Table of Contents
Preface 7
Acknowledgments 9
Introduction: If You're an Important Woman in His Life 11
Part 1 Who He Is
1 Who Are the Molested? 17
2 A Personal Journey 24
3 Randall Rusher's Story 30
4 Where Was God? 38
5 A Theft of Childhood 40
6 “That Was the Past” 48
7 Flashbacks and Dreams 57
8 False Memories? 62
9 If His Abuser Was a Woman 70
10 The Effects of Abuse 75
11 The Inner Abuser 81
12 Typical Symptoms 92
13 Male Self-Images 101
14 Compartmentalizing Himself 108
15 His Need for Control 112
16 What About Boundaries? 116
17 To Feel Again 123
18 Facing His Abuser 132
19 Forgiving His Abuser 139
20 Forgiving Himself 143
21 Going Public 152
22 Positive Effects 159
23 When Is Healing Complete? 162
Part 2 How You Can Help Him
24 The Other Victim 167
25 Accept His Unspeakable Problem 170
26 Believe Him and Help Him Believe 172
27 Support His Spiritual Recovery 176
28 Help Him Honor His Body 179
29 Accept His Shame 183
30 Remind Him That You Care 187
31 Listen, Listen, Listen 190
32 Pray for Him 200
33 Respect His Privacy 203
34 Let Him Mourn 205
35 Be Honest with Him 208
36 Pay Attention to His Emotions 210
37 Don't Let Him Self-Punish 214
38 Allow His Inconsistencies 219
39 Be Careful About Touch 223
40 Don't Push Him to Forgive 227
41 Let Him Move at His Own Pace 232
42 Refuse to Let Him Justify the Abuser 237
43 Encourage Him to Break the Silence 240
44 Ask Him to Consider Professional Help 242
45 The Healing Influence of Women 245
Conclusion: He Needs You 255
