Shame Off You: From Hiding to Healing

Shame Off You: From Hiding to Healing

by Denise Pass

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781501869686
Publisher: Abingdon Press
Publication date: 08/21/2018
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 601,147
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 1.25(h) x 9.00(d)

About the Author

Denise Pass, author of Shame Off You, is an award-winning CCM recording artist and singer-songwriter, accomplished writer/blogger, speaker and worship leader at women’s conferences as well as a worship leader on staff at her home church. After a crushing discovery of her former husband’s hidden life as a repetitive sex offender, and surviving a painful divorce, she now shares an inspirational message through her ministry, Seeing Deep Ministries, about seeing the deeper truth in God’s word when life hurts. Denise also founded and directed a home educational co-op for 12 years and engaged in many educational pursuits, including forming and directing a classical children’s choir. A graduate from the University of Maryland, Denise now resides in Virginia, with her “Kinsman Redeemer” husband and five children. Find her online at DenisePass.com.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Shame Is Born

A Story of a Girl Who Shrunk Her Shame

Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don't be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. — Isaiah 54:4

But healing hurts. To get to the source of our pain, we have to clean the wound, it turns out, with lots of tears — salty ones that sting but begin the cure for our souls when they are offered to our great God and counted by our Lord. — Denise

Pulling my stringy, thinning hair to hide my face, I tried to conceal the fact that I was weeping profusely. Heaving and trying to silence my sobs, I was keenly aware of the gaze of onlookers. Hardly anyone knew me there. I'd felt safe to let down my guard, but to be so broken in front of strangers was not how I wanted my first Sunday at the new church to go. How did I get here? My life felt like a dream, or rather like a nightmare. I tried to remain composed, though my world was completely turned upside down and I just could not hide it anymore. And there I was, like a dam breached, unable to control the emotions I had held in for so long. I was rocking and weeping uncontrollably, and the more I tried to suppress it, the worse it got.

I had purposed in my heart that my children and I would show up full of joy, our shattered lives disguised. But there it was. Shame. It followed me everywhere I went and filled my being and my soul. I couldn't escape it. I couldn't hide it. Imprisoned by its grip, I felt boxed in by the opinions and curious stares of others, real or imagined. Why was I in church with five kids and no husband? Why did our vehicle look like it had been pulled from a scrap yard? Why was I weeping ... in public?

Many Rivers to Cross, Many Tears to Shed

For two years, I'd been carrying a burden of shame, ever since the night my (then) husband, when confronted, admitted to having sexually abused one of our children, though he did not give it that name. The shock of this revelation consumed my children and me — it did not seem possible. I felt that the elders at the church we attended then wanted me to keep silent and hide the event, to reconcile with my estranged husband in spite of the explicit danger to our beautiful children. What was explained as being one event we would later find out was not. Every Sunday I answered the altar call, weeping, while the church elders seemed to sweep our greatest sorrow underneath the carpet. It was too much to bear: the shame, the awkward stares of pity and judgment, the constant pressure to reconcile, and the deafening silence that spoke volumes.

The night of the offense, I had woken up in the middle of the night to write a song. The Lord would often inspire songs in my heart in the wee hours of the morning, so this was a somewhat normal occurrence. But that night was different. As I wrote the song, "Draw Me Near," I felt a presence of evil enveloping our home. With fear, I penned lyrics of someone's sorrows and their need to draw near to God. Sometimes when I wrote songs, they were prayers for people I did not know. I thought this must be the case this time, too. Only this time, this song, which spoke of someone's life being turned upside down, was about to become my story. Two hours later, after I finished writing the song, I went to bed.

The next morning, the sun came through the window and a whisper awoke my soul. "Tell your husband that God says you have something to tell me." My husband was in the shower, but I felt a pressing need to go ask this question the Lord had placed upon my heart. I walked into the bathroom and said, "The Lord says you have something to tell me." Silence.

"I'll tell you later. I'm not going to tell you now." My heart was heavy. Instinctively I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what. The day of the beginning of the revelation of sexual abuse in our home, the children and I had to bring a bug to the gastroenterologist. (Only my life!) One of my daughters had been ill for most of her life with celiac disease and now we suspected a parasite as well. I had found this massive creature in our washing machine and the doctor told me to bring it in. Next on the agenda that day was to sing at a nursing home with my home educational coop. The children were to present the gospel through skits and song. But as I was driving to the doctor's office, the Lord was preparing my heart. Something was wrong. This day would be a defining moment for our family that I could never have imagined. But I guess that is how such times occur. We can be lulled into a sense of thinking we are above crises. It always happens to someone else, right? Wrong. So wrong.

As we drove to the nursing home, the Lord whispered to my heart again. "Ask her how she slept last night." Oh God, no. No. Please no. Not in my family. Choking back the pressure mounting in the back of my throat, I asked one of my daughters, "How did you sleep last night?"

"Not so well. In the middle of the night, Daddy came into my bed and hugged me for a couple of hours."

Silence. All of the children were in the car. Lord, please help me. I can't breathe. What has happened? In as normal a voice as I could muster with a van load of children, I said, "That's strange. We will talk about this later, OK? Are you OK, honey?"

"Yes, mom. Just tired."

As we arrived at the nursing home, I felt as if I was not there. Numb. How was I going to pull myself together to do this presentation with the children? What was my daughter feeling and going through in that moment? I have never had an out-of-body experience, but this day would have been as close as I have ever been to one. It was as if I was watching myself and I somehow was functioning, going through the motions. Looking at my daughter across the room, I saw myself at a similar age. I had made myself a promise that what I encountered when I was twelve would not happen to her. I had been sexually abused, and I wanted to do everything I could to prevent the same thing from happening to my daughters. I surveyed the room and wondered if I was really awake — if this was really happening. Like the puzzle the little girl at my feet was trying to put together, my heart was broken into pieces on the floor. I struggled to breathe and wondered how the pieces of our lives would ever fit back together again. Fighting back tears, I tried to hold on to hope that maybe, just maybe, what my daughter said was different from what my heart was telling me.

Heading back home, I went straight to my husband's office. He worked from home and I home educated, so we were both home a lot. "You need to tell me what you did," I said. "God is revealing things to me. What did you do?"

"I will tell you later" was the response. He had work to do and told me he could not talk.

We had a life group (small group) we had been involved with, though we were supposed to try out a new life group that night. I called the wife of our former small group and told her that I believed my husband had done something wrong but that he wouldn't talk with me about it. "Your husband has already called my husband and they are supposed to meet tonight," she said.

Then there was my sweet girl. I needed to talk with her in a way that would not upset her. As she and I spoke, shame silenced her. "What happened last night, honey?" She awkwardly tried to describe what happened. She knew something was wrong but did not know how to talk about it. Later she would tell me that she did not want to tell me for fear that it would break our family apart. I hugged her and told her that everything was going to be all right. God was going to help us.

That day was a busy one — one event after another — and it was just beginning. Arriving at the home of our new small group, I could not hide my tears. The heaviness in my heart sucked any possibility of a smile. I would go back and forth to the bathroom, splash water on my face, and come back out. When my husband arrived, he was his normal gregarious self. I could not fake it — I've never had a good poker face, and surely not that day. Suddenly everyone left the room and it was just the two of us on the couch. I looked over at him and said, "I know what you did, and I know you are going to our old small group to talk with the leader tonight." Stunned silence. "The Lord is revealing it to me. Just tell me what you did."

"I will tell you when I get in the car," he said. I was trying to put the pieces of this horrific puzzle together, but he was avoiding me. I had already made plans to stay with a friend that night.

"The children and I are not going home tonight. We are not coming home until you tell me everything you have done," I said, then burst into tears. We never allowed the children to go on sleepovers out of a desire to protect them. The irony that the danger was in my own home was too painful to consider. As we left the home of the new small group, I called him. "OK. You are now in your car. Tell me what you have done."

He laughed. "I'm not going to tell you now." There are few moments in my life where I have felt the way I did that night. When all you thought you knew, you realize you didn't. The agony of the revelation that you have been living a lie is too painful to put into words. But that night I knew everything was going to be different. Several hours later, the phone rang. "I need to talk with you. Can you meet?"

"No, I will not meet with you until I know what you have done," I answered. "You can tell me on the phone." The words that came out of his mouth pierced my soul and were too much for me to take in. I cannot even write them here. Nonsensical and offensive rationalization of what he had done. I never would have imagined words like that coming from someone who had vowed to love and protect me. Never could I have thought such words could come from a father. But they did. And the pain was too much to bear. My girl, my precious sweet daughter, who already had too much to bear with celiac disease, was now burdened with this. Oh, God, why?

She was thirteen years old, and in the midst of other agonizing revelations that would follow, the events of that horrific night would be minimized, adding further trauma. Her father had assumed that she did not understand what was happening or that she was asleep when he came into her bedroom. This heaped further shame on us. And my precious girl? She wasn't asleep. She pretended to be. She just waited what seemed like an eternity for him to leave. That's what shame did that night — it silenced a victim who was filled with confusion that someone who claimed to love her would ever do something to harm her. Not her daddy.

The church had counseled my husband to contact social services the next morning to confess. He then left our home. Nothing could have prepared me for the horrors we would encounter in the revelation of sexual abuse, the debilitating recovery from the abuse, the walk through an agonizing divorce, and the family and criminal court processes that would drag out over the next five years. Nothing. Overwhelmed with a sudden flurry of court dates and meetings, I did the best I could to try and comprehend all that was happening. Fear and worry enveloped me. But as my children and I looked to a Christmas alone, for the first time in a long time, oddly, we felt free.

My husband had been very controlling, and after living in that environment for a long time, we were surprised and even felt a little guilty that there was relief mingled with our intense grief. The excruciating heaviness in our hearts could not be lifted, but there with the biggest sorrow of our lives was this thing we did not expect — freedom. My husband had never allowed us to have a dog. "Let's go buy a puppy," I told the kids. They were thrilled. In that moment, we felt a little joy. There was this sweet little puppy. Who was not housebroken. What was I thinking?

Then there was my oldest boy. He had always wanted to play sports, but my husband disapproved — said it was too much like the pursuit of the American dream, too worldly. We needed to stay home. Well, not anymore. I signed my boy up for baseball and myself for the gym. We went to our first movie. We went on field trips together. We got cable in our home. We. Had. Fun. Yes, I probably went off the deep end. OK, I did. But sometimes part of the healing process is exploring new boundaries, and we can go to extremes while we adjust to our new normal. The moments of fun we enjoyed together became a respite and a source of hope in the midst of the most agonizing moments of our lives, but it was temporary. Our new normal was not easy. We were "that" home. You know, the people already on the fringe with home education now had an additional stigma to bear: the father of the home was gone. Rumors about the cause were everywhere in our tight-knit homeschool and church communities. Was he unfaithful? Was I? Had he harmed the children? Were we getting divorced? Our pursuit of finding joy was also admittedly an escape from the constant shame that surrounded us. People would talk with my estranged husband and then be against me. Wherever we went there were reminders. Events. Places. People. All wondering what had happened to our family. And then there was the pervasive court process and the reality that my husband did not recognize the gravity of what he had done. We were supposed to just forgive and move on, but my heart and my children's hearts were devastated. I was cast in a negative light for keeping the children from their father. I felt blame for protecting my children. Shame on me. The court had imposed supervised visitation. The children did not want to be forced to see their father, and some in the community thought my children's wishes didn't matter.

My children felt the shame deeply. And the original traumatic episode was only the tip of the iceberg. More painful revelations to come would pierce all of our hearts. Shame threatened to stifle our existence. Shame that such sin was in our camp. Christians. There in the midst of our struggle with shame was constant pressure from many different places.

A people pleaser by nature, I felt like such a sinner when I went against the counsel of church leaders. In our multiple meetings, I felt as though I was being instructed about how I should handle our predicament. I was told that I would be in sin to get a divorce since what my husband did was not "adultery" because it was not with an adult. Really? "What about Matthew 5:32?" I asked. "'But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery' [ESV]. The word for sexual immorality is pornea. That is any and all sexual immorality." They still encouraged me to let my estranged husband come to church with us. Church. The one place we could come and worship God became a place of pressure, too. Oh, and shame, too.

On another occasion, a well-meaning leader pointedly asked me if I thought I could hear God above the leaders hearing from God for me. You betcha. Never had I been more grateful to know the truth in God's word than when shamed for thinking for myself. Already in the pit of shame, I was at an all-time low. Evidently, I was not even a good Christian now. Shame on me. Who was it that got us into all this mess? My husband. The one who the leaders met with weekly, who the leaders were going to allow to live on the church campus in an RV while he waited for me to reconcile with him. But what about the victims? Did they have a say? Or were they going to be shamed until they acquiesced? What about the sheer terror we felt, knowing that just because someone was caught did not mean we were safe. Did we matter? By the grace of God alone, the Lord strengthened me and enabled me to get out of that church and to make a new life for my children and me. But, even still, I had to struggle through self-righteous pleas trying to shame and condemn us (control us). No words can adequately express the pain of having the tables flipped on you when you are barely making it as a mom experiencing the greatest grief of your life. The pain I felt for my children would serve as strength to fight for them — even if I was blamed and shamed. Proverbs 31:8 pushed me on: "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed."

I had been building a career as a songwriter and worship leader, so when I received an offer to serve on a worship team from another church, I loaded up my broken children and left my former church. A month after we left, I received a phone call from one of the leaders of the church we had left. "We want you to know that you are not in sin to get a divorce." While I was grateful for that call, I knew God had already released me through His Word from the shame I felt from that church, but the scars were deep. Stepping away from what we knew into a new situation was not easy, but for my children and me, it was once again freedom. The legal drama would continue to inflict damage for several years, but for now, I thought we were safe. I thought we would heal. But healing hurts. To get to the source of our pain, we have to clean the wound, it turns out, with lots of tears — salty ones that sting but begin the cure for our souls when they are offered to our great God and counted by our Lord.

(Continues…)


Excerpted from "Shame Off You"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Abingdon Press.
Excerpted by permission of Abingdon Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction ix

Part 1 Shame's Foundation

1 Shame Is Born 3

Devotional: Disposing of the Shame Arising from Trauma 20

2 Shame's Condemnation 22

Devotional: Overcoming Shame's Condemnation 44

3 Shames Roots 46

Devotional: Shame Off Rejection 61

4 Shame's Cycles 62

Devotional: Shame Off Our Worldview 78

5 Shame's Reach 79

Devotional: Shades of Shame 101

Part 2 Shame's Impact

6 Shame's Faces and Places 105

Devotional: Overcoming Borrowed Shame 121

7 Shame's Cost 122

Devotional: Shame Off Our Lack 137

8 Shame's Past 138

Devotional: Shame Off Our Past 151

9 Shames Mind 152

Devotional: Shame Off Anxiety 168

Part 3 Overcoming Shame

10 Confronting Shame 171

Devotional: Shame Off Our Performance 189

11 Defeating Shame 191

Devotional: Living the Shame-Off-You Life 201

Scriptures to Remove Shame Off You: A Reference Guide 203

About the Author 230

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Shame Off You: From Hiding to Healing 4.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 17 reviews.
Anonymous 4 months ago
Denise is an incredible, strong and genuine person who truly reflects the kindness and grace of Christ. Through her own struggles with shame she has learned what it really means to break free and live in the freedom and love of Christ as a dearly loved daughter. Writing this book only testifies to a heart overcome by the love of Jesus as she endeavors to see others set free as well. If you are ready to shake off the shame and walk in freedom, read this book and let Denise’s experiences and wisdom lead you there!
Anonymous 6 months ago
The author points readers to the truth that has the power to set them free! Shame Off You: From Hiding To Healing is a must read! I didn’t realize that I battled shame until reading this book. Through this powerful testimony of how God worked through a painful trial in the lives of the author and her family, I was able to identify shame for what it is and replace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God’s word. The author is transparent and honest and points readers to the truth that has the power to set them free!
AndreaLisa 7 months ago
When I read the title of this book, I knew right away that this book would change my life and many others. Shame is a topic that can be difficult to address but Denise handles the topic so well and shares some powerful truths in this book. She says in the book that "We will never be set free from shame unless we are willing to face it head on." This is exactly what she did and is inspiring her readers to do the same. I really enjoy the Devotion and prayer section at the end of each Chapter. It allows the reader to slow down and process. A truly remarkable book that I encourage anyone dealing with the issue of shame to pick up!
TeeLo 7 months ago
This is an awesome book and also the author is a true woman of God., Denise Pass. She writes a very transparent testimony for her and her chilldren in their tragic journey of sexual abuse that took place in their very own home. Denise has revealed how they were redeemed from the shame that had been the result of the abuse . Its done through a biblical lens and if applied you can live in freedom from it as well. There are lots of scripture references, recaps, questions and a prayer at the end of each chapter. Denise has a heart for setting people free from shame. You dont want to miss out on this life and mind transforming resouce. Thank you Lord for Denise and her obedience!
TruthWarrior 7 months ago
Shame Off You, from hiding to healing by Denise Pass Have you ever heard the words “Shame on you?” The shame we carry often comes from our childhood and manifests in our adult lives in various ways. Denise shares from her heart the shame she bore for her ex-husband having abused one of her children, and the lack of support from her church was unreal. She will lead you through simple and strong steps to get this shame off of you! Scripturally sound. Easy to read. God can and will redeem your story too. I received an ARC of this book.
RevJessieColwell 9 months ago
This book is honest and raw and it opens the door for women (and men) to have conversations about the shame we carry in our lives. She outlines all the different types of shame, shares her humorous and difficult life experiences, and undergirds the whole book with Scripture. This book will be a means of healing to so many people. This would be a good book to use in a book club as well as for a church small group. It would also be a wonderful gift to give to a friend you know was or is experiencing intense shame in their lives. I wholeheartedly recommended it!
Anonymous 9 months ago
PM · Shame Off You was perfect timing in my life. I was in the process of looking inward and seeing the brokenness and shame that had harmed my soul and I had begun the journey to heal. Dear ones, it is hard to look deep inside ourselves, but it is important to do so. I saw this great quote that said something to the liking of “If you do not heal past wounds, you will bleed on those that did not hurt you.” To me, that spoke to cyclical sin/shame in our lives, those that were put upon us and those we carried ourselves.......But thank you Father, there is hope and it resonates the verses spoken from Paul in Romans 7:14-25. (Where the word sin is I also now see shame.) 14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Denise beautifully and transparently shares her battle through shame and I know her testimony will parallel so many of our lives. Read Shame Off you and take the journey along side our sister. You are not alone! Shame Off You will walk beside you on your journey to heal! Peace to you all, in the name of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ!
Anonymous 9 months ago
Shame Off You is an honest, brave and heartfelt look into a difficult subject matter. Everyone carries shame, whether they’re willing to admit it or not. Dealing with that shame, in a Biblical manner, can set you free. Denise Pass shares the hard circumstances in her life that brought shame, regret, embarrassment, and heartbreak. Turning to the ONLY source of healing, Jesus Christ, she discovered that with His guidance, and His Word, she could not only break the chains that were binding her, but help others to be free from shame…..for good! This book is a MUST READ for anyone who wants to be free from the paralyzing effects of shame! Perfect for a women’s Bible study too!
Karen_Smith 10 months ago
I love this book. I love that Denise is not afraid to say hard things. She's not afraid to say we all carry shame we don't recognize it. She's also not afraid to say how church leaders can bring shame to others even though their intentions are good. Oh my goodness! That is amazingly true but difficult to say. Denise is brave! She shares tidbits of her own story of shame throughout her book as she leads you to the truth of shame and how to learn to let your shame go. An unusual part of this book that I love is at the end of her chapter; she puts a summary where she pulls out the critical components of the chapter! I love love love this.
Anonymous 10 months ago
You have felt the blame of shame, we all have at one time or another. In “Shame Off You”, author Denise Pass shares the real-life story of her journey from heartache, hurting and shame to healing, redemption and hope…hope reinvented and restored. She shares Biblical truth and practical principles that will help you put “Shame OFF you” (instead of shame on you!). I cried…and laughed; my heart broke for her and rejoiced with her. In “Shame Off You” you will read a message of grace & forgiveness, freedom & fun, humor & humility and hope & healing. I couldn’t put the book down. Neither will you. Read it and be blessed!
Anonymous 10 months ago
This book speaks of the heartbreaking life Denise Pass has had to endure. She reveals truths to why we react with shame to not being accepted for example. She challenges readers to believe what God says about you instead of seeking approval from others. She explains why shame is rooted in fear of man, pride and insecurity which cause us to believe we're not good enough and to feel rejected. She says how you need to read the bible about what God says about you since His opinion is what matters most. She uses biblical truth to show us how to change our beliefs about ourselves. A must read.
DMarieReader 10 months ago
Be prepared to have your heart and mind opened and filled! The result will be a freshness and freedom you may be dying for. Denise Pass writes with wisdom from her own experience and you are drawn in to hear (read) every word. As though she were with you at your kitchen table sharing coffee, her writing style is so personal and intimate that the reader quickly makes friends with their book. But Denise also writes with such Biblical wisdom that your soul is likewise edified. She shares scriptures that you may have read a million times but now they illuminate truth that opens cages and breaks shackles. Besides just being a great read Denise recaps (for you) important take-a-ways as she closes each chapter. She then gets you to reflect by posing questions worth answering for yourself. The added devotional and guided prayer that follows the chapters make this more than a book and worth more than its weight in paper and ink. There is insight in her writing and healing to be found chapter after chapter and page after page. You won’t want to put it down and you will likely want to pass it on. Get this amazing book as a gift for yourself or someone you love.
gfox79 10 months ago
“It has been said that what we think on, we are.” This is one of the many sentences that pierced my mind and heart while reading this book. Denise did an amazing job in balancing her own personal stories of shame and helping the reader to understand how to fight shame. This is a great book for anyone who has endured shame and needs to learn how to overcome it. Denise’s story is not a pretty one but her story and the scriptures she uses will inspire you to kick shame to the curb in your own life.
Cindy1961 10 months ago
Do you have shame in your life? Must of us do. Shame caused from what others have done to us or from what we have done to others or even to ourselves. But God doesn't want us to live in shame. It's not of Him. In this book Denise Pass shares openly and honestly the things that have brought shame to her and how God deliver her from that shame. Along the way she shares scripture that God has given her that helped her to get shame off her. Have shame? Shame off you is possible! I highly recommend this book. I received an advanced reader copy for my honest review of this book.
ChasityRhodes 10 months ago
Denise Pass has such a wonderful way of sharing her life’s stories and incorporating godly wisdom in her book, “Shame off you”. As a child that has faced similar trials and tribulations, we tend to carry shame long into our adult life. It is almost as if it becomes “normal” and that’s the lens we view ourselves and others through. I love the various scriptural references and stories that walks alongside her message of shame to show that this is something that many people in humanity have battled with from the beginning of time. She offers practical tips and wisdom on how to recognize shame in its tracks and the steps we can take through God’s Word to renew our minds. Most importantly, the humbleness it requires to stop and examine your heart in why it may be there. There is a difference with conviction and condemnation and she voices that in the Christians life we are free from condemnation and other people’s perceptions of us. We can replace our shame filled identity with our identity in Christ. We are also taught about the many faces of shame and areas it shows up in that we may not be aware. It was very helpful and applicable to my life as I’ve dealt with the hidden effects of shame for majority of my life. Some areas I wasn’t even aware of until I read this book. We can carry shame from traumatic events, failures and mistakes, or in our parenting of our own children. Sometimes we are just down right mean to ourselves as far as not being “good enough”. She explains that we live in a shame filled culture that’s full of comparison and judgement, so its easy to find yourself in the bondage of past failures and mistakes, or not doing what others feel you should do. Thank you Jesus for the freedom that we can experience in casting our cares upon You! I can now take the appropriate steps to bring certain areas of my life to God and pray for healing. This was a great and timely read in my life.
ChasityRhodes 10 months ago
Denise Pass has such a wonderful way of sharing her life’s stories and incorporating godly wisdom in her book, “Shame off you”. As a child that has faced similar trials and tribulations, we tend to carry shame long into our adult life. It is almost as if it becomes “normal” and that’s the lens we view ourselves and others through. I love the various scriptural references and stories that walks alongside her message of shame to show that this is something that many people in humanity have battled with from the beginning of time. She offers practical tips and wisdom on how to recognize shame in its tracks and the steps we can take through God’s Word to renew our minds. Most importantly, the humbleness it requires to stop and examine your heart in why it may be there. There is a difference with conviction and condemnation and she voices that in the Christians life we are free from condemnation and other people’s perceptions of us. We can replace our shame filled identity with our identity in Christ. We are also taught about the many faces of shame and areas it shows up in that we may not be aware. It was very helpful and applicable to my life as I’ve dealt with the hidden effects of shame for majority of my life. Some areas I wasn’t even aware of until I read this book. We can carry shame from traumatic events, failures and mistakes, or in our parenting of our own children. Sometimes we are just down right mean to ourselves as far as not being “good enough”. She explains that we live in a shame filled culture that’s full of comparison and judgement, so its easy to find yourself in the bondage of past failures and mistakes, or not doing what others feel you should do. Thank you Jesus for the freedom that we can experience in casting our cares upon You! I can now take the appropriate steps to bring certain areas of my life to God and pray for healing. This was a great and timely read in my life.
Helianthus 10 months ago
Denise Pass faced an avalanche of shame when her former husband sexually abused one of her children. She faced a difficult divorce, many court appearances, and a lack of support from her church. Through this harrowing situation, Denise turned to her faith in God to sustain her and help her find freedom from the stigma of shame. Shame can be a heavy subject for a writer to address. But Denise handles it well, balancing the truth with self-effacing stories. She has a goofy sense of humor and often casts her own shame stories in a funny light. Yet she still addresses tough topics with sensitivity. While reading Denise’s stories, God helped me uncover some hidden areas of shame in my heart. Even though they aren’t the same struggles Denise described, her stories helped me turn to God for comfort and insight. I’m grateful that this book helped me deal with areas that I didn’t realize were affecting me. She grounds her book in biblical truth, helping you learn how to overcome shame through the power of God’s Word. She also shows you how Jesus endured the worst shame possible on your behalf. He identifies with you and will lift you up out of your shame. He will give you a new identity that has no room for shameful labels anymore. While you read this book, your spirit will be lifted as you realize God is your comforter and strength in your own shame stories. Favorite Quotes from Shame Off You “When our work and lives are truly focused on serving the Audience of One, we don’t fear shame or seek accolades, we want just His glory alone.” “The root of our shame is formed by a fear of rejection and cultivated by comparison.” “Rather than letting shame turn into resentment, hurt, or bitter feelings, we can powerfully choose to forgive those who shamed us and pray for them. Their shaming does not apply to us unless we let it.” “The need to be able to process shame biblically is crucial in a social media-rich society.” “There is no shame on us for who we uniquely are. God gave us all the worth we will ever need.” Shame Off You includes a Scripture Reference Guide full of meditation verses for many different aspects of shame, such as anger, comparison, finances and parenting. This helpful guide will enable you to eradicate shame from your thought life. Abingdon Press and Netgalley graciously provided a review copy of this excellent book for me.