Ungovernable: The Victorian Parent's Guide to Raising Flawless Children

by Therese Oneill

Overview

From the author of the "hysterically funny and unsettlingly fascinating" New York Times bestseller Unmentionable, a hilarious illustrated guide to the secrets of Victorian child-rearing (Jenny Lawson).

Feminist historian Therese Oneill is back, to educate you on what to expect when you're expecting . . . a Victorian baby! In Ungovernable, Oneill conducts an unforgettable tour through the backwards, pseudoscientific, downright bizarre parenting fashions of the Victorians, advising us on:

How to be sure you're not too ugly, sickly, or stupid to breed What positions and room decor will help you conceive a son How much beer, wine, cyanide and heroin to consume while pregnant How to select the best peasant teat for your child Which foods won't turn your children into sexual deviants And so much more.

Endlessly surprising, wickedly funny, and filled with juicy historical tidbits and images, Ungovernable provides much-needed perspective on — and comic relief from — the age-old struggle to bring up baby.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780316481908
Publisher:	Little, Brown and Company
Publication date:	04/16/2019
Pages:	288
Sales rank:	891,182
Product dimensions:	6.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Therese Oneill is the New York Times bestselling author of Unmentionable: The Victorian Lady's Guide to Sex, Marriage and Manners. She can be found online at www.writerthereseoneill.com.

Table of Contents

Author's Note ix

Welcome, Unfit Mother 3

1 How Do I Prepare My Sacred Vestibule to Best Receive My Husband's Life-Germ?: The Ins and Outs of Fruitful Conception 11

2 How Much Violence and Lager Should My Fetus Be Exposed to as a Means to Ensure Sturdy Character?: And Other Pregnancy Tips 39

3 If Suffering in Birth Is Ordained by God, May I Bite a Towel During Delivery Without Offending Him? On the Occasionally Fatal Privilege of Childbirth 67

4 My Child Will Eat Neither Mush, Mucilage, Porridge, Pablum, Gruel, nor Loblolly. Is Pickiness God's Way of Culling the Herd? On Feeding Children 103

5 A Study of Technique Regarding Spanking, Birching, Caning, and Whipping: A Complete Guide to Disciplining Your Child 131

6 How Do I Raise a Menstruating Daughter Without Causing Brain Damage, Nerve Failure, or General Impudence?: And Other Thoughts on Education 157

7 My Young Son Refuses to Engage in Fisticuffs or Play Games with Greased Livestock. Is It Too Late to Prevent His Inevitable Homosexuality?: On Turning Boys into Men 183

8 How May I Distinguish Healthful Amusements My Child Might Engage in from Those That Are Satan Disguised in the Raiment of Light and Joy?: On Appropriate Recreations for Children 213

9 How Many Leeches Should Be Applied to a Broken Bone and What Weapons Serve Me Best in the Valiant Struggle Against Rectal Worms?: On Maintaining General Health 245

10 The Successful Mother: Are You She? 261

Bibliography 267

Editorial Reviews

03/04/2019

Oneill (Unmentionable: The Victorian Lady’s Guide to Sex, Marriage and Manners) keeps her tongue firmly in cheek for this dark-humored, enlightening look at Victorian-era prescriptions for upper-class childbirth and child rearing. Using a Socratic dialogue between the brisk yet cheerful narrator and an intelligent modern woman, Oneill lays out common expert opinions from the 19th century, a time with a startling 20%-or-higher child mortality rate. Dubious—and often conflicting—advice culled from numerous medical books and articles includes preventing children from drinking when thirsty to stave off adult-onset alcoholism and requiring new mothers to remain quietly, boringly bedbound for several weeks. The narrator’s obvious enjoyment in sharing vintage expert opinions increases as particularly horrifying facts regarding baby farms, beatings, and heroin for expectant mothers pile up, rendering the imaginary listener nearly speechless. Oneill probes each topic with a Lemony Snicket–like tone and candor, revealing how some of these beliefs eventually evolved into improved girls’ education and a kinder approach to discipline. One part sauciness, one part frankness, and one part sweet relief that readers live in the present, Oneill’s book provides readers with a liberal dose of medical and women’s history that’s well worth taking. (Apr.)

Publishers Weekly

"An entertaining look at Victorian-era parenting advice...Oneill's irreverent guide is a reality check for those who might romanticize the era of strict self-discipline and unchallenged parental authority."—The Washington Post

"While acknowledging the grim conditions of Victorian youth, Oneill offers a lighthearted romp through the more absurd side of the parenting books and trending childhood advice literature of the time. Ungovernable would make a good gift for a mom with a sense of humor."—Bust

"This wild ride through 19th-century child-rearing is an exploration of anal worms, strange tinctures, inappropriate education, child labor, and questionable food stuffs. Readers will learn the altogether shocking practices of Victorian parenthood-and be reminded that people did live to tell the tale...The author's breezy style strikes an amusing and marked contrast with the subject matter, which hopefully keeps readers focused on their successes as modern, enlightened parents-which the Victorians also considered themselves, a fact that is slyly related in delicious irony. While Oneill will likely not supplant Spock and Brazelton, she may well set parents at ease in her own hilarious way."—Booklist

"One part sauciness, one part frankness, and one part sweet relief that readers live in the present, Oneill's book provides readers with a liberal dose of medical and women's history that's well worth taking."—Publishers Weekly

PRAISE FOR UNMENTIONABLE:

"This book is full of awesome."—Jenny Lawson, #1 New YorkTimes bestselling author of FuriouslyHappy

"It's hard to imagine a woman - or a teenage girl - who won't love this book."—Washington Post

"Unmentionable transports us back to the world of middle-class 19th-century women, with special emphasis on the messy details that costume dramas airbrush out. . . . With a 4-year-old's scatological glee, Oneill details the logistics of old-time peeing, pooping, gestating, menstruating and mating . . . Oneill has dug up some lovely tidbits from the dustbin of history."—New York Times

"Flat-out hysterical (and occasionally alarming)...Read it and be very, very glad you're a woman of modern times."—Good Housekeeping

"This book will banish your silly romantic notions of life in the nineteenth century and make you laugh out loud while doing it."—BookRiot

"Both fascinating and hilarious, Oneill has created a book so excellently informative about the Victorian period, it should be shelved right next to Dickens for reference. Your stomach will hurt so much from laughing, you'll be thankful you're not wearing a corset."—Bustle

"If Unmentionable does not secure the Pulitzer Prize for Most Fascinating Book Ever, the whole gig is rigged. Hilarious, horrifying, shocking and revelatory."—Laurie Notaro,#1 New York Times bestselling authorof It Looked Different on the Model

"If you've ever felt like you should have been born in another time, Unmentionable will disabuse you of that sensibility, and it will do so charmingly."—Vice/Broadly

From the Publisher