We all have times in our lives when the results of our behavior don't seem to be meeting our needs. In this new book, Hyrum Smith does two things that are invaluable to people who wish to make their lives less painful. First, he reveals, through a clear and simple model, how we get to the point where our behaviors cause these kinds of problems. Then, with a simplicity that is impressive in itself, he describes the steps we must take to identify and rectify the beliefs leading to our painful behavior. The result is a powerful process for transforming your habits and relationships and achieving lasting personal and career success.
We all have times in our lives when the results of our behavior don't seem to be meeting our needs. In this new book, Hyrum Smith does two things that are invaluable to people who wish to make their lives less painful. First, he reveals, through a clear and simple model, how we get to the point where our behaviors cause these kinds of problems. Then, with a simplicity that is impressive in itself, he describes the steps we must take to identify and rectify the beliefs leading to our painful behavior. The result is a powerful process for transforming your habits and relationships and achieving lasting personal and career success.
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Overview
We all have times in our lives when the results of our behavior don't seem to be meeting our needs. In this new book, Hyrum Smith does two things that are invaluable to people who wish to make their lives less painful. First, he reveals, through a clear and simple model, how we get to the point where our behaviors cause these kinds of problems. Then, with a simplicity that is impressive in itself, he describes the steps we must take to identify and rectify the beliefs leading to our painful behavior. The result is a powerful process for transforming your habits and relationships and achieving lasting personal and career success.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781626566682 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Berrett-Koehler Publishers |
| Publication date: | 01/07/2025 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 112 |
| File size: | 3 MB |
About the Author
Ken Blanchard is chief spiritual officer of The Ken Blanchard Companies. He is the author or coauthor of more than sixty books, including The New One Minute Manager®. His books have combined sales of more than 20 million copies in forty-two languages.
Read an Excerpt
You Are What You Believe
Simple Steps to Transform Your Life
By Hyrum W. Smith
Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
Copyright © 2016 Hyrum W. SmithAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-62656-668-2
CHAPTER 1
Behavior Change
There are three constants in life:change, choice, and principles.
— ATTRIBUTED TO DR. STEPHEN R. COVEY
Basic Principles of Productivity
Think about the following statement:
The basic principles that help a human being become more productive and effective have not changed for six thousand years.
Thirty-three years ago I started the Franklin Planner business with my partners. Since then I have had the opportunity to teach a great number of time management seminars all over the world. Through the years it has become common for people to approach me before or after a presentation. They come up to me, lower their voices, look around to make sure nobody's listening, and then say, "You know, Hyrum, I wish I lived a hundred years ago, when they had more time."
"Really?" I'd respond. "How much more time did they have a hundred years ago?"
"Oh, they had a lot more time."
That is a common misperception. Do you know what the only difference is between today and a hundred years ago? It is that today we have more options. Why do we have more options? Because we do things faster. As a technologically advanced culture, we are into speed.
If my grandfather missed a train, it was no big deal. He'd wait twenty-four hours and catch another train. If my father missed an airplane, it was no big deal. He'd wait five hours and catch another airplane. If I miss one section of a revolving door, I go nuts. And so do you. Why do we do that? Because we want speed, that's why. Would you tolerate today the speed of a computer from fifteen years ago?
Say it out loud. Write it down.
Every generation has to rediscover these principles. We give new names to them; we write books about them. A good friend of mine, Stephen Covey, wrote a book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I wrote a book, What Matters Most. Read either book. There's not a new idea in either book. Why do I tell you this? Because what I'm going to be sharing with you in this book is really old stuff; it just happens to be very relevant for today. The magic of the 7 Habits is the fact that Stephen put seven of them together. The magic is how they are taught for the twenty-first century. The basic principles go back a long way.
Why do I make an issue of this? What hasn't changed in the last hundred or a thousand years? You and I. As human beings, we haven't changed. We still have to go to the bathroom several times a day. We put our pants on one leg at a time. The human being is the same. What has changed? Our environment has changed. And it continues to change at warp speed. The tools with which we implement these principles are changing fast. But the basic principles that help you and me become better, greater people haven't changed for a long time.
The process of learning these principles must be rediscovered in every generation by individuals and organizations. We explored this at Franklin Quest, the time management company I founded back in the 1980s.
Understanding Permanent Behavior Change
As mentioned earlier, at Franklin Quest we became obsessed with this question: What causes permanent behavioral change? Carrying a planner around was a behavioral change. Why did six million people in 170 countries do that?
As we asked ourselves this question, a model surfaced that we all could agree upon. We decided to call it the Reality Model.
In this book I'm going to introduce you to the Reality Model, and make you dangerous with it. This model can, if you allow it to, change your life and the lives of all those with whom you share it. The foundation of the model is understanding the definitions of the "real world," principles, natural laws, and addiction.
The Real World Defined
The real world is the world as it really is, not as we believe it is or think it should be. This is an important definition to keep in mind. We will come back to it later.
After I left Franklin Covey, some friends and I started a new venture called the Galileo Initiative. Why did we call our new little venture Galileo? As I'm sure you know, Galileo was an Italian physicist, mathematician, astronomer, and philosopher who played a major role in the Scientific Revolution. His achievements include improvements to the telescope and the consequent astronomical observations, and he has been called the "father of science."
Until the time of Galileo, most people in the Western world believed that the earth was the center of the universe and the sun went around the earth. Actually, in the early sixteenth century, it was Copernicus who first stated that the earth revolved around the sun. He died in 1543, just twenty years before Galileo was born. With the exception of a few, no one took his theory seriously. Then Galileo came along and said, "Hey, I've improved the telescope! I've done the math! I can prove that the earth is going around the sun!"
How did the world react to this new concept? Galileo was ridiculed, put on trial, convicted of heresy, and excommunicated from the church. He spent the last fifteen years of his life under house arrest, as a condemned heretic. But ... he was right. He had the correct perception of the real world. That's what the Reality Model helps us do: it helps us to see the world as it really is.
Before we get into the nuts and bolts of the Reality Model, I would like to define three more words that will be used in our discussion.
Principles
Once we see how things really are, we begin to perceive the principles our beliefs are based upon. Principles are what we believe to be true about ourselves, and what we believe about the world and our place in it. The principles we follow don't change based on how our outside circumstances influence us. Correct principles can give us direction as we make life decisions. They are guideposts that help us successfully navigate the bombardment of change we are experiencing every day.
Natural Laws
Natural laws are fundamental patterns of nature and life that human experience has shown to be valid. Natural laws are rarely if ever changed or influenced to move in a different direction. We cannot change these laws to be what we want because they are universal and affect everyone. Choosing to accept or reject these laws will have an impact on the choices we make and the consequences of those choices.
Addiction
Here is my definition: addiction is compulsive behavior with short-term benefits and long-term destruction. This is not a book on addiction, and this is not a dictionary definition of addiction, but the purpose of my definition will become evident as you continue.
When I say the word addiction, most people start thinking about drugs and alcohol. Abusing these substances does in fact represent addictive behavior. But alcoholism and drug abuse are only two of many different kinds of addictive behaviors. Think about other kinds of addictive behaviors: exercising too much, working too hard, and over-eating, among others! There are many different addictive behaviors.
Now that we have defined the real world, principles, natural laws, and addictions, you are ready to be introduced to the Reality Model. As you read, remember these definitions. They will be instrumental in understanding and applying the model effectively.
CHAPTER 2The Reality Model
Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.
— ANTHONY ROBBINS, AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN
For now, mentally shelve the definitions given in chapter 1. Go back and review them if you have to. Here is a representation of the Reality Model, without labels. As you read what each figure represents, think about the flow of the model, and how the five pieces relate to each other.
Human Needs
Let's start with the first part of the model: Human Needs. Now, understand this fact: you have four powerful, driving needs. Whether you think you've got them or not, you've got them. Psychologists have done all kinds of studies, and many agree that we have at least these four needs:
1. The need to live.
2. The need to love and be loved.
3. The need to feel important, to have value and significance.
4. The need to have variety in our lives.
The most interesting one to me, by the way, is the fact that we all have a need for variety. That's why you have a closet full of different kinds of clothes, you go on vacations, and you pay for cable or satellite TV to watch a wide range of shows and productions. We have a very strong need for variety.
We represent the first piece of our model with a wheel because this is the piece that drives the model. You may even label this wheel with the word engine because this is where the model gets its power.
The Belief Window
The second piece of the model is the Belief Window. Inside that window is the word Principles.
You have a Belief Window. It sits in front of your face. Imagine that a wire comes from the back of your head across the top and hooks onto that window. Every time you move your head, the window moves with you. You look out into the world through this window; you accept information from the world through this window. On this window you have placed thousands of principles that you have accepted as correct.
The minute I say the word principles, a lot of people start thinking about heavy-duty religious stuff. It's true that religious and ethical principles may be on your Belief Window, but there are thousands of tiny little principles as well. We put principles on our Belief Window because we believe they'll help us satisfy the four Human Needs. The number of principles you have on your Belief Window is a function of your age; the older you are, the more principles you will have on it.
An example of a principle you might have on your Belief Window might be something like this: "All Doberman pinschers are vicious."
Which of the four Human Needs is driving this principle? It clearly has something to do with the need to live. Somewhere in your life, you decided to accept the idea that Doberman pinschers are vicious as a correct principle. You believe it, so you put that principle on your Belief Window.
If-Then Rules
The third piece of the model looks like a little bridge. On top of that bridge is the word Rules. Inside that bridge are two tiny words: If and Then.
This is how the Belief Window works: the minute you put a principle on your Belief Window, you immediately start to create rules that will govern your behavior based upon that principle. This all goes on in your head at the speed of light. You do it automatically, and sometimes even without realizing which principles you are actually putting on your Belief Window.
I call these If-Then Rules. Let's say that you do have the principle on your Belief Window that all Doberman pinschers are vicious; you have accepted this as a correct principle. So if you encounter a big Doberman pinscher, then what will you do? You will leap tall buildings with a single bound. You will run away. You will have a very specific set of rules all set up based on that principle on your Belief Window.
It is important to understand that first three pieces of this model are all invisible. You can't see the process. No one else can see it. But it's going on, every second you breathe.
Behavior Patterns
Let's go to the fourth piece of the Reality Model, which is a right-facing triangle. Down the slope on the top of that triangle is the word Behavior. Inside the triangle is the word Action.
Let's go back to that same principle: all Doberman pinschers are vicious. If that's true, then we set up our rules. Rules are automatic. If you go in somebody's yard and there's a Doberman, what behavior pattern will we see? You will perform the same action every single time.
Let's take another principle through the model to this point. Here is a principle: "My self-worth is dependent on my possessions." Do you know anyone who has that principle on his or her Belief Window? Which of the four Human Needs would drive this principle? The need to feel important, for sure. Anything else?
Let's pretend I have a second principle on my Belief Window: European stuff is better than American stuff. Now I have two principles on my Belief Window: (1) my self-worth is dependent on my stuff, and (2) European stuff is better.
Let's take that through the model. If that's true, the rules we set up will reflect those beliefs. It's now time for me to buy a car. What kind of car will I buy? What kind of clothes will I wear? Both will be European, of course. And I am likely not going to feel good about myself without that car or those clothes.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate how Belief Windows can be passed on from generation to generation. One Sunday morning a man comes into his kitchen and notices his wife is cooking a wonderful dinner. As she pulls a beautifully cooked ham from the oven, he notices that the ends have been removed from it. He is curious, so he asks his wife, "Why did you cut the ends off the ham?"
"It makes it taste better," she says.
"How do you know that?"
"My mother taught me that."
On this woman's Belief Window is the principle that if you cut the ends off the ham it makes it taste better. (We know she believes that, because that is what she has done.) The man is really curious because he has never seen his own mother do that. The next Sunday he's at the in-laws' house for dinner. He takes his mother-in-law aside and says, "I understand you cut the ends off your ham."
"I do."
"Why do you do that?"
"It makes it taste better."
"How do you know that?"
"My mother taught me that."
Two generations of women now have the same principle on their Belief Window: cutting the ends off the ham makes it taste better. But the man doesn't understand this logic. The grandmother is still alive at age ninety-three, so he calls her on the phone.
"I understand you cut the ends off your ham."
"I do."
"Why do you do that?"
"Won't fit in the oven if I don't."
Here was a practical reason as the origin of the practice, but two generations later, the principle or belief floats down on a Belief Window: cutting the ends off the ham makes it taste better.
Results and Feedback
Look at the last piece of the model. The final piece in the model is a little box. Above the box is the word Results.
Results allow us to examine current principles on our Belief Window. If we don't like the results we are getting, we can move back through the model to see what principles on our Belief Window are causing these results. There is a line labeled Feedback connecting the Results box with the Human Needs wheel. Results are linked with the needs that everyone has. Whatever behavior we exhibit, it is ultimately an attempt to fulfill one or more of those Human Needs. The results of this behavior will determine whether or not we have successfully met our Human Needs.
Needs and Natural Laws
Throughout this book I am going to introduce you to seven natural laws. If you will commit these seven laws to memory, the impact on your personal and professional decision-making process will amaze you. Let's look at the first two natural laws and then run some principles through the model.
The first natural law: If the results of your behavior do not meet your needs, there is an incorrect principle or belief on your Belief Window.
The second natural law: Results take time to measure.
Let's say that Gary has a principle on his Belief Window: "My self-worth is dependent on never losing an argument." If he believes that, then he sets up his rules. Rules are automatic. Gary gets in an argument with his fifteen-year-old son. What behavior pattern will we see? Gary will make sure that he wins every single time due to his belief that his self-worth is dependent on never losing an argument.
Now ask this question: Will the results of Gary's behavior meet his needs over time? Yes or no? If the answer is no, what does that mean about his Belief Window? It means that there is a negative and/or incorrect or incomplete principle on his Belief Window.
I'm going to give you another principle now, and let's take it all the way through the model. Here is the principle: "My self-worth is dependent on never losing at games." Do you know anyone who has that principle on his or her Belief Window?
Let's pretend that I have that belief on my Belief Window. Which of the four Human Needs is driving the belief that my self-worth is dependent on never losing at games? The need to feel important, for sure. If I believe that to be true, then I set up my rules: I'm not okay unless I win.
I now get in a game with someone, and I start to lose.
What behavior pattern will you see from me?
I'll cheat.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from You Are What You Believe by Hyrum W. Smith. Copyright © 2016 Hyrum W. Smith. Excerpted by permission of Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Foreword, ix,Preface, xiii,
INTRODUCTION The Reality Model Promise, 1,
CHAPTER 1 Behavior Change, 2,
CHAPTER 2 The Reality Model, 8,
CHAPTER 3 Teaching the Reality Model, 22,
CHAPTER 4 Applying the Reality Model, 39,
CHAPTER 5 Using the Reality Model, 48,
CHAPTER 6 Organizational Application, 60,
CHAPTER 7 Power in the Reality Model, 75,
CHAPTER 8 Inner Peace, 82,
Notes, 85,
Index, 87,
About the Author, 94,