Table of Contents
Introduction: The Sky Top's the Limit 1
1 Mention It All: The Making of a Housewife 7
A Real Housewives Taxonomy 25
2 Bravo, Bravo, Fucking Bravo: The Fine Art of Selling Out 28
Ten Things a Real Housewife Should Never Do 48
3 He Paid for Your Life: Andy Cohen and the Bravolebrity Machine 50
How to Write Your Own Tagline 73
4 I'm Not a Bitch, but I've Played One on TV: The Housewives' TV Parents 75
5 The Only Thing Artificial About Me … Is Ibis: Producing the Housewives 94
These Housewives Fought the Law, and the Law Won 120
6 Don't Call It a Comeback, Call It a Takeover: How to Build an Empire 124
Real Housewives International Editions, Ranked 152
7 Prostitution Whore!: The Golden Age of Housewives 155
8 I'm Rich, Bitch: How the Housewives Cash In (or Don't) 174
The Real Housewives Dance Singles Top 10 195
9 You Need to Get a Hobby: When Fandom Is a Full-Time Job 197
10 You Have a Little Family Van!: My Vacation with Vicki 220
The Sexiest Men of the Real Housewives Universe 234
11 I Hang Out with Queens Only: Loving Life at BravoCon 237
12 Pretty Is Smarter Than You Think: Housewives Gone Highbrow 253
Five Essential Episodes for Those Who Have Never Watched Real Housewives 268
13 That's My Opinion!: Why We Watch 270
Epilogue: The Future of Housewives 282
Afterword 289
Acknowledgments 297