Transforming Together presents the model for genuine spiritual mentoring through the power and work of Christ in the lives of women faithfully pouring into one another. Women, both young and old, will appreciate the dual focus on the roles of mentor and mentee. Building on real life testimonies and her experience as a committed mentor, Ele Parrott will guide women as they seek to walk with one another to greater faithfulness in Christ.
Transforming Together presents the model for genuine spiritual mentoring through the power and work of Christ in the lives of women faithfully pouring into one another. Women, both young and old, will appreciate the dual focus on the roles of mentor and mentee. Building on real life testimonies and her experience as a committed mentor, Ele Parrott will guide women as they seek to walk with one another to greater faithfulness in Christ.
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Overview
Transforming Together presents the model for genuine spiritual mentoring through the power and work of Christ in the lives of women faithfully pouring into one another. Women, both young and old, will appreciate the dual focus on the roles of mentor and mentee. Building on real life testimonies and her experience as a committed mentor, Ele Parrott will guide women as they seek to walk with one another to greater faithfulness in Christ.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781575673394 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Moody Publishers |
| Publication date: | 05/01/2009 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 176 |
| File size: | 619 KB |
About the Author
Ele Parrot and her husband of 35 years, Don, the President and CEO of Finishers Project, have four grown children and three grandchildren.
Read an Excerpt
Transforming Together
Authentic Spiritual Mentoring
By Ele Parrott, Dana Wilkerson
Moody Publishers
Copyright © 2009 Ele ParrottAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-57567-339-4
CHAPTER 1
Jesus in Every Bite
I recently met Sandra for dinner and a talk at a local restaurant. We had never met before, but we had a mutual friend whom I have the joy of meeting with on a regular basis. Sandra had experienced a terrible weekend. She had just broken up ... again ... with her long-term boyfriend of six years. She had known for a long time that he wasn't "the one" for her, but he was better than no one, or so she had thought ... until this weekend. Evidently, one thing had led to another and Sandra had finally had it with him. She had told him to "drop dead" and to never call her again, and she was dealing with the fallout of that decision.
Our mutual friend, Kristie, had called me on Sunday to fill me in on the situation. I was sitting in a church service when my phone rang. Yes, I know we're supposed to turn off our cell phones or put them on vibrate when we're in a service. But I've never figured out how to put my phone on vibrate, and I frankly had just forgotten to turn the thing off. So the phone rang, and I cut the call off immediately, telling myself that the disturbance was minimal and only a few people around me had heard the short musical calypso. But seconds later, it started beeping! Ah, the caller had left a message. Quickly digging the phone out of the too-small compartment on the side of my purse, I looked at the "missed call" list and saw Kristie's name. Uh-oh. I knew that if Kristie was calling me during a church service, it had to be important.
Whispering to my husband, Don, that I needed to take the phone call, I got up and awkwardly clambered over the others in our row to get to the aisle. Finally making my way out the door, I headed to the ladies' room to listen to the message. It was about Sandra. "Would you be able to meet with her soon?" Kristie requested urgently. "She's in a terrible state. She just broke up with her guy of six years." So there I was, two days later, at a Texas Roadhouse, munching on bits of an onion flower appetizer while listening to Sandra's story.
Sandra is a successful businesswoman. She has her own business and employs twelve people. She is the boss; she knows what to do and when to do it. She is known for being efficient and effective. She is successful ... in that part of her life. However, in her personal life Sandra is sad, confused, angry, frustrated, disillusioned, and worst of all, alone. She allowed a guy to walk all over her, take advantage of her, live off of her, and repeatedly cheat on her. That's why she was sitting across from me sharing salted peanuts and an onion flower—Sandra was asking for help.
Because of the type of mentoring that I believe in, I didn't give her a list of things to do, which I could have done. I didn't recommend a book for her to read, though there are plenty. And I didn't tell her about my experiences of feeling lonely, confused, and devalued. Instead, I listened with intent interest, letting Sandra share whatever she wanted to share, in whatever way she wanted to share. I asked no questions; I simply listened without interrupting her flow of emotional thought.
Sandra spoke nonstop for nearly twenty minutes, sharing bits from the weekend's conversations with her now ex-boyfriend, some snippets from her childhood, memories of other breakups with this boyfriend, and a few stories about the resentment she felt growing up in Christian schools, before focusing back on what had transpired over the weekend. The entire time she talked I prayed for enlightenment, for understanding, and for direction from the Holy Spirit. "Jesus, who are You being in her life right now? How may I best partner with who You are in Sandra?"
When Sandra was exhausted from sharing, I thanked her for entrusting me with her pain. Then I asked her a question. "Sandra, do you want a quick fix, or do you desire to be transformed by Jesus?"
For the first time in the conversation, I saw tears quickly well up in her eyes. She said, "Ele, I know a lot about the Bible. I have several Bibles at home all marked up with red, blue, yellow, and green colored pencils. I know the stories of the Bible. I can draw you a timeline of prophecy. But I don't know how to live life. I have no idea how to apply what the Bible says to my everyday life. How do I be a Christ-follower Monday through Saturday? Part of me wants the quick fix, but I know I need the other."
My response to her was, "Sandra, congratulations! You have made a wise choice. As much as you are hurting now, there is so much more of you that Jesus desires to embrace. Together we will begin this journey of knowing Jesus, for, you see, it's not what you know, it's who you know. What truly helps and fixes us is not the knowledge that goes in. It's about who lives life out through you empowering you, cleansing you, and strengthening you. Jesus desires to be relevant in your life Monday through Saturday as well as Sunday. As you begin to discover who Jesus really is, this area of your life—as well as all areas of your life—will be transformed."
Sandra was voicing what many followers of Jesus sense, if not say. I hear it often. Let me try to put it into words: It's like people live their lives in separate sections or pieces, as if life were a bowl of fruit. There's a family piece, an employment piece, a friendship piece, a Jesus piece, and pieces for each other area of your life. Each of these pieces of life stay separate from one another, just as pieces of fruit in a bowl stay separate from one another. What goes on in the family piece has little or nothing to do with the employment piece, what goes on in the friendship piece is separated from the other pieces, and so on.
So when it comes to matters of faith, people who live their lives in pieces find it easy to keep their faith solely in their Jesus piece. One piece of life has very little to do with the other pieces of life. For example, if something comes up in the boyfriend piece, that piece of life is neatly removed, put on a plate, and fixed. Then that fixed piece is neatly put back in the bowl among the other pieces of life, with careful attention given to not disturbing any of the other pieces.
However, Jesus doesn't fit in a fruit bowl life very easily. While He lived here on earth, Jesus was the one who helped celebrate weddings, had midnight meetings with those seeking the truth, hung out at the local watering holes to rub shoulders with whoever was there, conversed with "religious" people, and played with kids. He literally permeated every part of a person's being when He was with them. Well, He's the same today. He's more like a cake than a bowl of fruit, so to speak. Let's think about that for a minute.
A cake is made up of flour, sugar, eggs, water, vanilla, baking powder, and various other ingredients. However, in order for the cake to be enjoyed as intended, it needs to be mixed—it requires blending. All the ingredients are still there, but each ingredient is enjoyed and experienced in every bite of the cake.
So it is with Jesus. When we spiritually mentor, we enter into a partnership with the Holy Spirit who has the potential to transform all aspects of a person's life. That doesn't mean that we try to fix certain quirks or focus on particular weaknesses or pains. As we partner with the Holy Spirit, we look for opportunities to infuse truth into reality in all dimensions of someone's life.
Using Sandra as an example, her reality is that the long-term relationship with her boyfriend is over. As a result, she is in pain. But that's only part of her reality. She is also a brilliant businesswoman, a loving daughter, a fun sister, a good friend, and a woman with desires, dreams, and ambitions. All of Sandra—every part of her—needs to be permeated by the Holy Spirit. Sandra is a woman who desperately needs Jesus in every area of her life. So to focus on just one area would deny the Spirit the opportunity to challenge and transform Sandra into the woman He desires her to be in every area of her life.
Let's get back to the question posed to Sandra. "Do you want a quick fix, or do you want to be transformed by Jesus?" Another way to put it is, "Do you want to be a bowl of fruit or do you want to be cake? Do you just want one piece of your life that includes Jesus, or do you want Him to invade and pervade all of your life?" One option is neat and tidy—no muss, no fuss. The other is messy, and it requires measuring, sifting, pouring, stirring, and the seemingly unbearable heat of the oven. Sandra's answer revealed her desire: she wanted Jesus. She chose the untidy and, at times, chaotic and painful invasion of her life by Jesus, who is "the way and the truth and the life" (John 14:6).
Sandra represents the kind of woman who responds well to being the mentee of a spiritual mentor. This type of woman hopes that there's more to being a follower of Jesus than what she is currently experiencing. She desires to be challenged and to be asked penetrating, revealing questions. She hungers for wisdom and inner strength. She wants to "go there" with someone whom she trusts to take her to Jesus. She's not satisfied with a quick fix, and she's willing to mix things up as needed. She wants Jesus in every bite of her life.
CHAPTER 2How to Begin Spiritual Mentoring Part 1: Just Jesus and You
How does someone become a spiritual mentor? Do you just hang out a shingle one day that says "Open for Business: Spiritual Mentor"? In some aspects it would be great if it were that straightforward and easy. But in the real world one does not go about spiritual mentoring in that manner. So what is the manner or method of becoming another person's spiritual mentor? It begins through relationship relationship with Jesus, with our family, and with others.
The core of any relationship is your relationship with Jesus. It begins with you, with me, and with who Jesus is in us. We just can't give out more than we have ourselves. Don't get me wrong. Many do just that, and seemingly quite successfully. I am constantly amazed and disheartened by how easy it is for us to become orators of the Word of God. But I really don't see where being a spiritual talker is something to which we should aspire. In Scripture we read that we're not supposed to just be hearers of God's Word but also doers of it (James 1:22). I read nothing of us being "sayers" of the Word of God. That's easy ... and that's not the stuff that a spiritual mentor is made of.
It begins in the quiet place. It begins with reading the Word of God for yourself every morning. It begins with a hunger and thirst after right living. It begins with a deep desperation in your soul that says, "Give me Jesus or I die!" It begins with a relationship between the Lord and you.
I distinctly remember when the Lord challenged me to "go there" with Him. The crazy thing about it was that I thought I was there with Him! Look at the facts of the situation: I had been active in my local church on a leadership level for over twelve years, I was married to a pastor, and together we were headed for the mission field as missionaries with our four young children. That had to count for something!
Language school was tough for us. It wasn't just that Don was in his early forties and I was in my mid thirties. It wasn't that we didn't know any Spanish beyond Taco Bell, burrito, and "¿Dónde está el baño?" before we arrived in Costa Rica. It was a combination of several things. Up to that point in our lives, I knew who I was. I was a believer in Jesus Christ. I was a pastor's wife. I was a mother of four children. I was a leader in our church. When we arrived in Costa Rica, most of those "I wases" had been left on the shores of the United States. No one in Costa Rica knew that Don was a pastor. No one there cared that I was a mother of four young children, that I had led an entire children's program at our church, or that I sang in the choir. The main identity that transferred from one country to the other was that I was a believer in Jesus Christ. And that wasn't enough. I missed me. I longed for me. I needed me.
We made it through language school and eventually found ourselves disembarking from a jet onto the tarmac in Buenos Aires, Argentina our new home. "Perhaps I can reinvent myself here," I thought. "Yes, that's it! I'll get active in our local church here in Buenos Aires and start all over again. I can do that!" With renewed vigor and high expectations, I made a list of everything that I had done in my "previous life" and made an appointment with our Argentine pastor. After all, I wanted to begin correctly, under the approval of our local pastor, and I figured he would certainly be impressed with my list of accomplishments.
I was ushered into Alberto's office for my appointment, and after exchanging greetings, I explained why I was there. I wanted to share with him what I had done in other church settings, and I desired to find out where he felt I could be of greatest use under his direction in that church. He listened with mild interest as I shared, in my best castellano (the Argentine form of Spanish), what ministries I had previously been involved in. At the end of my short monologue, I posed the question that would determine my place in my new home: "Pastor, how do you see me serving in this congregation?"
I had assumed that his answer would be prefaced by a rather long "thank you for blessing us with your presence and your abilities" speech, similar to the one my husband had received when he had asked the same question to the same person a few weeks earlier. I would then feign embarrassment and offer a bit of shy humility, perhaps, before accepting whatever positions he would bestow upon me. However, instead of presenting me with a verbal bouquet, Alberto leaned back in his chair, looked at the ceiling with great interest, and then up-righted himself again. He cleared his throat, looked me right in the eye, and said the words I will never forget: "Los baños de la iglesia están sucios" What? Had I heard him correctly? "The church bathrooms are dirty"? What did the state of cleanliness of the church bathrooms have to do with ministry? I was there to determine my next phase of helping others and he was talking dirty bathrooms!
Then it happened. It slowly dawned on me what Alberto was asking. Yes, you guessed it he wanted me to clean the bathrooms! That would be my great, effective ministry for God in my exciting life as a missionary. He wasn't asking if I would organize and lead a women's Bible study, which I could do. He wasn't requesting that I gather the children together and start a kids' choir, which I would have loved. He wasn't even looking for input from me. He was stating a fact: the church bathrooms were dirty. What was I going to do about it?
I looked everywhere in the room except at Alberto. I had to think. I had to respond. I couldn't just continue to sit there with my mouth hanging open. So I did what any missionary worth her salt would do. I cheerfully said, "Hey, I have a super idea. Why don't I just take care of that little detail for you? It will be my joy to attend to those filthy bathrooms." Well, perhaps that's what I should have said, but in reality I looked him in the eye and said, "The bathrooms will be cleaned." In my heart I added, "I can't believe you are relegating me to that, especially when I'm qualified to do so much more. I'll show you! You'll have the cleanest, most hygienic bathrooms in all of Buenos Aires, in all of Argentina ... and perhaps even in the whole of Latin America!"
Meanwhile, Don was having a great time in Argentina. He was invited to be part of the inner circle of men who ran the church. He was asked to preach on a regular basis. He was slated to lead worship, to direct the choir, and to do any number of other things to support the ministry there. His missionary experience and my missionary experience were very different, indeed.
Then something occurred that I never thought would happen to us. I became jealous of Don. I was green with envy. I could barely speak to him about his day without being sarcastic or rude. I hated myself, I wasn't thrilled with Don, and I was very, very angry with God. You see, I felt that God had tricked me. It seemed as if God had promised me one thing and delivered another. I felt bypassed, devalued, unnecessary, and lonely. And I didn't know what to do about it.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Transforming Together by Ele Parrott, Dana Wilkerson. Copyright © 2009 Ele Parrott. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Introduction
1. Jesus in Every Bite
2. How to Begin Spiritual Mentoring: Just Jesus and You
3. How to Begin Spiritual Mentoring: Authentic at Home
4. How to Begin Spiritual Mentoring: Include Others
5. Mentor Like Jesus
6. Having the "Right Stuff:
7. Julie
8. Step by Step by Step...
9. Tara
10. Learning to Be an Active Listener
11. Megan
12. Standing with You
13. Brandi
14. Variations on the Same Theme
15. Another Road Taken
16. Mandy
17. There’s Mentoring... and Then There’s Mentoring
18. And the Results Are...!
Afterword