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Opinion of Others versus Self-Confidence
One of the most important character attributes To have in life is courage and confidence. No matter what you do or who you are, Confidence is vital in your endeavor.
If you lose your job because you refused to be intimidated Or, because of your confidence, your boss is perturbed And wants you to break down and feel inferior and subdued, Stand your ground and never compromise your self-worth. You will find a better job that accepts your courage.
If you lose your marriage because your spouse Undermines yourself worth and confidence, Don't be afraid to walk away to start a better life. If you have people around who are offended by your confidence, Then offend them more, for they don't deserve to be your friends
If there are people around you who are not confident And you bring down yourself to look like them, Then you are destroying yourself and the little confidence they have. Instead, lift them up to the throne you all deserve.
I prefer to eat grass and live with animals than lose my confidence To keep my job or the false comfort of life. I prefer to sleep in caves than lose my confidence To keep my home or job or the illusory status. Why are we so afraid? Why do we bring down ourselves, Giving away our dignity and self-worth for others' sake?
Show me a woman or a man whose life is miserable Because he or she is too confident and remained respectable, But I will show you countless people who lead a miserable life Because they lacked confidence to stand up for themselves. Be the first man to die of hunger and poverty Because you refused to sell your integrity.
It has never happened, and it never will. You have one life to live and live it well. The worst thing in life is not material poverty But loss of one's worth and a spiritual bankruptcy.
Material wealth can come and go or change over time. In bad or good times, your spiritual wealth will thrive. If you have spiritual wealth, you are always rich, Happy, confident, and healthy, so heavens you can reach.
It is the best wealth you can have in this world, And every other blessings and success will come. There is no single justification for our fear and lack of confidence, For all of us were gifted with this eternal grace.
It is not given to one person more and to another less, But the difference is in how much dirt has covered our grace. How much have you covered the sunshine within your chest? And prevented yourself from becoming the best? How much talent are you holding back from the world By preventing confidence from shining through your heart?
Confidence is not something you gain from without. It is already there within. Just remove the dirt. Bring out the eternal light and make your world bright. A victory is guaranteed, so don't give up the fight.
The Truth about Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
Self-confidence means what you think of yourself, the opinion you have about yourself. It is never about the opinion of others about you or what they think of you. You are at the center, and nobody else is at the center with you. Self-confidence is purely what you think of yourself. As other people are entitled to their thoughts, you are also entitled to yours. The only thought you should care about at all is yours. That means the world to you, and that is your only and primary world. You live there. Your confidence lives there.
You can control only your thoughts. What others think of you should not be your concern. They also live in the mental world that they chose create. Take care of your world and let them take care of theirs. Your self-confidence comes from within and flows outward, never from without to within. So never expect other people to boost your self-confidence or give it to you.
The mistake we always make is we look at self-confidence as a measure of how and what people think of us. We think in terms of how people see us, whether they see us as confident or not confident. Therefore, we say to ourselves, "They think I am confident," or otherwise. We are only concerned about how people think of us rather than what we think of ourselves. It is not about our confidence that we worry, but it is what people think of our confidence that we worry about. You create your self-image based on how people see you or what they say about you. So, if in the past people described you as lacking self-confidence, then you adopt those opinions to create an identity for yourself.
Your self-confidence is always there; it is part of your nature and everybody's. As kids, we were not aware of other people's judgments, so we played and acted without much concern about their opinion. We never thought about having or not having self-confidence. Your self-confidence never leaves you, even when you thought you lacked it. Instead, the shining power of your self-confidence depended on how much you covered it with the opinion of others. The times that you feel less confident are because you are reflecting on the opinion of others and what you believe they are thinking of you rather than the absence of self-confidence. It is the opinion of others that you are worried about, and that worry just veils your self-confidence more. If you don't see the blue sky or the sun covered by the cloud, your doubt cannot make them disappear. Your ignorance cannot change a fact but just gives you the wrong perception, and likewise, your understanding cannot change the fact that inalienable self-confidence exists within you.
The truth is that you can only control what you think and not what other people think of you or the world. You cannot control how much confidence other people think you have. People's opinions change frequently, and they have thousands of thoughts a day. What they think is their right, and all you should focus on is what you think about yourself and your self-image. Worrying about the opinions of every person that you come across disintegrates your soul. You will not have an anchored faith and foundation from which your self-image is created. This results in frequent change of self-confidence, depending on the opinion of others and whether they say things to you that make you feel better or bad. This inconsistent self-confidence invariably fails and makes your worthiness dependent on others. You seek approval from others to make you feel confident, happy, and worthy. It is like you are begging from others for what you already have inside. All that you have to do is to remind yourself and recognize that your self-confidence is within, and nobody can give it you or take it away from you. When begging for self-confidence, people only give you fake currency; when you take it to the bank or the market, you will be disappointed. The self-confidence you have been seeking from others is not real; that is why it is not consistent or lasting. The begging and seeking only increases the layers of dirt that are veiling your true self-confidence from shining.
Change how you look at self-confidence and change your world. It will never be the same again. You should live your life with full acceptance and joy, without worrying about the opinion of others. You should not worry about what others think about your career, job, speech, poems, voice, name, origin, dressing style, gender and gender affiliation, lifestyle, accent, education, marital status, and of course your self-confidence.
Nothing you accomplish in this world will give you self-confidence, and no one in this world can give you self-confidence, however they are willing to do so. Do not seek any activity, career, wealth, talent, job, people, religion, or even knowledge to give you self-confidence or self-worth. No one can give it to you, and no one can take it from you, but you can deny yourself self-confidence through your ignorance. The denial doesn't mean that it was taken away from you, but instead, you have covered it up by false beliefs and perceptions. The moment you get the awareness that it is already within, then the veils will start peeling off, and self-confidence will start shining.
Focusing on What Others Think of Us
We sometimes care so much about the opinion of others that we base our thoughts and actions on what they think of us. That will lead to complete abandoning of the infinite intelligence within you and your intuitions. You should instead dwell on what you think of yourself; that is the most important thing, and that is the most important opinion in the world. So why should we waste our time worrying, thinking, and caring about what others think of us? Why do we waste our precious time and life dwelling on others' opinion? That is the most wasteful thing to do. The fact that you let other people's opinion and actions hurt you or determine your worth means that you do not value the opinion you have of yourself. The only opinion in the world that can hurt you or bless you is yours. Show that you value your own opinion by not giving unnecessary attention to others' opinion. A lot of people do not have good opinion of themselves, so the opinions they have of you reflect how much they value themselves.
When all your life you struggle to fit into what others expect of you or their opinion, then who are you? You come out of life like a mud sculpture that was made by everybody who walked past it; everybody threw a piece of mud at it, and nobody can even figure out or guess what it will look like in the end.
Stop living as an product of people's opinion. That will withdraw all of life's forces from you. This is a result of worry, pretentiousness, expectations, conformity, and fear, and these emotions are not part of your nature. These are impurities and unnatural emotions that develop as a result of our ignorance and separation from the infinite intelligence within. The emotional challenges and pain you experience are as a result of these unnatural and artificial emotions created by your ego.
You will always have worthy opponents along the way in this life who will challenge you and make you a better and stronger person. You will be misunderstood, ridiculed, betrayed, laughed at, called a fool, looked down upon, hated or disrespected, racially discriminated, doubted, or rejected, but none of these opinions, actions, or behaviors matter. Live in your own world and do not dwell on the opinions of others. What people say is an explanation of who they or what they feel rather than who you are.
What you are is determined by your daily dominant thoughts and habits. There are no surprises or luck that will nudge you out of your orbit of thoughts to make you become someone else. Your daily thoughts and the opinions you have of yourself will shape your destiny. What do you imagine and what do you think of yourself? Do you see yourself as a strong or weak person, as smart or a fool, as poor or rich, as happy or unhappy? Whatever imagination and thoughts you dwell on, you become. How you see yourself is the powerful seed that grows into who you are in life. It is not the opinions of your teachers, parents, friends, or mentors that will determine who you are; it is your own opinion.
The difference between your opinion and opinions of others about you is like the difference between the sun and candlelight. Your opinion has the power of the sun, and the opinion of others has the power of the candlelight. Which one shines more? Which one has more power? Do not major the minor and minor the major. Do not overlook the power that you have and sabotage yourself. There is nothing more important or powerful outside you that can shape your world. You are the master of your destiny. Why do you wish to be the slave or servant of others' opinion? Take responsibility and control of your life. Ruling the world means nothing. The most important is being the master of your own kingdom. It is the most powerful, most rewarding, most influential, and most prestigious position and authority you can have in this world. No leadership position or job is better than this.
Opinion of Others and Attack
When you care too much about the opinions of others and you let it disturb your peace of mind, then you will start having thoughts of attack and anger against those whose opinion you care about. This is because at some point you will start perceiving that they have unfavorable or negative opinions of you. Do you see how illusion works? The same people whose opinion you care about are the same people you want to attack. If in the end you don't like them, why should you care about their opinion?
So next time you are tempted to care about others' opinions, remember you may end up hating or attacking them. All these thoughts of attack and lack of peace are going to waste your time and energy. Do not waste the precious moment or your life. Do not waste your energy on these illusions.
We are easily enslaved by other people's faults or weaknesses by dwelling on the other person's weaknesses and shortcomings and hence losing precious moments — or even our entire lives if we are not careful. You would do better by dwelling on their positive sides and divinity rather than their weakness. That would be good for you and the other person. That is the life of wisdom. The positive thoughts you have about others will benefit you more than they will benefit them. It is a win-win for everybody. The benefit of positive thoughts for our bodies and minds are scientific facts.
The Girl with the Addiction Problem
I watched this young girl explaining to a news reporter that she easily gets addicted to everything — to Facebook and then drugs and so on. She believed or was told that she is weak and easily gets addicted to things or substances. At twenty-two years old, she is now on the street of BC-Surrey, addicted to fentanyl and other drugs. It is sad to see how our false beliefs and the opinions of others about who we are can easily lead us to self-destruction and low self-esteem.
She believed in the illusion of lacking self-control, and she succumbed to it. We should be especially careful of what we say to our kids or young people because they can easily create an identity for themselves out of those conversations.
The Ego's "Forgetful" Identity
The ego sometimes tries to give you an identity based on harmless and frivolous errors, such as the times you forgot your car keys or forgot to lock a door. Based on these simple errors, some people give themselves a permanent identity as a forgetful person. The false identification will create your reality of chronic forgetfulness and self-doubt. Even before forgetting anything, when preparing for a trip, gym, or work, you will always ask yourself if you have forgotten something. It is much better to actually forget than have those thoughts about yourself. You know when you abandon these thoughts, you actually realize that you rarely forget things; it was the ego trying to exaggerate those rare moments you actually forgot. Sometimes, people suggest that you are a forgetful person, and you believe their opinions and make it a reality in your life.
What if the imaginary fear and concern about the opinion of others is just a form of mental illness that is benign and assumed as normal because a great majority of human beings suffer from it? That is a real possibility. The greatest tragedy is not death but never starting to live. You have not started living if you still suffer from this illusion. The cure is just the realization of the illusion that the ego created and removing it through conscious observation.
The people who realized and observed this are successful in whatever field they chose to pursue. The majority of the people are just suffering from the condition silently. Many died without fulfilling their dreams and without living their lives fully. The imaginary concerns and fear drowned their true potential.
There is this high table of success that I imagine the people who have supreme confidence in expressing themselves occupy. This table consists of individuals who are not afraid to express themselves and are not afraid of criticism. They take nothing personally and do not let the opinions of others affect their confidence or work. They have learned how to appreciate and accommodate other people with high energies of life like themselves. They do not see other people's confidence as threatening to them or their confidence as being rude to others. They are loud, cheerful, and spontaneous, and they fearlessly express themselves. They are not concerned if what they are saying is correctly perceived by others or if it conflicts with others' beliefs or opinions. They are not self-critical; they are relaxed and confident.(Continues…)
Excerpted from "The Truth Shall Set You Free"
Copyright © 2018 Enoch Mamo.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Opinion of Others versus Self-Confidence,
Chapter 2: Self-Expression and Public Speaking,
Chapter 3: The Two Energies,
Chapter 4: The Present Moment,
Chapter 5: Fear and Worry,
Chapter 6: What Is Poverty?,
Chapter 7: Victim Identity,
Chapter 8: Power of Belief and Faith,
Chapter 9: Being Yourself and Conformity,
Chapter 10: Living in the Real World,
Chapter 11: What Is Not Life,
Chapter 12: True Living,
Chapter 13: The Illusion of Loss,
Chapter 14: Anger,