Willie's Redneck Time Machine

Willie's Redneck Time Machine

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Overview

Willie's Redneck Time Machine by John Luke Robertson

In this four-book juvenile fiction series featuring the popular Robertson family of Duck Commander and written by Phil’s grandson John Luke Robertson (with Travis Thrasher), readers are invited to participate in the zany fun of the Duck Commander world. After a few chapters, readers can choose to go down different paths—all filled with humor and life lessons.

In this volume, Willie finds a mysterious wooden crate in the Duck Commander warehouse. Only John Luke is around, so the two of them open up the box and find a strange device. It turns out it’s a time machine that looks a bit like an outhouse. Willie and John Luke test out the machine and find themselves journeying back and forth in time. They have crazy adventures but know they need to make it back to West Monroe. But will they make the right choices to get back at the right time?

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781414398136
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers
Publication date: 10/01/2014
Series: Be Your Own Duck Commander Series , #1
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 1,226,463
Product dimensions: 5.30(w) x 7.30(h) x 0.80(d)
Age Range: 8 - 12 Years

Read an Excerpt

Willie's Redneck Time Machine


By John Luke Robertson, TRAVIS THRASHER

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2014 John Luke Robertson
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4143-9813-6


CHAPTER 1

TODAY


AN ORDER FOR TEN THOUSAND duck calls just got phoned in, and not a single soul is here to be found.

The Duck Commander warehouse is empty. Everybody's at lunch.

This is a problem, but only you seem to mind.

You're waiting on John Luke to show up so you can go shopping with him. It's Korie's birthday party tonight, and the two of you still need to get her presents.

Look, it's not your fault she didn't tell you what to get her. She said she didn't need anything, but you know for a fact if you don't get her anything, you're totally in trouble.

Last time she "didn't need anything," you didn't get her anything. That didn't go over so well.

The problem is, there's this large order for Triple Threat duck calls, and it looks like you have only ten left in the warehouse. You told Jase and Si, but they nodded and then went out to find some burgers.

You're trying to run a business, and they're trying to find burgers.

You also need to figure out a birthday present. As you walk through the warehouse, you try to come up with ideas.

Your ideas are usually pretty amazing.

Maybe she'd like some kind of nice jewelry.

The ladies love the sparkly stuff.

Maybe a getaway trip with the girls.

You think about this, then change your mind.

How about a getaway trip for the two of us?

'Cause that means you'll be able to go somewhere fun too.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Or maybe stick with some chocolates. Like several boxes' worth of them. Or what about one of those giant teddy bears they show on TV? Nah, maybe not.

You find a box of miscellaneous junk and pick out a two-foot dagger in a sheath. This is from a church play you guys put on around Thanksgiving. You take the blade out of its leather holder. It's very real and very sharp. Maybe it would make a very awesome present.

That's a very dumb idea.

All of a sudden, you hear Britney Spears singing in your pocket. Your cell phone is going off, and the song "Oops! ... I Did It Again" is set as the ringtone. Someone played a trick on you, changing your ringtone, and you haven't been able to change it back yet. You don't recognize the number, so you ignore the call, then make a mental note that you need to fix the ringtone ASAP. Or get John Luke to.

You're almost back to your office when you see something you've never witnessed before. Something that's seriously out of place.

It's a wooden outhouse—rectangular with faded old wood and a roof shaped like an upside-down V. It's like one you'd see in the middle of the woods, the kind Uncle Si and your dad, Phil, told you they used when they were kids—the kind you wouldn't want to enter even if your life and bladder depended on it.

Except something's different about this outhouse.

On the roof are two things that look like large bulbs. As if the outhouse has antennas. There's also some kind of control panel on the door.

"What in the world ...?" you start to say.

Obviously someone is playing another trick on you.

The outhouse is right in the middle of the warehouse, right where a forklift might be heading at any moment.

Someone has to be pulling your leg.

It's close to Korie's office, so maybe it has something to do with her birthday. Surely she didn't buy an old outhouse at one of those antique shows she goes to.

You walk up to it and check it out. Yeah, it's real. You tap on its side. The wood is thick and dense and has grooves in it. The door has a hole cut into it, maybe for ventilation.

It's in the shape of a duck.

This is totally a prank.

You press the control panel right below the opening, but none of the buttons work. It looks a bit like one of those computer games for little kids with about a dozen different buttons and a small screen.

You circle the outhouse and see that it's unlike any you've ever seen. And you've seen a few in your life. It reminds you of a Port-A-Potty, and you've got memories of some of those. Especially some of those Port-A-Poops in the early days, the ones that were falling apart, the kind with horrible smells, the kind that really ...

Well, yeah, you don't want to think about that.

At least this one doesn't stink.

Why would anybody use one of these when they could just go outside?

You're about ready to open the door when you hesitate.

Wait a minute ...

That's exactly what they want you to do.

You look around to see if anybody's spying on you. To see if there's a camera anywhere. But nobody and nothing can be seen.

"I know this is a prank," you call out. "Very funny, Jase!"

Your voice echoes in the silence.

"Oh, and if you're watching me, go make a thousand Triple Threats while you're at it."

Nobody responds. You stare at the closed door of the wooden outhouse.

So why aren't you opening it?

You picture it filled with something. Water, maybe. Or balloons. No, not balloons—that's not creative enough.

Maybe something like shaving cream.

No, you could get out of the way of that.

Maybe some kind of animal. Yeah, that's what you'd do if you pulled the old Port-A-Potty–in–the–warehouse prank on someone.

Maybe it's an opossum or a snake. What if it's a skunk? Surely they wouldn't put a skunk in the warehouse. That would be going too far, even for them. Maybe it's some kind of bird. Or maybe several different animals.

Bats. I can see Jase getting some bats and putting them in this thing.

But it's not your birthday. It's Korie's. So why would someone be pranking you?

You put your ear close to the door. Not on it, of course—just close enough to hear. But you don't hear anything. There's nothing moving inside. You look into the duck-shaped opening on the door, but you can't make out a thing.

"Dad?"

You turn and see John Luke standing there.

"Are we going?" he asks.

"You know what this is all about?" you ask him.

He shakes his head. As he does, you notice something funny about him.

"Did you change your hair?" you ask.

"Yep. You like it?"

You just stare at him. "You have a mullet."

"Yes, sir."

"Why'd you get a mullet?"

"'Cause I'm gonna bring it back."

"Mullets are never coming back," you tell John Luke. "I had one in high school, and—believe me—they're staying in the past."

John Luke pulls at the long hair sticking out below his ears. You roll your eyes.

"So did Jase put this thing here?"

"I don't know," John Luke says.

You nod. You know when your son's up to something, and right now John Luke doesn't have that look on his face.

"Did you open it?" he asks.

"I'm not opening that door."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I think someone's pulling a prank on me. Look at that thing. An outhouse? With antennas? Come on. In the middle of the warehouse?"

"I'll open it," John Luke says, grinning as he starts to tug on the handle.

"Wait a minute," you call out, stopping him.

"What?"

You haven't heard anything. You haven't seen anything. You haven't even smelled anything. Which is definitely a plus.

"I think we should wait," you tell your son again.

John Luke waits, then decides to keep opening the door.

He tries the handle, but it won't budge. Then he tries pressing a few of the buttons—some of the same ones you pressed—and the door moves on its own.

"How'd you do that?" you ask.

"Press the red button. The one that says Open."

Oh.

As the door swings, you squint, expecting some kind of something to come out.

But nothing is there.

"See, it's empty."

It looks just like ... an outhouse might look.

There's a bench with a hole in it. It's that simple.

John Luke steps into the structure. "It doesn't look used," he says. "No poop on the seat."

You look back once again to see if someone is watching you. Then you hear the door shut.

You wait a moment for John Luke to come out. But he doesn't.

You wait for another second. But no.

Then something weird happens. Those antenna-like things on top of the outhouse turn red and start to blink. They flash like this for a few seconds, then stop.

Again you wait for John Luke to emerge, but he never does. So you decide to open the door. Button pressed, the door swings wide open on its own.

"Hey, come on. Get out of there."

You look into the same space John Luke stepped into.

It's empty.

Nobody's there.

"John Luke," you call out.

You peer into the dark corners but don't see anything. There's no way he could be hiding anywhere inside because it's not big enough.

"Hey, John Luke, where'd you go?"

You circle the outhouse but don't see any sign of him.

Ah, this must be the prank. Some magic trick.

Maybe someone hired a magician for Korie's birthday. A magical outhouse. There's something you've never heard of before.

"Okay, pretty funny. I'm impressed."

You get back to the entrance and open the door again. You look inside.

John Luke is nowhere around.

He's totally vanished.

You laugh, knowing someone's watching you. Your brothers are having a good ole time.

"Very funny."

You glance around and wait. But nobody says a word. Nobody comes out of the shadows.

Nothing happens. For one minute. Two minutes.

"Come on, John Luke. Seriously."

Silence.

You sigh and look back at the door.

You gotta do something.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Willie's Redneck Time Machine by John Luke Robertson, TRAVIS THRASHER. Copyright © 2014 John Luke Robertson. Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Willie's Redneck Time Machine 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
S-Scales More than 1 year ago
I sat down with my kids one morning — planning to read just some of Willie’s Redneck Time Machine. However, we ended up laughing our way through SIX different stories before I decided we better get something else done! :)  I’m hoping that this book, which is the first book in a new choose-your-own-adventure series called Be Your Own Duck Commander, will catch the interest of my reluctant reader to read on her own. She really loved the choices and the adventures!! In this book you (as Willie) discover an out-house which is actually a time machine in the Duck Commander warehouse. However, it might take you a while to figure that out, because you’re sure your brother Jace is playing a joke on you! Then…depending on your choices…you…well, I don’t want to give too much away, but John Luke is always involved!  We are really looking forward to the rest of the series: Phil & the Ghost of Camp Ch-Yo-Ca, Sin in Space, and Jace & the Deadliest Hunt! Enjoy the adventure!!! P.S. I loved these growing up! :) Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale House Publishers. It was not required that I give a positive review, but to solely express my own thoughts and opinions.
PJtheEMT4 More than 1 year ago
Be Your Own Duck Commander Willie's Redneck Time Machine by John Luke Robertson is a new book experience for elementary aged readers. For anyone who remembers the popular "choose your own adventure series"- this book is written in the same style. With this interactive book, there are multiple endings based on your responses within the body of the story. The reader will get a different ending which depends on the options chosen when presented with different choices. This is the perfect book for hesitant school aged readers to read on their own. One thing I would have liked to see changed is the fact that this story is written from the first person point of view of Willie Jess Robertson, the middle aged father of the Robertson family. I would have preferred to see this story written from John Luke's point of view as I feel kids will be able to identify more with a young boy than a middle aged man with a wife and five kids. Especially in this first person point of view, I feel the choices would have been more "real" or meaningful if they were from the perspective of a kid. A ten year old boy reading this book won't have the same parental instinct to follow a child across time. A young boy would feel more ties to a story where he was looking for his dad or a best friend. Nor will he care at all about his "wife's" birthday and finding a gift- which is backdrop for the beginning of the story. I think adults may appreciate the 1980s and 1980s musical references as well- more than children. Young readers- the intended audience, will most likely skip over the cultural 80s and 90s references and cliches. As far as the title, using the expression "Redneck" is too dated and too cliche. Its just my opinion, but the title does not seem to be a good fit for a book. This book is highly tied to popular culture and media, and readers who aren't fluent in popular media, movies and music will probably not be able to really get into this book. The time travel concept as well as the outhouse portal is an interesting concept. There are thematic parallels with the re-introduced science fiction series, "Dr. Who"' There are even references to Dr. Who and other popular television programs within the book. Overall, this book doesn't qualify as "literature". If you are looking for a Newberry award winning medal title, look elsewhere. If you want a quick read for a reluctant independent reader, this book is a good choice for some entertainment. As a blogger I received a copy of this book for the purpose of writing this review.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I LOVE THIS BOOK but truth be told when i have to start over i just flip to the next page
GHott More than 1 year ago
YAY! It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure Book! What I liked: I loved the CYOA books when I was a middle-grader and couldn’t help but to enjoy this one as well. I enjoyed several of the stories and had a lot of fun choosing different directions and winding up in all sorts of eras and situations. What I didn’t like: I didn’t love that the book seemed to be talking at me but my son read it and that didn’t seem to bother him at all. I also felt a bit out of place. This is definitely a boy book, written for boys. It speaks to them not only about what it’s like to be a man but how to treat others. Overall, I’d recommend this book to 4th-8th grade boys.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Good
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The best book ever
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
John luke is so hotttttt!