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Overview
For every frazzled bride who is overwhelmed by all the questions she must answer and befuddled by the countless decisions she must make, this handy, practical guide is a lifesaver. Completely updated, this edition gives advice on today’s complicated wedding issues such as How can I let guests know about my wedding website? When should I mail save-the-date cards? and How do I seat divorced and remarried parents at the ceremony and reception? Designed for ease of use, this guide provides accesible answers to bride-to-be questions and explains how to adapt traditional etiquette to modern behavior. Covering a wide range of topics—from engagement announcements through the wedding reception and thank-you cards—it answers the most commonly asked etiquette questions and ensures a fun and stress-free wedding.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781569762943 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Chicago Review Press, Incorporated |
| Publication date: | 04/01/2009 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 208 |
| File size: | 1 MB |
About the Author
Pamela A. Lach has written three wedding books: Bride to Bride Book, The Bride’s Money Book, and The Bride’s Thank You Guide.
Read an Excerpt
The Bride's Etiquette Guide
Etiquette Made Easy
By Pamela A. Lach
Chicago Review Press Incorporated
Copyright © 2009 Pamela A. LachAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-56976-294-3
CHAPTER 1
Getting Engaged
"How long is a traditional engagement?"
That depends on the style of your wedding. A more formal wedding, with a large wedding party and guest list, takes longer to plan. Your religious denomination is another factor to consider, as many require a premarital counseling period that can last up to one year. The availability of the reception hall and caterer could influence when you get married. During the peak wedding months of June, July, and August, popular locations might already be reserved two years ahead of time. The date you and your fiancé choose should take into consideration the availability of the reception hall and the caterer to allow you to have the type of wedding that you desire.
"Whom do I tell first?"
You should tell both sets of parents, no matter what your age. If they have never met your fiancé, and you live too far away for a meeting to be practical, at least introduce him by phone. Ideally, your parents and fiancé have already met. If they are unable to meet in person, your parents should then write your fiancé a letter welcoming him to the family.
"What if he insists we tell his family first? I want to tell mine first. We can't be in two places at once unless we each do it alone. Is that the best compromise?"
No. Marriage is all about compromise, but you should tell your parents together unless you are expecting a negative reaction. Traditionally the bride's parents are told first.
"My parents dislike my fiancé, and I'm afraid they will say things that will destroy any hope of a future relationship. Should I still have him there when I tell them?"
If you have a situation where a parent may say something offensive or disagreeable when you tell them the news, it might be better for their child to speak to them alone at first.
"What if I'm closer to someone else? I'm closer to my sister than I am to my mother. Is there any reason I shouldn't tell my sister about the engagement first?"
Traditionally you tell the people who brought you into this world first. Then you tell your siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends, and cousins.
"When do I tell my children?"
Children should be among the first to know. They should definitely know before a former spouse knows. You, the parent, should tell the child, ideally alone, so he or she may raise any fears or concerns out of hearing range of your future spouse.
"What if we are in our late forties? Do we still need to tell our parents first?"
You should tell both sets of parents, no matter what your age.
"Should I tell my former spouse?"
It's considerate to personally inform a former spouse of your plans to remarry.
Ring Etiquette
"Must I have an engagement ring? My mother insists that without one we aren't really engaged."
A wedding ring is considered necessary in a matrimonial service. Many women marry without ever receiving an engagement ring. It's a nice betrothal gift, an outward sign that the couple intends to marry, but nothing more.
"Does it have to be a diamond ring?"
No. A diamond is traditional, but you can choose any precious or semiprecious stone that appeals to you.
"I want to choose my own ring. My fiancé insists that he's supposed to do it and present it to me. Who's right?"
You are. Presenting the ring adds high drama to movies and novels. But in reality, most women wish to choose the ring that they will be wearing every day for the rest of their lives. Many couples go to the jeweler together. If your fiancé is budget conscious, he might visit the jeweler beforehand to discuss his budget, asking that only rings in a predetermined price range be presented for your inspection.
"When may I begin wearing my engagement ring?"
As soon as you become engaged and obtain a ring. The man usually presents the ring to the woman privately.
"Are there circumstances where I might wear it on my right hand?"
Yes. Wearing the engagement ring on the right hand is a tradition of some cultures.
"When do we purchase our wedding rings?"
Rings are usually purchased during the engagement.
"Isn't my fiancé supposed to have a ring?"
No. Traditionally the woman receives a ring as part of the marriage ceremony. Customs for men having a ring vary among generations, cultures, and individuals. Men rarely receive engagement rings. It has become more customary for them to wear a wedding ring, but some still consider it optional. But he is just as married with or without the ring.
"Who pays for the wedding rings?"
The rings are gifts. The bride's rings (engagement and wedding) are purchased by the groom. For double-ring ceremonies, the bride purchases the groom's wedding ring.
"Should the rings be engraved?"
This is a matter of individual choice. If engraving is chosen, it is usually the initials and the wedding date. If you select wider bands, you can include a short, meaningful poetic line.
"What should I do with my engagement ring when I
walk down the aisle to be married?" Most brides move the ring to their right hand, then return it to their left hand (on top of the wedding band) after the ceremony.
Announcing the Engagement
"How do I officially announce our engagement?"
Formally, you announce it through the newspaper, mailed announcements, and an engagement party. Informally, you tell family beginning with both sets of parents.
"What if my divorce isn't final yet? Should I wait until the final decree?"
Yes, you should wait until your final divorce decree. It's just not right to announce your engagement while you are still married to someone else.
"Why should we announce our engagement in the newspapers?"
This is the way you let everyone know about the upcoming happy event. It's the best way to inform your many acquaintances who won't be invited to the various festivities.
"When should we notify the newspaper?"
Newspaper announcements usually appear three to six months before the wedding date. Some newspapers have explicit rules about the time lapse between the two, so check your newspaper's policy by calling the society or features editor.
"Would I still announce my engagement if I'm divorced?"
This is generally a personal decision. If your previous marriage took place just a few years before or if you have several children, you may wish just to inform your friends and family in a more quiet fashion. But there's nothing wrong with announcing the news if you wish to do so.
"May I announce my engagement if I'm a widow?"
The purpose of announcing the marriage is to let every friend and acquaintance know about it. Your remarrying is certainly not an insult to your first husband, so why would announcing the marriage be wrong?
"My father is seriously ill. Should we still announce our engagement?"
Traditionally, public announcements are avoided during times of death or serious illness in the immediate family. Instead, the news is spread by word of mouth.
"In whose name is the announcement presented?"
The bride's family traditionally announces the engagement. They notify their local newspaper and the local newspaper for the groom's family. Often the couple lives in an entirely different third location. In this case the bride or her parents would handle the announcement there.
"What about including a photograph with the announcement?"
If you wish for a picture to appear, you will probably need a glossy black-and-white photograph of either you or both of you to accompany the form. It is customary to have this photo taken by a professional photographer.
"What information is included in the traditional announcement?"
Foster & Reed
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Dean Foster of Northbrook, Illinois, announce the engagement of their daughter Hannah Joy Foster to Justin Tyler Reed of Madison, Wisconsin. He is the son of Mr. and Mrs. David Carter Reed of Omaha, Nebraska.
A June 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss Foster was graduated from the University of Illinois at Chicago and is director of marketing with OneRay Corporation of Chicago. Mr. Reed was graduated from the Illinois Institute of Technology and is a freelance civil engineer.
Bride's parents divorced, option 1:
McLeod & Jenkins
Mrs. Emily Polk McLeod of Ann Arbor, Michigan, announces the engagement of her daughter Nicole Marie to Timothy Reilly Jenkins, also of Ann Arbor. Miss McLeod is also the daughter of Mr. James David McLeod of Washington, D.C. Mr. Jenkins is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Reilly Jenkins of Phoenix, Arizona.
An April 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss McLeod was graduated from the University of Michigan and is an economics instructor at Albion College in Albion, Michigan.
Mr. Jenkins graduated from Michigan State University. He is a financial analyst for Kellogg's in Battle Creek, Michigan.
Bride's parents are divorced, option 2:
McLeod & Jenkins
Mrs. Emily Polk McLeod of Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Mr. James David McLeod of Washington, D.C., announce the engagement of their daughter Nicole Marie to Timothy Reilly Jenkins, also of Ann Arbor. Mr. Jenkins is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Reilly Thomas Jenkins of Phoenix, Arizona.
An April 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss McLeod was graduated from the University of Michigan and is an economics instructor at Albion College in Albion, Michigan.
Mr. Jenkins was graduated from Michigan State University. He is a financial analyst for Kellogg's in Battle Creek, Michigan.
Bride's mother has remarried:
Kohler & Daecher
Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Chenzira of Las Vegas, Nevada, announce the engagement of Mrs. Chenzira's daughter Madeline Rose Kohler to Nicholas Allen Daecher, also of Las Vegas. Miss Kohler is also the daughter of Mr. Ethan Daniel Kohler of San Diego, California. Mr. Daecher is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Christopher John Daecher of Lawton, Oklahoma.
An October 2015 wedding is planned.
Miss Kohler was graduated from Syracuse University and is assistant to the convention director for the City of Las Vegas.
Mr. Daecher was graduated from the University of Oklahoma and is program director for WMWI in Las Vegas.
Bride's mother and father are divorced and both remarried:
Kohler & Daecher
Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Chenzira of Las Vegas, Nevada, announce the engagement of Mrs. Chenzira's daughter Madeline Rose Kohler to Nicholas Allen Daecher, also of Las Vegas. Miss Kohler is also the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Ethan Daniel Kohler of San Diego, California. Mr. Daecher is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Christopher John Daecher of Lawton, Oklahoma.
An October 2015 wedding is planned.
Miss Kohler was graduated from Syracuse University and is assistant to the convention director for the City of Las Vegas.
Mr. Daecher was graduated from the University of Oklahoma and is program director for WMWI in Las Vegas.
Bride's mother is deceased, father not remarried:
Alvarez & Luna
Mr. Carlos Alvarez of Hartford, Connecticut, announces the engagement of his daughter Ashley Marie Alvarez to Caleb Joel Luna of Stamford. Miss Alvarez is also the daughter of the late Amelia Burkeston Alvarez. Mr. Luna is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Holton Luna, also of Hartford.
A December 2013 wedding is planned.
Miss Alvarez was graduated from the University of Arizona and is a registered nurse at University Center Hospital.
Mr. Luna was also graduated from the University of Arizona and is curator for the DuPere Historical Museum in Stamford.
Bride's mother is deceased, father remarried:
Alvarez & Luna
Mr. and Mrs. Carlos Alvarez of Hartford, Connecticut, announce the engagement of his daughter Ashley Marie Alvarez to Caleb Joel Luna of Stamford. Miss Alvarez is also the daughter of the late Amelia Burkeston Alvarez. Mr. Luna is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Holton Luna, also of Hartford.
A December 2013 wedding is planned.
Miss Alvarez was graduated from the University of Arizona and is a registered nurse at University Center Hospital.
Mr. Luna was also graduated from the University of Arizona and is curator for the DuPere Historical Museum in Stamford.
Bride's father is deceased, mother not remarried. Groom's parents divorced:
Patel & McCoy
Mrs. Noah Patel of Richmond, Virginia, announces the engagement of her daughter Rihanna Elizabeth Patel to Timothy James McCoy of Alma, Michigan. Miss Patel is also the daughter of the late Mr. Noah Patel. Mr. McCoy is the son of Mr. James Tyler McCoy, also of Alma, and Mrs. Ronald Luke Johnson, of Lansing, Michigan.
An April 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss Patel was graduated from Michigan State University and is an administrative assistant at Koerler Rhien Industries.
Mr. Collins was graduated from Central Michigan University and will be relocating to the Richmond area.
Bride's father is deceased, mother remarried. Groom's parents divorced:
Patel & McCoy
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Daniel Olsen of Richmond, Virginia, announce the engagement of Mrs. Olsen's daughter Rihanna Elizabeth Patel to Timothy James McCoy of Alma, Michigan. Miss Patel is also the daughter of the late Mr. Noah Patel. Mr. McCoy is the son of Mr. James Tyler McCoy, also of Alma, and Mrs. Ronald Luke Johnson, of Lansing, Michigan.
An April 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss Patel was graduated from Michigan State University and is an administrative assistant at Koerler Rhien Industries.
Mr. Collins was graduated from Central Michigan University and will be relocating to the Richmond area.
Groom's father is deceased, mother not remarried:
Harvey & Yoder
Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Richard Harvey of Green Bay, Wisconsin, announce the engagement of their daughter Melissa Kay to Joseph Charles Yoder of Milwaukee. Mr. Yoder is the son of Mrs. Allison Violet Yoder of Madison and the late Mr. Kevin Patrick Yoder.
A July 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss Harvey was graduated from the University of Wisconsin and teaches economics at Griffith High School in Milwaukee.
Mr. Yoder was also graduated from the University of Wisconsin. He is a systems analyst for Altoona Systems in Milwaukee.
Bride is widowed or divorced. Her parents announce the engagement:
Bianchi & Faure
Mr. and Mrs. Sean Neal of Aspen, Colorado, announce the engagement of their daughter Brooke Hailey Bianchi to Devin Brady Faure of Taos, New Mexico. He is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Dillon Lee Faure of Dallas, Texas.
A February 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss Bianchi is an emergency medical technician with Prompt Ambulance Service in Taos.
Mr. Faure was graduated from the Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana, and teaches biology at Rodgers Elementary in Taos.
Bride announces engagement:
Delaney & Tanaka
The engagement of Ms. Grace Isabelle Delaney of Merrillville, Indiana, to Mr. Aiden Taylor Tanaka of Chicago, Illinois, has been announced.
A January 2013 wedding has been planned.
Ms. Delaney was graduated from DePaul University and is a freelance event planner.
Mr. Tanaka was graduated from Michigan State University and is a quality control manager for U.S. Steel.
Groom's parents announce the engagement:
Winthrop & Zavacky
The engagement of Natalie Jane Winthrop, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Ronald L. Winthrop of Mackinac Island, Michigan, to Jeremy Tyler Zavacky, son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert M. Zavacky Jr., of Valparaiso, Indiana, is announced.
A September 2014 wedding is planned.
Miss Winthrop was graduated from the University of Chicago and is director of Biophysics Laboratories in Northbrook, Illinois.
Mr. Zavacky was also graduated from the University of Chicago and is owner of eleven sports franchises in the Chicago area.
The Engagement Celebration
"What kinds of engagement parties are there?"
Engagement parties are usually simple celebrations, along the lines of a cocktail — or cake and punch — gathering. Some prefer a more formal dinner. In truth, you can do whatever you like. There are no hard-and-fast rules.
"When should the engagement party be held?"
After you become engaged but before it appears in the newspapers.
"Who gives the party?"
Traditionally the bride's family gives the party. However, since so many couples come from different regions, often the groom's family also has a celebratory gathering as a way to introduce the bride to their family and friends. Some couples even throw one for themselves.
"Who should be invited?"
Generally it's a small celebration among close friends and relatives.
"Will we receive gifts?"
Whether you have a party or not, few people give engagement gifts. They are not expected, although a few people close to you may wish to give you one. They are usually items for your new life together, such as linens, paintings, sculptures, and figurines. If some guests have brought gifts and others have not, do not open them at the party. Wait until later and thank them privately.
"Who makes the official announcement at the party?"
Most often the parents propose a toast to the new couple and welcome the new son (or daughter) into the family. Or you can make the announcement together.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Bride's Etiquette Guide by Pamela A. Lach. Copyright © 2009 Pamela A. Lach. Excerpted by permission of Chicago Review Press Incorporated.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Introduction,1. Getting Engaged,
2. Wedding Beginnings,
3. You Are Invited,
4. Who Does What? And When?,
5. The Wedding Ceremony,
6. Military Wedding,
7. The Reception,
8. Manners 101,
9. Giving and Receiving Gifts,
10. Saying Thank You,
11. Controversial Subjects,
12. When Bad Things Happen,
A Final Note,
Wedding Glossary,
Index,