The three teenagers transform the New York underground into a weapons storage unit and their own private haven and, from there, plan a series of guerilla attacks on System-run buildings around the city. But when they’re caught by a New York detective unit before they can set up their final bombing to take down a fabled corporate building in Manhattan rumored to house the communications used to monitor the lives of citizens, all of their carefully laid plans begin to fall apart.
The three teenagers transform the New York underground into a weapons storage unit and their own private haven and, from there, plan a series of guerilla attacks on System-run buildings around the city. But when they’re caught by a New York detective unit before they can set up their final bombing to take down a fabled corporate building in Manhattan rumored to house the communications used to monitor the lives of citizens, all of their carefully laid plans begin to fall apart.
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Overview
The three teenagers transform the New York underground into a weapons storage unit and their own private haven and, from there, plan a series of guerilla attacks on System-run buildings around the city. But when they’re caught by a New York detective unit before they can set up their final bombing to take down a fabled corporate building in Manhattan rumored to house the communications used to monitor the lives of citizens, all of their carefully laid plans begin to fall apart.
Product Details
| BN ID: | 2940153474823 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Stan Kolodziej |
| Publication date: | 11/14/2016 |
| Sold by: | Draft2Digital |
| Format: | eBook |
| File size: | 144 KB |
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CHAPTER 1
THE PACT
Early on, we made a pact not to get trapped by any ideology. We didn't believe in any of them. Anarchy, nihilism, socialism, fucking social Darwinists, you name it. All bullshit. Somebody always wants to lead and they always want others to follow. That's the way it is.
With the three of us, it became a suicide pact. We knew we wouldn't survive, not with what we were going to do. It was simple revenge. At least, that's how it started. That's how we looked at it.
I think it really started in high school, that summer night we burned every book we had about anarchy and philosophy. We actually burned them in a childish ceremony in the back yard of Jimmy's house. We ran when a neighbor called the police and the firemen came. We laughed all the way down the street. Jimmy was told he couldn't see me for a few weeks. He couldn't even leave the house for a week. It was all great. I think that was when it started, on that night of purification.
My mom called Jimmy's mom and there was shit to pay. That was right at the end of the summer. By the time Jimmy and I saw each other again we were going off to college. I think our parents had planned it that way, although my mom laughed and told me I was crazy. But I knew they were trying to keep us apart. Maybe they knew something we didn't know about each other. Like some animals can smell fear or trouble. Looking back, I think I would have done the same thing if I'd been one of the parents. No question.
Jimmy and I talked on the phone for a while and then wrote letters/emails, and then you know what happens. We just lost touch and went our separate ways.
I didn't see Jimmy again for four years, until after college. I loved him, I think I had known it even before then, and I became jealous of that friend of his with the weird name. Because I knew Jimmy didn't love me; and if he had loved me he would come home from school, looking for me. Wanting to be with me.
How long ago was that? Just a few years? Really, we were just kids. I don't think that, at that point, any of us knew what would happen next. No, it was impossible to know. I still don't understand how it happened.
I think it was that night with the books. We were frustrated at what had happened to our families, at what we were seeing around us. As we got older we could see more, everything became clearer, like those slides that you put over other slides until everything starts to come into focus and you see a world that you never knew was there.
That's when we first started to see The System.
It was all around us. It was incredible. It was like that movie where everything is normal until you put on these special glasses and you see the aliens all around. And you realize just how much you're a part of it and how much it is a part of you. That's why you can't see it.
That's why we burned those books. They were all about their own systems. They all wanted to make you a part of their system. In a way they were just as bad as any of those companies trying to sell you something. At least with those companies you can see the furniture and the cars they're hawking. You know what they're trying to do. There's no hiding it. They want to fuck you and make you feel good about it.
I went over to Jimmy's mother's place a few times when I was home from college, and she said he hardly ever came home anymore, especially after the first year. He had a friend with a funny name, from school, and they went off together, did odd jobs, hitchhiked and did other crazy things. She didn't like this friend he was hanging out with. That's the thing with mothers, right? There's always somebody they think is fucking up their kid's life. I didn't know at the time that one of those somebodies would be me.
The friend lived somewhere in Queens. Jimmy's mom said he was a troublemaker. She was in rough shape at that point. Her husband had died the year before. She didn't mind Jimmy being away, because he had enough money to get through school. She was worried how Jimmy was getting the money, and what he and his friend were up to. She was afraid of what would happen to her son. Soon both of us were worried about it.
I could tell Jimmy's mom knew I was in love with him. I could see in her eyes that she wanted me to go find him and see what he was up to, and talk to him. She wanted me to bring him home. She knew I did too.
Jimmy's mom only had a name, Kaz, and knew that he lived in Queens. I was furious with Jimmy, with what he was doing to his mother, and I told her that I would find him and bring him home. I never brought him back.
It took me a few days and some digging at Queens College to find the address. It was in Flushing. Not a nice neighborhood. I was there in a few hours. While I was waiting, someone in the apartment building said Jimmy and his friend worked in the city and took the number seven subway train back to Main Street in Queens. I was nervous talking with these people. They were tough and they had those eyes - the kind of eyes always probing to get something from you, find a weak spot and then move in.
I waited at the subway station for several hours, watching the people go down and come out of the tunnels. They seemed so strange to me, like they were creatures coming out of an underground city. And then I saw them. I knew it was a stupid thing to do, waiting for them there. I panicked and was trying to get away when Jimmy saw me and called my name. I should've kept going. I shouldn't have turned back. He looked puzzled. I told him that I had talked to his mother and that she was worried. Jimmy only smiled at me. "Were you worried, Ann?" he asked me.
I was embarrassed and said I wasn't worried. I hated him, condescending prick, but he knew it was a lie. All this time I had been stealing glances at his friend, who was staring at me, and I didn't like what I saw. He was small and thin as a razor, with a huge jaw, and he had this half-smile you get sometimes in people, like they have this dirty little secret they might or might not share with you. And he just kept staring at me. He was just like the others, staring and waiting, only he wasn't tough. I just stared back a few times. Finally, he turned away. I'm not that shy.
And then I remembered him. Last year in high school, transfer student. Science type. Real loner, worse than us. Kaz. I remembered him now. Nobody had paid attention to this kid back then, and now he was here with Jimmy, his new best friend. We hated each other from the start. In those situations it never really gets better.
We went to some coffee shop and then talked all night. Something weird was happening. I hate to say it, I forgot about Jimmy's mom. At least I made him phone her later. Now that I think of it, that was one of the last times he ever spoke with her. Truth is, I didn't like Jimmy's mom, and I don't think he was that keen on her either. She had those same eyes, the probing, find-a-weakness kind, always trying to find an edge. I don't think she missed Jimmy all that much as long as he kept sending her money.
Like I said, something strange was going on that night. Everything outside that coffee shop became more and more meaningless. Even thinking about my family was weird, and they started to fade away. There was a new world forming around us: something that had always been inside us, was now coming out and locking us in. If you ever get that sense of clearness and purpose, if you ever experience it, maybe you know what I'm talking about. It's a scary and warm feeling, all at once. It reshapes you, right there. You feel you can do anything. It's why you're here, now you know why, now you know what to do.
I thought about the older people I'd seen, the ones walking around having no clue why they're here anymore, what it was all fucking about, something tugging at them deep inside. They don't know why or what it is, just a little tug that keeps nagging at them, reminding them that it had always been there, but had become harder to listen to.
Like I said, we lost touch with each other in college. I had no idea what Jimmy was up to, maybe taking accounting courses by then, or trying to get into business school. Who knows. Four years is a long time. And then something incredible happened.
I don't remember exactly how it happened, but our thoughts and our conversation became more serious. It was like something was guiding us to one specific thing. We just knew that it was the direction we needed to go in.
How about this for weird. Earlier that summer, after all three of us graduated, we moved back to our town. None of us knew the others were there. There was a coffee shop in town where we used to hang out in high school. That's where we almost saw each other again. We just happened to be there on the same day. And we never saw each other but there was some strange karma going on. I don't think it was an accident, us getting together. It was just like going back to those high school days, when we burned those books. Some weird shit was trying to bring us back together. I have to believe that.
Jimmy and I were nervous at first. Something had changed. We were the same, but deep down we were different. When we talked those first few days it was like we were feeling each other out, like we had secrets and we weren't sure we could trust the other if we told them. I think we were both afraid of what was happening to us.
We didn't have to be. It was soon pretty clear that all three of us had the same secrets, that we felt the same way about everything around us, about The System. It was inside us, had nothing to do with books or our heads. It had always been there. Inside us. That's the strongest kind of belief.
It wasn't long before we were talking about strange stuff, about doing. And we weren't embarrassed about it. We became more relaxed with each other. Even Kaz was warming up to me. Truth is, if Jimmy liked someone, then Kaz was OK with it, you get a pass, even though deep inside he hated your guts.
In a week, we were planning and making that suicide pact.
Alright, I know it's ridiculous and at the time I would have given anything that nothing would come about. But we were excited just talking about it, I can't tell you what a lift it gave us, that sense of purpose in our lives, even though it all sounds like bullshit now. Like I said, it gave meaning to our lives, like we were finally given an answer to why we were here.
We kept talking and Jimmy and I were soon in love. Real love. I know now it had always been there, since we were kids. Now, just like everything else, we could see it clearly, we put on those glasses that make everything clear in front of you. Everything that had been bottled up was coming out. It was beautiful.
I was careful with Kaz and his feelings. I didn't know this at first, but he and Jimmy went back to the dark ages, to first grade. Then Kaz and his family moved away for a long time, before moving back for Kaz's last year in high school. The more we talked, the more I could see why Jimmy and Kaz were so close. Kaz understood Jimmy more than anyone, more than Jimmy's own family, maybe even more than I did. I think Kaz loved Jimmy even more than I did. I was jealous of that, but I could live with it. As long as I still had Jimmy in some way. Just a piece of him.
Looking back, even knowing how everything turned out, I have to tell you that there was something about all this that made sense, like determinism, like Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit, like a categorical imperative, like all that other philosophy bullshit. I have to believe that.
You tell me. Kaz studied engineering and already knew a lot about making explosives. Jimmy studied history and wrote a paper about European partisans fighting the Germans in the sewers during World War II. I studied urban design in New York and got to know everything about the city, even its subway and underground tunnels. You see what I mean. C'mon, pieces like that just don't come together on their own. Something besides us must have been putting us together all along.
We didn't know what to make of it. We didn't talk about it. What could we say? Sometimes you have to have faith that maybe there's more to everything out there than you think.
I never talked about it with Jimmy. It would've been all mystical bullshit, I was afraid I might lose him. But you know what I mean. We've all found ourselves in those situations, right? Where you believe that something more than yourself is at work, that something else is there behind the curtain.
Don't get me wrong, I'm taking full responsibility for what we did and what we got, but I'm just saying that I know there was something else at work here. I have to believe that, to make what happened worth it.
We were thinking the same thing and we were so fed up with The System and we talked about joining other groups and it was so clear that the only way we were going to do something was to get it done ourselves and suddenly we were swearing that we would do it, just the three of us, do something that could make some sort of difference, and that the only way left was through some kind of action, no more talk. You know those Ouija boards — when you were a kid, you would have your hands on the board and it would spell out something, something freaky — well, it was like that. Something wanted us to do it, and it knew that deep down we wanted to. It just gave us a little push.
Don't get me wrong. We weren't trying to start a revolution; we weren't trying to change The System, because we knew we couldn't change it. We hated it and we wanted to take a little bit of it apart before they caught up to us, and they would catch up to us. We had no doubt they would. We would just keep taking it apart until we were stopped. And we knew we were not going to be taken alive. We talked about that right from the start.
Jimmy said that at some point you can't care anymore, you reach the point of no return. You don't care about your life, only about the lives of others. Not just the ones closest to you. At that point the way is made clear for you. The door opens. You just have to decide if you want to go through it. I haven't come close to reaching that point and I don't think I ever will. I don't think any of us will. But that night, when we made the suicide pact, we came pretty close.
It wasn't going to be easy, none of us thought it would be. We all thought we would die, and probably pretty soon, and probably not change a thing. I always just hoped that it would be quick, when the end came. I'm not good with pain, not like Jimmy, and not even like Kaz. We all agreed from the start that we would not go to prison, not let them humiliate us, or our families. What would be the point of living after we were captured? Think about it. What would we do in that kind of purgatory? We would just be living. The System could trot us out every once in a while, remind everyone how merciful it is because we're still walking around in our living death. No, we wouldn't let that happen.
We didn't want to hurt anyone, but we knew that was probably not possible, even then. We couldn't let it get inside us, feeling sorry for others, for ourselves, the questions, the doubts. That's residual crap from The System. Once it gets inside you, you're done. That's how they use it. The System is the moral law. We all wear invisible little ankle bracelets that keep us in line, tell us when we've gone too far. It makes you numb, unsure, until you have no fight left. It makes you want to go back to buying things, being a nice good citizen, living your life going from one mall to another, narcotized by TV. You want a purpose in life? We'll give you a family. All questions will be answered. Just channel all your doubts into that. All your emotions, all your thoughts, put it all into that family. Family becomes your church, your psychology, your purpose. The System loves families, the more the better, and families love The System. One big love fest.
That night was the revelation for me. Why wasn't I afraid? None of us were afraid. Not because we knew we weren't going to do what we said, but because we were going to do it. When we talked about our plan, I could see us, all three, dead. It was so definite. And yet I wasn't afraid. Neither was Jimmy or Kaz. You can see why it was a miracle.
Looking back, I don't know why I was so interested in what was beneath New York City. It was weird, because I always hated dark places. I didn't know there was such a different world down there.
I did some urban exploring in my last year of college. One of our Profs recommended we learn more about the underbelly of the city. We were just about a bunch of bored college kids who thought it would be cool to become subway rats. There are people down there, some not so friendly, but not like in those movies with weird albino mutants with eyes that can see in the dark. And if those mutants are down there, thank God we never saw any. Now that I think of it, I don't remember that Prof ever going down there himself. Prick.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "The System"
by .
Copyright © 2014 Stan Kolodziej.
Excerpted by permission of Wimbledon Publishing Company.
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