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A Handbook for Spiritual Directors

An Ignatian Guide for Accompanying Discernment of God's Will

The Crossroad Publishing Company

Beginning the Discernment

They will benefit greatly by entering these exercises with a great heart and with generosity toward their Creator and Lord.

— St. Ignatius of Loyola

In all fruitful discernment, the prime mover is God. Discernment begins, progresses, and concludes with trust in the boundless love of God for both director and discerner. Confidence in that love sustains both along the journey of discernment. It breathes warmth and hope into the process even when clarity may yet appear elusive. Both director and directee know that they have only to do their best, and that God, who seeks us first and desires to be found, will lead them in the process. Gil González Dávila, a Jesuit during Ignatius's lifetime and a key figure in the Ignatian tradition, affirms that one discerning can "trust much in God, who will not let him be deceived; for since he is seeking him with all his heart he will find him. And we can believe nothing else of this divine goodness than that he will welcome whoever so truly seeks him, since he goes out to meet even those who do not seek him."

All that is said in this book is based on trust in that love. It is presumed every step of the way in discernment. That love is our deepest source of confidence as directors that discernment will lead faithfully to God's will.

What Ignatius says of prayer, however, may be said equally of discerning God's will. Prayer is entirely God's gift; yet God asks that we dispose ourselves to receive that gift. For this reason we give time to prayer, we seek guidance in prayer, and we learn from our tradition how to pray and how to understand what happens when we pray. Such efforts dispose us to receive more richly the gift of prayer.

The same is true of discernment: it is entirely God's gift, but God asks that directors and directees dispose themselves responsibly, in their respective roles, to receive that gift. This book explores the riches of the Ignatian tradition as it prepares directors for this vital task: the responsible guiding of another who seeks to discern God's will.

When a person approaches a director seeking help in such discernment, three factors are involved: the issue to be discerned, the person discerning, and the director who accompanies the discernment. In this chapter, we will discuss each of these as it presents itself in this initial moment. We are asking: What conditions must be present in the issue, the person, and the director for discernment of God's will to begin? We will look to Ignatius for answers.

The Issue

"We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). When human hearts discover that they are loved from all time and infinitely by their God, a yearning to respond awakens. Then human wills thirst for that communion with the divine will that is mutual love — they long to do God's will. They long to live like Jesus, who came into this world to do the will of his Father (Heb. 10:7) and always did what was pleasing to him (John 8:29). This discovery of God's personal love and growth in the desire to respond may take time, in some instances years or decades, and will involve all the complexities of the human heart: its stages of development, experiences in the family, social interactions, and all the joys and wounds that life may bring. Discernment itself of God's will generally requires preparation, and it too will engage the many facets of the human heart. When the desire for discernment arises, however, most fundamentally it does so as a response of love to Love.

Christians seek, then, to discern God's will in the choices they face. At times, the choice is between a good and a bad thing: to be honest or dishonest, to be faithful or unfaithful to marriage vows, priestly ordination, or religious consecration. In such cases, God's will is clear: God never wills what is evil. The options in any choice we discern, Ignatius tells us, must be "lawful within our holy mother the hierarchical Church" (SpirEx, 170).

At other times, the choice is between a good thing pertaining to a vocation already chosen and an additional good thing — a mother of three small children, for example, is a talented musician, and her pastor asks if she would lead the parish singing for Holy Week. She will discern God's will by asking whether she can do this additional good thing (leading the singing) compatibly with the good thing God has already asked of her (her vocation as a wife and mother). Likewise the pastor of a busy parish who is asked to lead a two-week pilgrimage to the Holy Land: he too will discern by asking whether this additional good thing (leading the pilgrimage) is compatible with his duties as pastor.

Christians also face many small, daily decisions. A man driving home from work must decide whether to spend time with his son as promised or complete a project at work that suddenly has become urgent. A woman is aware of tension with a friend and must decide whether or not to call her today in the hope of resolving the tension. A man wonders whether a friend who has recently returned to church would welcome an invitation to a prayer meeting or whether it is too soon to suggest this.

In all such decisions, Christians desire that Jesus be Lord (Rom. 10:9). How will they discern in these matters? They will pray, asking the Lord's light. Then they will review the factors involved in the decision: as the man drives home, for example, he will consider how important the time spent with his son is — a birthday celebration, perhaps, or a sports event, or a time of struggle in his son's life — and how urgent the project at work is. They will make their best decision before the Lord and carry it out with peace. Ideally, they will later review their choice and learn from it so that, day by day, Jesus becomes increasingly Lord in all they do.

While Ignatius's teaching on discernment may assist in all the choices thus far described, it applies most directly to a different set of choices. In these choices, both options are good, the person is free to choose either option, and the choice is significant enough to merit a formal process of discernment. Ignatius's teaching on discernment in the Spiritual Exercises envisages principally choices such as these.

Primary among them is the choice of one's state of life: marriage, priesthood, or the consecrated life. Choices of career or changes of career may also warrant such discernment. Further choices of this kind may include decisions about new ministries; proposals to one's bishop, religious superior, or boss at work; decisions to relocate with the family; alternatives for the disposal of property; training to be a spiritual director; choices to pursue advanced studies; the decision to adopt a child; and so forth. Always the choice is between good options, always the person is free to choose either, and always the choice is significant. When persons raise choices of this kind with their directors, the issue that calls for Ignatian discernment is present.

In his Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius also applies his process of discernment to a "reform of life" (SpirEx, 189). He desires that his "exercises and modes of choosing" (SpirEx, 189) assist persons who do not face significant choices but wish to love and serve God more fully in their present circumstances. Such application of Ignatius's teaching on discernment is richly fruitful, and much that we will say in this book will apply to a reform of life as well. Our principal focus, however, will be discernment in significant choices.

The Person

When a person requests help in discerning, a first judgment the director must make is this: Is this person ready to discern? That is, is this person psychologically and spiritually mature enough for this discernment? Depending on the answer, the process of discernment may or may not be opportune.

If directors do not ask themselves this question, much energy may be expended without result. To enter the process of discernment with persons who are not psychologically and spiritually prepared for it leads to mutual frustration for both the person and the director. After years of engagement with discernment, I believe that this is the major cause of those discernments that continue for years without resolution: the person was not ready for discernment. When directors perceive this to be true, they best help the person by not entering the process of discernment immediately but rather by assisting the person to grow humanly and spiritually as needed, allowing for this growth all the time necessary. Then, once the person is ready, the discernment will progress with fruit.

First, then, is this person psychologically prepared for discernment? A young woman, for example, seeks to discern between marriage and religious life. She approaches a director and asks for help. Directors in this situation must judge the psychological readiness of this young woman for such discernment. They will ask themselves, for example: Is this woman emotionally mature enough for vocational discernment? Is she sufficiently psychologically healthy to discern her calling? Or does she appear anxious, afraid, angry, clinging, distracted, dependent, or socially inept? Is she mature in her sexuality? Has her sexual history caused emotional wounds? Have there been addictions in her life? Bouts of depression? Does she struggle with commitments in general? Is she capable of healthy friendships? What clues to her human readiness for discernment appear in her family history, her years of study, and her working life? If she does bear emotional wounds, is she aware of this? Has she sought healing? Is she open to such healing? How have these wounds affected her image of God, and what impact does this image have on her ability to trust God and receive God's love?

If this consideration is always important, it is more so in a culture that in recent decades has increasingly wounded its members. As divorce, single-parent families, absent fathers, latch-key children, and similar situations have multiplied, the wounds these inflict have likewise spread. The absorption in electronic media, promiscuity, and substance abuse offered to dull the pain only increase the physical and emotional damage. A first question directors must ask, therefore, is whether or not the person is psychologically prepared to discern. This is not to question the person's good will to discern — generally this will be the case — but whether the person is psychologically mature enough to discern fruitfully.

If the emotional wounds are significant and if time allows — as in a vocational discernment, for example, in which a definitive commitment may lie one or more years in the future — directors may wish to suggest that discerners engage in the counseling process. If so, they should seek counselors who are both professionally competent and respectful of the Christian faith. The combination of spiritual growth, accompanied by spiritual direction, and psychological growth, aided by counseling, powerfully fosters healing and effectively prepares for discernment.

Such judgment regarding psychological readiness for discernment presumes in directors a basic, nonprofessional familiarity with psychology. Directors must be equipped to note significant emotional issues, how these affect directees' relationship with God, and when these may require professional help. The directors' sphere is specifically the spiritual; nonetheless, the greater their psychological awareness, the deeper will be their insight into emotional issues that may affect their directees' discernment.

Directors must also judge the spiritual readiness of the person for discernment. Does this young woman, for example, have a personal relationship with God? What is her image of God? Does it accord with the scriptural revelation of the God who is love? Who is Jesus for her? Does she pray? If so, how? How often? Is her prayer a true encounter with the Lord? Can she sustain times of silence? Is she familiar with Scripture? With the teaching of the Church? Does she live a life of the sacraments? What place does the Eucharist have in her life? How long has she lived as an active member of the Church? Is her life morally in harmony with her desire to discern God's will? Does she sufficiently understand the calling she is considering? Once again, depending on the answers, the director may judge that she is or is not ready for discernment.

If directors perceive that persons are not spiritually prepared to discern, they should not begin the discernment immediately. First they will help these persons grow in their relationship with God, their prayer, and their life in the Church. During this time, directors may also introduce the spiritual tools needed for discernment: meditation and contemplation of Scripture, the first set of rules for discernment, and the examen prayer. Then, when directors see that these persons are spiritually prepared, they will initiate the process of discernment.

Readiness to discern involves more than psychological and spiritual maturity alone: a disposition of heart is also essential, and we will return to this. But without the requisite psychological and spiritual readiness discernment is unlikely to bear fruit. A first service that directors render those who discern is to ensure the presence of this readiness.

The Director

A third consideration regards the directors whom these persons ask to accompany their discernment. From the perspective of directors' preparation to accompany discernment, we may ask: Should they accept this request? What preparation is necessary for them responsibly to agree? This too is a key consideration: a well-prepared director will be of great service to one discerning; another who is unprepared and yet agrees to accompany discernment may contribute to a frustrating process if not to actual harm to the one discerning. The words of Jesuit father Gil González Dávila merit repeating: "Nothing in the whole Exercises is harder than knowing how to manage this matter of discerning God's will properly. Nowhere is more skill or spiritual discretion needed." The same may be said of applying Ignatius's teaching outside the Exercises to assist one discerning. Our question then is this: Assuming preparation for spiritual direction in general — a clear understanding of what spiritual direction is and is not (therapy, pastoral counseling), familiarity with prayer, a basic theological background, the necessary listening and relational skills, and the rest — what specific preparation is necessary for accompanying the discernment of God's will?

The basic elements of this preparation are: knowledge and experience of Ignatian forms of prayer, of the rules for the discernment of spirits, and of the three modes of discerning God's will. We will examine each and discuss how such knowledge and experience are gained in its regard.

This preparation normally is acquired gradually through personal experience, study, and actual direction, ideally with supervision. It is at once demanding and a source of blessing for directors. Those who pursue it not only serve their directees with competence but also grow personally.

Here we can only offer a rapid summary of these Ignatian elements. To describe them in detail would unduly lengthen this book. I have already discussed each in other books to which I refer the reader (see Appendix 4). In this book we will explore one of these elements in detail — Ignatius's three modes of discerning God's will.

I repeat this point because of its importance. From the next chapter to the end of this book, my treatment of our specific topic — the role of the director in the process of discerning God's will — will be complete and detailed. I cannot provide a similar detail with regard to the director's preparation for accompanying this process. As regards the director's specifically Ignatian preparation, I have largely done this in the earlier books mentioned.

The following section of this chapter, therefore, will simply indicate what the director who wishes to apply Ignatius's teaching must know in order to accompany discernment responsibly. To perceive this clearly is already of great value for directors. For some, it will confirm the solidity of their preparation. For others, it will point the way to a more complete preparation and to the fruitfulness that will flow from it.

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Excerpted from A Handbook for Spiritual Directors by Timothy M. Gallagher. Copyright © 2017 Timothy M. Gallagher, O.M.V.. Excerpted by permission of The Crossroad Publishing Company.
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