What Would Jesus Craft? is a hilarious take on a Sunday school's craft book, featuring 30 simple projects that are all made from commonly found items like popsicle sticks, glitter, yarn, and pipe cleaners.
Projects include items for your home, pets, and family and author Ross MacDonald provides clear step-by-step photographs. Now you can finally complete your wardrobe with a "Fedora of Thorns" and "Jesus Jean Jacket" with Christ Almighty emblazoned on your back; your pets will be blessed and protected when they sport a "Be Not Afraid St. Francis Pet Collar" dripping with St. Francis charms and a crucifix; and the light of the Lord will bless every inch of your home with "Let There Be Light Switches," an "Eye-See-You-in-Hell Mirror," a "Time to Obey the Lord Clock," and much, much more!
What Would Jesus Craft? is a hilarious take on a Sunday school's craft book, featuring 30 simple projects that are all made from commonly found items like popsicle sticks, glitter, yarn, and pipe cleaners.
Projects include items for your home, pets, and family and author Ross MacDonald provides clear step-by-step photographs. Now you can finally complete your wardrobe with a "Fedora of Thorns" and "Jesus Jean Jacket" with Christ Almighty emblazoned on your back; your pets will be blessed and protected when they sport a "Be Not Afraid St. Francis Pet Collar" dripping with St. Francis charms and a crucifix; and the light of the Lord will bless every inch of your home with "Let There Be Light Switches," an "Eye-See-You-in-Hell Mirror," a "Time to Obey the Lord Clock," and much, much more!
What Would Jesus Craft?: 30 Simple Projects for Making a Blessed Home
176
What Would Jesus Craft?: 30 Simple Projects for Making a Blessed Home
176eBook
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Overview
What Would Jesus Craft? is a hilarious take on a Sunday school's craft book, featuring 30 simple projects that are all made from commonly found items like popsicle sticks, glitter, yarn, and pipe cleaners.
Projects include items for your home, pets, and family and author Ross MacDonald provides clear step-by-step photographs. Now you can finally complete your wardrobe with a "Fedora of Thorns" and "Jesus Jean Jacket" with Christ Almighty emblazoned on your back; your pets will be blessed and protected when they sport a "Be Not Afraid St. Francis Pet Collar" dripping with St. Francis charms and a crucifix; and the light of the Lord will bless every inch of your home with "Let There Be Light Switches," an "Eye-See-You-in-Hell Mirror," a "Time to Obey the Lord Clock," and much, much more!
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781250059437 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Flatiron Books |
| Publication date: | 11/03/2015 |
| Sold by: | Macmillan |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 176 |
| File size: | 33 MB |
| Note: | This product may take a few minutes to download. |
About the Author
ROSS MACDONALD's illustrations have appeared in The New York Times, The New Yorker, Rolling Stone, Harper's, The Atlantic Monthly, and Vanity Fair. He has also written and illustrated several books for children and adults, including What Would Jesus Craft?
Read an Excerpt
What Would Jesus Craft?
30 Simple Projects for Making a Blessed Home
By Ross MacDonald
Flatiron Books
Copyright © 2015 Ross MacDonaldAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-250-05943-7
CHAPTER 1
ART MEETS RAIMENT
Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.
— Genesis 3:21
LORD BOARDS (JESUS SANDALS)
A very wise man — it might have been Burl Ives — once said that to know a man you first must walk a mile in his shoes. Well, Jesus strode the rocky Holy Land in nothing but thin-soled leather "mandals," and after trying these out myself, I know one thing for sure — he had tougher soles than I do. After a short walk to the mailboxes I was about ready to hop up onto a crucifix, just to get off my feet. Try them for yourself. Every footstep you take will remind you of the pain He suffered for your sins.
You can make these with leather straps, like I did, or you can use leather laces.
MATERIALS
Piece of thick leather, about 8 x 12 inches. (8 to 10 ounce oak cowhide is best.)
2 pieces, roughly 8 x 12 inches, of thinner leather in a color of your choice. (3 to 4 ounce cowhide works great. Don't use deerskin; it stretches too much.)
Two 72-inch leather straps about ½ inch wide, or leather laces. (I used leather saddle strings.)
Contact cement and brush
Rapid rivets, small, #1 (If you use laces, you won't need rivets.)
Piece of heavy card, about 2 × 3 inches
4 small D-rings (optional)
TOOLS
Paper and pen for pattern-making
Utility knife, scissors
Leather hole punch
White pen or pencil
Hammer and anvil, or hard surface for setting rivets
INSTRUCTIONS
1 Stand on a sheet of paper and trace around your feet with a pen, leaving a little wiggle room around each foot — about a quarter inch. Mark the patterns L and R, respectively. Then cut out the pieces, place them on the thick leather, and trace around them. Mark the leather L and R also.
2 Cut out the pieces with the knife. Using those leather pieces as patterns, trace around them with the white pen or pencil onto the thinner leather. Cut those out and mark L and R on the suede side. These 4 pieces will be the soles of your Lord Boards.
3 Now cut 4 straps from the thinner leather, all about an inch and a half wide. Cut 2 pieces about 10 inches long and 2 pieces about 12 inches long (if you have small feet, you can use pieces that are an inch shorter; if you have large feet use pieces that are an inch longer). Place your feet on the soles, and mark where the straps should go.
4 Cut along your marks. Then brush some contact cement just inside the cuts, on the suede side. Brush about ¾ inches of the end with glue on one end of the shorter straps, on the suede side. Once the contact cement has thoroughly dried, push the end of the strap through one of the forward cuts, and stick the strap down onto the cement.
5 Time for a fitting! To begin, push the other, unglued end of that strap through its slit, then stand on the soles. Then push the straps in until they fit snugly around your feet, and mark where the strap enters the sole. Take off the sandals and transfer the mark you just made to the suede side of the strap, and brush cement on the end up to that mark. Once it has dried, push the strap through the slit up to the mark, and stick it down to the cement on the suede side of the sole piece.
6 The rear strap will be on an angle to fit properly, so push the ends through the slits, and do another fitting by placing your feet on the sandals, pulling the straps snug, and marking on the strap where they enter the sole.
7 Again, transfer that mark to the suede side of the strap, apply cement and wait for it to dry. Then stick the ends in place. If you are using laces instead of straps, cut four 3-foot pieces. Push about an inch of the end through the front slits on each side and glue down beside the ends of the front strap.
8 Now glue your bottom soles down. Brush cement all over the suede side of the thick leather, and over the underside of the thin soles. When it has dried, carefully stick the pieces together. Remember, with contact cement you need to be sure that the pieces are in the right place before you put them together. Once together, you can't get them apart, so proceed with caution. If you are using straps for lacing, cut four 3-foot pieces. If your straps are thick, use the utility knife to slice off a layer of the suede side.
9 Position the end of the strap on the side of the front strap, down where it meets the sole, as shown, and punch it with the leather punch. Do the same for the other side.
10 Push a rapid rivet through, put on the cap, and tap it a couple of times with the hammer to set it.
11 Mark where the straps cross the back strap, and cut 2 slits as shown, about an inch long. Put a piece of heavy card under the strap to avoid cutting the sole.
12 Push the ends of the straps through the slits and cross them. You can just tie your straps around your ankles, or you can rivet 2 D-rings to the end of one strap and use those to tighten the straps.
JESUS LOVES ME JEANS
It's a well-known fact that above all nations on Earth, America is favored by the Lord, and has been since its beginning when the first pilgrims set foot on it and claimed it in His name. Simply put, thanks to those Real Americans who uphold its values, America is the single greatest nation in all of human history. One of our greatest qualities is our generosity. Of the many, many bounties that America has graciously bestowed upon the world throughout our glorious history, blue jeans have got to top the list. They are simply the most beautiful, comfortable, versatile, and American pants going. And let's face it — the coolest. They are also the perfect canvas for personalization. Why not show the world where you're coming from, and let your hind end proudly shout that the Savior has got your blessed back!
MATERIALS
Small religious tapestry about 8 x 12 inches
Your favorite pair of jeans
Tracing paper
Fabric glue
Peel-and-stick Fabric fuse
TOOLS
Scissors
Fine marker
Acrylic roller or metal spoon
Transfer paper (optional)
Thin leather, wood-burning tool (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS
1 First you'll need a religious tapestry — try your local religious goods store or eBay.
2 Take your favorite pair of jeans and trace the outline of the outside edge of the back pocket onto tracing paper. The pockets should both be the same size, but double check by holding your pattern over the other pocket. If it's the same, proceed. If not, draw a second tracing paper pattern for the second pocket.
3 Cut out the pattern, place it on your tapestry, and try to find 2 perfect spots to cut out.
4 Now trace around the outside of the pattern with a fine marker and cut out the pieces.
5 Fold over roughly half an inch of the outside edge and glue it down with fabric glue. Make sure you fold over the same amount as the corresponding seams on the pocket. The side seams, for instance, are narrower at the bottom and wider at the top, so make your fold-over seams the same proportions. You can just eyeball these measurements if you feel lucky. If not, measure the pocket seams, and fold over your fabric seams the same amount.
6 Put some peel-and-stick fabric fuse on the back. Use several pieces if you need to, and trim off the excess.
7 Now carefully position the fabric over the pockets on your jeans and rub down with an acrylic roller or the back of a spoon — and you're done!
8 But for extra credit, why not make a new leather tag, too! Trace the leather tag on the waistband for size. The new tag can be whatever you want. I went with "Jesus loves my ass." Now draw the lettering.
9 Transfer the lettering to a piece of thin leather using transfer paper.
10 You can use a marker to draw the lettering, but if you have one, a wood-burning tool is just the ticket! Plus, you haven't lived until you've huffed the aroma of burning goat hide.
11 Trim to size, and use more fabric fuse to attach your new label over the old one.
JESUS JEAN JACKET
No so-called "Canadian tuxedo" would be complete without the jacket. Update your old jean jacket by adding a back panel made from a wall-hanging tapestry rug. I rescued this beautiful tapestry from my Auntie Diamint's basement rec room. I felt bad for Jesus, staring at the decrepit Ping-Pong table for eternity. You can probably find one of these at a neighborhood yard sale. If not, then you live in the wrong neighborhood!
MATERIALS
Large tracing paper
Jean jacket or jean vest
Jesus tapestry, 18 x 24 inches (Try a yard sale or eBay.)
TOOLS
Marker
Scissors
Ruler
Hot glue gun
Needle and thread or fusible web (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS
1 First, you'll need a pattern template. Place a large sheet of tracing paper over the back panel of the jacket and trace the shape with a marker. The back panel is the keystone-shaped piece of fabric in the center of the jacket's back. Add an extra half inch all the way around. Now cut the tracing paper along the outer marker lines.
2 Turn your rug over so the backside is facing you. You can see the design on the back of the rug, so use that to help you position your pattern. Use a ruler and marker to draw lines on the back of the rug, and then cut carefully along the lines.
3 The edges of the rug fray easily once it's cut, so fold over the extra half inch and hot glue it down.
4 Now you simply attach the rug panel to the back of the jacket. You can sew it down with a machine or hand stitch it, or you can attach it with fusible web and an iron. I couldn't wait to try on the jacket, and I already had the hot glue gun fired up, so I went for it, and hot glued the panel down. First I added a few lines of glue in the middle, then I ran a bead of glue around the outside edge, sticking the rug panel down as I went.
PRACTICE ANGEL WINGS
These realistic angel wings are suitable for cosplay or everyday wear. They're fun and easy to make, and you feel able to perform miracles when you wear them. Just don't attempt to fly — unless you want to really see some angels.
The first thing you need to know about making your wings is that feathers are either right or left, depending on which side of the bird they came from. And they come in all shapes and sizes; even feathers from the same bird. So to make realistic wings, you'll have to be selective about the feathers you use. I don't recommend buying craft-store feathers. They are small, poor quality, and expensive. You're better off buying from an online dealer like moonlightfeather.com. Or try eBay. You can get dozens of big turkey wing feathers for 12 or 13 bucks, and goose feathers are even cheaper.
MATERIALS
White turkey wing pointer feathers — about 8 Left and 8 right
About 50 white goose feathers, 3 to 6 inches long
Wire coat hanger
Some thin brass wire, about a foot-long piece
2 pieces white felt
Package of marabou, or a white feather boa
TOOLS
Pencil
Hot glue gun, glue
Scissors
Pliers with wire cutter
INSTRUCTIONS
1 Sort your turkey and goose feathers into left and right. If you point the quills all the same way, you'll be able to tell the difference by which side is thinner, and which way they curve.
2 Untwist the coat hanger, snip off the hook using the wire-cutting jaws of the pliers, and bend into the shape shown.
3 Make the wire loop about 4½ inches high and 2½ inches wide. Wrap thin brass wire around the part where the 2 sides cross. Now place the longer wire on one side on a 9 x 12-inch piece of felt, and trace the semicircular wing shape shown. As you can see in the photo, I've given myself lots of extra felt above and below the wire. The top of the curve, above the wire, should have about a half inch extra. That part will be folded down over the wire and glued to hold it in place.
4 Fold over the felt and glue down. I used the hot glue gun for this, but you can use any heavy-duty quick-drying glue. Choose your longest wing feather and glue it on the outside edge of your wing as shown. As you glue the next feathers down, overlap them and make each one a little shorter as you work your way in toward the center. Also note that we are looking at the underside of the right wing in this picture — notice how the feathers curve, and how the wider part of the feather is on the right. Make sure to orient all feathers on each wing the same way.
5 Glue down 7 wing feathers, and then turn the wing over. Trim and glue the 8th wing feather on the outside as shown.
6 Turn the wing back again. Trim a piece of the leftover felt — about 9 x 6 inches — to fit as shown, and glue it down.
7 Glue your largest goose feather on the outside edge, and then work your way toward the center as before, overlapping the feathers. These feathers should rest about half on the felt and half covering the large turkey feathers.
8 Now glue pieces of marabou over the quills of the last row of feathers. A little marabou goes a long way — you should only need about 4 to cover the quills. Then glue a final piece across the top of the curve.
9 When you complete the inside of the left wing, turn the wings over to work on the outsides. Glue down a row of larger goose feathers, just like you did on the inside, overlapping the large turkey feathers. You'll probably need a second row of the goose feathers here. Finish the top with a few pieces of marabou, and you're done! You can wear these by tucking the small wire loop down the back of the neck of your shirt or jacket.
FEDORA OF THORNS
Everyone who sees you sporting this jaunty chapeau will shout "Thank you!" for the graphic reminder of whom it was that suffered and died for their sins. Plus — admit it — it just looks badass.
MATERIALS
Medium grapevine wreath, about 9 inches across
Black or brown polymer clay
Tinfoil or parchment paper
Red crystal or stone beads
Fine brass wire
Gold paint
Your favorite hat — ball cap, visor, or fedora
TOOLS
Garden shears
Hot glue
Pliers
INSTRUCTIONS
1 Unless you have a bunch of thorny vines lying around, use a medium grapevine wreath from the craft store or florist. We'll make our own thorns, and add "blood" beads. You'll need to trim the grapevine with garden clippers until you have 5 or 6 strands. The vines will already be woven and twisted together in the wreath, so cut away and remove extra vines, leaving the remaining vines twisted together. Trim the remaining vines until they are just long enough to fit around the crown of the hat, and overlap a bit at the back, about 24 inches.
2 Now for the thorns. You don't really want to scratch yourself baldheaded and bloody, so make the thorns out of something durable, but not hard. I used polymer clay. You'll need 25 thorns or so. Place them on tinfoil or baking parchment paper and bake for the recommended time and temp — usually around 275° for 10 minutes.
3 Now hot glue those bad boys onto your vine, spacing them out evenly. Glue them mostly pointing up and out, away from that beautiful brain and face of yours, for reasons that are hopefully obvious.
4 I had planned on using red crystal beads for the drops of blood, but these dyed stone beads looked perfect and the color really popped against the vines. Cut 2-inch pieces of thin brass wire and put one end through the bead hole and twist. Then twist the other end of the wire around the vines so the beads dangle below. Leave the wire a bit loose so the beads can move. For the final touch, paint the ends of the thorns so they look more lifelike.
5 Now mount the whole thing on your favorite hat and you are ready to make a public spectacle of yourself! The vines are very stiff, so your crown of thorns will stay put. If it tends to move, you can hold it in place with a stitch or two, or some glue.
PRAISE THE LORD T-SHIRTS
You have something to say to the world — what better place to do it than on the front of your T-shirt? Some people apparently want the world to know how rude they are, or what brand of beer they drink. But to us people of Faith, our shirt is a billboard to testify to that Faith. Every mega-church gift shoppe has racks of beautiful ones to choose from. But us crafters eschew store-bought goods we can craft for ourselves. Like many of you who've been into crafting for a while, I have drawers full of T-shirts decorated with homemade iron-on graphics, heat-set rhinestones, and puffy fabric paint. But this time, I wanted to up the ante a bit. Besides, most of my shirts seem to have suddenly shrunk a couple of sizes and I needed new ones.
Before you start, figure out what you want to say. I decided on a few shirts —"Jesus ROCKS!," "God made me," "Team JESUS," and my favorite, "Jesus loves me!"
(Continues...)
Excerpted from What Would Jesus Craft? by Ross MacDonald. Copyright © 2015 Ross MacDonald. Excerpted by permission of Flatiron Books.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Tools and Supplies
ART MEETS RAIMENT
-Lord Boards (Jesus Sandals)
-Jesus Loves Me Jeans
-Jesus Jean Jacket
-Practice Angel Wings
-Fedora of Thorns
-Praise the Lord T-Shirts
-Belt of Truth, With Shield-of-Faith Buckle
-Be Not Afraid Saint Francis Pet Collar
-Touched by Jesus Charm Bracelet
-Keep the Faith Flops
FOR YOUR BLESSED HOME
-Infant-of-Prague Lucky Lottery Ticket Caddy
-Let There Be Light Switches
-Smells Like Holy Spirit Pillows
-Thy Kingdom Come Candles
-Let, Go, Let God Curtain Tieback
-Guardian Angel Backup Roll Cozy
-Eye-See-You-in-Hell Mirror
-Precious Metal Diploma Frame
-Light-of-Life Wall Sconce
-Time-to-Obey-the-Lord Clock
EAT AND DRINK IN THE GLORY
-Jesus' Pet Dinosaur Nacho Platter
-Last Supper Lunch Box
-Goblets of His Glory
-Daily Bread Plates
IT'S CHRISTMAS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
-Santa Claus is Comin' to Town Nativity Scene
-War-on-Christmas Action Figures
-Count Your Blessings Card Display
-Come All Ye Faithful Christmas Cards
-Teacher and Preacher Appreciation Presents
About the Author