the entire afternoon), I was not prepared to marry him or anyone else.
She was patently skeptical.
The next day, I was pleased with my skillful handling of another culture. It didn't take long to realize I didn't have a clue. The extremes I was about to experience — in every direction — would enrage, awe, humble, and sometimes terrify me.
Weeks later, in Afghanistan, I entered another world. Even pre-Taliban, the women were specters eclipsed in full-length black cloth, their eyes trapped behind dark grilles. Despite the glaring heat, I had dressed carefully in a dark, shapeless, long-sleeved shirt, a loose, black, ankle-length skirt, and a scarf covering my hair. I was as sexy as a sack of rice.
Much good it did. When the public bus from Kandahar to Kabul stopped so we passengers could relieve ourselves, I followed the local custom and found a boulder that I could squat behind in "private."
The man who jumped me was sure that I wouldn't scream, and, even if I did, no one would respond. When I jabbed an elbow into his chest he dropped his hold, more out of astonishment than pain, as if, about to bite into a potato, it had shoved him away. I ran.
It was my first gut-level experience of women's subjugation to men, but not my last. That many men expect, and get, utter compliance, was no great shock — except to my self-assurance.
Equally astonishing, and far happier, were the opposite experiences. They transformed everything I "knew" about women and men. Women ruling the seduction game, aggressively wooing coquettish men, setting (and resetting) the terms of marriage — were a revelation. "Normal" mating took on a whole new meaning as I came to know my neighbors around the globe.
CHAPTER 2Is that a vibrator in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
Who's more obsessed with sex, men or women? Now there's a no-brainer, declare the Biwat of Papua New Guinea: Women!
Women, they explain, are ruled by uncontrollable lust. No normal woman can smother her incessant, raging desire for sex ...much less wait for marriage.
Papua New Guinea is crazy diverse, with over 850 totally different societies in a country the size of California. The Biwat live deep in PNG's rainforest and swamps, in tiny villages along the fertile banks of the Yuat River. The main crop is betel, a lovely little drug plant that gives a nice buzz, boosts energy, and enjoys a thriving market in towns. The Biwat themselves don't use betel much. They have better things to do.
Though the men claim to want only virgins, young Biwat women polish their skin with oil, dress in their sexiest grass skirts, and are constantly cruising for new lovers — even after they are engaged to be married. See someone cute in his flying foxskin loincloth nicely decorated with shells? Getting to know him well enough for a roll in the woods takes about three seconds. As long as she's even the slightest bit discreet, everyone happily ignores her little lapses.
Want to know which guy got lucky? Easy. Fresh bite wounds around the neck, ripped clothes, face and arms scratched and bleeding.
The Biwat easily explain a woman's wild sexual antics: "Has she not a vulva?"
CHAPTER 3Make love, not war
In Mangaian legend, the first human rose from a hole in the center of this lovely green Polynesian Island. Mangaia (A'ua'u Enua), which means "peace," is lush with tropical fruit, has plentiful, clean water, and no poisonous snakes or dangerous insects.
Mangaians learn early that life is sweet. Best of all, as they grow older, kids realize they have the world's greatest built-in entertainment: their genitals. No Mangaian would be so stupid as to call them "private" parts. All good parents encourage their growing kids to take advantage of the gifts nature gave them and masturbate.
Societies create lots of words for things they think important. Mangaians enjoy a wide vocabulary for the aesthetics of the clitoris: how large, pointed, pendulous, protruding, sharp, straight, and so on. The typical Mangaian male knows more about female genitals than most Western doctors.
Mangaians believe anything worth doing is worth learning to do well. As a boy enters mid-teens, he gets a tutor — an older, experienced woman, who teaches him a wide variety of positions, coaches him on how to use oral sex for best effect, and trains him in the skills that will arouse his partner and drown her in pleasure. His goal: to bring his partner to orgasm as many times as possible.
Mid-teen girls also receive a proper education. Their training focuses on how to have multiple intense orgasms. Needless to say, all Mangaian women are orgasmic.
Women score their lovers and broadcast which guy has good technique. One test is whether he can bring her to orgasm without touching anything except her vagina. A man must give his partner at least three orgasms before his own, or he's a loser. Then it's: Shape up, sugar, or it's back to masturbation.
CHAPTER 4Sugar in the evening ...
All parents want a nice young man for their daughter. One who comes to the house, looks you in the eye, shakes hands politely, tells you where they're going, brings her home on time.
Not ...
High in the mountains near the border of Tibet, the Mosuo of China live in villages nestled along the spectacular sapphire mountain lake Lugu. The Mosuo lead peaceful lives, raising yaks and other farm animals, growing crops, and — despite the occasional home satellite dish — following tradition.
They call the late teen years the "honey time." At sixteen, a girl gets complete freedom to "make friends" with boys; that is, invite a chosen boy to spend the night in her bedroom in a special Azhu house. A girl is free to "make friends" with as many boys as she likes, and she alone decides what boy she'll befriend.
When the girl decides the romance is over, she simply shuts the door of her Azhu house to him.
There's just one fixed rule: the boy must show unfailing respect for her mother. He does it by sneaking into the girl's bedroom after dark, when Mom's asleep, and slipping out again before dawn, so no one will see him.
A boy who dares to show up in daylight to meet a girl's parents proves he's a disrespectful scoundrel with no respect for propriety ... and Mom will toss him out on his sorry ass.
WEIRD SEX LAWS
Think it's odd that governments try to regulate something as ubiquitous, personal, and diverse as sex? Probably, but that's never stopped them. Take the USA. It has more laws regulating sex than all of Europe. Some laws make sense, of course. They protect the innocent. Others are just ... weird.
If necrophilia is your thing, head to one of the states where it's legal: Louisiana, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, and Wisconsin.
But be careful about getting it on with the living. In Connecticut, one old law forbade any "private sexual behavior between consenting adults" – that apparently included married couples.
Not to be outdone, Virginia outlaws exposing your genitals where anyone else is present – that includes in your bedroom with your lover. They can also lock you up for having sex with another consenting adult – or masturbating in someone else's presence. For those evil crimes, you can get twelve months in the hoosegow and a $2,500 fine.
Let's not forget an old law in Washington State that forbids intercourse with a virgin. No one gets away with flouting this law, including newlyweds. The penalties include prison and a fine.
Clawson, Michigan made it illegal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. Now what will Clawson guys do on those long winter nights?
In the liberated state of Florida, it's illegal for a man to kiss his wife's breasts.
Colorado made it illegal to kiss a sleeping woman.
Florida staunchly protects its porcupines' virtue. Any human caught having sexual relations with a porcupine will face the full fury of the law, not to mention some major private parts pain.
In Illinois, they prohibit you from nuzzling or kissing a reptile.
Last but certainly not least, in liberated Massachusetts, the town of Salem has taken a firm stand. They made it illegal for married couples to sleep nude together in a rented room.
CHAPTER 5Don't yap about your yoni
On the isle of Yap, in Micronesia, surrounded by vast coral reefs and crystal-clear waters, people pursue age-old pastimes. Fishing, sailing, and weaving are still the center of daily life. Yap women preserve another tradition. They carefully guard the source of all their potency: their genitals. That way, they always have plenty of "power" to catch and hold any men they want.
No Yap woman would ever let any other female — young or old — get a peek at the source of her competitive edge, her yoni. They think Western women who go to female doctors are nuts. After all, a female doc is just as dangerous as any other woman. Who knows what the sneaky doc would snatch under cover of the exam room?
CHAPTER 6Real dirty dancing ...
Love to dance but got no partner? Come join the Wayuu! They are a happy lot. And for good reason. They wander freely through the jungles, deserts, and beautiful Caribbean coasts of northwest Venezuela and northern Colombia. They can hook up anytime with ghosts of loved ones who inhabit the Guajira Peninsula. Better yet, they can hook up with potential mates at the fertility dance, Chichimaya.
As soon as they hit their teens, Wayuu girls are hidden away for months, especially from teenage boys. After they are "mature," they can join a Chichimaya dancing bash. Boys dance wildly in circles, waving their hats and teasing the girls to chase them. When a girl spots a guy she thinks is hot, she dances after him. If she can trip him and he goes down, he has a hope of marrying her, knowing they'll have sizzling hot sex for the rest of their days.
If he does fall for her and she accepts him, he'll pay her family with a fine dowry of goats. Later, if his wife takes a lover, her family has to return the goats. If hubby plays around: more goats to the in-laws.
CHAPTER 7Keep those wholesome family traditions
On the long, lovely beaches of the Trobriand Islands, with its azure waters and coconut palms, life is peaceful and simple. Men fish and grow yams. Women garden and weave skirts. Teenage boys learn ancestral dance and live in a bachelor pad. Teenage girls have sex with any bachelors they choose — variety is the spice of life! Doting parents give their daughters thoughtful advice, such as which boys look like good lovers.
There are rules of propriety, of course. Screwing a guy is fine, but don't you dare engage in a premarital meal. Want to be the village bad girl? Have dinner with a guy before you're married.
Big losers in the Trobriand Islands are the birth control merchants. Trobrianders know that sex doesn't make babies. The proof? They have lots of the former, but few of the latter. Forget the silly notion that intercourse makes women pregnant. It's obvious that the ancestors' spirits (called baloma) make women pregnant. Trobrianders acknowledge, though, that intercourse might make her more susceptible to the baloma.
All these affairs are not just fun and games. They give couples a chance to test their sexual (and other) compatibility. Young women check out the guys' potential as husbands ... and they diligently conduct as much research as possible.
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
Tired of trite nicknames for your lover, like "Honey" or "Sweetheart" or "Sugar"? Rev up your romance with these awesome international terms of endearment.
Petit chou (French) – Little cabbage. When your French lover calls you a head of cabbage, he's being romantic, not pushing for an early dinner.
Tamago gata no kao [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Japanese) – Egg with eyes. If your Japanese lover calls you an "egg with eyes," he's flattering your beauty, not commenting on your IQ.
Chuchuzinho (Portugese/Brazil) – Little pumpkin. Your Brazilian lover is being affectionate, not criticizing your figure.
Ma puce (French) – My flea or louse. Your French sweetie is being loving, not complaining that you're as irritating as a flea or head lice.
Chang noi (Thai) – Little elephant. You can use this affectionately to your children, not your husband or lover. Unless, of course, you want to say that his equipment is small.
Polpetta (Italian) – Meatball. You know how important food is to Italians. He's saying you're yummy, not round and squishy.
Chényú luòyàn [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Chinese) – Diving fish, swooping geese. Your Chinese lover is saying you're beautiful, not that you look like a fish with the brains of a goose.
Mijn poepie (Dutch) – My little poo or poopie. Yep, meant with love. Not much more to say about this.
Gordo/gorda(Spanish) – Fatty. A term of affection. Not suggesting you join Weight Watchers.
Khanfoussti / Khanfoussi (Maghreb Arabic) – My little bug. Said tenderly. Not implying you bug the hell out of him/her.
Gang-a-ji [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Korean) – Puppy. Your darling is saying you're cute, not that you're a dog.
Zh? tóu [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Chinese) – Pig head. Said lovingly. Not a comment on your appearance or eating habits.
Pulcino (Italian) – Little chicken. Yes, another term of love, not a comment on your brain power or annoying, baseless fears.
Krümel (German) – Crumb. Said fondly. Not related to the English "crummy."
Karale (Malayalam) – Liver. Not comparing you to a large, rubbery organ that secretes bile, but to what (they think) is the source of love. Their version of the Italian cuore mio.
Manaraki [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Greek) – A small lamb being fed to prepare for slaughter. Said with affection. Not preparing you for getting wooed then dumped (though Greeks do have sex more often than anyone else in the world).
Jigaret Udem (Armenian) – "I will eat your liver." No need to run, unless she's approaching with a carving knife.
Xiao qiu yin [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Chinese) – Small earthworm. Term of endearment for a woman, not a comment on a man's character or apparatus.
Gomba (Hungarian) – Mushroom. He's being romantic, not saying you live in the dark and smell like poop.
Moosh bokhoradet (Persian) – "May a mouse eat you." Commenting on your cuteness, not cheesiness.
Microbino mio (Italian) – "My little microbe." She's saying you're adorable, not that you're making her sick.
Zuzuni [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.] (Greek) – Bug. Again with the insect reference. Not sure what's going on with the Europeans' passion for bugs.
Mijn Bolleke (Flemish) – "My little round thing." Said fondly, not a comment on your hips.
Brzydalu (Polish) – "Ugly one." Hard to figure this one. Maybe follows that old song, "if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife ..." Except you use it for your man.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Sex Rules!"
by .
Copyright © 2017 J. Zarro Brodman.
Excerpted by permission of Mango Media, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction,
Sex, Lies, and Virgins' Tastes or How to Pick a Lover,
Is that a vibrator in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?,
Make love, not war,
Sugar in the evening ...,
Don't yap about your yoni,
Real dirty dancing ...,
Keep those wholesome family traditions,
Looking for a few good men!,
Girls just wanna have fun!,
Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars ...,
Sex scrooges need not apply ...,
"Position open. Experience preferred ...",
You may kiss the brides ...,
Junk Match.com!,
Obey your elders!,
Ditch the steroids ...,
Make love ... and war,
Readin', writin' and ... sex?,
A boy and his soa ...,
Land of the free, home of the party!,
Crotch-grabbers get lost!,
World's most romantic country?,
Not just another pretty face ...,
Ya gotta love Sadie Hawkins Day,
The "opposite" sex?,
What's the most beautiful part of a woman?,
Wrestling for love,
Happy meals for real,
Marriage and Other Mysteries,
Only gold diggers need apply,
Great winter games,
I'll always be true to you, darling, in my fashion ...,
Tired of men?,
Rules of engagement,
All in the family ...,
Test drive your marriage,
Lifetime bachelor party,
The first "Wives Club",
Marry the strong, silent type,
Love, better than a blanket ...,
Meetin' in the Garden of Eatin',
For the woman who wants to have it all,
Foxy Lad(y) or Dress for Success,
Don't be a yahoo, be a Mahu!,
Hate that suit and tie?,
Who wears the nose rings in your family?,
Classic styles for men,
The World's best-dressed choirboys ...,
Redheads have more fun ...,
In the Eye of the Beholder,
Somewhere in this world you're a perfect 10 ...,
Pull yourself into prettiness ...,
The good and the beautiful,
Somewhere on this planet, you're the perfect hunk ...,
Better start workin' on that tan ...,
Dieting? Who needs it?,
Family Ties,
Four letter words even Grandma wouldn't mind ...,
The family that eats together ...,
Kissing cousins,
Hate those dishpan hands?,
Barbie for boys,
Little old lady power,
It's wonderful, it's paradise ...,
Prayers for pudenda,
A special kiss on the cheek,
Morning sickness for men,
Sisterly love,
Mother knows best ...,
Selected Sources,
What People are Saying About This
“Toss your preconceptions overboard and jump on a wild tour of “No-way!” sexual customs, LOL gender switcheroos, and plenty of eye-popping moments. This is the world’s weirdest and funniest reality show. But it’s more. It’s fascinating and smart, and all true. It will give you a new way of looking at the world. And when you feel your most bizarre, it offers a comforting lesson: You’re not alone! There’s a place in this world for everyone.”
- Richard Bangs, often called “the father of modern adventure travel,” led “firsts” in travel worldwide, writes for HuffingtonPost.com, produces and hosts the national public TV series “Richard Bangs’ Adventures with Purpose.” He blogs on “Quests: Keep the Quest Alive” http://www.richardbangs.com/
“It’s a scientific fact! Women have better orgasms with funny partners. Read this hilarious book and you’ll have more and better sex, happier relationships and a healthier libido! Quote it to friends and you’ll never be lonely. And if your lover/boss/parent/spouse catches you doubled over, gasping with laughter, just look superior and say you’ve taken up anthropology.”
-Joanne Sandler is former Deputy Executive Director of the UN Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM), and a senior associate of Gender@Work, an international collaborative that strengthens organizations to build cultures of equality and social justice. She co-produces the popular podcast Two Old Bitches http://www.twooldbitches.com/
“From its first pages, Sex Rules! Astonishing Sexual Practices and Gender Roles Around the World opens a door onto a page-turning world rich with variety, humor and unexpected twists of sexual practices around the world. It’s fresh, intriguing and of course titillating. But it's also thought-provoking and timely. We in the Western world have locked sex into norms only now being challenged on so many levels. This book’s look at diverse world cultures and their “acceptable” sexual practice is fascinating, often funny in the telling, and deeply surprising. I highly recommend J. Brodman's book to anyone with a hunger to delve into rarely seen corners of the world, enjoy a good laugh, and learn from a trained scholar as she takes you on this journey that reveals ‘Sex Rules’ in all their staggering variety.”
Ed Robbins is an award-winning Director-Writer-Producer and Digital Journalist. He programs have aired on PBS, Discovery Channel, TLC, Nat Geo Channel, ABC, NBC, BBC2 and Channel 4, and his stories published in the NY Times, Time Magazine, and the International Reporting Project. He's an Adjunct Professor at Columbia.
“The world needs more laughs, more fun, wider caring and understanding. Enter, this book. Yes, it’s very funny, but it’s so much more. Stunning facts about intriguing cultures you didn’t even know exist -- and may not much longer. “Weird” cultures that give insights into our own. The author clearly likes and respects these folks, who seem strange from our POV but have their own logic. She tackles sexism, dogmatism, and intolerance with that powerful force: marvelous humor.”
- Isa Maria Infante, Ph.D., J.D., Green Party candidate for Governor of Tennessee, former dean at SUNY, leader of Sugar Tree Bluegrass, an all-women’s bluegrass band, playwright and performer of her international one-woman show, Las Cucarachas.
Interviews
“Toss your preconceptions overboard and jump on a wild tour of “No-way!” sexual customs, LOL gender switcheroos, and plenty of eye-popping moments. This is the world’s weirdest and funniest reality show. But it’s more. It’s fascinating and smart, and all true. It will give you a new way of looking at the world. And when you feel your most bizarre, it offers a comforting lesson: You’re not alone! There’s a place in this world for everyone.”
Richard Bangs, often called “the father of modern adventure travel,” led “firsts” in travel worldwide, writes for HuffingtonPost.com, produces and hosts the national public TV series “Richard Bangs’ Adventures with Purpose.” He blogs on “Quests: Keep the Quest Alive” http://www.richardbangs.com/
“It’s a scientific fact! Women have better orgasms with funny partners. Read this hilarious book and you’ll have more and better sex, happier relationships and a healthier libido! Quote it to friends and you’ll never be lonely. And if your lover/boss/parent/spouse catches you doubled over, gasping with laughter, just look superior and say you’ve taken up anthropology.”
Joanne Sandler is former Deputy Executive Director of the UN Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM), and a senior associate of Gender@Work, an international collaborative that strengthens organizations to build cultures of equality and social justice. She co-produces the podcast Two Old Bitches http://www.twooldbitches.com/
“From its first pages, Sex Rules! Astonishing Sexual Practices and Gender Roles Around the World opens a door onto a page-turning world rich with variety, humor and unexpected twists of sexual practices around the world. It’s fresh, intriguing and of course titillating. But it's also thought-provoking and timely. We in the Western world have locked sex into norms only now being challenged on so many levels. This book’s look at diverse world cultures and their “acceptable” sexual practice is fascinating, often funny in the telling, and deeply surprising. I highly recommend J. Brodman's book to anyone with a hunger to delve into rarely seen corners of the world, enjoy a good laugh, and learn from a trained scholar as she takes you on this journey that reveals ‘Sex Rules’ in all their staggering variety.”
Ed Robbins is an award-winning Director-Writer-Producer and Digital Journalist. He programs have aired on PBS, Discovery Channel, TLC, Nat Geo Channel, ABC, NBC, BBC2 and Channel 4, and his stories published in the NY Times, Time Magazine, and the International Reporting Project. He's an Adjunct Professor at Columbia.
“The world needs more laughs, more fun, wider caring and understanding. Enter, this book. Yes, it’s very funny, but it’s so much more. Stunning facts about intriguing cultures you didn’t even know exist — and may not much longer. “Weird” cultures that give insights into our own. The author clearly likes and respects these folks, who seem strange from our POV but have their own logic. She tackles sexism, dogmatism, and intolerance with that powerful force: marvelous humor.”
Isa Marie Infante, Ph.D., J.D., Green Party candidate for Governor of Tennessee, former dean at SUNY, leader of Sugar Tree Bluegrass, an all-women’s bluegrass band, playwright and performer of her international one-woman show, Las Cucarachas.
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