Why Is My Child in Charge?: A Roadmap to End Power Struggles, Increase Cooperation, and Find Joy in Parenting Young Children

by Claire Lerner, Tovah P. Klein (Foreword by)

Overview

Solve toddler challenges with eight key mindshifts that will help you parent with clarity, calmness, and self-control.

In Why is My Child in Charge?, Claire Lerner shows how making critical mindshifts—seeing children’s behaviors through a new lens —empowers parents to solve their most vexing childrearing challenges. Using real life stories, Lerner unpacks the individualized process she guides parents through to settle common challenges, such as throwing tantrums in public, delaying bedtime for hours, refusing to participate in family mealtimes, and resisting potty training. Lerner then provides readers with a roadmap for how to recognize the root cause of their child’s behavior and how to create and implement an action plan tailored to the unique needs of each child and family.

Why is My Child in Charge? is like having a child development specialist in your home. It shows how parents can develop proven, practical strategies that translate into adaptable, happy kids and calm, connected, in-control parents.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781538149010
Publisher:	Bloomsbury Publishing
Publication date:	09/02/2021
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	224
File size:	624 KB

About the Author

Claire Lerner, MSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and child development specialist. She served as the Director of Parenting Resources at ZERO TO THREE for more than 18 years. Claire has also been a practicing clinician for 33 years, partnering with parents to do the detective work of decoding their children’s behavior to solve their most vexing childrearing challenges. Claire is the author of hundreds of parenting resources and writes a column for PBS Kids. She lives in Bethesda, Maryland.
Claire Lerner, MSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and child development specialist. She has been a practicing clinician for more than 35 years, provides training and consultation to preschools and pediatric residents at Children's National Medical Center, and served as the Director of Parenting Resources at ZERO TO THREE for 18 years. She is the author of Why Is My Child In Charge? A Roadmap to Ending Power Struggles, Increasing Cooperation, and Finding Joy in Parenting Young Children. Claire is the mother of two very spirited children and lives in Bethany Beach, Delaware. Learn more at lernerchilddevelopment.com.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments
Foreword by Tovah P. Klein
Introduction
1. The Eight Faulty Mindsets
2. Cooperation
3. Tantrums
4. Physical Aggression
5. Sleep
6. Potty Learning
7. Mealtime
8. Your Job
Appendix
Bibliography
Index
About the Author

Editorial Reviews

Lerner shares her 30-plus years of experience of working with families and the eight faulty mindsets she believes “prevent parents from setting loving limits.” First she explains how these flawed mindsets, from "my child is misbehaving on purpose" to "experiencing difficult emotions is harmful to my child," negatively affect behaviors in early childhood. Lerner next walks readers through several real-life examples of parents struggling with their young children. Lerner advises that rather than expecting their toddlers to control their emotions, readers should, with empathy, know that their children are driven by emotions and need help to follow rules and cope with frustration. Lerner describes how to shift these faulty mindsets and addresses the most common areas of challenge during the toddler years: cooperation, tantrums, aggression, sleep, potty learning, and feeding. The final chapter, on discipline, encourages responsive instead of reactive parenting. Solid guidance for rediscovering the joy of parenting and creating more positive connections with children.

Booklist

Parents of toddlers—your handbook has arrived! Using a combination of relatable anecdotes and concrete strategies to address common toddler conundrums, Claire Lerner helps parents address their own expectation gaps about parenting and provides critical mind shifts to ease frustrations.

Katie Hurley

The roadmap that Ms. Lerner provides to meet the challenges of parenting littles ones is filled with practical examples that will resonate for so many parents. This book is compelling to read, as parents will find their own struggles mirrored in the examples that Ms. Lerner provides, along with clear and practical solutions. From my own perspective as a primary care pediatrician, this book meets the needs of families like so many I’ve seen throughout my years in practice who despaired in gaining control at home with their toddlers. Based on sound principles of child development and years of experience, this volume guides parents by providing clear strategies to finding or regaining the joy in parenting.

Ellie Hamburger

A kind and compassionate guide to parenting in a way that you can feel good about—and that works for both you and your child. I love the fact that this book moves beyond the “why” of parenting to really zero in on the “how.” Parents will appreciate this practical and strategy-rich book.

Ann Douglas

[This book is] a no-nonsense, plain-terms resource for parents of young children. Drawing upon examples from the author's own practice, Why Is My Child in Charge? offers parents practical, experience-tested advice for dealing with tantrums, physical aggression, sleep problems, potty training, mealtime, and much more. Why Is My Child in Charge? is absolutely invaluable for especially for new parents, and highly recommended for both personal and public library collections.

Midwest Book Review

Claire has mastered communication with young children and provides an excellent, tangible framework for parents. I have used Claire as my go-to parenting resource for over 10 years, and I am thrilled to be able to direct families to Why is My Child in Charge?

Ellen O'Brien

As both a mother and school counselor, I wish I had this book years ago! Claire Lerner draws on her many years of experience with young children to help parents navigate some of the most common and frustrating challenges, from sleep and mealtime issues to managing transitions and disappointment. Through relatable stories and practical tips, she reframes “discipline” as simply teaching and setting loving limits, and helps parents shed any other faulty mindsets that might be getting in their way. If you want to know what to do when a child melts down because they can’t have a cookie for dinner, makes a million demands to delay bedtime or fears the potty, Why is My Child in Charge is your book! It's the reassuring roadmap that will help you battle your child less and enjoy parenting them more.

Phyllis L. Fagell

Claire Lerner has a gift for combining a realistic, compassionate and science-backed approach to parenting young children. This book has so many practical tools and strategies that help parents guide their children through the everyday challenges that can lead both parents and kids in a cycle of feeling disempowered and insecure. This book will change your parenting experience!

Aliza W. Pressman

Claire Lerner’s new book Why is My Child in Charge? is a truly amazing book. Lerner brings her vast clinical experience working with families together with her deep knowledge about child development and brain development to write a book that will help every parent with young children. The brilliance of Lerner’s book lies in its core message: young children communicate with us through their behaviors; if we can understand what their behaviors are telling us, we will be able to give children what they need. Lerner shows parents how to shift their perspective to see their child’s behaviors in the context of their child’s development, temperament, and in the context of their unique family and culture. And she teaches parents how they can use this understanding to develop a new approach that has a plan of action and a plan for assessing whether this new approach is working. With Lerner’s wisdom and advice, parents have the insights and tools to “experience less stress and more joy,” as a family—something that every family with young children needs!

Helen Egger

Exactly the roadmap that parents need! This book clearly outlines common problems parents face while raising young children and uses specific examples to show how to overcome those problems. The author’s combination of practical strategies along with mindset shifts that parents need create a “total package” of change that parents can use today. As a parent coach and speech therapist, I can’t wait to use this book as part primer, part inspiration in my work. Thanks to Claire Lerner for this gift to parents and professionals everywhere!

Gabriele S. Nicolet

This book combines science-based expertise with practical guidance that is accessible to every parent who lives in the real world. Unlike many other parenting books, this one includes actual case studies from Claire’s practice, helping parents see that they are not alone in their struggles, and providing positive, actionable solutions to everyday challenges. It’s the next best thing to having a child therapist living in your home, coaching you on how to be the parent you want to be.

Lesli Rotenberg