Shadow Man (Smoky Barrett Series #1)

Shadow Man (Smoky Barrett Series #1)

by Cody McFadyen

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780553589931
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Publication date: 03/27/2007
Series: Smoky Barrett Series , #1
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 496
Sales rank: 414,337
Product dimensions: 4.20(w) x 6.86(h) x 1.22(d)

About the Author

Cody McFadyen lives with his family in California. Shadow Man is his first novel.

Read an Excerpt

Shadow Man

By Cody Mcfadyen

Random House

Cody Mcfadyen
All right reserved.

ISBN: 073932571X

Chapter One

I HAVE ONE of the dreams. There are only three; two are beautiful, one is violent, but all of them leave me shivering and alone.

The one I have tonight is about my husband. It goes something like this:
I could say he kissed my neck, and leave it like that, simplicity. But that would be a lie, in the most basic way that the word was created to mean.

It would be more truthful to say that I yearned for him to kiss my neck, with every molecule of my being, with every last, burning inch of me, and that when he did, his lips were the lips of an angel, sent from heaven to answer my fevered prayers.

I was seventeen then, and so was he. It was a time when there was no blandness or darkness. There was only passion, sharp edges, and a light that burned so hard it hurt the soul. He leaned forward in the darkness of the movie theater and (Oh God) he hesitated for just a moment and (Oh God) I quivered on a precipice but pretended to be calm, and Oh God Oh God Oh God he kissed my neck, and it was heaven, and I knew right then and there that I would be with him forever.

He was my one. Most people, I know, never find their one. They read about it, dream about it, or scoff at the idea. But I found mine, I found him when I was seventeen, and I never let him go, not even the day he lay dying in my arms, not even when death ripped himfrom me as I screamed, not even now.

God's name these days means suffering: Oh God Oh God Oh God-I miss him so.

I wake with the ghost of that kiss on my flushed seventeen-year-old skin, and realize that I am not seventeen, and that he has stopped aging at all. Death has preserved him at the age of thirty-five, forever. To me, he is always seventeen years old, always leaning forward, always brushing my neck in that perfect moment.

I reach over to the spot he should be sleeping in, and I am pierced with a pain so sudden and blinding that I pray as I shiver, pray for death and an end to pain. But of course, I go on breathing, and soon, the pain lessens.

I miss everything about him being in my life. Not just the good things. I miss his flaws as achingly as I miss the beautiful parts of him. I miss his impatience, his anger. I miss the patronizing look he would give me sometimes when I was mad at him. I miss being annoyed by the fact he'd always forget to fill the gas tank, leaving it near empty when I was ready to go somewhere.

This is the thing, I think often, that never occurs to you when you consider what it would be like to lose someone you love. That you would miss not just the flowers and kisses, but the totality of the experience. You miss the failures and little evils with as much desperation as you miss being held in the middle of the night. I wish he were here now, and I was kissing him. I wish he were here now, and I was betraying him. Either would be fine, so fine, as long as he was here. People ask sometimes, when they get up the courage, what it's like to lose someone you love. I tell them it's hard, and leave it at that.

I could tell them that it's a crucifixion of the heart. I could say that most days after, I screamed without stopping, even as I moved through the city, even with my mouth closed, even though I didn't make a sound. I could tell them I have this dream, every night, and lose him again, every morning.

But, hey, why ruin their day? So I tell them it's hard. That usually seems to satisfy them. This is just one of the dreams, and it gets me out of bed, shaking.

I stare at the empty room, and then turn to the mirror. I have learned to hate mirrors. Some would say that this is normal. That all of us do this, put ourselves under the microscope of self-reflection and focus on the flaws. Beautiful women create fret and worry lines by looking for those very things. Teenage girls with beautiful eyes and figures to die for weep because their hair is the wrong color, or they think their nose is too big. The price of judging ourselves through others' eyes, one of the curses of the human race. And I agree.

But most people don't see what I see when I look into the mirror. When I look at myself, what I see is this:
I have a jagged scar, approximately one half inch wide, that begins in the middle of my forehead at my hairline. It shoots straight down, then turns at a near perfect ninety degree angle to the left. I have no left eyebrow; the scar has taken its place. It crosses my temple, where it then makes a lazy loop-de-loop down my cheek. It rips over toward my nose, crosses the bridge of it just barely, and then turns back, slicing in a diagonal across my left nostril and zooming one final time past my jawline, down my neck, ending at my collarbone.

It's quite an effect. If you look at me in right profile only, everything looks normal. You have to stare at me straight on to get the full picture.

Everyone looks in a mirror at least once a day, or sees their reflection in the eyes of others. And they know what to expect. They know what they will see, what will be seen. I no longer see what I expect to see. I have the reflection of a stranger, staring out of a mask I can't take off. When I stand naked in front of the mirror, as I am now, I can see the rest of it. I have what can only be called a necklace of cigar-sized circular scars, going from under one side of my collarbone to the next. More of the same traverse my breasts, go down across my sternum and stomach, ending just above my pubic hair.

The scars are cigar-sized because a cigar is what made them.

If you can put all of that aside, things look pretty good. I'm small, four foot ten inches tall. I'm not skinny, but I am in shape. My husband used to call it a "lush" figure. After my mind, heart, and soul, he used to say, he married me for my "mouth-sized boobs and my heart-shaped ass." I have long, thick, dark, curly hair that hangs down to just above said ass.

He used to love that too.

It is hard for me to look past those scars. I've seen them a hundred times, maybe a thousand. They are still all I see when I look into the mirror.

They were put there by the man who killed my husband and my daughter. Who was later killed by me.

I feel a broad emptiness rush into me thinking about this. It's huge, dark, and absolutely nerveless.

Like sinking into numb Jell-o.

No big deal. I'm used to it.

That's just how my life is now.

I sleep for no more than ten minutes, and I know that I won't be sleeping again tonight. I remember waking up a few months ago in the middle hours, just like this. That time between 3:30 and 6:00 a.m., when you feel like the only person on earth if you happen to be up then. I'd had one of the dreams, as always, and knew I wasn't going to be getting back to sleep.

I pulled on a T-shirt and some sweatpants, slipped on my battered sneakers, and headed out the door. I ran and ran and ran in the night, ran till my body was slick with sweat, till it soaked my clothes and filled those sneakers, and then I ran some more. I wasn't pacing myself, and my breath was coming out fast. My lungs felt scarred by the coolness of that early-morning air. I didn't stop, though. I ran faster, legs and elbows pumping, running as fast as I could, reckless.

I ended up in front of one of those convenience stores that fill the Valley, over by the curb, gagging and hacking up stomach acid. A couple of other early-morning ghosts looked over at me, then looked away. I stood up, wiped my mouth, and slammed through the front door of the store.

"I want a pack of cigarettes," I said to the proprietor, still gulping in air.

He was an older man, in his fifties, who looked Indian to me.

"What kind do you want?"

The question startled me. I hadn't smoked in years. I looked at the rows behind him, my eyes catching the once-beloved Marlboros.

"Marlboros. Reds."

He got me the pack and rang it up. Which is when I realized I was in sweats and had no money. Instead of being embarrassed, I was, of course, angry.

"I forgot my purse." I said it with my chin jutted out, defiant. Daring him to not give me the cigarettes or to make me feel ridiculous in any way.

He looked at me for a moment. It was, I guess, what writers would call a "pregnant pause." He relaxed.

"You've been running?" he asked.

"Yeah-running from my dead husband. Better than killing yourself, I guess, ha ha!"

The words came out sounding funny to my ears. A little loud, a little strangled. I suppose I was a little crazy. But instead of getting the flinch or look of discomfort I so wanted from him at that moment, his eyes went soft. Not with pity, but with understanding. He nodded. He reached across the counter, holding the pack of cigarettes out for me to take.

"My wife die in India. One week before we were supposed to come to America. You take the cigarettes, pay me next time."

I stood there for a moment, staring at him. And then I snatched those cigarettes and ran out of there as fast as I could, before the tears started rolling down my cheeks. I clutched that pack of cigarettes and ran home weeping.

The place is a little out of my way, but I never go anywhere else now when I want to smoke.
I sit up now and smile a little as I find the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand, and think of the guy at the store as I light up. I guess a part of me loves that little man, in the way you can only love a stranger who shows you a kindness so perfect at a time when you need it the most. It's a deep love, a pang in the heart, and I know that even if I never know his name, I'll remember him till the
day I die.

I inhale, a nice deep lungful, and regard the cigarette, its perfect cherry tip as it glows in the dark of my bedroom. This, I think, is the insidiousness of the cursed things. Not the nicotine addiction, though that's surely bad enough. But the way a cigarette just fits in certain places. Morning dawns with a steaming cup of coffee. Or lonely nights in a house filled with ghosts. I know I should give them up again, before they get their claws all the way back into me, but I also know I won't. They are all I have right now, a reminder of a kindness, a comfort and a source of strength, all rolled into one.

I exhale and watch the smoke billow, caught here and there by little currents of air, floating and then disappearing. Like life, I think. Life is smoke, plain and simple; we just fool ourselves that it's otherwise. All it takes is one good gust and we float away and disappear, leaving behind only the scent of our passing in the form of memories.

I cough suddenly, laughing at all the connections. I'm smoking, life is smoke, and my name is Smoky. Smoky Barrett. My real name, given to me because my mother thought it "sounded cool." This makes me cackle in the dark, in my empty house, and I think as I laugh (as I have before) just how crazy laughter sounds when you're laughing alone.

This gives me something to think about for the next three or four hours. Being crazy, I mean. Tomorrow is the day, after all.

The day when I decide if I go back to work for the FBI or come home, put a gun in my mouth, and blow my brains out.

Excerpted from Shadow Man by Cody Mcfadyen Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Shadow Man 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 91 reviews.
Luvs2readSS More than 1 year ago
This really is a must read author. If you haven't read him before, you must MUST start. This is the first book in the Smoky Barrett series. Starts off with a punch and leaves you breathless throughout. Simply couldn't put this book down. I have read all of the greats...Cornwell, Koontz, Patterson, Deaver, King, Sanford, etc. This guy is just a great if not better at story lines. Start with this one and be sure to get the other three. Order to read is Shadow Man, Face of Death, Darker Side, Abandoned. Hopefully he will come out with a new one soon.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is 1 of THE BEST series i have read - what an unbelievable writer! He has a very unique way of describing things, telling the story, using believable & sometimes very humorous dialogue that pulls u in. I have read hundreds of books in this genre & i can honestly say this series is of the best. The characters are absolutely addicting & each book gets better & better. I like really long books & while these are average length the author has a way of giving u more than u expect while at the same time it goes fast because u cant put them down! If u like psychological thrillers/serial killer/law enforcement fiction this whole series is a MUST read! U cant read just 1...i cant wait to read more! There better be more to come! Im just starting the last book & ill b soooooo upset if the series ends! Plz write more!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is the first novel by Cody Mcfayden I have read. Wow. I was very pleased with his imagination and ability to keep me on the edge of my seat. I love the character of Smoky. Cant wait to read more of his work.
Pam2009 More than 1 year ago
Detective Smoky Barrett is a tough as nails female detective. The members of her team all have unique personalities, that keep things interesting. This story keeps you on edge throughout the whole book.This book is a great read for teens as well as adults. There are 4 books in this series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had never heard of Cody McFadyen, but I took a chance with this book. This book was very intense.
Kitcatbar More than 1 year ago
Amazing. Never before has an author been able to retain my attention span right through to the very end. This book is best described like like the most horrifying automobile accident one can imagine - yet one MUST stop, slow down, and pause to take it all in. It's disturbing how well written this book just is. Thank God the villains actions were a tad corny or I'd seriously be pondering the authors mental faculties. Riveting, from the very first page to the very, very end. I am a single mom of a two year old and this book gave me nightmares, insights into my parenting, questions as a woman, compassion for others, joy, and sorrow. This authors writing flows so well and is so well organized that he pulls you into the book in such a way that you have to actually put it down to recenter yourself in the here and now. Amazing. Horrific and beautiful and the very same time.
JCB3 More than 1 year ago
My favorite crime-writer to date. Code McFaydon is absolutely amazing - I had never been the type of person to be "too scared to fall asleep" after a book until I read this series. Astounding and beautifully written.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is one of the best series out there. Everything you could ask for in nail-biting suspense with the added bonus of interesting, well drawn characters. The subject matter is very dark but not in a gratuitous way. This story will haunt you long after you turn the last page...
SleepDreamWrite More than 1 year ago
Wow, well that was intense. Right at the beginning, it does not shy away from anything does it? I had to take a break from the book now and then. Yeah, there's a lot of moments where you're like, what is going on and OMG and great, thanks for that. Yeah this book is weird. And yet, you like some of the characters and want Smokey to get it together. Good thing she has support from her team. Near the end, I was like ohhh I knew it! This was an intense start to a new mystery series. After catching up with the Archie Gretchen series, looks like I found another thriller mystery series to catch up as well. Again.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Let me start by saying that this is the first and only book i've ever read by this author, it will NOT be my last! I am an avid reader and after so many books that i've had to "fight" my way thru just to finish, this book had me hooked first chapter! The writer is absolutely amazing! The characters, the twists, the sickness with which the killer kills and thinks..... I was in for a wild ride with this book! If I could give it 10 stars I would! Terrific, terrific book! I just ordered 3 more from this author. LOVE AT FIRST READ! IM HOOKED!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This author is one of the best I have EVER read. This story grips you and still leaves you wanting more. I have no idea why this author is not a New York Times bestseller. I don't know if I have the adequate words to fully describe how EXCELLENT this book is. Please read this is a keeper!
VeeBee928 More than 1 year ago
If you like serial kill suspense books, you'll like this one! Keep up the good work Cody!
TWTaz More than 1 year ago
This was a fast-paced thriller that had me hooked from the beginning. Loved the strong character of Smoky and her team and look forward to reading the other books in this series. There is a lot of graphic violence in this book, so that may bother some readers. I don't mind as long as it's relative to the story, but there were even a few scenes that made me cringe. I'd definitely recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a good thriller/mystery with a great cast of characters.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This was a great book. Excellent characters - ones you want to see more of and can really care about. I picked up the next one right away!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This novel kept me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. I cannot wait until I can get his next book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read the back of this book & took a chance. I am glad I did! This book had chill and thrills. It was really creepy. I am looking forward to read more of this author's work!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was great! I literally could not put it down! I am looking forward to more by this author.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Read it and enjoy it. I hope to see many more by this author. On par with Jeffrey Deaver, early P. Cornwell, James Patterson, John Sandford, Michael Connelly.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This was the first book I read by this author. As I usually don't seem to like female characters(usually written by female suspense writers), I was pleasantly surprised by this story. Great characters and awesome story. Only problem with it was I guessed the ending. Still, it was a great ride getting there.
the_hag on LibraryThing 27 days ago
I checked this out based on a couple of glowing reviews I read, thinking it was going to be a gruesome, original thriller featuring a psychotic serial killer and his worthy FBI nemesis...and while it's all of this, it still manages to fall flat. It's clear that this is a first effort, but I'm not for handing out five stars for a three star book. The premise of the book is solid, a brutal killer striking out in a Jack the Ripper vein (he even believes himself to be a descendent of the Ripper, continuing in his "good work") with a fixation on the lead characters, FBI agent Smoky Barrett, a physically and psychologically scarred woman still trying to come to grips with her own brutal rape and the murder of her family at the hands of a different serial killer. The killer here is set up as Jack Jr; complete with similar brutal crimes with a modern twist...this killer strikes women who run independent pornography sites on the internet...his equivalent of the original Ripper's prey. Barrett is diminutive (4'40"), haunted, scarred and struggling to regain a hold on her life...she's also, according to the story line, top notch at what she does for the FBI. As the events are set in motion, Barret isn't sure that she's ever going to be able to return to her job and just as she's teetering between her old life and despair, Jack Jr pulls her back into her job and on the hunt for him by viciously killing her childhood best friend and tying her 10 year old daughter to the body for three days. The killer taunts the police and specifically targets Barrett, drawing her back into her job and taking her on a terrifying chase to catch him before he fulfills his promise to destroy her and those closest to her. We are introduced to Barrett's team shortly before the initial heinous murder takes place...each of the four members of her team is stellar in personality, talent, looks, ect... Ultimately, the reader is left with the overall feeling that the group consists of nothing more than the most typical stereotypes of law enforcement personalities seen on TV and in movies today, which makes it hard to have sympathy for them, despite the authors repeated attempts to draw us in with what were meant to be heart-rending secrets that allow us into the secret core of each team member. Overall, we have a compelling premise that falls down in the over use of the heinous-ness of the crime...we are given the same details about the nature of the killer and the intimate details of the crimes so many times that what should be shocking becomes boring and repetitive. Additionally, for me, there were numerous holes in the story that were beyond belief of what would normally happen as a matter of procedure for police and for the FBI and that added to the detail overload made this book less enjoyable than it might have been otherwise. I give Shadow Man a C+, which means three stars. Like a movie lover deciding if I want to see the movie at the theater or wait until it comes out on DVD...this is a renter (check it out at the library or buy it used), it's entertaining and the premise is great, Shadow Man is definitely a page turning thriller but this is clearly not the best this author is capable of. I enjoyed it, but wouldn't add a copy to my permanent collection. I will look forward to reading him in the future as he polishes his skill...he's got great ideas and I think he's only going to get better with each book! Also, an additional note, this is graphically written...not for the faint of heart.
swl on LibraryThing 27 days ago
This is a not-at-all-bad first book for CM, but it falls into the trap of so many popular crime novels where dialog seems stilted, characters clicheed or two-dimensional, and the serial killer a little been-there-done-that. It also has a level of violence and gore that, for me, was well in the gratuitous camp: this is a plot that would have been more effective with a lighter touch.One other annoying thing is that CM has lots of passages where characters expound on criminology techniques, profiling, technology etc. at length, in a most unlikely fashion. I find this extremely grating. It ain't how anyone talks, and more than a dollop of realistic detail induces sleep. OTOH, other writers are able to work a great deal of fascinating information into their books with careful weaving and sprinkling.I think most of the above is fixable, but I do hope CM doesn't waste his talent developing a James Patterson like series with boring and unbelievable protagonists.What I did like: great pacing, a nice setup for the continuation characters, some appealing secondary characters. And most of all, a riff Smoky does on the "dark train", the place she goes to understand and conquer evil - I loved this. It's enough to separate her from the crowded field of tough female protagonists. Also loved the "Rules of Mom"...
Anonymous 6 months ago
Lots of twists and turns in this fabulous tale of Smokey Barrett & her FBI team. They were all very believable characters, wonderful personalities shining through, with the child Bonnie especially endearing. A tremendous 1st novel from author Cody McFayden. I will be looking for more from him.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is an amazing read. I couldn't put it down.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Such a good read! Very twisted! Definitely a psychological thriller! I couldn't put it down! Can't wait to read the next book of the series!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a good book - #1 in a series. Sometimes the author gets very descriptive but otherwise, it's good. I'm reading #2 right now and so far, so good.