Ungovernable: The Victorian Parent's Guide to Raising Flawless Children

Ungovernable: The Victorian Parent's Guide to Raising Flawless Children

by Therese Oneill

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Overview

From the author of the "hysterically funny and unsettlingly fascinating" New York Times bestseller Unmentionable, a hilarious illustrated guide to the secrets of Victorian child-rearing (Jenny Lawson).

Feminist historian Therese Oneill is back, to educate you on what to expect when you're expecting . . . a Victorian baby! In Ungovernable, Oneill conducts an unforgettable tour through the backwards, pseudoscientific, downright bizarre parenting fashions of the Victorians, advising us on:

How to be sure you're not too ugly, sickly, or stupid to breed What positions and room decor will help you conceive a son How much beer, wine, cyanide and heroin to consume while pregnant How to select the best peasant teat for your child Which foods won't turn your children into sexual deviants And so much more.

Endlessly surprising, wickedly funny, and filled with juicy historical tidbits and images, Ungovernable provides much-needed perspective on — and comic relief from — the age-old struggle to bring up baby.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780316481908
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Publication date: 04/16/2019
Pages: 288
Sales rank: 556,097
Product dimensions: 6.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Therese Oneill is the New York Times bestselling author of Unmentionable: The Victorian Lady's Guide to Sex, Marriage and Manners. She can be found online at www.writerthereseoneill.com.

Table of Contents

Author's Note ix

Welcome, Unfit Mother 3

1 How Do I Prepare My Sacred Vestibule to Best Receive My Husband's Life-Germ?: The Ins and Outs of Fruitful Conception 11

2 How Much Violence and Lager Should My Fetus Be Exposed to as a Means to Ensure Sturdy Character?: And Other Pregnancy Tips 39

3 If Suffering in Birth Is Ordained by God, May I Bite a Towel During Delivery Without Offending Him? On the Occasionally Fatal Privilege of Childbirth 67

4 My Child Will Eat Neither Mush, Mucilage, Porridge, Pablum, Gruel, nor Loblolly. Is Pickiness God's Way of Culling the Herd? On Feeding Children 103

5 A Study of Technique Regarding Spanking, Birching, Caning, and Whipping: A Complete Guide to Disciplining Your Child 131

6 How Do I Raise a Menstruating Daughter Without Causing Brain Damage, Nerve Failure, or General Impudence?: And Other Thoughts on Education 157

7 My Young Son Refuses to Engage in Fisticuffs or Play Games with Greased Livestock. Is It Too Late to Prevent His Inevitable Homosexuality?: On Turning Boys into Men 183

8 How May I Distinguish Healthful Amusements My Child Might Engage in from Those That Are Satan Disguised in the Raiment of Light and Joy?: On Appropriate Recreations for Children 213

9 How Many Leeches Should Be Applied to a Broken Bone and What Weapons Serve Me Best in the Valiant Struggle Against Rectal Worms?: On Maintaining General Health 245

10 The Successful Mother: Are You She? 261

Bibliography 267

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