The Problem Eliminators!

Blows up your face.

She blows up the White House.

I just read a supposed review found at the Barnes & Noble site of my Wonderful Action/Adventure book, ‘The Problem Eliminators!’ by Steve Nelson Honestly, I’ve never read a supposed review filled with more distortions and outright LIES that the one that I just read at the fine Barnes and Noble site. Plus the Cowardly person who wrote it can’t speak English and they have the gall to post a reference to their supposed review at my youtube video slideshow for, ‘The Problem Eliminators!’ Let me state upfront, categorically and with no regrets; Number 1) this person who supposedly reviewed my book is too cowardly to give their name. 2) They then go on to fabricate and LIE about the content of the story. Beginning with a name that appears Nowhere in the entire story, (Someone named Gary Stu). 3) Supposedly they only read the 20%, (this is Free for anyone to read), and even in that 20% one can get a sense of the excitement that is yet to come in the story. 4) Another LIE that this supposed reviewer picked up from the 20% that they read is that this book is about, ‘The Problem Eliminators!’ being human traffickers. This is an outrageous LIE! That appears Nowhere in the book. 5) If one reads the entire ‘Problem Eliminators’ story, one will see and incredibly action filled adventure story complete with a fantastic plot, and really good action sequences. Let me state again for the record, this supposed review found at the fine Barnes & Noble site, is completely BOGUS! And an outright LIE! Also, for the info of anyone Really interested, one can down an opponent with a single punch, (to the larynx), as it is stated in the book. I hope everyone will put this supposed review where it belongs, in the trash! Sincerely, Steve Nelson

Admittedly, I haven't read the entire book --- only the free 20% on the author's Smashwords page. However, even if I did have access to the entire text, I still wouldn't read it because of the sheer lack of plot development shown. Our story begins with a lengthy, ineffective description of the protagonist sneaking through a yacht. He takes measurements of the boat, writes them down, sneaks some more, spies on people snorting cocaine and having sex (!?), whispers to himself a bit, more sneaking, and then comes across a bound and gagged girl behind a mysterious door. Gary Stu (The name of the protagonist hasn't yet been stated, and he reeks of Stu-dom so that is what he shall be called) pulls a hypodermic needle from his emergency medical kit, knocks her out (with a tranquilizer called K14 {Really?}), renders guards unconscious with a single punch, and smuggles her out without a hitch. Chapter 2 begins, and we still don't know what Gary Stu's real name is, nor have we seen a single shred of dialogue other than him talking to himself. Instead, we have a massive infodump, an author-drawn illustration of a character that makes me want to cross the street if ever I meet him (read: creeper), and he isn't even the protagonist. No, we get an illustration of..."Captain Norman Mitchell". Eventually, we find ourselves introduced to the protagonist himself: Dave "The Dude" Wilson. Apparently, he has gone through a tragedy (which is never gone into), resulting in his having "almost lost it". We get another two pages worth of infodump, before randomly changing scenes to an incident "several years ago" concerning the naming of the ship. Who cares! When I read a book, I read it for its plot and characters --- not a list of all the possible names a stupid submarine might have had. With the arrival of chapter 3, we finally witness some dialogue. Unfortunately, the dialogue we see mostly consists of instructions issued to the crew by the captain. In Chapter 4, Dave addresses the audience directly, stating that the reason he is writing this book is because he thinks "...it might make a swell book someday." He then goes on, in an incredibly vague manner, to describe some sort of delivery service, returning former captives of drug lords to friendly ports. I get it now! These people are a part of a secret human trafficking ring! Because, as far as I know, dumping a sedated person off at a port in a country other than their place of residence counts as human trafficking; not to mention the fact that these victims carry no identification whatsoever. I think I've said my piece. The book is a boring infodump, filled with descriptions of things that add nothing to the plot whatsoever, there is no character development (even our protagonist is a stock Gary Stu), there is hardly any dialogue (what little there is consists largely of more infodump, in the form of instructions and "as you know, Bobs"), and is obviously very poorly researched. Really, the book is so bad it's almost spork-worthy. I would spork it; however, it is too boring even for that, and I don't want to encourage the author any further by purchasing this horrible book.